It hurts but I have to let you go.
What do I do if I still have feelings for my first love?
I thought I was going to forget him after not hearing from him for five years. But... I was wrong...
I clenched my fist tightly as I stared at the two people in front of me standing face to face at the altar. Both are stunning with their white colored clothes partnered with their brightest smiles.
Tears started to form at the reams of my eyes. I blinked and looked up several times to pull them back in not letting them drop on my cheeks.
The two said their vows and my heart continued to ache as I looked at the two happy faces of the couple. I couldn't breathe because of the pain but I maintained a calm countenance not letting anyone notice anything. A stiff smile is even painted on my face.
The two said their 'I do" and the stabbing of my heart went deeper.
The priest looked down at the audience and uttered, "Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace."
This scene occured to me yesterday and I kept playing how I shouted "I object" a couple of times in my head. And now that I am at the real thing, I wanted to stand and object with the loudest voice I got... but, then what? I'll ruin a wedding just because of my selfishness? No. I'm not that kind of person.
I remained seated and witnessed the couple seal their vows with a kiss.
Applause echoed in every corner of the church. With a heavy heart, I also clapped pretentiously.
The tears that were supposed to be suppressed ran down my cheeks one after the other.
Pitiful. If someone notices me, they would think I am shedding tears of joy but in actuallity they're tears of remorse.
I lost a battle that I didn't fight. I kept my feelings for him bottled up and I guess I should carry it to my grave.
The ceremony was over so I stood up planning to ran away from my unfortunate situation. But, who would have thought that the groom would notice me and ran towards my direction.
"Hey!", he greeted.
I feigned a smile at him, "Congratulations!", I greeted.
"Let's take a picture", he happily invited.
Several arrows pierced my heart but I did not show any pain on my face. I followed him at the altar and smiled at the bride. I positioned myself near the groom and smiled brightly for the camera.
I'm being pathetic.
Click~click
Two shots.
I was about to tell the groom I was leaving, but he was busily talking with the other guests. I decided to leave quietly.
As I was about to walk out of the church, an old woman tugged at my clothes.
"Young man, you dropped something", she said as she pointed at the floor.
I went back to pick up my business card that might have fallen when I retracted my hand from my pocket.
I looked at the happy groom one last time and said my goodbye in my mind. I exited the doors leaving all of my regrets behind. Besides, my love was not right anyway.
He was my first and I hope he is not my last.
