2018–2019
“Spin the bottle now!” Ton shouted, raising his hand, excitement in his voice.
That was Ton—my best friend since high school, all the way through college.
Blaire spun the bottle without hesitation. We were all sitting on the floor, surrounded by classmates. The room was loud and joyful, filled with music, laughter—even a few tears. It was Blaire’s birthday. A day of celebration.
I wasn’t supposed to be here.
But I wanted to see her.
This was the day I’d never forget—not just for how happy it was... but for how much it hurt.
---
11:49 PM
“Bye, guys,” Blaire said softly, almost a whisper. There was sadness in her voice. Her boyfriend never showed up. She was walking down the street alone—drunk, stumbling, fumbling with her phone.
I followed her. The others were on their way home, but I… I couldn’t leave.
My feet moved on their own, trailing her. Each step she took made my chest feel heavier.
Yes. I was behind her. And if you think about it, I might as well have been a stalker.
“Aion!” someone called from behind—drunk, slurring. It was Ton, limping his way toward me.
Before he could reach me, I saw him—Blaire’s boyfriend. He appeared out of nowhere.
I just stood there, frozen, watching them from a distance. I couldn’t explain the look on my face.
I couldn’t even explain what I was feeling.
“Aion...” Ton grabbed my arm. I flinched. I hadn’t realized he was beside me.
“Oh—Ton. What is it?” I asked, keeping my voice low.
“Aion… do you know…” His voice was shaking. And heavy.
“Are you okay? Wait, let me just—”
But before I could finish, he held my hand.
I turned to him, confused.
“Aion... I think I like you.”
My world stopped. It was like someone had poured ice water over my entire body. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t even blink. Seconds passed. He looked down, not saying anything more.
“Come on. I’ll take you home.”
I helped him sit on the curb, still holding his hand.
I looked back at Blaire. She and her boyfriend were still talking—or maybe fighting. I couldn’t hear them. But I noticed something in the way he looked at her. He always had that look. And I wondered—why did he always look angry?
After a while, a taxi drove by. I helped Ton into it and told him we’d talk tomorrow. Maybe he was just drunk. Or maybe... I didn’t know what was real anymore.
When the cab left, Blaire and her boyfriend were gone too.
I walked to the nearby convenience store. And there she was—her head resting on the table outside, fast asleep.
I walked up to her. No hesitation. I took off my jacket and gently placed it over her shoulders. She was wearing only a thin spaghetti strap top. She must’ve been freezing.
“Why are you here?” I whispered.
“Blaire,” I said. But she didn’t answer.
“Blaire, I’ll take you home.”
A few seconds passed. Then she slowly looked up at me. And in her eyes—I saw it.
Pain. And anger.
“Aion…” she whispered.
“Aion… aren’t you tired of me?”
I blinked. “Tired? Why would I be tired?”
“I know you’ve been following me all night,” she said, voice slurred, eyelids heavy. “That’s why I’m asking—aren’t you tired?”
“So you noticed...” I murmured.
“I can’t take what my boyfriend’s doing to me anymore. Isn’t today supposed to be happy? Just today—can’t I feel happy?” Her voice cracked.
I didn’t say a word. I just listened. It was already past 1 AM.
Blaire... I had loved her for a long time. Since high school. Until now.
But the saddest part? She never knew. Not once did she ever feel what I felt for her.
---
The next day
I saw Ton again. He didn’t meet my eyes.
“Ton,” I called. But at the same time, another friend called out to him. He went with them, their arm around his shoulder.
Something brushed the side of my head. A strange kind of dread. I couldn’t explain it.
---
“Aion... my boyfriend and I broke up,” Blaire whispered, her voice filled with emotion.
I didn’t know whether to feel happy or broken.
I’d waited so long for that moment. But somehow, it hurt more than I expected.
“Aion... I still love him.”
I stayed quiet.
“But…”
Suddenly, Ton held my hand again. I flinched. So did Blaire.
“I just need to say something,” Ton said, his voice firm.
He pulled me aside. We went to the restroom. I thought he just wanted to talk.
But then—
He kissed me.
I froze. My heart stopped. I pushed him away, hands trembling, breaking free from his grip.
“What are you doing?! Are you gay?!” I blurted out. My voice sharp. Harsher than I meant.
“Aion… I meant it that night when I confessed to you…”
Tears fell from his eyes.
I didn’t know what to feel. I didn’t even know who I was in that moment.
I walked out without saying a word.
When I returned, Blaire was gone.
I searched for her—frantic, desperate—until I found them.
At our usual hangout spot. Her boyfriend’s hands were on her face.
He was kissing her.
I thought they broke up.
My body went numb. I turned away and pretended I hadn’t seen anything. I walked back to class, forcing a smile.
---
One year later
After graduation
I saw Blaire again. I walked up to her. She still didn’t look okay—even after all that time.
“Hi,” I said softly.
She turned to me. And when she saw me, she smiled. A real smile. But there was sadness behind it. Her heart was still in pieces.
“Aion… do you still love me?” she asked.
I was stunned. I stared into her eyes.
I wanted to say always.
But I didn’t want to love someone whose heart still belonged to someone else.
“Not anymore,” I said with a gentle smile.
“I see...” she said. Her voice barely a whisper.
“Then that’s good.” She smiled back—one just like mine.
A smile filled with regret.
“Blaire! Aion!” someone called.
It was Ton.
He walked up to us with a grin that lit up his whole face.
“You two—you’re both invited to my wedding.”
His joy was undeniable.
After a year, Ton had moved on. He was marrying a man who would never leave him. Someone who would love him fully.
Blaire… still loved a man who broke her. She couldn’t let go. Even though a part of her longed to love again, her heart had forgotten what peace felt like. All that remained were pain and anger.
And me?
I admit it now—I loved them both.
Yes, even Ton. I just never realized it... until it was too late.
He was getting married.
And Blaire… had finally asked the question I had waited years to hear—when I no longer had the answer she wanted.
All I can do now is support them. Even if I wasn’t the one for either of them.
Yes, I regret it.
But for now… I’ll focus on myself. Work. Healing. Peace.
And the future?
I don’t know. I’m not sure what’s coming.
But if I could turn back time...
I would’ve done it long ago.
