He was my first love.....
He is my senior in school I'm in 6th class when he was in 10th class
He's my sister's classmate....
I first saw him on the terrace
he was talking to his friends joyfully
That's the first time when my heart
skipped the beat
I used to go up to the terrace everyday....
just to take a good look at him....
I never approached him....
All I have done is watching him from far
admiring his joyfulness
He was the reason why I went to the school everyday......
He is something I've yearned for
he's something I'll never get...
cuz I'm an Idiot....
I dated lot of guys and never loved any...
I flirted with his classmates
but never dared to approach him
Whenever I try to reach him....
I had this pain in my heart
The pain which is from a deep scar called PAST
That time I was child
I've known Nothing
I played around every boy I saw
and Kissed boys whom I liked
But.....
The biggest Sin I've done was to kiss his classmates.....
I never wanted to settle with one guy...
I always wanted to explore the world
without commiting with one boy
I always loved girls.....
they were beautiful decoration to this earth....
since I'm a girl myself I thought I'm weirdo
I hung out with many guys
and dated them
and the most hurtful thing was I dated his best friend for 2 years and broke up with him
cuz we were in a toxic relationship
we got nothing but pain from each other
And now I've completed my 10th
In the middle of those years I used to talk to him
I thought he was my crush
and I've also flirted him a little
every time I'm gonna say that I like him
the past used to hit me on my face
and it tampered my heart
The Fear of loosing him was Very painful
every time I remembered how I was
in the past
it disgusted me
I was disgusted by myself
It's been six years since I've been seeing him
My crush......
but... only after a really painful present
I came to realise that He is not my Crush
but....
HE IS MY FIRST LOVE 💔
He was the only reason why I check my phone every minute to see whether there are any messages
he is the only reason for me to smile in these painful days....
He is my everything
I wanna pursue him
I'm Chasing him.....
But I know that he'll never accept me
I wanna propose him....
I know I can make him fall for me....
But I can't....
Cuz I'm Ashamed of myself
I can't stand when the people judge him
by my past.....
I've changed myself completely.....
I'm still chasing him.....
But I can't reach him.....
He is so pure....
so pure as pearl.....
I'm afraid that I'll break his purity.....
I'm afraid that I'll dirt him.....
If only I could change my past.....
if only I could go back to the past... I'll chase him....
I'll chase him until I'll get him
and I won't approach any other guy.....
but I can't.....
if there's an afterlife.....
I'll definitely Pursue him....
with all my heart and soul....
I'll protect that pure heart of his....
and I'll love him
I LOVE HIM.....
but I can never reach him......
God!
why didn't you stopped me when I did all those
dirty things....
Now I'm shattered.....
I'm shattered into pieces.....
which can never heal.....
