Two sets of footprints disturbed the layer of thin snow,
Creating gentle patterns in the moonlight's tranquil glow.
The breeze of winter - harsh and cold,
Was always present in this story told.
Though hours in and so chilled to bone,
Above the lake, he was not alone.
As the other came with sparkling eyes,
He could no more hide his heart's disguise.
He laughed, he chuckled, he slipped away,
He wished the morning never came their way.
It was joyous, so pure and free,
He tried to burn the other into his memory.
The sound of his giggles, the warmth of his hand,
The flutter in heartbeat, once night fell over land.
He got closer, he saw more. Felt his heart burst and then come whole;
No more bothered by the fear, as their feelings became clear.
This most wonderful a moment, the most precious of their bliss,
A secret held between them, finally sealed with gentle kiss.
But then a crack in flawless surface and disturbance of the sound,
Broke the new-tied souls apart, though connection's still spellbound.
One of them now cold to touch whilst the other lost control,
As darkness slowly crept around and froze the empty soul.
※ · —— · ❆ · —— · ※
Falling. The feeling of losing your balance and plummeting down—down into the darkness, down into the deep, down into the cold unknown.
Jimin had never fallen from high above. He'd never broken a bone in his life, never stepped over the ledge, or had a misfortunate staircase accident. His body didn't know how it felt to actually fall. The little, unintentional tripping over his feet not counting, the young man had somehow managed to play it safe all his life. At least, as much as he remembered.
Still, he felt like he was falling. He felt like some part of his most hidden soul was missing from his life. The one that would keep him going, keep him away from the pain. Keep him away from sinking.
So he fell—fell through confusion, fell through anguish. He fell through a loss he didn't know he had experienced.
It became awfully hard to handle during Christmas time. Each year, as the holiday season grew near, Park Jimin felt himself grow more incomplete. He tried to find different ways to fill the gap that threatened to drag him under, but nothing seemed to help him stay over the abyss of a lonely existence. He'd tried working till he finally passed out. He tried drinking until the morning after woke him with a giant headache. He tried finding another who could save him from the sorrow, but nothing helped him cope.
Nothing came close to keeping him away from his struggle.
Today was no different. As Christmas was in full bloom and he had nowhere to turn for comfort, Jimin had yet again agreed to cover the late shift at his aunt's holiday season store. It could have been a wonderful experience if he didn't hate Christmas. The cheer and carols on every corner of his town made Jimin's hands shake. He didn't want to be a part of the celebration, though the peer pressure left him no choice but to participate.
It was with another grunt that he finally left his bed, already tired from what was to come. He washed and munched on some leftovers, and listened to the news like any other day before he got ready to face the world.
This morning the feeling of loss inside of him was especially noticeable. As Christmas Eve was less than twelve hours away, Jimin grew restless. He remembered clearly how he'd broken down last year, bursting into uncontrollable tears and gasps in the middle of the empty store.
This year should be no different.
As the interior would probably remind him too much of what he was missing familywise, Jimin decided to stuff a pack of paper tissues inside his back pocket. At this point, he didn't mind spending his time at the shop. Although he'd grown used to living on his own years ago, the despair always punched the strongest during this cheerful time. His parents had disowned him right after he came out, and his aunt was the only part of his family who bothered to call him from time to time. But she never asked Jimin to join any of her holiday events, instead offering him a late shift through Christmas and a chance to earn some extra cash.
The young man wasn't sure if he appreciated the gesture or hated it. But it turned out to be beneficial for both, so he agreed.
Locking the door and stepping out onto the snow-cleared sidewalk, Jimin shivered. The breeze was almost chilling, suddenly sweeping over his face and leaving him breathless. He walked quickly, passing gleeful families, and trying to ignore the annoying Christmas songs that blasted from different stores. It didn't help to know that he'll have to listen to the same playlist until his shift ended at nine pm.
Grumbling to himself, he slipped, catching his balance at the very last moment before he would have so graciously fallen on his ass. He felt his cheeks fill with blood when a gust of wind carried a soft chuckle to his ear. It almost sounded like someone had called his flapping-around cute. But when he straightened his body back up again and self-consciously glanced around, there was no one looking at him. Maybe he'd imagined it, after all, these kinds of body movements were too common in the wintertime.
To get to his aunt's store, he had to cross a cobblestone bridge. It was one of the last century builds—with old lanterns on either side that the city still hadn't changed. And they probably won't, either, as it was one of the sight-seeing objects for the tourists.
Jimin's eyes, just like any other time he stepped on the old span of stone, turned their attention to the view below. The lake was frozen already, as the winter had hit hard and fast this year, the frozen surface glimmering in places, as ice or snow reflected the few beams of sunlight that broke through the light-grey clouds. Jimin wanted to stop and stare at it forever. To figure out the mystery behind the calm view.
The man felt like there was someone there, someone beneath the ice, calling for him, beckoning him to come forth.
Asking him to sink down with them.
He felt his heart get squeezed with no warning, almost doubled over from the shock of it. Jimin was not clear on why it happened, but he couldn't deny that it was not the first time.
In his thoughts, something tried to break free, to remind him of a memory. The same way something would bang against a wall of glass or ice, asking to be let outside. He gathered himself, stood back straight, and continued on his way. Jimin's mind now becoming a place where fists knocked and pounded a layer of thickly frozen water.
But the lake remained quiet. The ice—undisturbed.
Only in that mind of his, some screams still felt unheard.
※ · —— · ❆ · —— · ※
".... underneath the Christmas tree~"
"I don't need to hang my stocking there upon the fireplace~"
"Santa Claus won't make me happy with a toy on Christmas Day~"
The speakers overhead blasted the obnoxious Christmas song louder than Jimin would have ever allowed it. The urge to barf and roll down a cliff sounded exciting at this point. If he didn't feel so exhausted from the holidays and the constant headache he was now sporting, maybe Jimin would go and try that. For now, he just settled on a walk around the deserted shop.
Maybe he could find a place where the song wouldn't reach him.
It didn't take a lot of time to make his rounds, the lack of chores painfully evident on the big clock that told him only two minutes had passed since he left his chair behind the cash register. He checked the thousands of lights around the store, hoping to find some that were flickering or out just to have something to occupy himself with. But everything looked perfect.
He was the only imperfection there.
Jimin went to the main display window of colourful figurines that stood in the middle of the main room, hoping that there were some he could rearrange into a better position. The problem, though, was that he had done the same yesterday, so there was nothing to fix in there, too.
Still, he let his eyes wander over the decorations. Jimin ticked the different poses of toy soldiers inside his mind as if reciting a poem under a Christmas tree and rolled his eyes when it was time to count the Santas. It was all there, standing and shining inside the glass box, mocking him with its jolly vibe.
But then he stopped. He frowned and huffed when his eyes landed on an object he could not explain. Jimin could swear it had never been there before, not even yesterday when he had opened the glass case, counted them all and hated his life.
There, in between the Virgin Mary manifestation and an ugly goat, sat an Easter bunny.
"How did you get there?" he mused, leaning against the glass to inspect the tiny thing.
It was adorable; with shiny, black eyes and a big nose, the figurine looked almost real. Any moment now, Jimin anticipated it to come alive and start hopping around the display case.
A big nose and a wide, bunny-like smile—
Jimin staggered back, surprised by the sudden flash of another scene in his mind. It was dark, compared to the glow of greens and reds he was surrounded by. But it felt familiar, the person he saw… felt familiar.
Jimin clenched a fist against his heart, ruffling the ugly work uniform, and looked back at the display in front of him. His pulse quickened, drumming in his ears. It was such a random memory that at first Jimin doubted it was real. The young boy in the vision looked so happy and carefree, so soft…
He found the Easter bunny again, looking at it hard. Jimin waited for the smiling face to flash before his eyes once again, ready to focus his attention on each feature he managed to see, but it never came.
Instead, he felt tears trickle down his cheeks. The droplets fell like stones, landing on the glass surface with deafening thuds.
"Shit," he mumbled and frantically wiped the tears away with the sleeve of his shirt.
Jimin left the rabbit figurine where it was, not wanting to have anything more to do with it from that point onward. Still confused by the vision, he hurried to the bathroom and splashed some water on his face, breathed for a couple of seconds and stared at his confused reflection.
The flash came again, jerking him on the spot. This time it was more a sense of feeling than the image itself.
Joy and excitement, anticipation for more—
Jimin dragged his fingers through his dark locks, whining at his reflection. "What the hell is happening?"
The him in the mirror gave no answer and soon after Jimin gave up on waiting for one.
He left the bathroom.
It felt more chilly than it had before, as he moved back to his spot behind the counter. But there was no window he had left open, and there shouldn't be anyone who'd visit him at this ti--
"Hello!"
Jimin yelped, swirling around and hitting his elbow against the counter's corner. His breath hitched when he noticed a man standing beneath the arch of the main entrance. The stranger was wearing black between all the Christmas colours, but somehow Jimin had failed to see him before.
"H-Hi," he said while rubbing the aching joint. "Can I help you find something?"
The broad-shouldered customer opened his mouth for a moment, ready to answer, but closed it after a blink. His lips twisted into a pained smile, not reaching his eyes, and with it, he came forth.
"I think I found it already." His voice was gentle as he said it. It washed over Jimin like a cotton cloud, easing his tense limbs and snuggling under his skin. It was weird.
"O-kay…" Jimin murmured back, trying to inhale deeply without giving the man notice. For some reason, his heart was pounding.
But the stranger just stared, biting his lip worriedly when Jimin said nothing else. They looked at each other for a few short breaths, one—completely still, while the other tried not to clench his chest from his suddenly increasing heartbeat.
"Would you believe me if I told you we know each other?"
Jimin frowned. "I'd say that you are probably mistaken. I never forget a face."
The man smiled again, sad like before. "Yet you forgot mine." He chuckled low, eyes wandering over Jimin's features like he tried to engrave every delicate curve into his memory. "I missed you, Jimin-ah."
"Jimin-ah! Wait up!"
He gasped. "Wh-What?"
Jimin had to take a breather. From the moment he'd locked gazes with this weird man, his body and mind had started to act weird. His palms were sweaty and chest squeezed with stabbing flashes of pain that felt more emotional than anything physically affecting. Jimin had to massage his temples because fogginess suddenly clouded his mind. Just like on the bridge earlier - the young man knew there was something hidden beneath the surface, beneath his consciousness, but it was still too hard to grasp it.
When their gazes met again, his was shining with hurt and confusion, as if begging for the unknown man to make it better.
Jimin's breath rolled over his lips in gentle quivers after he noticed the man put both palms on the counter between them. He leaned against it, coming as close to Jimin's face as he could manage. His dark curls fell over his eyes as they regarded Jimin's shocked face with a wide, doe-like stare. "Don't resist them," he pleaded and gulped. "Remember me!"
A set of doe eyes smiled at him over the vast space. He could imagine them crinkling up in the corners without even seeing them close. He wanted to be closer—
"You—"
The front-door bell chimed without warning, disturbing Jimin's words before he managed to figure out what he wanted to say.
"Good evening!" came a woman's voice, singing so loud it was heard in every corner of the store. She gave Jimin, who had straightened up and answered with his own greeting, a bright smile and made her way to the wall full of Christmas tree decorations.
"Oh, it is such a blessing to have you guys open at this hour, still! I would not know what to do if you weren't!" She clasped her hands over her chest, humming in delight.
Jimin just smiled, glancing from her to the man who still stood next to the counter, watching him. "That's good to hear," he murmured.
"Indeed!" The newcomer laughed, all about looking at those glass balls full of different reindeer. "We were so busy setting up the table for our Christmas dinner, that we didn't notice our dog had decided to get itself a present from our pretty tree!" She laughed. "Jumped right on it, that rascal! Had the whole thing crash down and break half the ornaments! Now, would this be the best one..."
Jimin didn't listen to her, after that. Truthfully, he didn't listen much at all. His eyes were on his other guest, taking in his dark appearance with quiet regard. He looked so out of place in his black coat, standing completely still and unbothered by the chatty woman.
Taking what she needed from the shelves, the jolly customer turned and hurried over to Jimin. "Can't have people over without showing off a perfect Christmas tree, don't you think?"
Jimin agreed, snapping his eyes back to her and nodded while he rang up everything she presented. He listened to her chirp on and on about her big party, smiling politely every time she said something over-exaggerated, feeling the man's eyes on his face every second of the on-going interaction.
He packed everything up in a bag and asked the woman for the sum, and she paid with a credit card. But just as he thought she would go back into ranting along, the woman sighed.
"Must be pretty lonely being here all evening," she said, giving him an apologetic smile.
Jimin smiled back yet again. He had gotten used to those pitying looks long ago. He wanted to tell her that this day hadn't been that lonely, due to her and the mysterious guy coming in, but stopped himself. Jimin looked at the stranger speechlessly.
The man stood right next to the nice lady, just as he had during her whole visit, but she didn't seem to acknowledge him at all.
"N-No," he gulped, "it's okay. I'm going to a party later on." That's a lie. He was lying to her, to make her stop staring at him like that, and the man seemed to know that.
He was now staring at Jimin as if he knew everything. As if he had been there every year, hearing Jimin lie to people about his plans on Christmas Eve just to make them shut up about how no one should be alone at a time like that. He didn't say anything about it.
But Jimin knew.
They both knew that there was no party. Just a lonely existence and an empty heart.
"Oh, then I wish you a great time at that party, dear! And Merry Christmas!" The woman grabbed and squeezed his hand for a moment, an excited smile returning to her wrinkled face.
"Merry Christmas," he parroted back, watching her leave in a hurry.
Then, he turned to the stranger.
He still stood on the other side of the counter, still looking only at Jimin, as if nothing else around him even existed or changed.
"Who are you?"
The man shrugged, a teasing grin visible on his beautiful face. "You should figure that out on your own."
Jimin huffed. "Isn't that a little tricky? I have no idea who you are and no recollection of us ever meeting each other. How am I supposed to remember you?"
The response was only a hum, accompanied by the man finally moving to stand in another position. But, no, wait, he was not standing. He was coming around the counter and stopping right next to Jimin, looking down on him from an almost figmental distance. "Try," he simply stated. "Everything you need is here. Open your heart to me, and you'll remember."
With a gentle touch, a touch which Jimin—for some reason—didn't try to refuse, the taller man pressed his palm against his chest, flattening it over Jimin's beating heart. His hand was cold, so cold it made a chill run down his spine, ending with a twitch of Jimin's fingers.
He tried, then. He tried to focus hard on the doe eyes that looked back at him deeply, begging him to see it all. But the more Jimin strained to see, feel, or at least hear, the harder it became. His breaths hitched and his eyes filled with tears, his head pounded and lungs felt like they burned, filled with air that's cold as ice.
Jimin's breath shook and he felt near panicking. His reactions confused him, but he wanted to figure it out. He wanted to remember this gorgeous visitor because Jimin felt like there was nothing more important than him.
"I… I can't," he choked out, fingers reaching to grab onto the palm still connected to him. "I can't, it's too hard, I can't rememb—"
"Come on, Koo! It'll be fine." He giggled and stepped on the ice. His brown winter boots slipped a little, but Jimin just turned around, encouraging the boy to join him.
"I don't think I can," came a shaky response before the other tried to follow. "No, I can't, it's too hard to stay upright!"
Their voices rang with never-ending laughter while Jimin tried to help him get on the slippery ice. Both collided and skidded apart as Koo gained his balance, following Jimin further onto the frozen lake.
Jimin came back from his vision with wide eyes and more questions than answers. He searched the man's face, looking for the telltale signs of the same young boy he saw in his vision and found them.
"We were on… the lake. The city lake." He gestured toward the place in question. And the stranger nodded, his fingers dug a little deeper into Jimin's chest, encouraging him to see more, but nothing else came. "Were we there during nighttime?"
"We had gone there many nights," came the confirmation.
"You're Koo…"
The man snorted, shoulders rising with the sudden exhale of breath. "You could say that, sure. Although, I never was a fan of you calling me that."
"Then, what is your name?"
Koo smiled. "I would love to tell you, but I'm afraid it would be against the rules."
Frowning, Jimin stepped away and released Koo's wrist. The palm pressed to his chest fell away and left in its place a sudden longing. "What rules? I didn't know there were any rules in helping one remember an old friend. We were friends, right?"
"Y-" Koo blinked, "-Yeah." He cleared his throat and nodded as if thinking about it too hard. "The closest."
"But why can't I remember? Why can't I remember you?"
It was no more than a flash of emotions, a glint of pain that came over Koo's face which he masked quickly, but not soon enough—Jimin still noticed. He… He had seen Koo's face too many times not to recognize even the tiniest changes over the handsome features. Even if he didn't remember him, his heart knew the signs.
Koo came closer again, refusing to let them be parted for more than a few inches. Jimin supposed that he should be scared of him. After all, Koo was a complete stranger. He appeared out of nowhere, claimed to be someone from Jimin's past and continuously followed his steps, getting closer to him every time Jimin stepped away. But he couldn't. The eyes, the sincere eyes that regarded him with longing no one had ever shown him, calmed Jimin's soul.
"You are remembering me," Koo said. His whole being strived closer to Jimin, leaning in for another touch. "I came to help you remember. I will help you, I promise."
Jimin shook his head. "It's so hard," he mumbled. He wanted desperately to recall every part of this man. Jimin wanted to know and relive every moment he'd spent with him. He felt like he had to. He needed to.
He felt like he owed it to him to remember.
"I… I'm scared."
Koo exhaled a breathy chuckle. "Don't be."
"I feel like if I don't remember, you will disappear."
The soft smile vanished and he finally stepped away, giving them both some space to breathe. Jimin watched Koo walk around the counter, long, slender fingers dancing over different surfaces and objects as he looked around the store.
"Are you happy here?" came a question, so out of the blue Jimin got startled.
"Wh-What do you mean?"
Koo bit his lower lip, chewing on it worriedly before he tried to clarify. "Are you happy with your life? The existence you are in right now?" He paused before he let the next words slip out, much softer than the ones before. "The pain?"
Their eyes met again, tension straining between them. The longer Jimin watched him and stared into the dark orbs—the more he saw how clear the answer was.
"No."
It sounded desperate. It sounded clear. Even in a store, separated by counters and displays, with Christmas music blaring from the speakers, Jimin's answer reached Koo's ears. And he saw how the man paled.
"But it's better now, I think?" Jimin scratched behind his neck and lowered his head, not wanting to see the intense eyes anymore. "I mean, you are here, so I'm… you're here."
"Is it long before your shift ends?" Koo changed the topic, surprising Jimin once again.
"I… I think it's another hour or two. Are you in a hurry?"
"No." Koo shook his head, a polite smile on his face. "I just wanna show you something."
Jimin felt himself get shy. It was uncommon for him to feel like that, but with Koo it felt natural. He fiddled with his fingers, biting back an excited smile and mumbled, "I can't leave before nine."
A hum was heard over another Christmas carol. "That's okay. I can wait a little longer."
And Koo did. He kept Jimin company for the rest of his workday, which they filled by talking about unimportant things and Jimin trying to remember details of his past. The man didn't ask Jimin about his family or the situation at home, it was as if he already knew there was nothing to discuss. He told him dumb jokes, though, earning a chuckle or two which Jimin could not suppress.
He knew Koo liked his laugh. He saw the big eyes glint with fondness every time it chimed over the background noise.
"How did you find me?" Jimin mused, as he locked the cash register and got out from behind the counter.
"I never lost you, really."
"You're so poetic sometimes." Jimin chuckled. "Is that how you charm every heart you want to possess?"
"There's only one heart to charm, Jimin-ah. It's yours."
Hearing that, Jimin felt himself blush. He got flustered so much he did not know what to answer the man, so he just hurried to finish his tasks before he could actually lock up. First, off went the dumb music. Then, he swept the floor and turned off every twinkling light inside the store, until he was finally ready to leave. Jimin hadn't even noticed he was humming one of the Christmas songs as he worked—the anticipation for what's to come drifting out of him with every soft note.
Koo, whose doe eyes had followed his every move, kept himself silent. He grinned back at Jimin when the latter ushered him outside and started to fumble with the keys.
Jimin beamed. It had been so long since he'd had any sort of fun. He always felt too sad or tired to go out, never showed much of an interest in any of the men who tried to chat him up, and always concluded that he'd better just not interact with anyone.
But with Koo it was different. He felt excited. He felt lighter, somehow. Koo had come and managed to charm him without even trying, and Jimin could already feel his heart attempting to burst from the amount of affection he harboured towards the man.
Could he consider this a date? Should he? Jungkook didn't specify it being one and Jimin was too nervous to ask, and he—
Wait.
Jungkook?
That's… his name. That's the man's name!
Jimin's breath hitched in his throat and he felt his heart pound so harshly it probably made cracks in his ribcage. He had the key in the lock but this sudden revelation made the task of twisting and turning it much more difficult.
The surprised smile he had when he turned around was brighter than any star in the universe.
"I remembered!"
The announcement made Koo look at him confusedly, but Jimin could see the corners of his mouth tucking up into a grin of his own. "Yeah?"
He nodded.
Jimin watched Koo's eyelashes flutter a little as he slowly leaned closer. "What did you remember?"
There was only one step to take before their chests could touch and Jimin, gathering his nerves, took it. His gut told him to do so, whispered to him that this proximity between them was nothing to be afraid of. So he did.
With big eyes and lips pulled wide, he let their chests meet, let his palms brush over the man's coat and grab the fabric around his shoulders.
"You're Jungkook," he stated with eyes roaming all over Koo's face. "My Jungkook."
The night stilled.
The wind got quiet.
And the moon above them rolled away.
And, as the shadows deepened all around, Jimin let himself get pulled closer. He watched Jungkook's lips move as he exhaled and smiled wider when their foreheads touched.
"Jungkook," he said again. "My Jungkook."
"Did you have another vision?" he asked.
"No. I just suddenly knew."
Jungkook nodded and their noses rubbed together as he did. "Is there anything else you just suddenly know?"
The nose-rubs stopped when Jimin leaned even further into him. "One more thing."
He let his eyes flutter closed slowly, parting his lips just a little bit to be able to have the other's taste on them. Jimin felt his waist being squeezed against a firm body a moment before their lips touched. Both actions knocked the breath right out of his lungs, in its place letting in a kaleidoscope of feeling.
It was perfect. The shape of Jungkook's lips over his own excited him. Jimin gasped for breath, letting his tongue flick over the soft folds before the man heartily kissed him again. He was sure that Koo could feel his heartbeat, could feel the gasps for breath every time they came apart just to plunge into each other again. Jimin melted in Jungkook's arms, opened his mouth wider and let an eager tongue slip inside, all while his knees wobbled and arms desperately clung to Jungkook's wide shoulders.
Muffled moans filled the air between them as Koo's strong arms lifted Jimin off the ground. He loved it. He loved that Koo was so strong.
Jimin entangled his freezing fingers between Jungkook's locks, twisting and pulling them as they continued their kiss. His feet dangled in the air and his frame leaned over Jungkook, and he smiled.
When their lips pulled apart, puffs of hot breath escaped from Jimin's mouth. He watched Jungkook lick his lips and give him a pleased grin. They both chuckled, Koo nuzzling his cold nose against Jimin's cheek while the latter still held onto his shoulders.
"Better than last time," Jungkook huffed with a smile while scattering tiny kisses over Jimin's giggling face.
"What do you mean, last—"
Jimin gasped, growing tense in Koo's hold.
It was just like any other night when they met, but somehow—so different. The glances they gave each other lingered longer than usual, the touches they shared were more careful and the distance between them continued to dwindle.
It was after another shy smile that crossed Jimin's cheeks when Jungkook finally didn't let go of his hand. Instead, he pulled the older boy closer. Right there, on the vast expanse of the frozen lake, with the moon shining over their heads, the two teenagers lost the feeling of reality as all they saw was each other.
There were no words needed to know. No words to share, because their hearts knew what they wanted. Had known for a long time.
With shaking palms, Jungkook cupped Jimin's cheeks. His dark, wide eyes jumped between Jimin's distinct features, stopping on a set of slightly parted lips. And when he licked his own and closed the distance between them, they both sighed in content.
It was gentle. Just a brush of their mouths touching, inexperienced and trembling from nerves.
It was perfect. Jimin thought his heart would give out from all the erratic beating it did in his chest.
But it wasn't his heart that gave.
There was a crack, so sudden and loud, it snapped them out of their little perfect world.
All Jimin felt were Jungkook's arms grabbing his shoulders in haste and forcefully shoving him away.
A splash of water.
"Koo—"
He was crying.
All the warmth he'd felt just before had now been replaced by despair. By the realization of what had happened and why.
The images from his memory kept replaying in his mind, making Jimin's body tremble in fear. He was so shocked, it was hard to breathe. As he slowly opened his eyes, tears dripping down his cheeks and freezing over his flesh, he couldn't contain his whimper.
He was still in Jungkook's hold, the man's arms keeping him up and flush against his chest. And as their eyes met, Jimin knew it was true.
"Oh, god—" He choked. His fingers brushed against Koo's cheeks, feeling the coldness that seeped from them and into his hands. "Are you—Did you—" His voice broke and it took him a moment to finally ask his question. "Are you even real?"
The eyes that stared back felt real. They felt deep and true, and Jimin felt connected to the owner of the sorrowful gaze. And when those eyes looked like they could fill with their own tears, Jungkook finally said, "I'm real to you."
"Koo." Jimin's heart was breaking. His breath hitched and his eyes squeezed shut.
Still, Jungkook held him. He said nothing, just stood there beneath the little roof of the shop's entrance, letting Jimin cling to him as he sobbed.
"I'm sorry," Jimin whined, hiding his face in his palms. "I'm so, so sorry."
"Don't be, Jimin-ah," Koo murmured with a gentle voice. "It's okay."
But he shook his head. Shook it desperately, biting his lips almost raw. "But I—, I killed you!"
"No! No, you didn't."
Jimin struggled out of his arms, gaining balance on a set of shaky legs, looking up at the man who seemed to not blame him for anything.
He couldn't accept that.
"It was my idea to go on the ice! I saw that!"
"No, Jimin, no! We'd been on the lake so many times. Nothing had ever happened! We couldn't have known it would suddenly break, please—"
"Why did you push me out of the way?" Crying harder and louder, he slapped Koo's chest, hit it multiple times with weakened fists as his body swayed.
He was the one who suggested they meet on the ice every time they were together. He was the one who encouraged Jungkook to get on the deadly surface night after night. And he was the one who… who was still breathing after it.
The only one.
He crumpled, legs giving out before Koo could manage to keep him up. "Wh-Why didn't you take me with you?"
"Ji-Jimin…"
"You pushed me away and then you left me," he accused him with a hoarse voice, his face—a mess hidden behind his palms. Jimin's fingers clawed at his skin, dragging painfully through his hair and leaving red marks over his temples. "I never understood why I felt this broken. This alone. But it was because of you. You left me alone and broken… And I'm at fault that you did."
"Baby…"
"I'm so sorry, Koo. I'm so sorry."
"No, Minnie, don't—don't cry," Jungkook mumbled. There was a tint of panic in his voice, although he tried to hide it. Jimin felt Koo kiss his forehead and removed his palms from his face. As Jungkook brushed his ice-cold thumbs over the reddened cheeks, Jimin finally managed to look him in the eyes again.
There was nothing but warmth there, worry and adoration that seeped out and straight into Jimin's weeping soul.
When Jungkook spoke again, his voice was soft and warm. And despite the guilt Jimin felt eating him alive, he started to calm down. "Jimin-ah," Koo breathed with barely any sound, "my Jimin, don't cry, don't blame yourself. Please."
His lips were cold as they left soft kisses all over the tear-stained cheeks. Jimin kept hiccupping every time a new wave of guilt rushed over his body and he was not sure if the tremors going through him were due to the cold or the absolute shock of who Jungkook really was.
"I'm so sorry," he kept saying as he curled into a tiny ball of guilt against the cold door behind him.
Jungkook, leaning over him, hiding him from the world, just shook his head. "Don't be sorry, Minnie. It's me who should be apologizing to you. Because what you said is true—I left you alone," he admitted with a slight frown. "I left you incomplete, longing for something you didn't know was missing. I watched you struggle, I watched you cry and live a lonely existence just because there was no one to make you happy. I'm sorry I wasn't there to make you happy. I'm so sorry… I'm sorry I'm so late."
Big eyes looked up at him, desperation written clear. "But you're here now, right? You won't leave me, right?"
Koo's expression fell. "I can't stay."
"N-No, please, Koo," he clutched onto him, dragging Jungkook towards himself in false hopes of keeping him close forever. "Don't leave me! Not again, please! I'm sorry, okay? I'll make it up to you, I swear. Please, Koo! I—" his voice broke again. "I don't think I'll manage it without you."
Jungkook stayed still for a little longer, just kissing Jimin's cheeks and forehead, dragging his fingers through his dark hair, before he huffed and prepared to stand. "Get up, Jimin-ah," he took his hands and squeezed the frozen fingers. "You can't stay here forever."
Jimin listened. He let Koo help him up but wobbled on his feet.
"Where are we going?"
"To the lake."
His heart skipped a beat. Jimin sniffled and snuggled closer to the other man, looking up. "A-Are you still there?"
Koo hummed, eyes leaving his face to look over the quiet street. He knew exactly what Jimin meant by that question. "I don't know. All I am sure of is that I'm here—with you."
This should not have warmed Jimin's heart as much as it did, but the man could not help himself. Everything in his life had been one giant, cold disappointment, unstable and unfair. But being here and now, with a man that was long gone, that was just a ghost of a memory, Jimin felt peaceful.
"Can you carry me there?"
Amusement flashed in those doe eyes, but Koo said nothing of it. Jimin suspected that Jungkook wanted to be just as close to him as he did to Jungkook.
"Hop on!"
With a little squeal of excitement that got lost in the night quickly, Jimin shuffled around and got on Koo's back. It was harder than he'd anticipated, but Jungkook crouched down and picked him up with no effort.
Off they went, then, pressed against each other with Jimin's arms tightly wrapped around his shoulders. He felt how cold Jungkook was, shivered just a tiny bit but decided to endure—their shared closeness was more important.
Jungkook took him down the street and over the bridge, through a clearing of trees and right to a plot of land that served as a little beach during summertime. He didn't let Jimin down, though. He walked to one of the old trees, lifting his gaze to roam over the dark trunk, searching for something.
Jimin found it first, though, and gasped as he did. His hand let go of Jungkook's shoulder and reached out to trace over the engraving that had been left there long ago.
"JK and JM = bros 4eva!"
Jimin read it aloud, chuckling, and nuzzled his cheek against Jungkook's. "So that's how it was. We were the best bros!"
The cool palms that held onto his thighs squeezed his legs tighter. Jungkook huffed, faking offence, as Jimin just laughed some more.
"Don't pout, Koo. You said it before—we were close."
"Yeah," the man sighed and pressed his face against Jimin's cheek. "You were my best friend, Min. You were everything."
Jimin squeezed himself around the cold body tighter. "You are my everything, Koo."
He kissed Jungkook's cheek, kissed it many times, breathing out an occasional, "my Jungkook," over his lips while he clung to the taller, unable to let him go.
For years, he'd felt like one part of him was missing. For years, Jimin lived, unable to figure out why he felt so lonely. Now he knew. Now he knew…
And when he told him that, whispered against Jungkook's pale, freezing skin all the revelations and gratitude, all the sorrys and please, Jimin felt a trickle of something salty hit his parted lips.
Jungkook was crying.
His eyes were squeezed shut and the thicker lower lip trembled before he hid it behind his teeth.
A coo escaped Jimin's lips and he snuggled closer, kissing the single tear away.
"Don't cry, Koo," he begged. "I'm here."
"I love you, Jimin-ah," Jungkook confessed, his voice wet and full of emotion. "Have loved you all my life… and even beyond. I'll love you for eternity."
"Don't leave, then," he wasn't sure if he said it out loud, but Koo became still again.
They stood there, under a leafless tree, with Jimin clinging to him with all the strength he had left. He was about to say it back to him, to proclaim the love he knew in his heart would be the absolute truth, but Jungkook moved before Jimin parted his lips.
"Let's go skate for a little bit—for old times sake."
Jimin didn't hesitate to agree. He hoped the activity would trigger more memories to come back to him. After all, it was the activity they had occupied themselves with every time they met as children.
Jungkook put him down, helping Jimin regain his balance before he moved his hands, and encouraged him to lead the way. After a sniffle and a little smile, Jimin neared the lake.
Stepping on the ice and finding the new balance was not as hard as Jimin had expected. The first steps were cautious, with his arms stretched out on both sides and his brow furrowed in concentration. But the more he spent on the slippery surface, the easier it became. And, a few slips and supple twists later, they were already shuffling over the lake, grinning and sharing an occasional laugh.
"It's been so long since I've done this," Jimin giggled, passing Jungkook while the latter stopped and stared. "I missed this!" He circled back, a grin splitting his face in two, eyes shining bright and full of mischief as he neared the unmoving man. "Come, Koo, let's go together!" He skidded to a stop and reached out for Jungkook's hand.
But as their skin touched, Jimin jerked back with a soft yelp, eyes going wide.
He swallowed, flipping his gaze from the out-stretched hand back to Koo's startled expression. "You've gone colder."
The man's look turned apologetic and a moment later Jungkook sighed. He didn't reach out to Jimin again, instead, curling his fingers into a fist and hiding it inside his pocket. "That's a side effect."
"To what?"
"It means I must leave soon."
There it was again. The panic Jimin had put in the back of his mind, but not forgotten. It crept to the surface, making his heart hammer away for a completely different reason. He saw the passing of time reflect on Jungkook's look. Now that it was pointed out, Jimin recognized how Koo's skin had turned paler than when he first saw him. The lips that he'd kissed before were now tinted blue. The cheeks had no colour, looking more and more like a ghost rather than a living thing.
And he got scared.
He didn't want to live through the pain again. He didn't want to let Jungkook go.
Determined with his decision, Jimin stepped forward.
"Take me with you."
The beautiful, dark eyes widened and Jimin could see the moonlight's reflection in them. They shone so prettily. He never wanted to look away.
Another step forward and Jimin was reaching out for Koo's hands. He didn't care that they were as cold as ice, he didn't care that his skin burned from the touch and chills ran through his body. All he cared about was to never let them go.
"Take me with you," he repeated as tears once again threatened to spill over his cheeks.
"Are you sure?" Jungkook whispered back, leaning closer. His eyes danced over Jimin's face, hopeful and scared, longing for the closeness that had been denied for so long. "You know what that means, don't you?"
It was only then, when Jimin was so intensely focused on Jungkook's trembling lips, that he noticed there were no puffs of warm breath coming out of them. But the little surprise did nothing to waver his mind. He was sure. He felt sure. No one in this world made him feel more at ease than Jungkook. In the short span of time they spent together, reunited, Jimin felt more cared for, more loved than he had ever before. There could be no other answer than the one presented now.
Eternity was a concept Jimin never thought could be something he'd look forward to. But an eternity with Jungkook didn't sound bad at all.
"I know it means I'd be with you."
"Minnie," Koo murmured, squeezing his fingers and bringing them to his lips.
"Forever, Koo. It's you and me."
The chuckle Jungkook let out sounded both distant and consuming to Jimin's ears. His body was freezing and warming up concurrently, drifting closer to the man with his whole being. "Bros forever," was the quiet mumble that made Jimin smile wide.
"Forever."
The last coldness Jimin ever experienced came from Jungkook's lips. They touched him, possessed him, drowned in him while still feeling like the softest flesh ever created. Jimin let Koo caress him, let him wrap Jimin in a soothing embrace, an embrace that meant forever.
An embrace that meant eternity.
※ · —— · ❆ · —— · ※
It was in that silent night,
When the world was pure and softly white,
Two lonely souls joined as cold winds danced,
But only with each other, they were entranced.
One which had frozen, deep to his bone,
Calm in the darkness, he was no more alone.
And the living, now gone, who did not want to stay,
Finally peaceful, as he drifted away.
From within they will burn side by side every day,
Deep in the lake, both moon-kissed lovers forever now lay.
the end.
※ · —— · ❆ · —— · ※
