𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄
They say
"Follow your heart"
but if you heart is
in a million pieces
which piece do you follow?
~
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I'm Rhea Lofranco, a survivor of a disease called VSD or better known as Ventricular Septal Defect.
I'm a people person. I really like to meet and work with lots of different people. I'm always there for people when they need a friend.
I'm also the girl who faces many issues alone, but will still do anything to see someone else smile.
I can't count the number of times I've been told not to be too nice to people because it will hurt me.
When I'm too nice because I have a hidden purpose, others have the right to hurt me, because people are not made to be used but to be loved and respect.
When I'm nice for the sake of actually caring about others, and living by my values, then no matter what others' response are, they can't hurt me.
I tell myself that I am being kind to the world, not specific people. Be content to yourself and always smile.
If the world smiles back, that's great. If doesn't, then that's great too, because despite the harshness around you, you are still able to stick to your beliefs, values, and character with genuine smile.
I grew up spoiled by my father, he always buys and does everything I want.
I missed the old me. I just simply hide things like the things I've broke. But now, I hardly hide the pain using my wild smile, cheerful personality, and my glooming face.
I don't know, why I'm too soft when it comes to the person's I loved. I just can't say no when they need me.
But look at how they drive me away when I'm in need. How funny and annoying, isn't?
Lmao.
I think this is the part where I decide that I am worth more than what they're giving me.
I deserve to feel respected, trusted, and loved. I deserve to be loved for all of the hard work I do everyday, in the pursuit of my health.
I deserve to be nurtured and cared for, not punished for responding to how you care for me.
I deserve to be spoken to with kind words. I deserve to be respected, trusted, and loved by you.
I think it's the time to create an unbreakable love for yourself, that cannot be broken by the unkind words and actions of others.
I wish I could tell anyone about my struggles without asking for their attention.
I want to break free from the pressure to fit in. Break free from comparing myself to everyone.
Break free from hating all that I aren't. Break free from believing that I'm not special or strong enough.
I am too old to worry about who likes me and who dislikes me.
I have more important things to do. If you love me, I love you. If you support me, I support you. If you hate me,
I don't care. Life goes on with or without you.
I just don't understand how people are okay with themselves knowing they emotionally destroyed someone.
What happens in this society? Toxicity is nowhere to be found. Judging other people without knowing the real story is really a big slap.
I was getting hot so I immediately went downstairs to get some air outside first. I immediately noticed that Sheyn and Ashey were chatting happily with Shey in front of the computer shop.
I noticed that Shey looked at me so I immediately smiled. But she ignored me and continued the conversation with sheyn and ashey.
I was hurt but I just ignored it and just sat on the big rock outside our house. I just watched them, they were happy.
I felt jealousy inside me. Not because they are happy. But the fact that they didn't pay attention to me.
I could see that they were glancing at me. So I'm sure they know, I'm just here around them.
My eyes began to blur for no apparent reason. I immediately wiped the tears from my eyes. I'm not used to anyone seeing me hurt.
Agad ko na lang nilibang sa sarili ko. I was busy entertaining myself while watching the cars pass by.
I was immediately distracted by a man and woman flirting across the street. My eye hurts, respeto naman sa single.
These days, maski elementary may jowa. Imbis na naglalaro lang yang mga yan or nag aaral, ayun may kaharutan pa.
Then makikita mo sa na lang sa mga social medias, ang daming mga broken tapos yung edad 10,11,12,13,14,15.
Lmao.
There's no true love at the young age, mga mahal. Maybe it's just infatuation or what.
Love comes at the right timing, at the right person. Wag kayo masyadong magmadali.
Kapag minadali niyo, masasaktan lang kayo. I admit it, I'm one of those 99.9 percent of people na jowang jowa na.
Pero I realize na masyado pa ako'ng bata, dadating din yun sa tamang panahon. I need to focus on my study, first.
If I fell inlove, doon ako sa taong alam ko na tama. Not that boy na puro papogi lang ang alam.
Puro video games, nakalimutan na yata na may girlfriend siya nag aantay. Like hell, kuya, your gf is waiting 'noh.
In my side, nakaka turn off yung mga lalaki na, sa una lang magpapakitang gilas.
Then kapag kayo na, look how they change so fast. Mas mabilis pa sa sopas. Corny ko.
Mais kayo di'yan.
Diba, true naman. Pero, kung hindi talaga kayo mapipigilan at gustong gusto niyo na talaga.
Find at least a partner na will help you grow. Wag kayo masyado magbulag bulagan sa mga pick-up lines na yan.
Tapos pag nag away kayo magpopost ka sa social medias na, nobody sees your worth, eh kung ibitin kita patiwarik jan.
Wag niyo sana gayahin yung jowa ng crush ko, na may pa english english pa nalalaman. Wrong grahams naman.
She's kinda toxic, talaga. Siya yung nagreply, tapos siya pa may gana na awayin yung crush ko.
Bitin kita patiwarik, eh.
Find someone who can teach you many things, hindi puro landi lang alam. Someone who has knowledge. Yung tuturuan ka sa mga bagay na hindi mo alam.
Yung tuturuan ka ft. sasamahan ka mag review, basta review lang. Wag ka malantod. Tapos tutulungan ka sa projects mo.
Someone who can engage you to an intellectual argument. Hindi porke, hindi ka nakapag reply ng ilang segundo, eh aawayin ka na.
Magtatampo pa yan kasi daw ang bagal mo magreply, tapos 'di niya alam na busy ka lang kaya ganun.
Tapos kapag nagreply ka na busy ka lang, sasabihin niyan ano nandun ka daw sa kabit mo. Ulol.
Be with a partner na hindi ka icocontrol sa mga bagay na ayaw mo'ng gawin, physically, sexually, and emotionally.
Kapag nga inutusan ka ng nanay mo na gumawa ng gawaing bahay eh nagdadabog ka pa, tapos sa jowa ka lang pala papa alipin.
Medj, tanga ka banda dun.
Be with a partner na may mabuting loob at malinis na hangarin. Yung walang ibang gusto kundi yung masigurado na nasa mabuting kalagayan ka.
Hindi yung, hinahayaan ka lang.
Yung partner na may mataas na ambisyon at yung may pangarap na maging matagumpay kayo in the future.
Yung palagi ka niya sinasama sa mga future plans niya, tapos hanggang pangarap lang talaga, kasi hindi naman pala ikaw yung nakikita niya bilang future niya, kundi bestfriend mo.
Charot lang.
We're still young, expand your horizon. Wag masyado magmadali, at wag matakot subukan yung mga opportunities na Meron.
Wag kayo masyadong OA, hindi mo ikakamatay kung wala kang jowa. Remember, Your family and friends are still there for you to survive.
School works mo nga hindi mo matapos tapos, then lalandi landi ka lang jan. Oh bish, minus one thousand ka sa heaven.
For you, what exactly is the word love. They say, love has no choice of time. It also has no preferred state in life, whether you are rich or poor.
It has no racial choice. Whether you are Filipino, American, Chinese, Japanese, Korean and whatever your race.
It has no color selection. Whether you are brown, dark, or even white. They said, love can conquer all.
If your love is real and pure, even if many storms come, you will be able to overcome it together.
When it comes to love, everyone will change. Even the worst people are changed by love.
But you, have you ever experienced love. The kind of love that no one chooses. Have you ever had the experience of fighting for the person you deserve?
Yung pagmamahal na, akala mo she/he's the one, pero hindi. Yun ba'ng Pinagtagpo lang kayo ni tadhana my friend, pero hindi pala kayo yung para sa isa't isa.
Malupit ka, tadhana.
Do you believe in the saying " Walang manloloko, kung wala'ng magpapaloko". Is it me or? Nvm.
Well, yeah it's true. Wala naman talaga'ng manloloko, kung wala din talaga'ng uto uto. Pero, it's their decision naman.
Desisyon na nila kung magloloko/magpapaloko, sila. Hindi rin naman siguro magloloko yung isa, kung hindi ka rin madaling maloko.
Pero, I still can't understand some peeps. They're plastic. Yung Iba kasi, lakas manghusga ng Iba.
Eh, hindi naman nila alam yung buong story. Ni hindi nga nila pinapakinggan both sides of the story. Basta na lang kukuda, may Masabi lang.
Hindi mo nga alam kung bakit nagloko yung isa, or bakit din niya ginawa yun eh. Hindi mo nga rin alam bakit nagpaloko yung isa eh.
Ay ewan, I'm stress na talaga.
I saw my friends starring at me with full of curiosity. I immediately adjusted my appearance as if nothing had happened.
I just looked up at the sky and began to entertain myself.
"Okay ka lang?" Tanong ni Shey sa'kin. Tinanguan ko lamang ito at hindi na umimik pa.
"Galit ka ba?" Tanong naman ni Ashey. I shrugged my head as a response to her question.
Tumabi sila sa'kin at umupo. I thought busy sila kanina, that's why hindi ako lumalabas ng bahay. Ayaw ko naman manggulo 'noh.
Nevermind them, Yang.
Sandaling katahimikan ang nayanig sa aming apat. Nakita ko naman ang pagtititigan nila at pagsesenyasan kung sino ang kakausap sa'kin.
At dahil sa inis ko ay tumayo na lang ako at pumasok ng bahay. Agad ako'ng umakyat sa Taas para ayusin yung sapin ko 'saka nagtaklob ng kumot.
It damn, hurts.
What's happening? Why is it my heart aches. Oh, come on. What's with this feeling.
Damn.
Bakit ba ang rupok ko pag dating sa mga kaibigan ko. Hey heart, please be tough. Come on, bish.
Pinikit ko na lang ang mga mata ako at pinilit na matulog. Sinubukan ko kalimutan ang mga nangyari kanina.
God, kahit na nasasaktan po ako sana wag niyo po papabayaan ang mga kaibigan ko. Matagal ko na sila'ng hindi nakasama, I miss them so badly. Kung alam lang nila na nasasaktan ako kapag hindi nila ako pinapansin, pfft. It's my fault too, kasi hindi ko rin sila in-approach. Pero, still they're my besties. I know they're having a hard time, so please take care of them for me. I can't lose them.
God, I'm also praying for the others. Hindi ko na sila ma iisa isa, you know how I loved them right? Please take care of them. My family, please bantayan mo sila habang natutulog. Ilayo niyo po ako at lahat ng mga mahal ko sa buhay sa mga masasama. I trust you, Lord.
Papa, naririnig niyo naman ako diba? How are you, po? Gusto ko na sana sumunod jan eh, kaso don't. I know may mission pa ako, that's why. Pero I know, someday magkikita at magkakasama rin po tayo, right? Love you pa.
Tomorrow is another day.
