People think i am crazy I look for love at the craziest places or people but reject it when I get maybe even better options than that, I cry a lot when someone leaves me... Yes who wouldn't cry if you used to wait for a gf online you met on a comic app and made her your entire life without thinking twice, knew nthg about her... Waited a lot.... Maybe I am crazy but to be honest I am crazy because I want to experience that two sided love in which both lovers put equal efforts, will die without second thoughts if it comes to each other's safety but my fate maybe have other ideas, maybe I will just have to marry a guy I will just meet once talk on call and who will see me as someone who takes care of his parents, does the dishes etc.. Nothing like a best friend whom I can be wild with, nothing like a partner in crime etc.i honestly don't know what love is supposed to feel like but there's this guy I met online we became friends then like besties don't worry i never hid anything from him, he knows my depression, desperation everything I never be fake in front of him or anyone, one day he asked me to be his fake Mt gf, I didn't want to date anyone but he was my bestie so I thought it will be nice to have someone in fake even not real but honestly with time I have developed realemotions for him, one day he will leave too, but you know nobody treats me with so kind words as he does, sometimes he replies me too late but I don't really mind because at least he talks to me with respect and love, I have tried to try loving other people but isn't working don't know, the girl me who always moves on so quickly is thinking like "please god will you make him stay, I won't ask for better, I know he isn't perfect but I am not right, we will handle each other only to realize he doesn't love me back for real.. Not his fault it was meant to stay fake my fault all and to be honest I won't mind if he won't ever love me baxk obviously he is way better than me in every way he deserves better but can't he stay forever, am I that bad that the only guy who I dreamt about going on a date with by lieing to my mother (I never lied to my mother to even go to meet a friend, girl) can't even stay too.... I hopesomeday I will get out of u delusional world and will honestly be able to become like other girls in family- marry rich foreigner and be his housewife and satisfy his sexual need like my didi who got married does, or get bitten, or just a boring subject or nuisance for my husband aftersome years, but never find a lover who will love me even when I can't love myself and whom I can write stupid notes from time to time, love notes, who will love me even after 40 years from now, who will respect and support my ambitions and I will do the same for him, who won't leave me anxious alone in crowd and will hold my hand just a little too tight when I am having a panic or anxiety attack, who won't be hesitant to cook for me on my periods and buy a 10 rupee munch chocolate, will do craziest and cutest stuff with me like they do in youtube vlogs... Is it too much to ask for somebody who can stay.... As my love not just my duty....
