There was this girl she was always smiling people might this she's okay but really she was not she had build a unshakable mask that had cracked yet had never fallen apart yes she was stubborn ,sharp tounged and didn't listen at times but she was always looking for something or someone to fill an empty space in her heart.
It didn't really matter to her how her parents were she didn't really liked being around people because of how closed off and unsure of feelings towards others and herself which always made her feel as if she was an outcast or she was just a mistake .
Little did they knew she wanted to die and began from there lives thinking she was the bad thing in her mother's life she thought many times and wished she didn't exist and if her mothers life would have been better off without having such a disappointment of a child.
It's not that she didn't want to be a good child she didn't know how to she was always told to act according to her age and if she act out of place she would have been compared to others adding to the disappointment she already was leading her more and more to not like being around her mother .
she just wanted to be understood not compared not looked down upon like she was nothing middle school was okay as she liked being with her friends more than been home because then she could've laugh and feel a bit happy.
high-school was a bit different she made nice friends dated a bit and didn't felt like she was alone in the world but that all changed in 10 and 11th grade now she was more of a disappointment she didn't like asking for help because of when she was younger if she ask she would be hit with a ( im busy or i dont have time or your asking too much questions) so she grew not asking for help and handled things by her self if she couldn't do it she wold cry and try again because she had no one to hlep.
all of this she doesn't even know how to understand emotions she sees learns but doesn't really understand anything because she wasn't told or helped .
Years past by as she got elder not wanting to deal with people or emotions bcz the first time she began to feel like she could understand she got hurt and hurt over many times but still she tried and faild
She liked boy as all girls do but this one she
was confused about but sure she liked him yet he gave mixed signals to her and she knew better than anyone but she was a stubborn child ruled by her mind never buy her heart that now had a wall around it
She liked him yet she knew he liked her once but now she doesn't know either he likes her because for her or because of her figure that was full.
She was just lost and confused her mind playing games telling her each day that she was just a mistake ,disappointment and more she feard so much scared to the point if someone knew the real her if they would stay or leave because the real her was just a lost child looking for reassurance.
Yet still she liked his honey brown eyes he was tall brown slime and had a charming smile she would always look at him when he wasn't look but that was in highschool a year past she still liked him she thought it would pass
but he holds the power to her mood but overtime she would try to forget him he comes right back friendly and all because she's just to accessible to him she was wiped and she knew yet didn't care.
Even if she couldn't have him she wished the best for him prayed he'd get what he wanted in life if I was a one sided love. She knew she loved him and she was sure it was love her kind of love to be exact
Like a sunset he was to her bueatful in all colors from a distance warm and bright a sight for the eyes yet far away until 5 the thought of how he looked smiling hange in the back or her mind like portrait of Devine art
Oh art he was in her eyes yet she wasn't in his one sided love they call it but I say( the ocean reflects the sky yet they do not meet so alike yet so far apart) a one sided love can do both ruin the heart and mind even your soul at some point.
Time passed and passed as she yet again fell into a depressing state which she thought was gone but nothing in life is never really gone now she was grown yet still a confused child that's all there was to it or so she thought day after day she imagined a her self gone how people would react if she was gone would they say oh she never shown those signs or she wasn't that type of person...but there were signs yet they failed to see yes she hid it well under her mask but there was always hope someone would have noticed maybe it's been that little hope she had that kept her alive these years some hope that is for her not to give up that quick .
Funny as things may have seen to others was a constant effect on her mind resuring her self over and over again because she was told to keep her self in check words didn't had to be spoken for her to know she slipped up it was planted in her mind a constant reminder of the disappointment she was it fair for a child to feel this way without understanding no it wasn't yet that's the first thing she clearly understood disappointment.
Not love not sympathy not angry nor care disappointment one single word yet hold such privilege in one's life
