Just a girl crouching in a dark corner crying silently & thinking to herself. A one true story.
My anxiety is starting again.....
I'm not gonna lie but I'm actually scared about where I'm going to be in the future.
I don't wanna grow up.
I'm 15 now....soon to be 16 and i'm scared.
I'm scared that i'm gonna make the wrong choice.
I'm scared that i'm gonna choose the wrong path.
I'm scared that i'm not good enough.
I'm scared of what I saw.
I'm scared of what I did.
I'm scared of who I am.
I'm scared of everything.
And most of all.
I'm scared of life and death
My exam was just over and I could still remember it.
The times that I was overthinking to myself; thinking that I wasn't going to pass my exams; thinking that I was gonna choose the wrong answer.
The times when I felt uneasy with so many pairs of eyes looking at me.
My exam's result just came out and it wasn't what I expected....
My school's teacher is pressuring me.
My tuition's teacher is pressuring me.
My mom is pressuring me.
Why can't I be as good as my brother..? Why?!
She's always comparing me to my brother; saying that he's grades are better, he's so hardworking, he has a bright future....
She's always telling me about my brother's past....about my cousins....about why can't I be like them....smart....beautiful...
It's just too much! I can't....
I know i'm not like them....
I know I wasn't who you wanted me to be....
I know that I'm not enough.....
But why can't you just accept that?!
That I'm ME not them!
I'm sorry....
I'm sorry if I'm bothering you too much....
I'm sorry that if reading this is too much for you to handle...
I'm sorry that I'm letting it all out on you...
I'm sorry that it's my fault that i was born....that I'm like this..
I'm sorry that I'm scared of what's going to happen....
Of what's my future....
Of choosing the wrong path...
Of choosing the wrong choice....
Of failing.....
Of not being able to live the life I wanted....
Of not getting the job I wanted....
I'm just...sorry...
