My name is 'Canary' which is a beautiful golden bird with a sweet voice. I am the only daughter of my parents. Today is my wedding day. This man standing before me...is going to be my husband today. His name is Zain. He is tall, handsome, and badly rich. But,...I don't love him. I belong to a poor family. But, still, he is willing to marry me. He helped me pay the huge debt of my parents. So, naturally, I am paying the debt by marrying him. He loves me very much and so he doesn't care whether I love him or not. He just wants my attention and wants to marry me. When he proposed to me he said, "My love for you is enough for the both of us. I can't live without you so please marry me." According to him, he fell in love with me at first sight when we met in high school. He wants to give me the happiness of the whole world. But,...he doesn't understand me. He doesn't care what I like or dislike. He wants everything to be done according to him. If he sets eyes on something, then it must become his... just like me. He just wants a doll to obediently behave as he wants, or maybe not, but that's how I feel. I want him to understand me, to accept me as who I am. But...maybe that would be the only thing I can dream about. Hence, I became 'a lonely bird in a golden cage' as we exchanged our vows and became husband and wife.
The wedding day passed. I woke up in an enormous room in a grand and gorgeous Villa. As expected, he brought breakfast for me and told me to be ready to go out with him. I did as I was told. I smiled as he wanted, I wore his favorite colored clothes and jewels and I met people and behaved as he wanted. It's not like I am selfish but he doesn't even notice what my favorites are. He wants everything according to him. It's not like he is a bad person. He is a very good person and husband but he is somewhat selfish and demanding. He doesn't give me his concern nor share his burdens with me. He thinks that everything can be bought with money, so he gives me happiness through money.
Now, years have passed and I have become better at pretending. I can laugh even when I feel bitter. I can smile even when I am an empty shell from the inside. I am just a beautiful doll oriented with jewels to please him just like a bird in a golden cage that sings for you to make you happy. I can spend money however I want. He doesn't ask me back where I spent it. Recently, he has become very busy. He comes home late. He goes to work very early. I can not say that he has another woman because I can swear with my life that he is only faithful to me, and that is enough for me to spend my life with him. I feel like he made himself busy to avoid me. And...I feel lonelier when he is not around. Because each time when he was around, at least, he made me laugh to distract me from my thoughts. It's strange but I have become attached and habitual of him.
Months have passed and it's the same typical routine. My husband stopped paying attention to me because he has become very busy with his work but I am sure his heart still belongs to me. I have indulged myself in reading and some other activities like playing chess, watching movies, and hosting parties to avoid my boredom. I feel lonelier than ever before.
Some more days passed and he became less busy. He started paying attention to me. He started to care about my opinions, my choices, my personal space, and my feelings. Now, I feel as though my dream came true. The only thing that I wanted for years, my only wish...has been granted. I am happy. But this time something is different. The smile and happiness that I once felt in Zain's eyes...seemed like guilt. It was a guilty smile. I don't know what happened. What is he guilty of? Has he done something wrong? I was happy before I noticed his guilt but now I am more worried about him. He doesn't eat properly. He doesn't sleep properly and he can't even talk properly like before. What is wrong with him?
Today is a pleasant day so I decided to read in the library of the Villa. My husband suddenly came to the library and said, "Canary. Do you have a moment?" I replied, "Yes, what's the matter Zain?" I kept the book on the shelf and walked towards him. I hope he can open up to me even a little but he is saying, "Canary, let's divorce." My feet froze to the ground because I never once thought of leaving him. It was the first time I felt fed up with pretending, and acted genuinely. I started crying, grabbed his collar, and asked, "This is how you are treating me when I abandoned my heart, choices, and feelings just to make you happy? I tried so hard that I became an empty shell. Now you got bored of me so you are leaving me on an empty road where I have no path to go. How selfish can you be?" He replied with pain in his eyes, "Canary, all these years… the one that was suffering was me. I tried every way to make you love me, to make you happy, to make you act genuinely and care about me, to make you stop pretending and giving fake smiles, to make your heart mine, and to give you the happiness of the whole world. I was hurt every moment you gave me fake smiles and laughter. My heart pierced every moment I saw your sad and lonely eyes. So I tried to give you everything through money so that maybe you can become happy by buying something you like but you always had empty and lonely eyes."
I was shocked by his response, left his collar, and asked.
"You knew?"
"Yes, I did."
"Then why didn't you say anything before?"
"Because I came to hate myself urging you to marry me even though I knew that you don't have feelings for me. I thought I could make you love me but now… I doubt it."
"Why so?"
"Because no matter what I do, you are always unhappy. I gave you the attention and everything hoping to make you happy but you never became. I am tired of living this way now, I am human too. So, I am giving you your freedom. I hope you find happiness."
I felt upset and didn't want a divorce, so I started making excuses.
"You say you gave me attention. Yes, I admit but why have you been avoiding me then. Why not tell all of this before? Why endure till now? Why never bother to share your worries with me? Was I some kind of doll or decoration piece you would give attention to and spend your money on?"
"I started avoiding you because I thought you hated me and not seeing me would make you comfortable and happy but I noticed that you were even lonelier and sad. So, I started to give you attention with all my might. I started to give you what you want and I felt guilty because no matter how much I love you, I couldn't make you happy or love me. I always get the same results and your sad and lonely face. Canary, why are you so cruel to me? All I wanted and craved for was your heart but you never bothered to love me or care for me. You never even bothered to look at me. All you did was pretend in front of me and push me away so what was the point in opening up to you and sharing my worries with you. Canary, why are you so selfish towards me? All you did was hurt me my whole life. But still...but still I love you so much that I can't even bear to part with you. I am setting you free for your happiness. I still love you like a fool as I loved you my whole life. "
Seeing such pain, rage, and helplessness in his eyes along with tears made me shocked to the core. I realized that I was wrong from the start. It was me that was selfish, not him. The other lonely bird beside me was always him that wanted to be free through my love… and 'the beautiful lonely bird in a golden cage' was never once locked because the door to flight was always open. It's just that I never bothered to notice the cage's door and the other lonely bird beside me. I decided to take flight with him and leave this cage forever.
I started weeping with guilty eyes and said, "I am sorry! I am sorry. I was wrong from the beginning but I am never going to leave you. I am sincere to you and I swear to love you only. I will change. Please give me another chance. I won't pretend anymore, I swear!"
"How can I believe you, when it's you who made me hopeless?" He said with tears rolling out of his eyes.
"I have realized that it was me being selfish, I would do whatever you say to make it up to you."
"Canary, for all these years I have been enduring a lot. All I wished was for you to love me sincerely. I don't want to get hurt anymore because I am already heartbroken."
He left with a heartbroken face along with his damp eyelashes and cheeks.
I started regretting being so ignorant for all these years. I wept out of guilt and regret but I also realized that he was so important to me that I would rather die than part with him.
I was anxious, impatient, and couldn't bear to part with him. After spending some days thinking deeply and sorting out my heart, I realized that I was already deeply in love with him but never realized it because I didn't fear he would leave me. I would go crazy if he left me.
I gathered up the courage to face him and finally confessed.
"Zain, do you have a moment?"
He was avoiding eye contact.
"What is it that brought you here?"
"I don't want to divorce."
"Why so? Didn't you want to be free?"
"No, I didn't. I never once thought to leave you."
He was shocked and glanced at me but avoided my eyes again.
"Stop pretending."
"I am not pretending. I am sincere. Can we start over again?"
"I am afraid we can't."
"Why are you avoiding eye contact? Say this right, looking into my eyes. Why? Are you afraid? Afraid that you would turn weak once you look into my eyes."
"Stop your nonsense."
I put my palms on his cheeks and gently turned his face towards me. I looked right straight into his eyes with my eyes determined. It was as I expected, he turned weak against me, so I became confident and finally confessed.
"Zain, listen carefully. I don't want a divorce because I love you, and I am not pretending."
He looked very shocked and happy at the same time upon hearing my words. He held my hands as I was holding his cheeks and asked impatiently and carefully.
"Are you telling the truth? You are not joking, are you?"
"No, I am not joking. I am telling the truth."
"Do you really wish to be with me? You won't regret it, would you?"
"I won't regret it. I am certain."
He hugged me tightly. He was so happy that he didn't believe it.
He said, " Yes, we will live happily from now on and go through thick and thin together. I won't ever let you go now, not even in your dreams."
"Thank you, Zain, for everything."
Since that day, I have been happily living with Zain. There is no pretense between us and we have four kids. Two boys and two girls and they both are twins. We found our happily ever after.
