Its all about my journey start to now....with my illness or i say curse??...or blessings?? *chuckle*...even i don't know!
A girl standing in a corner seeing other kids playing with eachother.....hii its me... Karima! I was 4 or 5 that time...i can play with those kids they are my neighbour and friends too but my mom said not to go close to anyone...cause i had chickenpokes....anyways that was me...a introverted one currently i am not introvert anymore...but still i have some sign as introvert...i guess everyone do have it...right!?
Well that time i was looking at them and don't know what i was thinking but i guess that time was my last day of my peaceful life....cause after that i fell ill...so badly got paralyzed,piliya and a serious fever...i was the first born girl in my house i do have a sister but still i was the girl whom my mother pledge to God to have maybe that's why they got so worried that time...i don't know that was the last time i have seen my parents worried about me....now i don't know they do ask about my health but after i ate medicine they give me work to complete... Maybe that's what adult life looks like....*chuckle*...anyways...
After that day....seems like my bad luck stuck on my back and stay with me till now....i broke my fingers in engine of paddler ricksaw, parents took me every hospital tried so many way to cure my paralyzed state and serious fever which was not seems to go anytime soon....i just used to eat peanutes came in 5 rupees packet and just stay on a one place looking at a old stone ceiling of my small house....those days was really hard...my parents almost thought they'd lose me.....but i saved i cured and come back on my feet and started to act normal as before...and happy....until i got the worst thing of my life which is actually a part of my life now....this illness- "VITILIGO". A illness where a person got white patches on his/her body eveywhere...which make them look different from normal people... I was a child who always stays chills and ignore things like they never exist....but still after being like this i still feel stared of people on me, gossiping about skin, its colour, my presence and how horrible i look....but let them talk always stay in my own world and keep myself safe from any bad impression or get depressed, insecure about my skin or presence......my parents do their best yo find cure for it too....they litteraly broke their bone to cure me....but nothing helped this illness increase day by day and spread all over my body with the time....i distant with people around me....without my knowing...distant with my parents, isolated myself because my mother doesn't let me go outside...not only because of illness but they are other reasons too....
Slowly slowly this illness covered my whole body making it full white...i still have some patches of my old skin brown one which is not covered by the white ones.... And my parents stopped my medicines...cause nothing was working and i guess i become the burden....for them...
With the time i didn't realise when i get addict of living in my house...only going to school and then school to home... I never had any friend either...maybe they afraid to approach me and befriend with me....i classmates used to stay away from me and some of them makw joke of my face butbi never give a fuck on that shit....bit somewhere...maybe a little i feel bad and hurt...because my classmate always use me and make me work for them to befriend them and their work finished they broke the friendship with me...i was nerd didn't know about anything...
When i come in 6th grade i finally make a good and true friend....Mari...my bestfriend and the person who never hesitate to sit with me...talk with me and always listen to me....she was the best thing ever happened to me....after her my new classmates with some old ones started to talk with me....i change my personality become an ambivert...Mari used to speak less but she always listen to me and my talks....because of her i understand what is my life goal i wanted to be...everything....she lived infront of my house....she sometime asked me to come out and play but i always refused saying mother doesn't like when i go out.. But she never complain about it...
Soon i turn 16 and i completed my 10 and again....Mari went away from me...she had some house issue and went yo village after our board exam we used to talk on messages but very less....we were bestfriend but with some formalities which is still there...
After she went away from me...i become silent again...stop talking just stay in my home and just watched my phone or tv...then our result came we both choose different field which was already decided but still after that she didn't came back i become cold rude and a irritable person....because now people talks, their gaze, sun raise, and many more things affects me badly....whe. she came back i got to know she came back to go for forever...she cut her name from school and leave for months....i spend my two years without her...which was so depressive for me...and last when my school finished she came back but this time we both were a mess...but somehow i manage to act normal because whatever she faced that time the lose of her mother....she was already depressed and was in trauma i couldn't able to say what happened in her absence i just stay there whenever she need me i talk with her and keep support her somewhere our bond become strong after sometime when she become normal...she said..."karima you are changed"....i just smiled at her statement...yes i am changed so much...i told her everything...my problems in school,in house and mang things we share our problems, everything....i am glad atleast i have someone to talk and share things with but still somewhere i couldn't able to tell her everything...she always said..."karima you are the strongest girl i have ever seen you never give a fuck on people's talk which make a person broke" again i just smiled....true i still thing that i make it through somehow till now...but it is really? Do i really don't get affect of these things....answer no...i am already broke.... This illness just make me hate myself even thought people like my skin tone but i saw everything as a fake....my life is fake.... I can't say much but when someone says that you are beautiful, pretty...i just gave them a small smile cause i know this is all not real...i am not real in somewhat...
This illness make me distant with my parents i was not really so close with them but i do have a nice relation with them....but it is just a responsibility....i am just a responsibility to them....can i ever able to make that relation again....NEVER!
THIS illness make me beautiful and pretty but i am nothing in real...i am empty from inside...neither this illness covering me fully nor its decreasing....it is stuck in mid making me look more horrible....
Till now i am waiting for either it spread all over or decreased and let my real skin come out....
This is what i am and how i am...i just hope the empty whole in me never grew more and pull me into it...making ne drawn inside for forever....
