I prioritize everyone's happiness first; I forgot what I wanted.
It was April 6; it's a big event for everyone on my team because it was the most requested of my fans and was also my plan to visit all the kids who have cancer.
I donated 2 billion for kids who are cancer patients at the hospital before, anonymously, because giving to charities doesn't need recognition. Everyone might wonder, what's the reason for it?
What reason is there why Titania, the most famous star, anonymously donated that kind of amount to all who suffer from cancer? Why cancer? Why not orphans?
My reason is simple.
Back when I was still a rising star, Mother always dreamed of me being a famous drama star and winning the best actress award. She missed the day of every awards night I attended.
Even if she coughs blood.
Or lose lots of her hair.
She would smile and stand up from the chair, clapping and crying at the backstage for me.
Except for one awards night.
I finally win the award for my mom, but...the good news I have is the same weight as the bad news that my mom's doctor would give me.
My late mother died from bone cancer. I was one step late to give her the news.
I may not be able to make my mom happy or even save her from her cancer, but I want to help those children that have the same burden my mom had.
So I donated the money, but some paparazzi and other crazy fans dig too deep into it. On why I used 2 billion of my money in one day.
After the news spread.
The Han hospital wrote a request letter for me, stating that the kids that I help want to meet me and thank me in person. If it's the kids' wishes, how can I reject it? I requested my assistant to make a schedule for a visit.
April 6,
Kids smiling widely, hugging me, and telling me they are thankful and they want to become like me one day.
But one kid caught my attention. There is a little girl sketching and smiling. She was the one who greeted me first.
"Who are you drawing?" I ask, smiling warmly at her.
"It was you!" She giggles and keeps her drawing.
I saw the drawing; I was wearing a cute, crocheted, pink dress, but it has no face. "Where's my face?" I ask her, looking at her laughing.
"It's because you can be anyone when you are an actress."
I was a bit confused about what she was saying.
"I want you to finish it when you know what you really want." She stands up. She is wearing a pink crochet dress and smiles at me.
"Silly kid! What I am now is what I want," I said, ruffling her hair.
"I mean, what really is your dream?" The girl asks.
"What really is my dream?"
I look back at her drawing, and suddenly the realization hits me. I used to prioritize what everyone wants and what they want for me. I obey because I know it's for my sake too.
So I forget the things I really wanted.
I become the best daughter I can for my mom and achieve what she wants. Slowly but surely I lost myself; I was too consumed by the characters I portray, too focused on what my mother would say.
I never noticed I lost my own self. Just like the drawing. I'm a girl who has no face. I look back at the girl besides me, but suddenly she is gone. As if she never existed. But suddenly I realized.
My tears started to fall; I was too caught up in my mom's dreams, and I forgot myself. I didn't realize the little girl was actually my past.
She was wearing her cute pink crochet dress; that's my mom's crochet from my 9th birthday.
That drawing... I used to love drawing and painting back when I was a kid; I painted everything while Mom took it out and put me in an acting class.
I cried.
I was like a blank canvas waiting for other people to paint me.
Suddenly my personal assistant woke me up; she said as soon as I finished talking to all the kids, I fell asleep. They let me because they know I was so tired from the full schedule I had. I stand and follow my assistant leaving the hospital.
It was bizarre.
Maybe it's my brain telling me this time I can choose myself freely now. Maybe this time my happiness will be prioritized.
This time I won't be the girl who has no face anymore.
This time, I want to paint my own self.
