I was rummaging through my old stuff looking for anything to do at this hour when I found my journal. A small smile played on my lips as I realize that it was my diary from sixteen years ago. I flipped through the pages and felt a little nostalgic. My experience in highschool were written here. It felt just like yesterday. It had been so long since I'd gotten out of high school and I missed it so much.
"Good old days" I whispered to myself. I came across a page entitled "A letter from an Old Flame" and smiled softly remembering how I wrote this back then. It was a letter for my first love that I never bother giving. I remember vividly how devastated I was when we called it quits.
"Like they all say, first love hurts the most" I muttered under my breath. I'm no longer bitter about it. In fact, I already moved on a long time ago. I read the letter I made and smiled as memories flashback.
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A Letter From An Old Flame [20/01/2007]
As I reflect on the remnants of our past relationship, the words "I hope you get everything you wanted, and I hope not to hear a thing about it" ring hollow in my heart with a profound sadness. It's a sentiment born out of pain, disappointment, and a sense of longing that I never thought would consume me.
We were once inseparable, two souls intertwined in a love that felt invincible. We shared dreams, aspirations, and a future that we thought was bright and promising. But somewhere along the way, our paths diverged, and we found ourselves walking in different directions.
We tried to hold on, to salvage what was left, but the cracks grew wider, and the chasm between us seemed insurmountable. Our love, once vibrant and passionate, turned into something unrecognizable, something faded and worn. We knew it was over, and we had to let go.
I watched as you moved on, as you pursued your dreams with fervor, and as you found new love. I wanted to be happy for you, to genuinely wish you the best, but my heart was heavy with unspoken emotions. I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy, a twinge of pain, and a sense of loss as I witnessed you moving forward without me.
You shared your successes, your achievements, and your newfound happiness, and I watched with a heavy heart. I tried to smile, but inside, I was hurting. Each time you I see your accomplishments, it was a reminder of what we once had, and what I could no longer be a part of.
I wished you well, I hoped that you got everything you ever wanted, but I couldn't bear to hear a thing about it. It was not because I didn't want you to be happy, but because it hurt too much to know that you were happy without me. It was a painful reminder of the life we once shared, the memories we made, and the love we lost.
I wanted to forget, to move on, and to heal, but it wasn't easy. The void you left in my heart seemed impossible to fill. I had to come to terms with the fact that you were no longer mine, that you were moving forward with someone else, and that our story had come to an end.
I wished for your happiness, even if it meant sacrificing my own. I hoped that you found everything you ever wanted, that you achieved your dreams, and that you found love that was even more beautiful than what we once had. But I couldn't bear to hear about it, for it was a constant reminder of what I had lost, of the love that was no longer mine.
As time passed, the pain dulled, but the scars remained. I learned to accept the reality of our situation, to let go of the past, and to find my own path. I realized that holding on to the hope of you returning to me was only prolonging my agony, and that I needed to let go in order to heal.
So, I wish you all the best, my old flame. I hope you get everything you ever wanted, and I hope not to hear a thing about it. It's not because I wish ill upon you, but because I need to protect my own heart, to heal in my own time, and to move forward with my own story. For in the depths of my soul, I carry the bittersweet memories of our past, the lessons we learned, and the love that will forever remain a part of me.
Sincerely,
MMA<3
