**** IVAN***

Before, I have a perfect and happy Family. I have lovable and beautiful wife. I have a sweet, handsome and energetic son. Our life was perfect .. but all that was lost and changed ..

I cheated on my wife. I left our son and went with another woman. and that was the day I was the most regretful day of my life.. After one week I came back to them ... just to find out what I did ... and now I'm alone because I lost my wife and my son too. My son is dead and my wife despise me..

*** JANNAH***

it hurts. it was too painful for me to be killed for being stabbed over and over again. I thought I could fit in well. I did everything, I gave everything, I became a good wife to him, we used to be happy, we are in love with each other but everything has changed. things gradually changed and my world collapsed when I caught them with his secretary in his office. it's so painful to see your husband with another woman I felt sick that I can no longer breathe. but that's all.. I accepted it. I ignored everything even though it hurts because I love him.. but only a week later he left us. he go with her . how about me? how about our family? ous son... my son.. I feel more broken thinking about my son. I fell in my on the ground when I remembered my son what would I tell him? his daddy left us and went with another girl? I don't want him to get hurt, I'm even more depressed, Jair is just seven years old. I was 18 yrs old when I became pregnant. so didn't finish my college because I quit when I was pregnant. but the joy of our marriage when Jair came into our lives. we are happy.

before

because right now Ivan is gone. The one who has promised me before that he would make me happy and won't leave me .

I was awken from my thought when I heard my son's voice. "mommy where's daddy?" he asked

I don't know what to say.. I don't want my son to be upset that I know he can't accept his daddy's leaving.

"J-Jair my baby! " I hugged him tightly

"J-Jair" I'm crying. I could not accept that his daddy left us. "mom? why are you crying? daddy's still asleep? he promised me we would play basketball later." I cried more and more wuth what he said I hugged him even more. "J-Jair -daddy is gone." This is is the hardest thing to say in this situation especially that his idol is his daddy. "son, he's leaving us" I cried out loud. when I'm so weak that jair quickly escaped from my embrace. "no !! daddy won't leave me! He can't do that he loves me!" he shouted and ran quickly. "daddy! daddy don't leave me daddy! daddy!" he shouted as he left the house.

"jair!" I chased him not to hurt him when he saw his daddy leave.

"daddy wait! daddy! daddy! daddy!" he just kept on running until he was close to our gate. I saw Ivan's car out of our gate. He didn't even notice our son. I was alarmed when I saw Jair went straight out of the gate to chase after his daddy. and I was even more alarmed when I saw a car coming. "beeeeepppp !!!" my son stopped and faced the car

. "jair!" I shouted as I run to him. the I heard a loud noise from the car - "sttrrrrrreeeckkkk !!!!!" and my world stopped suddenly, my breath stopped. n-no! it can't be!. "jair!" I ran into my son's place. he reached far. I can see how the car threw him when it hit him.

"Jair! my son wake up! my son! jair please help! help us!" I screamed, I'm full of tears. Nestor, our driver picked him up and took him to the car. I also went inside the car. I was trembling and I'm crying. I don't know how strong my mourning is. "My God you please don't leave my son alone." I prayed silently as I hug my son. I don't know if my clothes are red in blood. when we arrived at the hospital we were met by nurses pushing a stretcher. "please help my son! please save him!" I never thought in my whole life that I'll come to this situation.

"Ma'am please do not follow us . You are not allowed to get inside the emergency room. we will take care of him, don't worry ma'am" said the nurse but I did not letgo of my son's arm. . "I will go inside I will not leave my son he needs me please let me in" I begged them but they did not agree so I have no choice but to leg go of his hand. They went directly inside E.R. I fell on my knees when they. closed the door. I felt someone hugged me. "ma'am Jannah" Manang Lourdes hugged me. she is our loyal maid. I hugged her as we both cried "m-manang Lourdes m-my son! my son! " I could hardly say my tears were so good when I was crying. I can't afford to lose my son! He can't leave me. he is my life. I love him so much I can't lose him.

it's hisfault. it's Ivan's fault! It's because of him.If he didn't left us, Jair won't folllow him and he wouldn't met accident. I swear. If something wrong happen to my son. I will never forgive him. I will never forgive him!

my God! please save my son! Please oh God! I can't live without him.

I hate you Ivan! it's all your fault!

It's been three days since I left them. I am so nervous while driving my car. I don't know if Jannah would accept me again despite of what I've done to her and to my son. I hope she could forgive me. I regret leaving them that's why I'm heading home now. I will come back to them and I this time, I will make sure that I will do everything just to make them happy.

I went to the mall ahead of our house to buy a ball for Jair. I'm sure he will love his new ball. I'm so excited to see his reaction. I'm sure he will ask me imediately to play basketball.

after a few minutes, I reach out house. I breathed deeply.I'm so nervous. I do not know what will be her reaction when she see me again. The gate is closed so I beeped my car. but there is no one coming to open the gate. I beeped once again, and again and again until finally the gate opened and I saw Manang Lourdes titled her head to see who's the visitor. I see her eyes got widen when she recognized my car then she imediately closed the gate again. I went outside my car. maybe she's also mad at me.

I called her name. " Manang Lourdes! Manang Lourdes! please open the gate. I need to talk to Jannah please let me in! I know you're also angry at me, I did wrong and I knew that now that's why I am here" but she didn't respond so I called her again. I won't quit. I need to talk to Jannah. " Manang Lourdes! Manang Lourdes please! Just call her. I badly need to talk to her please Manang Lourdes! I'm begging you! I want to talk to my wif-- " she finally opened the gate. " She's not here" she said blankly. I can't see any emotion in her face. " I know she's there. I'm begging you, please allow me to talk to her" "I'm telling the truth sir s-she's not h-here" Her eyes are starting to get wet. why is she crying?

"h-how about Jair? where is my son? can I talk to him? please allow me atleast to talk to him"

"J-Jair is not around! y-your son is not here! " she cried loudly " t-then where are they?" I asked. did they also left the house and moved far away for good?

" S-Sir J-Jair, your son!" She's sobbing and she's crying like in pain. I started to feel more nervous.

"W-What happened to my son?" she didn't answered me. she's just crying hardly.

"what happened to my son?!!" I asked loudly. I feel that there is something wrong about my son.

"J-Jair is..-"

"Jair is what?? please tell me what happened to my son???!"

"Jair is gone! you're son is gone!"

"W-What do you mean?"

"Jair is gone! your son is dead!" She cried harder while she's saying that with pain and anger.

what?....

no...

"n-no.. you're joking right?" what kind of joke is this?

"Manang Lourdes this is not a good joke!" I said angrily!

"I'm.not joking. Why don't you see him yourself?" she said her face is back to being blank.

no... it can't be.. I felt like my legs became jelly. I fell on the ground. I'm shaking.

"no! it can't be! how did it happened?!"

" he followed you. he followed you when you left them. then there is a raging car and it hit him. we managed to bring him in the hospital but he didn't made it." she's crying again.

"h-he W-What? h-he followed me?" I hardly asked even I heard her clearly.

"yes, he's crying and he doesn't want you to leave them, he can't believe that you are leaving them so he followed you then the accident happened" she said sadly.

"no! my son! " I cried in grief. is this the payment of my sin? why it have to be him? why it have to be my son? I want to killyself. This is my fault! I'm sure my wife loaths me. I know she despise me now. I'm such a jerk! the heaven is punishing me for what I have done to my family. my son! he's so young. I hope I am the one who died.

" w-where are they? where is Jannah? where is my son?"

" I-I can't tell you"

"Manang Lourdes please! I need to see them please!" I begged. I will do everything just to see them.

"I promised to Jannah that I will not tell you where the are. she doesn't want to see you. She told me not to tell you anything. She even told me not to talk to you"

" Manang Lourdes please! I want to see them, please help me!" I kneeled on the ground.

" Jannah will get angry! and I don't want her to get hurt again! I know if she see you gain, she will get hurt again!

" Manang Lourdes please!" she sighed

"okay I'll tell you. but promise me not to show your self to Jannah okay?"

" o-okay" I just said that but I'm planning to still talk to her. I will ask her forgivenwss. I know she's deeply hurt and it's my fault.I am the one to blame. I will make it up to her. I will do my best just for her to forgive me. I know it will not be easy but I'm willing to do everything just to be with her again.

I'm so sorry my son. Daddy is coming now.

I'm shaking when I opened the door of my car. I can't move my feet to step down.

I am here in a funeral chapel where my son's wake is resting. I feel like my feet became frozen. I can't step and I don't want to. I'm so afraid to see the reality.. I still don't want to believe about my son. no I don't want to believe it. but I need to see.. I want to see him. I want to see my wife if how is she..I 'm sure she's not okay right now. who wouldn't be?

finally my legs started to move and I made a step toward the entrance of the funeral chapel. each step closer I feel like my heart will get outside my chest.. I feel so nervous and afraid.

when I reached the entrance, there are some people probably giving symphaty to my family. I know some of them but I can't recognize the others. I saw the casket .... the casket where my son is lying in. my son.... I started to cry..I'm shaking even more.

then I saw Jannah..

she's coming toward me and her eyes is blazing with so much anger, full of sorrow.

I felt a hard slap on my face. I felt my face got numb.

"HOW DARE YOU SHOW YOUR FACE HERE??!!"

she's shouting at me with full of pain and anger.

"J-Jannah I-Im----"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO GO HERE! IT'S YOUR FAULT! YOU KILLED MY SON! YOU ARE CRIMINAL!" she's hitting me continuously. I can't say anything. I feel her pain and it pains me more.

"J-Janna I'm here to--"

" I DON'T CARE! GET OUT OF HERE! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU JERK! CRIMINAL! " she's shouting with full of her streng. I can see the veins in her neck. the people started to whisper in eachother.

"Janna please listen to me. I do not know--"

"Of course you do not know.." she said while crying. she calmed but she can't hide the pain in her eyes. " you do not know because you left" she continued saying full of bitterness. "You left! you left us! you left your wife and went to someone! you left your son!" she said with a greeted teeth.

I bowed my head. I do not know what to say because what's she's saying is true.. it so true. I left them, my son died because I left them and I am the one to blame. I cried harder.. I feel no energy. I'm feeling weak. everyword she said is like a knife strucking my chest. it hurts.. it hurts me that I am the reason why she's hurting like this.

"and now your here? why are you here? to see my situation? to see how miserable I am after you left? to see my son lifeless??!!" she said. her voice is getting load again.

"I'm--Im sorry" I kneeled down in her feet. I cried and hug her legs but she removed my arms in her legs like she doesn't to feel my touch because I have leprocy.

"don't touch me! you don't have the right to touch me!"

"Jannah please I want to see my son! please let me see my son even once" I pledded

"You don't have the right! you killed him! you don't have the right to see him!"

"Jannah please. even once! just this time"

"get out of here!"

"no Jannah please just this time. just once!"

"no! get out before the security guard pull you out!"

she said full of authority.

"no. I won't go" I said full of determination

" get out or I call the police?" she said getting impatient.

"no Jan---" "I SAID GET OUT!!!!" she shouted "Get out! get out of my life!!" she's s shouting while pushing me toward the door.

I can't do nothing but to leave. maybe she needs time. even though I badly wants to see my child, I can't push my self inside because I don't want her to get hurt more. I can't stop crying.. I'm still here outside the funeral chapel. I don't care if people are starting at me and talking about me.. I want to cry! I want to cry in heaven. I know this is my karma.. this is the payment of the foolishness that I've made. now my son is dead and my wife despise me. I do not know what to do right now. I know that I've sinned but God, oh God please help me! I can't back the past.. I can't change the past. but please give me one more chance.. give me one more chance. I want her forgiveness..

I stayed outside crying then I entered my car and start the engine.. I'm still crying.. I don't know when it will stop. my tears are just contineously falling down on my cheeks and I let it happen. I lety self cry harder inside my car.. I stopped by along the sidewalk. I can't drive with this situation.. I cried and cried and let out the pain I am feeling right now. I didn't cried like this before.. it's just so painful that I feel like my heart is crashing in to pieces.

my son... my wife.. my family...

in just a week.. everything is ruined.. and it's because of me.. I ruined everything.. I ruined my family.. I ruined my wife and... I killed my son....

I killed my son..

I killed my son...

I hope I am the one who died.. why should it be him? why should it be my son?

what will happen to me now? How can I live again? how can I start again?