He is cold but sweet, he was my first love and maybe will be my last.
He is warm.
He is sweet.
Came to know i love him very deeply when my heart ached like hell when i saw him talking to another woman.
Love was a very sweet feeling but i didn't wanted to feel it.
He started coming to my mind before i sleep, in my dreams, when i wake up.
Only he was the one i was thinking about.
This feeling was strange but I didn't liked it as i hated men. I knew he and I were not meant for each other but still I wasn't able to stop those feelings.
I matched him with another woman , cheering for them , I knew i'll have an unbearable pain when they'll be together, but still i wanted to forget those feelings about him.
But day by day my feelings became stronger so does the jealousy of seeing him with another woman.
One day he gave me hope he kissed me , he didn't told me he loved me didn't even told me he loved me.
But at that moment i felt that i wasn't disgusted by him as I feel for other men.
Still i wanted to push him but was afraid what if he leaves me after this ? , what if i woudn't be able fo talk to him after this?, what if i woudn't be able to see him after this? it made my heart ache.
That moment is unforgettable how my heart starting thumbing loudly , how i blushed , how i felt is unforgettable.
From that day i became close to him. Everytime we were left alone we felt embarrassed.
His hug was warm , wanting me to never break that hug , his smell was addictive became my addiction, his lips were soft , when our tongues tangled a shivery presence went through my body.
Closing eyes in that kiss made me unconscious making me want to do more so I started kissing him with my eyes open.
He was the only person I was comfortable to be beside.
Day by day we became closer and closer.
I still remember how he used excuses to meet me , how he increased his bike's race so that I'll hug him , how he princess carried me in the morning to wake me up , but still that feeling was like hell .
I was a person who was only into dramas and Mangas at night , but after falling in love I only thought about him , Whenever i saw him online i was always waiting for his text everyday went like that but he never texted me. Going to my work next day i hear the chat's story between him and a girl from that girl. My heart ached everyday i only felt love when we were together. But.. i came to realise even after we became that much close he never texted me when he didn't wanted to touch me. Still i didn't pushed him away as leaving him will make me feel like dying thousands of time , make me feel like 100thorns are in my heart. Until one day I came to know he touched another girl. That day all the things I loved about him became disgusting, i never trusted him , but i also never distrusted him. That day all the painful memories came to my mind, how men treated me as a doll to fullfill their desires.
He then made that same image on my mind.
But my love for him never faded.
Pushing him away, leaving him, rejecting him cutting every ties with him gave me an unbearable pain but i had to let go.
I still remember the last time he came to me i told him that if he touch me now he'll have to become my boyfriend the answer from him was "okay". Still I rejected him. I knew we were not meant to be.
I didn't had friends so i made some to divert my mind but still whenever he came infront of me my heart started beating and my body started shivering i hold it. hold it. hold it.
then the most last word he said to me was that I'm a psycho
:- Eli Sel
