He gripped and he tore. And he bit, and he swore....

...“Forgive me for my outburst…” he said afterwards. “It seems my tongue has become as bad as my teeth.” He sounded a smile....

...Around the man, loud grating voices emitted in a spray of sputum quietened instantly....

...A swirl of refinement about him, only just materializing, puffed away the circling clouds of choking smoke and sweetly sour smell, but a drift in the air still lingered....

...The way he sounded, there appeared a hint of education about him. The clear, brisk tone of company bosses issued from him in a much too natural manner for it to be a charade. Yet there they were—the well-educated suits—in boardrooms, in Benz’s, in yachts. And here he was…...

...In that unique instant of dynamic, peaceful delivery, slouched backs at the man's table straightened; drowsy eyes opened large, in clearing away blurry images; and heads shook, in unclogging deafened ears....

...Quavering soliloquy’s, furious discussions, and garbled growls, though present away from the table, now sounded like distant reverberations. Cacophonous sounds trapped in a jar. The mellow jazz, playing on and on, not as sleep-inducing as it earlier was, the scratchy melodies relegated to a far-off corner of the cramped confines....

...He emerged a shadow in the dimness, later as a man not yet identified, even though he seemed to have always been there. From the midst of discarded bottles, empty and full, upright and collapsed. From the haze of breathy spray and billowing white smoke. He emerged. Like a teardrop in an icy wind. ...

...“I’m sorry for asking, but… when last did you eat?” I asked....

...“What year is it?” He sounded a smile. ...

...I’d earlier noticed the hunched over contours of his body. Sitting and drinking. That’s all he’d done. Something attracted me to him. A faint familiarity. I couldn’t understand it. Invariably, I’d remembered something or someone from someplace, but then I’d accepted them as mere recognitions from an indistinct past and moved on. On some occasions, I couldn’t even acknowledge them, but I’d still moved on....

...But this man, whom I could barely see, had resided deep in my memories....

...I’d got him a bite to eat. Without asking. That wasn’t my style, but I did it anyhow, and I didn’t know why. Good thing I did; he was starving, biting here and there, and gobbling whole chunks most of the time....

...After eating, he gulped down his beer and mopped his mouth with his sleeves. “You’re looking for a story, aren’t you?” he said. “Well, I know of one. I guess it would do no good to keep it to myself, now would it?”...

...I couldn’t tell if he spoke to me, but I nodded anyway. And so, he told of a story....

...His voice buzzed in my ears, a spiral of words in my eardrum, twirling gently into my head. My gaze rested on my glass in hand, and I couldn’t tell whether I was tracking his story, or whether my mind had found a voice of its own....

...But the story had already started, and I couldn’t stop it, even if I wanted to....

...There’s a boy born into poverty. Not starvation kind of poverty. No, his belly was never empty. But the kind of poverty where his shoes had to fit for one year longer, even though his bent toes crashed into the tips when he walked. Where he undid the hemmed-up bottoms of his too-long pants a little each year; when the pants eventually fit the colour had by then faded. Where he wanted a shirt so much, the one displayed in the store window, every day he’d push through the browsers to see if it was still there. He’d walked past it daily because that’s where his route took him. Past the one thing he wanted....

...And each day he went past, it hurt a little more. Seeing, not having....

...He worked an entire year after school, and over weekends and holidays. The shiny folks, behind their curtains showing merely one side of their faces at a time, waved as they passed in their big black cars, and RV’s. He held up his hand to his chest, the highest they would go, his fingers twitching....

...Mom kept the savings in a long vase. She used most of it for expenses and saved a little when she could. When she’d saved enough for the shirt, she dug deep inside the jar and pulled out a crumpled note. She straightened it out with her palms. And handed him a neat note....

...The unfurled note nestled in his hands all the way to the store....

...He wore the shirt on prom night. But his elation was short-lived: no sooner had he bought the shirt than the future trends appeared in the shop window, and he was wearing yesterday’s fashion....

...A few blocks from Becka’s house a fancy car zoomed past him. She was inside with a guy wearing one of those new shirts in the store window. She was the most beautiful girl in the world. How stupid he’d been, thinking a girl he’d never talked to would stick around for a yesterday-boy on foot....

...He walked, and walked, past her house, past the ***** trees, and down to the lake....

...The cold hugged tight around his body, shrinking him into his clothes. The pier jutted far into the fog, but he pictured it being no shorter than forty feet. A hush embraced him. An eerie silence, where monsters lurked unseen and suddenly pounced. And still, it was a soothing silence, the many weights upon him melting into the night.  ...

...A gurgling plop in the water from deep in the mist caught his attention. He strode towards the sound, unafraid, the dark now his friend. And laid his eyes on the shape of a fisherman. He was close enough to sniff the fisherman, but too far away to glimpse his features....

...After an eternity of silence, the fisherman spoke. “You wanna know something? I’ve never caught a single fish. I’m here every day… but nothing.”...

...“Then why do you do it?”...

...“It’s like this, see. I get a new rod today, there’s a better one tomorrow. I get fresh bait in the morning, and it’s stale by noon. So, the fish just swim past. But I’m never gonna give up… I know I’m gonna be lucky one day. There’s many fish in the sea, right?” He sounded a smile....

...No further words were spoken; none more needed to be. The boy remained until midnight, before going home. His mom asked if he had had a good time, and he said he did. And, of course, he didn’t lie....

...The boy grew into a young man. Working as a grass-cutter, he taught himself at night, and during every free moment. He learnt, watching, listening, reading....

...One day he went into the city for a job interview....

...Those buildings, mountains soaring into the sky, kept secrets hidden, pops would say. And the people concealed behind their walls, protected to do what they do. Those people on the streets, like waves, twisting and turning, pushing and pulling and drowning him. He finally arrived at his destination, just as a few young guys in suits walked out....

...His pants and shirt ironed that morning, brutally creased; and earlier he was concerned about mismatching. A synthesis of different perfumes and sweat clinging to him, overpowered his own. The young lady at reception asked why he was late but didn’t wait for an answer....

...A middle-aged gentleman came out from behind one of those walls. He peeked at his thin résumé, and said, “You don’t have any experience, do you?”...

...“No… but—”...

...“Okay, leave this with me. I’ll get back to you.”...

...As the young man stepped towards the door, a crack of thunder behind him stopped him in his tracks. He didn’t turn around, but the sound filtered through clear enough: his résumé gliding through the air and crashing on the floor of the waste bin. He felt what he felt the night of the prom. A slice across his heart with the sharpest blade, a weeping cut with every breath taken, there for the rest of his life....

...Near the door, he dipped his head and glanced at the footprints on his shoes. That said it all. ...

...He rushed past the buildings, to the hills outside the city....

...The torturous sun followed him, striking harder as he moved along. But a slight breeze greeted him on the higher ground and cooled him down. Down below in the distance, the city extended far and wide. Silent she lay, unlike moments ago....

...He paused and wondered at nothing, at everything. He could be a speck like the ones down there. They’d grow larger and larger as he hurtled downwards and landed among them. He’d be one of them. Just one step and he'd be one of them. He swiped across his wet forehead and patted at his sodden shirt, but the water reappeared. And then…...

..."Aargh! Ouch! Ouch!”...

...A balled-up man came rolling down the hill. Covered in dust and dirt, he slammed into a rock and lay still for a long period. Red oozed through the black bruises and scratches on his twisted body. Much later, he flinched and inhaled. ...

...“Are you alright?” asked the young man....

...“Yes, yes, I’m fine. You wanna know something? I just can’t climb that hill… I try every day, but I can’t make it.”...

...“Then why do you do it?”...

...“It’s like this, see. I buy a piece of rope today, tomorrow it’s too short. So I buy a longer piece, but then it’s too thin. I’m never gonna give up… I know I’m gonna be lucky one day. The grass is always greener on the other side, right?” He sounded a smile....

...A few years thereafter, the young man decided on a business....

...He required a loan. And banks offered it; that’s what they did....

...He’d heard of them, through the hum of his motor, as blades of grass lifted off the ground and hung in the air. Yellow sprinkles in the air. Like the gold within the walls of those banks. Gold, like the glow on the faces inside these mansions....

...The bank wasn’t what he’d expected. It seemed like a friendly place, a trusting one; glass walls shielding the yellow hoard inside. Walls also mirrors. He tucked his shirt in, then overlapped a fold over his scarred belt. He licked his thumb and wiped the spot from his cheek....

...And he walked in....

...He wasn’t long inside. He bent down to sit when the manager asked him if he had any surety, and he said he didn’t. “We’ll let you know,” said the manager....

...Although he didn’t know what surety was, his was a simple response. Even if asked if he had anything else, he’d still maintain that he didn’t. He had nothing at all. On his way to the door, he tried not to imagine the rustling toss behind him being his application form into the bin. But his mind was set on it....

...His pockets, empty when he came in, still empty when he left....

...The people inside were laughing at the lady outside with her finger in her nostril. He lowered his head and pulled his shirt a little more over his belt....

...He went away from the bank, and past the shantytown to the tracks....

...The trains whipped up a gale and a grinding roar as they passed, pushing him back onto the stones. A dizzying slide show flashing past, the windows, some with pictures in them, some only glass. He wondered how close he’d have to be before the blast from the train became but a gentle breeze. And if there’d be a numbness when she approached, a charged, metallic kiss to his face....

..."Aaargh!" A sound came from the bush and out stumbled a man covered in twigs and shrubs. And limbs in plaster....

...“Are you okay?”...

...“Yes. You wanna know something? I just can’t get it right. I try and I try… but I can’t cross to the other side. I get here early, the train is already here. I get here late, there’s another train. I’m never gonna give up… I know I’m gonna be lucky one day. That’s the right side of the tracks, right?” He sounded a smile....

...In the gloom whence the story began, the man had stopped talking, or my mind’s voice had. Either way, I wasn’t listening. ...

...I heaved up my head and it wobbled on my shoulders. The place was empty. My glass didn’t smell or taste so good anymore. Staggering outside, my trembling hands gripped onto tables, chairs, walls and doors. My legs behind me, in front of me, bending, dragging....

...I leaned against a wall, fumbling in my pockets for a cigarette. A hand came out of the darkness, and placed one between my lips, and lit it too. Any other time, that would’ve frightened me, but not this time; my burning body, too hot to be chilled....

...I took a few quick pulls of my cigarette, my mouth missing it a few times and pulling in air. But the body next to me pulled mightily right down to the filter and puffed an immense cloud into the night air....

...I tried moving, and the floor rose to meet my face. A pair of hands grabbed me from behind and steadied me. A firm grip, a squeeze, not hurting, the hands warm on me and soft. Those grips held way back when, one on either side, lifting me off the ground, my feet dangling. On that day, the sweetness of sugar and fluffiness of cream, on my mouth, on my cheeks. And balloons bouncing on my face and head with each step I take. And…...

...“You wanna know something…? Oh, what’s the use, you won’t remember it anyway.”...

...He was wrong. I recalled it, faintly....

...The next morning, I went into the bar, and the barman said after I’d asked him, “Sorry, pal, I don’t know who you’re talking about, but he’s not here… Go home, we’re not open yet.”...

...I could’ve done what he’d suggested. If there was still a place called home. But the layers peeled away, one by one, the job, the income, the house, the family, left a cold hearth exposed. A chilly emptiness, where once flamed a warming fire....

...I walked past the bar, through the woodlands, into the park....

...I remembered it always being so: a vacant park bench, just when you needed it....

...A sunny day, but in the square foot around me, a dimness prevailed. Through the half of my eyes not covered by drooping eyelids, the grounds before me lay in a black tinge, but I envisioned the greens and browns there, and the many hues dancing on the boundary.  ...

...Just ahead, the sounds of fussing kids, doting parents, and wannabe sportsmen carried to me faintly, softly....

...“Aaaah!” Thwack!...

...The normalcy I wasn’t used to anymore, was interrupted by a winged object falling out of the sky and entangling in a tree. A stillness followed, every sound a whisper, a murmur riding on a breeze. But a few moments later…...

...“You wanna know something? I just can’t do it… fly to the rainbow I mean. I try and try but I can’t.”...

...“Then why do you do it?”...

...“It’s like this, see. I get new wings today but tomorrow it’s too small. I get bigger ones, but the clouds block my way. I’m never gonna give up… I know I’m gonna be lucky one day. There’s a pot of gold at the end, right?”...

...I expected the sound of his smile, but…...

...“WRONG!” he said. “You were right all along. I should’ve let you clock out years ago like you wanted to. If you’re born in the trenches, you stay there. You try, and you try, but you’re never gonna get out. So why bother trying.”  ...

...Suddenly, a gust threw up leaves in a frenzy, and in a flash, the man was carried away in the sigh of a fluttering wind....

“Hey, Ashley, is that you, oh wow! You look so different…” said a familiar voice with a pat on his back. Startled Ashley turned and said “Oh Hey, Sharon, what a surprise!! How have you been?”....

...Sharon and Ashley knew each other from college times. They were best friends. But, due to unavoidable circumstances, were unable to say goodbye to each other. When Sharon was in the final year of college, she left abruptly, without informing anyone... not even Ashley. Later, people came to know, that Sharon’s father was terminally ill and she was called back immediately. Ashley tried calling her, but got no answers. He tried to get hold of her address, but in vain. As time passed, Ashley got busy with his own life, but could never forget Sharon....

...Now after 5 years, they had chanced upon each other. Ashley was shocked and speechless. He could not believe his eyes. He pinched himself twice, just to be sure. He was amazed, shocked and angry, all at the same time. But looking at her made him forget all his anger....

... She had become very lean and had dark circles under her eyes. But the magical innocent smile on her face was still the same. The smile that would take all your worries away. Her eyes still had that twinkling glow of vibrance. She was still very energetic and bubbly....

...It took Ashley a moment to come back to the present and speak. With a frown on his face and serious voice, he said. “Where did you disappear suddenly? Don’t friends mean anything to you? At least could have called back? How can you….”...

...Interrupting Ashley in the middle, Sharon said “I am so sorry. I should have informed you, at least, but at home, things kept happening one after the other. When I reached home, dad was extremely ill. He had a major heart attack and was in the ICU for about six months or so. Mom was unable to withstand the shock and collapsed. I was so caught up in trying to put everything back to normal, that I lost count of my own life. When finally, Dad recovered, and Mom was much better, almost 2 years had passed. That was when I started focusing on myself again. The first thing I had to do was complete my studies and then start afresh from where I left it. The thought of contacting you did come to my mind. But fate…On my return back home, I lost my cell phone and with that all my contacts. After getting a degree, I got a cool job and was back on track again.”...

...Ashley said “That is really great! Hope all is fine now”. Just then it started raining. “Hey Sharon, let’s catch up over a cup of coffee? What do you say?”. Sharon nodded and they headed to the nearest cafe....

...On reaching the café and making themselves comfortable, they ordered each other’s favorite drinks. While waiting for their orders, Ashley remarked. “You know, I still haven’t fully forgiven you.” Sharon replied “Then out with it!!”...

...“Well, you should have at least left a message, note or something somewhere instead of disappearing just like that…. “I didn’t even have you address. So even if I wanted to come and help, I couldn’t. You know how it pains to hear from strangers about your closest pal?” Ashley’s eyes met Sharon’s. She could read the hidden emotions behind his eyes but …....

...“Ok, sorry once again, but now that we are together, let’s stay in touch and start all over again. What’s going on in your life?”...

...“Well, I work with a reputed firm. They pay pretty decent. Live in a rented apartment here, with a colleague of mine. But soon, he too is going to move out.”...

...“Why so, he got bored of you? “chuckled Sharon, trying to lighten the mood....

“You wish. He is engaged and will be married soon. Anyways, your turn, how have you been doing?” Said Ashley.

...“Oh well, I am living with my parents in our ancestral home. Have a decent job there itself. Had come down to the city to buy a few things. Will be heading back soon. My train is scheduled for 1:00 pm.”...

...“So that means, you still have an hour before you leave. If you’re done with your shopping, why don’t I show you around the city? It will be fun. It’s my off day”....

...Sharon hesitated a little, tried to say no but somehow Ashley was able to convince her....

...“Sharon, I’ll take you to the most beautiful part of the city. Just close your eyes and open when I tell you to.”...

...“Don’t be kiddish, I don’t want to miss the scenic beauty on the drive.”...

...“You won’t miss anything, please do this for me. I promise to make this a memorable trip for you.” said Ashley. For some strange reason, his voice became a little mellow and he looked a little serious....

...“Ok, I am closing my eyes. But this better be good.”...

...Sharon could feel the wind in her hair. A sweet smell was with them for the entire trip. The music playing was so soft and soothing that it relaxed Sharon. She could hear her heart beat fast. Just then the car stopped and Ashley said “You can open your eyes.”...

...Sharon opened her eyes and was mesmerized. The sight was so enchanting in front of her. The entire city was visible. The spot where they were parked was so calm and serene. The sun was setting in the horizon. The clouds looked like a painting in the making. The birds were chirping sweetly. All this just got a sweet smile to her face. “This truly is very charming and beautiful. Thank you Ashley for this magical experience!!”...

...Suddenly her eyes fell on Ashley. She could smell something fishy about to happen. He was looking for something in his pocket. Sharon abruptly started “Oh, I forgot to tell you, I got engaged last week to Roger. He is Dad’s friend’s son. He is really a great guy.”...

...Hearing this Ashley’s f0ace changed. He looked pale and numb. “Why did you have to do this Sharon. You knew I loved you. Though I never told you, my eyes conveyed all to you. You were the only person who understood me the best. How could you miss on this feeling of mine…? I waited to meet you all these years, and when that happened, you shattered me. How will I live without you…” thought Ashley within, with a smile on his face and said “Congrats, Sharon really happy for you.”...

...Sharon said with a chuckle “Thanks, you have to come to my wedding.”...

...“Why did you not tell me back then Ashley. I always thought I was only a friend to you. Wish you had told me previously. I still love you very much, but can’t say it because of the promise I have made to my parents…God this really hurts”. Thought Sharon to herself....

...She glanced at her watch and said “Time for me to go, can you drop me to the station?”...

...Finally, the two of them said a final goodbye to each other to never meet again…....

I fell in love with silence from a really young age. Maybe silence was all I had. Being born in an orphanage, I felt left out from everything my entire life. I had no one to look up to, no friends. Well, since then, silence became my best friend. I fell in love with her calmness, the peacefulness of her slow melodies, and how she talked to me without even saying a word....

...Being alone was not a great deal for me; I was born that way. So I stayed alone. Life felt peaceful. ...

...For some people, not having anyone around you, no one to talk to, might feel lonely or depressing. But as for me, it was a blessing in disguise. ...

...While I was busy thinking silence was my only companion, I found another. Her. She walked into my life in the most strangest way. ...

...That incident was the kind anyone would forget within a few days, but for me, it was different....

... "Did you make this?" She asked me with a smile, looking down at the coffee mug placed on the table. ...

...I walked back to the counter without giving her a reply....

..."Excuse me!" She called out as she ran behind me. ...

..."Yeah...?" ...

..."Wow, you can talk?" She said, laughing. ...

...For the first time in my life, I felt this weird connection towards someone, a stranger. ...

..."I'm Sabrina." She said as she let out her hand. ...

..."I'm...Lucas." I replied as I shook my hand with hers. ...

..."How long have you been working here for?"...

..."It's just been a few weeks."...

..."What about the coffee? Did you make it?" ...

..."Yeah..." I lied, still confused, for it was the first time in my life that I felt the need to look good in someone's eyes. ...

..."Ohh, the coffee was amazing," She replied, laughing. Her laughter showed that she knew I was lying. ...

...I smiled back. ...

..."Anyways, I have to go now. See you...around." "...

..."Bye." ...

...I spent the entire night rewinding the same incident again and again. It was the first time I felt needed, special. ...

...From that day onwards, we met every day. Every moment I spent with her made me feel alive, like never before. ...

...The way her eyes sparkled when she talked, the way her hair blew with the wind, her smile. I fell in love with everything about her....

... "Hey, can I tell you something?" She said one day. ...

..."Sure," I replied, looking down, feeling the cool beach waves as they tingled on my feet. ...

..."I know it's weird, but I think I'm falling for you." She said, laughing as she looked at the surprised expression on my face. ...

..."What?" I asked, laughing....

..."Never mind. Anyways I'm getting a call from work, let's meet tomorrow. At your house?" ...

..."No-I-" Before I could finish, she waved at me and rushed towards her car. ...

...This was the last dice. I couldn't let her come to my house. I didn't want her to see the hidden part of me, the real me who resided in the dark corners of my house. ...

...I had to stop her from coming to my house, even if it meant being away from her; I left my job at the cafe, and life went slow for a few days...until one day. ...

...I returned to my house one evening to see Sabrina standing right in front of my door. ...

..."Sabrina-I-can explain.."...

..."You forgot to lock your storehouse." She said as a shiver went through my spine....

...Did she..? ...

..."So, this is why.." ...

..."This is why you didn't want me to come to your house. Because I get to know that you..." ...

..."That I am, what? A monster? Say it out, Sabrina!" ...

..."You—h—have a man tied up in your storehouse. Why?!"...

...“So...this is what you do?! You hurt people?" ...

..."See...I'll let him free...if you want. Just...don't tell anyone. He's unconscious...we can fix this." I said as I walked towards her....

..."Don't you dare! Not a step closer to me! I'm taking him to the hospital right the hell now." ...

..."I thought I knew you...Lucas." She said with tears in her eyes, as she left me...maybe forever....

...That was the last time I ever saw her. But memories of her never seemed to leave me. She lived in me and my thoughts strange way....

...Life was back to normal again. Nothing to look forward to. ...

...I joined back to the cafe and waited for her to come every day. But she never came. ...

...Days changed into months,months changed into years. By now, I had completely let go of the old me. The monster in me seemed just to vanish off when since the day she left me....

...The thought of ever being able to see Sabrina had been erased from my mind until one evening. ...

...It was a usual day at work; I walked around taking orders when suddenly I stopped still. I couldn't believe my eyes. I saw her...sitting in a booth at a distance. ...

...I wanted to go to her and apologize to her for everything, but I couldn't muster up the courage to do so....

...How could I talk to her after everything that happened? I turned back and began walking towards the counter....

..."Excuse me!" A voice called out from behind me. ...

...I turned back to see Sabrina looking at me with the same smile which made me fall in love with her two years back....

..."Don't you people take orders here?" She called out again, and I walked towards her....

..."I want my usual coffee please, it's been two years, but I hope you still remember." She asked me with a smile....

..."Yeah...I do," I said as I walked back to the counter in surprise to get the coffee. I returned with the coffee mug, only to see that the booth empty....

... "Sabrina...!" I screamed as I rushed outside. ...

...I returned and looked around the cafe in anticipation....

... "Who are you looking for?" One of my colleagues asked me. ...

...“S—Sabrina—she—I saw her today, there in that booth." ...

..."Sabrina? Whose that?"...

"How can you not remember her? Don't you remember a girl who used to come to meet me every day a few years back?" 

..."Lucas...what's wrong with you? What are you even talking about?" ...

..."Luke, how can you not...wait...I have a picture of her on my phone." ...

..."See-right-here-" I was shocked at the sight in front of my eyes; all of the pictures me and Sabrina clicked on had disappeared. ...

...I stood there in silence. ...

...Till this day...I don't know if Sabrina existed or if the moments we spent together were true or no. But what I like to believe, she was an angel sent by God to make me a better person, to make me understand my true purpose.She was a star in my world filled with darkness. ...

...I thought as I walked past my orphanage, which was still in its building process. ...

..."Sir." A voice called, which interrupted my thoughts. ...

...“You still haven't told us what you would like to name this orphanage that you're constructing?" ...

..."Sabrina..." I replied with a smile....