Someone asked me this exact sentence a month ago, she said, “What will you choose, accidentally forgotten or purposely forgotten?”
I was like a dead worm at that time. I am not able to muster some courage to answer it or how should I be able to answer it.
------
“Hey! The sun’s still awake, yet you are now dreaming? It can kill you.”
I lifted my head to face the person whose been laughing while staring at me. I looked at her full of confusion.
“Uh… Yeah, is there something wrong with it? I guess it’s not a crime to have some time for yourself, right?”
I grabbed the ropes that serves as the support of the swing I am sitting. I stood up and planned to leave the playground.
As I was walking earlier after the most stressful subject done, I didn’t able to realized that, I got my feet in the kid’s playground. Its lucky that there’s no kids playing.
And I was startled when this girl whose in front of me couldn’t move, it feels like she stopped functioning after I answered her question. Maybe, it’s because of how handsome I am. I shrugged it and left the girl.
I don’t even know her.
------
“Hey, Deremez! Can you stop for a bit? I can’t catch up on you because of your long legs,” she cutely shouted.
I stopped when someone shouted my name. I even wondered how she is able to know my name.
Why is she acting like we knew each other, like we were friends even though we just met yesterday, but I stopped out of respect.
I faced her and fished out my handkerchief from my pocket that I immediately gave to her, so that she could wipe the sweats on her forehead.
“Why are you calling me?” I coldly, straightly asked.
She was startled though she smile immediately. I just stared at her eyes that even though she was smiling, I couldn’t see the joy.
“Because… Uh… I would like to introduce myself… I’m Anou… I mean my name is Anou,” she softly, yet shyly stated.
I frowned and looked at her evilly. This girl is wasting my time.
I looked at my watch to see that I was late.
“Stop fooling me and just give me your name if you really want. I am so late with my date.” I pulled my hair out because of annoyance.
“You have a d…date?” she stuttered and out of shock she dropped her jaw.
I don’t know why, but I suddenly felt something pain in my heart when I saw her tears. I feel like I want to hug and wipe her tears, but I don’t really know her. Who the hell is she?
“I’m sorry but I am leaving,” I coldly stated and walked out.
------
‘Dear Deremedez,
I wanted to say that your name is the totally ugliest name in the world. I’m just kidding don’t throw this letter, I worked hard for this. Don’t mind my own font because I am unique.
You still don’t remember me, Dereme? I’m Anou, the human who truly loves you so much. The person whose always there for you no matter what happens. It’s me, Deremedez, the person you love. Funny on how big my confidence to say this.’
As I received this letter, I don’t want to read it before, but I was stopped by throwing it away in the trash bin when I noticed the handwriting. It is so fucking ugly unlike the other girls who got their beautiful penmanship.
And what did she say? My name is given by mom. This is a unique one. No one has the same name with mine.
‘Did you know? I always get hurt every time I see you with your girlfriend now. I could see the joy in your eyes when I was the only one who could do that. Maybe you are happy with her. The world is so unfair, Dereme. All I could do is to watch you from afar, loving you from afar that even though I know to myself that I am your only love. Hahaha, I’m assuming a bit here, Love.’
I couldn’t stop myself from crying anymore. Her writing and her words are so familiar.
‘I want to say thank you. Thank you because even though we are not like before, you still care for me. I also include the handkerchief you lent me as well as the jacket you gave me when it was raining, it’s in the blue gift box. Don’t worry, love, because I washed them with my perfume and love. I would like to thank you personally but you are cold, that I wanted to pour you some hot water and you also walk fast. You know this little girlfriend of yours is like a child, right? Oh, it’s wrong, I shouldn’t have said that, but what I already wrote it. It will be too long if I repeat it and it will be ugly if I use correction pen. Ugh, whatever!’
I just laughed even though my tears continued to fall at her craziness. If I was out there and not here in the room, I might have been called as an idiot.
‘Love, you know how much I love you, right? I love you so much that I can even give up my happiness for your happiness… Love, I am now setting you free. At last, love. You’re free to find someone better than me. Find someone that has no illness. Find someone that will never leave you. I’m not going to chase you anymore as I know as you received this gift… I am no longer breathing. That’s the reason why you broke up with me because you don’t want to be hurt, right? I accepted it because I don’t want to hurt you also. I am tired, love. I want to fight, but I am now tired. Always remember that there is a little ex-girlfriend of yours who loves you so much.’
I couldn’t stop myself from sobbing loudly and punching the wall.
This is all my fault. I could’ve been by her side. I could’ve remember her not mistakenly remove her in my life just because she is dying. I love her so much and now she is gone. This is all my fucking fault.
“Love, I’m sorry. I love you so much.” I cried my all heart out. I just can’t believe that she’s gone and I’m not by her side.
I did nothing, but pretend that she’s nothing to me, that I don’t know her. The last thing that I did for her was to throw her out.
END
------
Hello! If you read this also, can you read some of my work too? I am making a chat story right now. It's my first time to make that kind of scene.
Title: Reach My Hand
------
Thank you!! (づ￣ ³￣)づ
