Meerab, I'm sorry!
I didn’t mean to be upset with you — I was actually upset with Iqra. Please forgive me. But sometimes, even small things hurt me a lot. I was really upset, and during that math lecture when you guys were outside, I was crying. I was also feeling unwell — I even vomited and had no one with me. I didn’t expect anything from Iqra or Abeeha, but I really missed you. Still, I was very angry, so I got a little mad. But to be honest, I had a small reason to be angry. Please forgive me.
When you said at school, "I don’t care about Muskan," it really broke me, Meerab. When you all went out of the class with Iqra, I had come there saying I was going for water. I stood there for two minutes, just looking at you all. But you all were laughing together and didn’t even look at me once. You seemed so happy without me.
Then I came to talk to Abeeha and Fatima, but Iqra started a fight again, and you all started telling her to be quiet.
Meerab, if we don’t talk before Culture Day, it might be too late… who knows if we’ll even get a chance to talk after that.
Please don’t tell Abeeha, Javed, or Iqra that I messaged you.
If you don’t want to talk, then just send one dot (.) — I’ll understand and never message you again, because you all seem happy without me.
When you sat in the ground, I would purposely sit with Abeeha, just so I could watch you… but you looked happy, smiling and laughing. Even today, when you and Abeeha were outside, I watched you from the window. Every time, I only looked at the three of you — but you all looked happy without me. It felt like my presence or absence didn’t matter… maybe it really doesn’t. But I was deeply sad.
I just wanted to say all this because maybe I won’t get the chance to say it later — maybe it will be too late.
And I don’t expect a reply.
If you think it’s all my fault, then fine — let it be my fault.
But only my heart knows that it wasn’t.
Do you remember why I was upset with you even before this fight?
You had once convinced me to make up when the MDCAT awards happened.
I was upset because no matter what Iqra or Abeeha said to you — you always agreed.
When Abeeha asked you to give up your chair, you went without a second thought.
When Iqra asked you to go to the washroom, you went too.
But when I asked you, you said no.
That moment made me really angry, but you spoke to me with such a big smile that I couldn’t even stay mad.
And remember when Iqra and I didn’t know anything for a test and we were sitting together, I told you, “Just sit with me during the test,” but you got mad and said,
“Muskan, just let me sit with Abeeha for one day.”
And when I asked you to save a seat for me, you said you would.
But when I came to school the next morning, you were sitting with Abeeha and told me she didn’t listen to you.
But that day, when you saved a spot for Eman Amjad, I came and put my bag next to you and pleaded with you to let me sit with you.
But you refused in anger.
Yet, you never did that with Abeeha — you never said no to her.
This is everything that has been in my heart for so long.
I didn’t want to fight — but since we already have, I’m telling you now.
Because I don’t know if I’ll get the chance again, because I am....I am...
