I thought the most painful words in my whole life was when my mom told me I was fucked up before leaving me.
But it wasn't, and that's the most fucked up thing actually.
There were more words Mom. Like...
When she said "Open the door."
"Open the door James.... Please..." Her words were muffled from outside the door, I could feel her warmth even when the door was deviding us. She was the only thing holding me together, pieces by pieces, despite knowing there's police outside, waiting. Despite knowing that... I still want to hear her voice, like I would die if I don't.
She kissed the door, right where the spot where my forehead were pressed against. I felt the coldness of a metal on the tip of my finger, before grabbing the doorknob completely. She didn't barged in, she let me open it myself.
Once I did, the first thing I saw was someone I can't love. Someone I hurt badly. I got close to her, my thumb finding her tears and wiping it away gently, while my other hand tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.
I pressed my lips against her forehead... And whispered "You did the right thing Gia..." And with that... She grabbed my shirt, gripping it, as her forehead buried on my chest, and it felt like she was gripping my inside.
"I'm... I'm sorry..." It hurt the way her voice trembled...
"It's alright..." My hand caresses the back of her head, my fingers tangled on her hair. Hating the way I would probably miss it, and that there's nothing I can do about it.
My eyes trailed on the police and officer, they look cautious... But confused. Why would the girl feel this way to someone who stalked her? Who hurt her mentally and physically?
I don't know too. All I know is that, when she realized who her stalker was, she sat next to it, and joked about leaving him with blue balls as a punishment. She was an insane person who's fooling everyone that she's sane.
I hugged her tighter...
"Fuck..." I cursed softly.
Still... It was stupid of me to think... This will go well. It didn't... I hurt her, and she hurt me... We ruined each other, and in the end, we couldn't love each other after all. Because even before ruining each other, we were already messed up to begin with.
And when she couldn't dial 911 when my brother were beating me up, or when she was pretty badly sick because of me that she couldn't move and needed help, or when I was overdosed and she was holding my head as I struggle told her not to dial 911...
Why?
Because they would know I was stalking her. And that I would go to prison.
What a fucked up situation isn't it? Not romantic at all.
It's when I know. I can't love her.
"You do like guys." I told her jokingly. She pulled away slightly, lifting her head to look at me. "Asshole. You're not a guy probably."
"You're going to date her after this?"
"Fuck no." She replied with that smirk.
Good, at least I didn't lose her to that bitch.
