I think I liked him long before I admitted it to myself
Not in a big, obvious way
Not the kind where ur friends tease u or where everything feels like a movie it was quieter than that
It was in the way I waited for his replies… even when I already knew what they would look like
“Okay”"Cool“So”
That was just how he was Short Distant
Sometimes I wondered if I was imagining things—if maybe, in some small way, he cared and just didn’t know how to show it Like that day on the bus
I didn’t ask him to I didn’t even look at him when it happened But he paid for my seat anyway, like it was nothing
Like I was nothing
And still… I held onto it
I told myself it meant something That maybe he noticed me more than his words let on
I thought about paying him back, about saying something that would make it normal between us But we weren’t normal We weren’t anything, really
Just a series of unfinished conversations
I had his number saved, but texting him felt like crossing a line I wasn’t supposed to cross
Even on his birthday, I couldn’t do it
I typed out “Happy birthday” at least 3 times Stared at i and Deleted it
What if he thought I was trying too hard?
So I didn’t send anything at all
Next day I bought something for him just to paying him back nothing too big, nothing too obvious—just small things I thought he might like I kept telling myself it didn’t mean anything That it was just a simple gesture That anyone could’ve done the same
But I knew the truth
By the time I got there, it was already too late
He was gone
I stood there for a moment, holding the little bag in my hands, feeling a strange kind of emptiness settle in my chest Like I had missed something I didn’t even get the chance to begin
That’s when I saw his best friend
“Hey,” I said, trying to sound normal“Can you give this to him?”
He took the bag, but his eyes didn’t leave my face
Let’s call him Billu
Billu frowned slightly, like he was trying to figure something out Then his gaze dropped to my hands
“Are you okay?” he asked
I didn’t even realise they were shaking
“Yeah… obviously,” I said quickly, forcing a smile that didn’t quite reach my eyes
But nothing about me felt okay
My hands were trembling My voice didn’t sound like mine Even my heartbeat felt too loud, like it might give everything away
What if people notice?
What if they already know?
What if it’s written all over my face
that I like Ayu?
I tucked my hands behind my back, hoping it would hide the truth
But some things… aren’t that easy to hide 😔
