I've liked him. At least that's what I thought.
Having regrets for liking you? I don't think so. The only regrets I have is for being too naive and dumb. I'm too stupid, that is.
For the past two years, we've been so close, yet I never realized a single thing about my real feelings. You always called my name sweetly, you always keep on smiling in front of me. To cover up the erratic beating of my heart, I would reply with a frown, afraid that you would realize a feeling I don't even recognize myself. I'm always rude and burst insensitive words, but your smile never fade away. You continued calling my name in strange way.
"Yua. " I always remember how it sound. Together with "How are you?", "are you okay?", "have you eaten?" and "take care" and with the head pat, you make me feel something strangely nice.
And I, being a dumb coward girl, ignore this growing feelings in my heart and mistook it for brotherly affection. Yes, for the past two years, I always thought you look like a brother to me and nothing else.
Everyone says I'm a genius, a freakin' top student who is excessively intelligent. But who knows, deep inside me was a coward little idiot who can't even figure out her own feelings. I am not a genius.
And with the twist of destiny, we drift apart. For two long years again, the things that had happened feels like a dream. Your gentleness that I hated and admired at the same time vanished together with the fleeting time and feelings. And within those two years, I totally forgotten everything. My brotherly affection and feelings as well. I lived peacefully without a guy beside me. I feel better. I feel relieved.
But the game of fate can't really be underestimated. As after two years of not seeing each other, our roads have meet. And on the busy street where different hearts crowded, our eyes met. And once again, with that mesmerizing smile and gentleness in your eyes you called my name twice.
" Yua. "
" Yua. "
And right at that moment, the things I failed to recognize for a very long time, came crashing onto me at once. At that very moment I realized that the feelings I've been bearing for a long time wasn't brotherly affection, it was love.
I loved you for a very long time, and only now I came to realize.
" Yua. How are you? "
My lips curved into a smile as my hearts beats frantically wild. And as casual as I can be I replied.
" Oy. Ren. "
Your smile grows wider and you patted my head just like before and pinched my cheeks.
" You never change Yua. "
I hoped that was a good thing. That you still remember the old me. I'm important to you too, right?
But now, I'm still coward. Unable to express what I truly felt. All I can do is to hide in the shadow of friendship we had before.
I'm sorry. I'm still a coward.
And when my feelings are showered with warmth that comes from your gentle eyes, I saw a girl, running towards you. And her eyes were filled with something I always see whenever I look at the mirror and think about you. And when you look at her with a smile, my heart feels like it was flooded with heavy rain.
It was my fault, because I'm a coward.
