1 YEAR LATER~~
My psychologist smiles at me brightly.
PSYCHOLOGIST: "I'm so proud of you, Y/N. You made so much progress in the past couple of months"
I smile back at her.
Y/N: "Thank you... you helped me so much"
PSYCHOLOGIST: "It's all because of yourself, I just do my job"
I get silent for a second....
Y/N: "Do you... do you think I will ever regain my memories of the life I had before getting captive...?"
PSYCHOLOGIST: "I'm not sure of that, but we will do anything we can. First it's important to remember your captor's residence. Once the police catches him, it will be easier for you to process everything"
Y/N: "Right..."
I say nervously.
The session ends and she leaves the room. I sigh deeply... it's so exhausting to have therapy five times a week.
I walk up to the window... and stare at the sky through the window.
A year has passed...
My heart is still longing for you each day...I keep lying that I don't remember your name and residence...
After all the pain you gave me, I still protect you with all my heart. I don't think...
I CAN EVER STOP LOVING YOU, TAEHYUNG.
My feelings for you were fighting each other as I looked for a way to heal.
LOVE AND HATRED.
My heart couldn't let go of you and my progressive mind created hatred for you. It was an internal struggle. Sometimes I wanted revenge. I wanted you to feel the pain I had felt, but I doubted that you were capable of feeling any kind of pain apart from the physical kind.
Maybe the only revenge was to kill. But you had even taken that right from me. Even If I wanted to kill you, I couldn't kill you, because If I did, I would be killing myself.
~~TIME SKIP~~
I stand close to my apartment doorway as I stare at the outside world. I didn't dare to take more steps away from here. I was scared to go outside. Even after a whole year of therapy, I wasn't ready to see what was out there.
I spend almost all of my time in my apartment, talking about my fears and trauma's. My life only existed of therapy.
I was afraid of the world. I had developed many fears and disorders as I was locked away in that big mansion. I was scared of people. I didn't dare to take a step out of my comfort room. Getting in contact with another human felt like burning myself alive.
We were working on it. On the thousands of mental damages he had given me. But... was that really a life to live?? I did not believe so but she did. She believed that one day, I would be ready to expose myself into the beloved world. Maybe not today, but one day.
I stared at the pouring rain, the dim lights lighting up the streets. What would happen if I take a few more steps on to the street??
Why... did it scare me so much?? The streets are empty. There is no one here. It won't kill me. If Taehyung didn't kill me, nothing can. Then why am I so scared of the world?? Nothing can be more evil than him.
NOTHING IS SCARIER THAN HIM.
Especially not some random dude that can show up on the street. What is the worst thing that can happen....?? I took a minute to come up with an answer. The worst thing that can happen...
FOR HIM TO TURN OUT TO BE TAEHYUNG.
NO. That's not what scares me. That's maybe the only reason I'm wanting to walk out of here. My heart still longs for him. All I want is him, to kill him, adore him, destroy him. Then what is it, that scares me??
ANYONE THAT ISN'T HIM, SCARES ME.
Even after a whole year without him, I'm still only used to him. My mind and heart only knows him. My name.... my identity includes his last name. He let me go, but he still controls me, even at a distance.
Even if he would be escorted to another planet, he would still control me. That's the power he has over me. And I hate him for it. I hate him for everything he's done to me.
GOD, I HATE HIM.
I LOVE HIM.
I HATE THAT I LOVE HIM.
*************************
THATS IT FOR PART-5.
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