Slap, Slap, Slap. That all i ever received and know, oh, this is getting too much and i nevermind, because that how i gotta live now even though i am an unexpected pregnancy to my mother. Every morning, afternoon and night, I always receive slap, punishments or sometimes i stay outside in the cold, shivering and tears filling my ice blue eyes, my breath breathing heavily as if i was sinking into the cold deep ocean where no one can hear me or save me, just me sinking alone down the swallow cold dark deep ocean. As tears filled my eyes, I always wondered if I could die but still I am afraid of being alone, afraid of standing alone or falling down. Breathing heavily every day, having headaches and my mother’s rage…….

I am just a twenty year old female, who is taking business class in college. I am often bullied by students because of how poor I am and it didn’t bother me because the same thing happens at home. I just want this to stop but I am scared.

December 2005, snow is falling here in New york, Mother continues pulling my Platinum Ice hair, I inherited from my father, slapping my face hardly that i could cough, as she continues, my glasses fell off, smashing the ground as i stared at it in a cold expression face, later on Mother filled the bathtub with cold water, she dipped my face into the chilling cold water, holding my breath for an hour, she continued doing that and later pushed me outside the cold snowy winter with towels on. I shivered, sneezed and later fainted on the cold snow. The next morning I woke up later on the floor, without hesitation, I picked up my broken glasses and began fixing them with bare hands and hot glue. It was 6 o’clock in the morning knowing that I woke up late, I knew to prepare breakfast. Finished fixing my glasses, i stood up and went to the kitchen, the kitchen was the same as ever, the cobwebs on the roofs, the dishes still in the sink, the broken door with a hole under it opened, the equipment scattered around the kitchen and lastly Mother packs of cigarette on the dining table, I took a deep breath with my head filling with thoughts inside of it, i took out the apron and began preparing breakfast. Mother woke up dressed in her sexy night dress, i placed breakfasts on the table, Mother yawned as she sat down, taking the fork and the knife, what mother likes having for breakfast was her juicy sauced red meat, cheesed waffles and her red wine with the cigarette placed beside her. I removed my apron, and walked out the door with my mother staring at me with her cold brown eyes as she took a sip of her glass red wine, with hesitation, I walked out the kitchen. I ran to the bathroom, bending down crying, I was crying silently so she couldn’t hear me. I took off my towel, looking at the scars on my back, I pitied them yet so pitied my life, I turned on the cold shower, leaned my back at the wall, having thoughts. I never knew who my father was, how he looks like or where he is, all the complaints mom made got me into deep thoughts. Even if I met my father, I probably yelled at him for leaving mom, I turned off the shower and covered my body with my towel. Walking into my room, I caught mother smoking with her phone on, I didn't bother nor hesitate, i mean all what my mother does are to one, come home treating me like a toy, two go to the nightclub and hook up with some men, three, bring different men home and hook up with them and four, spend all the money on herself buying makeup, sexy clothes, cigarettes, shoes and accessories, the only money i ever received were the groceries, she even complain about paying my college tuition etc. I walked into my room and wore a plain long sleeves white top, a light blue denim skirt and white sneakers, all these are cheap clothes found in those cheap stores. I packed what i needed for school, closed the house doors and walked on the white cold snow, I didn’t have scarfs, jackets, hats or long winter shoes, the only thing that i got were black sandals for summer, and my white pair of sneakers, i didn’t have much outfits but my mom does and this things didn’t bother me.

I am attending a New York college institute and my name is LISA KIYOKO OLYMIPA and this is the start of my Journey.

December 2005, the hallways are packed with students, most of the students rather hangout with one another and one person would spend their time looking for me, Kozakura Isomi, she is a friend, who is experiencing the same thing as me but she moved out and is living in college dorms, I wished i was like her, free spirited, always smiling even things are at the worst time, I wondered why she wanted be my friend but there are times i ignored her and luckily i don’t have cell phones, i am safe. Kozakura always yell my name whenever she sees me and now i just spotted her, talking with some boys on my right, I quickly shut my locker and walked fast into my classroom, I sat down on my assigned seat and had snacks and water for breakfast, waiting for the bell to ring, i laid my head down on my desk and slept off…….

“Lisa, wake up” said a sweet voice,

The voice quickly woke me up as I faced my left, Kozakura was sitting beside me smiling,her smile was like a blossom but to me, it was annoying. Kozakura and I are sitting together for the rest of the semester, which I am upset about. I faced the window and watched the snow fall, I was having thoughts about home, and couldn’t pay attention to class, my grades are high in fact i always rank 1st in exams which my mother never cared about, all she ever do was complain and treat me like her toy, even if i ranked 1st or last, but i want to have a better future. There was a knock at the door, and the teacher answered, a student came in, he was handsome, he had a sexy look, his hair was black, his eyes were violet, he had black piercing on his ears, he was perfect,every female student in class fell in love with him even Kazakura. He introduced himself as Axel Kitugura from the famous family in America, there was an open seat at the back of me and the student sat there, Kazakura faced the back and started talking to him, I stared at the window and kept looking at the snow. Class was over and it was lunch, Kazakura and I sat on a table with our lunches, “little did you know that Axel had eyes on you the entire class period”, Kazakura said sipping her strawberry milk, I startled into the statute position, Kazakura laughed, I guess it was funny….. For a moment it was silent and we both acted nervous around each other, Axel came into the cafeteria with some boys as Kazakura face lit up, she stood up and met with Axel leaving me behind, I knew this was happening but i never expected it to happen, biting my sandwich, i kept looking at the window, watching the snow falls, I wanted something unexpectedly to happen for me when it is snowing like this December and i wanted it to be a miracle. I took a sip of my water, kept staring at the snow, smiling at it, I was sitting alone at the end of the cafeteria room, no one was beside me but was five meters in front of me, I didn’t bother but went on and I cried, laying my head on the table, i sobbed sadly, holding my water tightly….. It took me five minutes to stop and i was done with my meal, I stood up from the chair and walked to the trash can, out of nowhere, a basketball hit me and slipped on the slippery floor hitting my back and head, groaning in pain, everyone was laughing hard, even some called me names, my glasses fell, and i picked it up running and crying into the restroom, It took me a few minutes and i stopped crying, I came out from the toilet and found a group of girls, fixing their makeups, they saw me and one talked out, the others began bursting into laughters and the one that talked out, poured water on me. They walked out of the restroom laughing, but I grabbed one of them without hesitating, kicked her face, the others ran away, I didn’t know what was wrong with me but I enjoyed hitting with my legs. I later got into trouble and was sent into the principal office, the Principal called my mother and an hour later, Mother slammed the principal door angrily. She and the principal had a conversation and I was suspended for the rest of the week and Mother had to pay for the students medical care, I followed mother out and she drove off leaving me behind.I walked home, meeting my punishment, Mother already had her belt out and was ready, i removed my school bag and my clothes, Mother hit me so hard that i coughed out with tears on my face, she kept talking and hitting, kept talking and hitting and it continued for two hours, she didn’t care if i fainted or hit my head on the wall because she knew I would wake up alive and healthy the next day, she left the house with the car she borrowed, I was in pain, my eyes were blurry and i fell down hitting my head on the floor.

The Next morning, I woke up at the same spot i feel down, i went into the bathroom, turned my back around, my head facing the mirror, I saw marks and my body was covered with blood, I took a shower, picking out a cheap casual outfits, I put on healing cream and prepared breakfast for myself, Mother isn’t back, i felt relaxed, I sat outside on the cold ground, sipping hot chamomile tea, My body felt freshed that i remembered the feeling i had back at school, the feeling was unknown and i didn’t bother, being suspended kinda feels good yet afraid that it would affect my school record, but i don’t want to bother now. Mother isn’t home, which felt good. It was just a cold snowy day, I finally hit someone.

After an hour, I stood up from the cold floor and walked back to the house. I stared at the time and it was almost twelve, staring back to the door of the living room, I quickly ran out, running to a supermarket store at the other side. I ran into the supermarket, picking up a cart and running around, people in the store were looking at me. A guy walked up to me and asked me to slow down, I didn't listen nor stopped. I paid the cashier and ran out the door……… Got home and mother wasn’t around, I was glad than the time where she would be at home on weekends, finding out there was no food or the house is not sparkly, She gets annoyed and yells at me then kicks me out forcing me to get food. I locked the door and brought out the groceries, bottle of wine, beef, oats, rice, vegetables, I didn’t know what time mother would be home but that doesn’t make me slack off anyhow because it's easy for her to see through everything……….. Everything was ready, I made fried rice with shrimp as lunch, I packed the lunch into the lunch boxes and put it in the fridge for mother, as for me, I am eating vegetable rice and milk, I went into my room and sat on the mat, turning an old tv. I was sitting eating my food then suddenly a shadow passed through my window, I saw it and was confused, I got up and followed the shadow to my front door, I grabbed a pan and opened the door, the shadow appeared as I raised the hand with the pan and hit a person, at first I didn’t recognize the person, but the person was wearing a black leather jacket and a black top inside with black skinny trousers and white sneakers, I was dropped the pan on the ice and dragged the young man inside. I placed him on the couch………… I sat down on the opposite couch and was staring at the boy biting my nails….. Minutes passed and the guy started moving, I stood up pulling out a cloth and hid at the back of the couch, he opened his eyes and stood up, as he was about to face me, I took the cloth i had and jumped closing the boy eyes, he started struggling with the cloths and grabbed my legs, I fell down hitting my head. As he was about to remove the cloth, I didn't have a choice but took the pan and hit his head, he fell down and I dragged him outside into the bushes and ran back inside the house, locking the door breathing heavily. I went to the bathroom and checked my injuries in the mirror……… At a certain point I stopped applying medications and looked at my reflection, my expression was sad, I had this depression on my face, My mind was trying to cheer me up but i couldn’t bring myself to smile, just staring in a cold hearted yet depressed expression. I put back the medications and closed the bathroom door on my way out feeling sad. It was six o’clock and my mother, no she doesn’t like me calling “MOTHER” isn’t back from her workplace, she is probably enjoying herself and forget about me, I am not even that important. Where was the last time I ever received “LOVE” from someone, I went deeply into thoughts and nodded with my head with two words coming right out of my mouth “NO”.

Such a boring life, I thought clicking my tongue, “When was the first time I had fun, enjoying something I loved,When” I questioned myself in thoughts, as I entered the living room, I heard knocks on the door, I checked the window and it was “mother”, I quickly answered the door because I know that mother doesn’t like waiting. I opened the door and saw mother standing there, her eyes were different and from that I knew she was drunk, my ice blue eyes turned into cold dangerous eyes as if I was inspecting someone or infact showing my enemies that don’t mess with me, she fell into my hands, and suddenly filling her eyes with tears, she was apolzising and cursing something, murmuring her words and slept off, I looked at her and my body wanted to do something that I will regret. What!