DEAD?
Ooh Yahh *chuckles sadly*
I'm dead! Dead from inside ...
I always say that I don't care. I don't care about people's opinions and their judgement. Again why should I? Aren't they just some passersby? Why do I need to think about what they think about me?
And my subconscious mind always whispers "yeah , u shouldn't! U shouldn't care at all. But what about your own people's?
Your family, friends and those who once promised to not judge u? To not make u insecure about yourself?
Are u going to pretend to not care again? When each and every time u just care a little more about their opinion?
*I close my eyes , my mind going through the each and every scene when they just made joke about me and laughed it off,taking it as harmless not knowing what hell through I go every night,when I get my own alone space to balance my energy*
I replied "should we go on a hiatus my soul? I'm very tired, tired of everything and wanna be a ghost. Will u support me this time too? I swear I'll be my best version,when I'll be back, will you accompany me through this journey? Are you willing to?
And that night something changed, i changed and I could feel it. I could feel it when I saw those lifeless and emotionless eyes on mirror evertime.feel that everytime I paused to rethink before saying something. Go through a mental conflict before smiling. Got anxiety attack before talking to someone new.
And now I'm here *chuckles softly* the same person with different mindset*looks at the sky* after almost 1 and half year, successfully have become what I never expected myself to be someday...
And that's better anyways...
It's always better to protect ur own self, to protect ur inner child even if it means to cafe it.
And I'm now officially on a ghost mode...
While being dead from inside...
