Maybe this is not like a story, more like an overflow of feelings that have been buried deep down for a long time. In a dark room, empty and without light. Alone, wading through the endless lonely sea. Does anyone know? Where's that? Who wants to hear it? Who wants to comfort every sorrow? And will there be light to come?
Days passed with a fake smile, accepting all the facts with all my heart. Sometimes someone asks, "Are you okay?". Maybe in your eyes I look fine, smiling kindly. But look deeper into my eyes, a pile of sadness that has been stored for so long. I knew this happiness was only momentary, and sure enough, crack after crack had begun.
What I used to see loving and caring for each other, has now turned into hate and berating each other. It's true, all that quickly passed because of my presence. The presence of a child who gives encouragement to parents. But, it's definitely not over yet, each of you is still holding it in your heart. Words that pierce feelings, and also moments that make you angry.
I hope that nothing like that will happen again in this family, until I finally grow up little by little. Understanding every problem that is present in a family, crying and silent. Others who heard it might say something else.
In their family there may not be a commotion, but here it's all a free spectacle for me. Like a movie, the longer the more exciting and gripping. Until one day my father beat my mother until she fainted.
In my eyes, it felt as if there was no more hope, the hope of having a peaceful and better family. I could only tremble and hug my sister tightly, until I said in my heart, "Sister when you grow up you have to be a better child than your big sis and have a happy family. Maybe now you don't understand everything that happened, but when you grow up you will you will definitely feel what I feels. So be happy and love each other.".
We humans are selfish, selfish and greedy creatures. But sometimes there are people who are good and virtuous, love each other and don't like to do violence, especially to their own family. Humans like that are called rare, hard to find and get.
Mother woke up from her stupor and ran to me, running and running away from the house. That was all we could do, stay at the neighbor's house and bother them a bit. And Father, because of the influence of alcohol he had done something like this, persecuted his own family. And little by little grow a grudge within me.
Little by little, more and more often, Mother could not stand it and wanted to be separated. And when things like that happened, Dad apologized and promised never to do it again, promised not to get drunk again and disappoint everyone. Because Mother loves us children, Mother forgives Dad and accepts to make peace. But Mother also said the words, "If this happens again three times then don't blame me, I will leave you with my children. And I will not care about your sorry words anymore."
I was immediately surprised, why? Why is all this happening? Was it wrong that I wanted a peaceful family? And what was on my father's mind? If this family cracks completely, then what will happen to me? Can I accept this?
And it's all over. Mom and Dad are no longer fighting, and my sister has grown up too. A 2 year old sister, definitely still doesn't understand about family problems. Just know to play and call their family members. Not with me, from all the events that I have seen, trauma has dragged me into a very deep darkness.
If I remember back, then this whole body will tremble and tears start to fall. It's like a word that says, "Crying silently is really painful."
Yes, that's true, and also the pain of hearing Mom keep crying in the middle of the night, every time Dad makes a mistake. Breaking all his promises, even worse than before.
The house that had just been built, because of government assistance, look at it now, the door that was damaged due to the quarrel between Father and Mother, even the furniture of the house was also broken apart.
Destroyed! I'm already ruined, but you don't see it. Every lonely free time I use to remove the annoyance in my heart. Cry as much as you can and brag as much as you want, releasing all the pain that has been buried for a long time. Even if it's only for a short time but it really helps.
Like the wind that blows, it just passes by and doesn't care about anything else. But it also provides a soothing coolness, this gentle caress that spreads across the face, also contains tender affection. Like a wind, so are our feelings, the breeze is like our affection. And when the limits of our patience run out, hurricanes and mighty storms will overtake everything in its path. No matter what, it will flatten everything out.
