You can believe me or not, but my neighbour’s coffee machine is definitely possessed.
Her name’s Claire. Middle-aged, owns too many cats, and has a Pinterest addiction. One day, she bought a vintage espresso machine from a garage sale. Said it was “French” and “aesthetically haunted.” We all thought she was joking. We were wrong.
It started with the coffee.
At first, it just made too much. Like… gallons. Even if she pressed "single shot," the machine would flood her counter with espresso. She blamed her settings. But then weird messages started printing in the coffee foam.
Yes. In the foam.
The first one said: “RUN.”
The second? “I SEE YOU.”
Third: “DON’T DRINK THIS.”
Naturally, Claire took pictures and posted them on Instagram.
The machine went viral. Everyone in town wanted a cup from the "haunted latte artist." People lined up. News channels came. Even BuzzFeed did a piece called “10 Times Coffee Got Too Real.”
Claire became famous overnight.
And then it got darker.
—
One morning, Claire’s favorite cat — Sir Meowington — went missing. The machine printed, “HE WARNED YOU.” That same night, Claire swore she saw a figure crawling on her ceiling.
She moved the machine to the garage.
The next day, her plants died. All of them. The foam read: “MOVE ME AGAIN, YOU DIE NEXT.”
She called me crying at 3 a.m.
Of course I went over. I mean, come on — demon espresso?
I watched her try to unplug it.
The cord… wouldn't let go. I swear it wrapped around her wrist like a snake.
We screamed. She threw holy water on it.
It steamed and hissed. Then printed: “THAT WAS RUDE.”
—
I begged her to get rid of it.
She refused.
Said, “It makes the best cappuccino I’ve ever had.”
Claire is now pale, twitchy, and drinks 14 cups a day. The coffee machine growls sometimes. The foam now says things like:
“YOU’RE MINE.”
“CAFFEINE IS CONTROL.”
“ONE BY ONE THEY WILL SLEEP.”
Our neighbor, Bill, hasn’t been seen in 4 days. His last message to the community WhatsApp group was:
“Why is Claire’s coffee machine whispering my name?”
No one replied.
—
So yeah. My neighbour’s coffee machine is haunted.
And yesterday… Claire gifted me one exactly like it.
It’s sitting on my kitchen counter now.
The power’s off.
But the light just blinked.
I think it knows I’m writing this.
Send help. Or maybe just... send tea.
I know I am brainrot😌😌
