I am a Vietnamese girl .I'm beautiful. I’m smart. I’m tall, well-groomed, and I’ve never let myself go. You’d think that’s a recipe for admiration and respect — but no. It became the reason I was shunned, envied, and stared at with cold, judgmental eyes. Ironically, the more I tried to become the best version of myself, the more the world seemed to hate me for it.
I used to think being a top student was something to be proud of. But when my grades got high enough to threaten others, I became a target for comparison and gossip. “She’s just showing off,” “Probably studied the exact questions,” “That girl doesn’t even have friends,”... Words thrown around like they’re harmless, yet they cut like knives. I got used to being left out, used to carrying group projects on my own — only to be blamed later when the team didn’t get the score they wanted.
But the loneliness didn’t stop at school. I felt isolated even by society’s expectations. I don’t get close to men. I don’t enjoy playing the dainty, fragile girl. I don’t need someone to protect me — I just want to live as myself. And yet, because I’m not soft-spoken or delicate, I’m labeled as strange. Because I’m strong, I’m deemed unapproachable. There were times I wore an apron to cook — not to look cute, but for hygiene and professionalism — and people would mock: “Girls who wear aprons all the time will stay single forever.” Or the opposite: “If a girl doesn’t wear an apron, who’ll marry her?”
The truth is, no matter what women do, we’re judged. Stay at home? You’re called a leech. Work late? You’re accused of neglecting your family. Have an inattentive husband? People say, “She couldn’t keep him happy.” If he cheats, it’s “She didn’t satisfy him enough.” Get divorced? You’re labeled “damaged goods” or “not patient enough.” The moment a woman dares to step out of the passive, obedient role society assigns her, she’s suddenly too much, too wild, too wrong.
But what about men?
If they’re absent, it’s because of “work stress.”
If they fail, it’s because “the timing wasn’t right.”
If they cheat, it’s just “a man’s natural instinct.”
And all is forgiven with a simple shrug:
“Well, he’s just a man…”
I refuse to accept that.
I won’t live in a world where women must be excellent but humble, pretty but not vain, strong but never intimidating.
I don’t buy into “traditional values” if they’re just a disguise for bias and oppression.
There were times I broke down. Times I wanted to disappear.
But then I remembered who I am.
I’m not the type to give up.
I study hard because I want to, not to please teachers or compete with anyone.
I choose to present myself well because I value myself — not because I want to be seen as “wife material.”
I don’t need to please the world.
I just need the strength to be true to myself.
Sometimes I wonder: Will getting married really relieve the pressure? Will it make me happy?
They say, “If a woman doesn’t get married, she’ll suffer her whole life,” or “Marrying a man is the only way to have money to spend.”
But why?
Why should a capable, financially independent, intelligent girl have to rely on a man?
Women can earn their own money too, can’t they?
I once heard a story about a man who, after his divorce, proudly claimed: “I helped her with housework. I know how to cook. I even wore an apron.”
As if love could be proven with a few moments in the kitchen or a borrowed apron.
Love is sharing. It’s taking responsibility together. Growing together.
But somehow, women are expected to carry all the weight by default.
When things fall apart, we’re told it’s our fault:
“You couldn’t keep your husband,”
“You were too independent,”
“Too intimidating,”
“Too focused on your career.”
Then someone asks, “Why did he leave her?”
And the ridiculous answer:
“She was too self-sufficient.”
I’m tired — not because I’m weak,
But because society still refuses to give girls like me a fair shot — girls who are both capable and emotional, who just want to live as themselves without being trimmed to fit someone else’s idea of who they should be.
I hate the assumption that women must endure, must sacrifice, must belong in the kitchen.
An apron is not a chain.
Divorce is not always a failure.
But how many times have women been blamed for a broken marriage?
People forget: a woman can’t hold a relationship together if she’s the only one trying.
They curse the imperfect mother — but never ask:
Where is the father?
I’m exhausted by how many men push all blame onto women.
“Bad kids? Must be the mother’s fault.”
They assume the person closest to the child is responsible.
But don’t they realize — half of the child’s nature comes from the father too?
The man's bad habits — smoking, drinking, staying up late, stress — damage sperm.
And when a child is born unhealthy or slow to develop, who gets blamed? The woman.
I’m not asking for an explanation.
I just want to say this to every girl out there:
Don’t fall for the fantasy of “love from the heart.”
Because if your man has no money, you’ll have to earn it yourself — maybe even support him too.
And if things don’t go his way, he might still turn around and say you’re “bad luck” for him.
