I used to think life was simple.
When I was 15, I looked at the world like it owed me an explanation. Now I'm getting closer to 17, and I ain't changed completely... but I definitely ain't the same girl either.
Working changed me.
Meeting people changed me.
Listening instead of always talking changed me.
Everybody got a story. Some loud. Some quiet. Some so heavy they never even tell it.
One thing that stayed stuck in my head was this girl in her twenties. She married a man way older than her. Now she's living a life people dream about. She became a Datin. I ain't gon' lie... it made me think.
It wasn't even the first time I saw somebody come from nothing and marry into money. After seeing it happen more than once, I caught myself thinking...
"Maybe I could do that too."
Not because I wanted love less.
Not because I wanted money more.
But because being poor gets exhausting.
When you've lived counting every ringgit, watching every price tag, hearing people say "maybe next month," you start looking for exits instead of doors.
Then I had to ask myself...
Is that really a dream?
Or is that just poverty talking?
There's a difference.
A rich life ain't always a peaceful life.
Money can buy comfort.
Money can buy security.
Money can even buy silence.
But it can't buy a mind that's finally at peace.
And peace...
Peace expensive too.
People say the best things in life are free.
Maybe love is.
Maybe fresh air is.
Maybe sunsets are.
But peace?
Sometimes peace costs money.
A safe home costs money.
A passport costs money.
A plane ticket costs money.
Freedom costs money.
Even healing costs money.
Then another thought hit me.
What if I just leave?
Leave my town.
Leave my circle.
Leave everything I know.
Start over somewhere nobody knows my name.
Sounds exciting until reality starts asking questions.
Can you survive there?
Can you protect yourself?
Can you afford mistakes?
Can you handle being lonely?
Can you rebuild from zero?
Wanting more ain't the scary part.
Taking a risk you ain't ready for... that's different.
Sometimes courage looks brave.
Sometimes it just looks reckless wearing confidence as a mask.
I'm still learning the difference.
I don't want my story to be about finding somebody rich to save me.
I want my story to be about becoming somebody who could've saved herself either way.
Maybe I'll marry rich.
Maybe I won't.
But I don't want wealth to be the only thing that changes my last name.
I want my skills to change it.
My discipline to change it.
My mindset to change it.
I don't wanna escape poverty just to stay mentally poor.
I wanna think bigger than survival.
I wanna build something.
Travel somewhere.
Learn another language.
Meet people who challenge how I think.
See how different countries live.
See how different cultures dream.
Maybe leaving my circle ain't about running away.
Maybe it's about discovering who I become when nobody already decided who I was.
I'm still seventeen.
I don't know everything.
Truth is... I barely know anything.
But every year, every job, every stranger, every conversation adds another page to the person I'm becoming.
Maybe that's what growing up really is.
Not having all the answers.
Just asking better questions than you did yesterday.
