My 16th birthday, my first birthday since moving to a whole new country, it's only been 2 weeks actually. I didn't have any expectations considering my dad had work late at night and would come home tired. My mom and older sister made almost a whole feast for the family for dinner and we bought a cake too. The whole day they asked me my opinions on things, what food I wanted them to make, etc. I said anything was fine, I asked for whatever food was easy to make, and I got to pick a cake that I liked. But no sprinkles of course, because not everyone liked it and mom said I needed to be considerate of others too. So I laughed it off and said okay. I picked mint because that was my favorite flavor. She questioned my choice, she's not exactly the biggest mint lover, but she got it anyway. I know I should be thankful. I know a lot of people don't get to have a nice little day, with a home cooked meal surrounded by 4 people. I really truly don't mean to sound ungrateful but honestly? It just made me realize how unloved I actually was. Because for one day I got to be asked on my opinions on things just because it's the day I was born. But that honestly just hurt because out of 365 days, that's the ONLY time I matter? But on other days, it's as if my opinions are unnecessary and my choices are stupid. What hurt the most was feeling uncomfortable being asked my opinions, and going still going with options I felt they would be pleased with. Because I felt like if I went with what I truly wanted it might've been tossed to the side like an afterthought. I also fight a lot with my younger brother, and a lot of it is usually him starting something and me trying to get mad at him or play at his level to teach him a lesson. But I get in trouble because God forbid I try to have respect from at least one person in this house. It's all respect your elders until it's me and my brother because then it's be mature because he's younger than you. So I thought that maybe at least on this one day, he'd get in trouble just this once but I guess even today the blame fell on me. I guess expecting the opposite is going too far isn't it?
Then for my friends, I know I don't have a huge circle because I chose wisely. I really thought I did. Until I felt the sting of waiting and waiting and waiting for a happy birthday but not getting one. Since I'm in a new country, I'm a day behind so my actual birthday, in the timezone I was born in is a day ahead. So I thought it was okay when they didn't wish me on my birth date there, because I'm here. So I thought maybe it'll be the next day, in my time zone. But it didn't happen. I counted the hours and my sister tagged me in a post. I waited to repost it because my friends would see it. It would hurt that they only remember because they saw my story. But the hours passed and I ended posting it anyway. And yk what sucks? They saw the story and still no wish. At that point I gave up. Because it was fine. I know they're good people, good friends. But that made it worse because if they were fake friends, like other people then I wouldn't care. But yk it's fine because it's all done. I didn't cry either. Even if I considered them a second family, I shouldn't be mad that they didn't so something even if I would do it for them. My boy best friend, I even mentioned twice about it being my birthday but nothing. That actually really hurt because he's the one I honestly wanted to hear it from. Because he's the closest thing I've ever had to a real best friend, like the one you see on TV. Or who knows, maybe they aren't the good people I think they are. Because sometimes cold water feels warm to those with freezing hands.
Anyway, I probably sound like all other middle child's complaining and I'm sorry about that. I'm still grateful for everything my family gave and I'm sure people have it worse off so I should stop complaining.
