It was morning, the sun was sunning and I, Jake, wanted to disappear from Earth.

The weather was warm,it was like the world was giving me a hug, which I didn't want.

I am a student, last year in highschool. The place i call hell.

Everytime i go to school, bullies decide to make their appearance, making me remember just how unfair my life is.

My parents aren't any better, they don't care about me and i have started not to care about them too.

They think i am a waste of time and that i shouldn't have been born... That's was quite harsh when i first heard it but now it's just normal talk.

Days just kept passing, like a routine. My life is boring, i have to admit it. I keep waking up, go to school, then to my part time job and then home.

I keep being trapped in this endless circle that i want to break free so much. I don't care how, even if it's by dying, i just want to free myself.

Anxiety, Depression, maybe loneliness too are eating me alive. Those feelings have been with me since i remember myself. I must sound pitiful...I laughed at myself. There was no way i could keep living like this.

Now, night time, i kept staring at the ceiling. Not even sleep wanted me, i just stayed still until the sun showed up.

I got ready with a heavy heart and left the house.

As soon as i stepped in the school, i heard a laugh.

Of course it was Lucas...The one and only person who probably woke up every day and choose violence.

I was his punching bag, literally. He approached me and i felt a punch on my gut. Ouch! That hurt like hell.

I fell down, now being the center of attention...God i hate that. I felt the eyes on me, suffocating i felt like i was choking.

"Get up loser, i am not done yet" Lucas said and i did the complete opposite. I kept sitting on the floor.

Lucas irritated found another way to harass me

"Ha!You finally accept that you belong below me like a good dog!?"

That was the moment i regretted not getting up.

I heard laughs, insulting comments that only did more damage.

Since that day i was the "Dog" of the school.

Random day, just walking to class and there he was,Lucas.

"Come on, say woof and i will give you a treat" He said not even batting an eye.

Moments like this made me wonder what i did so wrong. It was either that or Lucas was a little insecure boy who just wanted a toy.

I moved passed him, looking down feeling sorry for myself. I just wanted a normal life and what i had now was really far from that.

I really wanted things to change somehow, but hope kept dying inside me and something else was beginning to grow inside on my hollow heart.

It was a subtle change that made me to the person i am now.

Another morning, nothing unusual except that weird feeling i had.

It probably nothing right?

I walked towards the door but i stopped when i heard my father's yelling.

"Where do you think you are going?"

Is he really asking me that...? It's literally Wednesday, a day every normal student has to go to school.

I ignored him, big mistake.

From one moment i was standing and the next i was on the floor.

"You ungrateful brat! I really wish you hadn't been born. You are just a mistake"

He yelled on top of his lungs and that was the moment i felt it...I felt something shattering. Something broke and it would never get back to how it was.

I don't know what it was and i didn't want to know. My father left, went upstairs and i was left on the floor.

Debating if i should get up to go to school and act like everything was ok or stay right here and cry.

I decided on the first and so i got up and left.

I didn't know at that time that what my father said would change so much.

I went to school, still a bit shocked from what happened just a while ago.

Times like this i felt like i was nothing, like a waste of space and i absolutely hated this.

They didn't have the right to make me feel worthless when all i have ever done was listen to their absurd requests and stay invisible.

I walked to class and i felt someone kicking me down.

I looked up, feeling the anger rise.

"Wow such a murderous stare, i am so scared"

Lucas said and pretended to be all scared.

I just saw red, i didn't know what happened inside me but the little rope that i would like to call patience snapped.

I just pushed him down with such force i didn't even know i had and kept hitting him. He screamed at me to stopped and saying sorry but i wasn't having any of this. I was taking all my anger on him, which was justified if you ask me. After all he just made half my life a nightmare.

Teachers came rushing, trying to stop me and pulling me away.

That incident couldn't be ignored, according to the principal and my parents were called to his office but so did Luca's parents.

They were the typical "rich" family that they thought it was audacity to look at them. They thought they were royalty and that only made my blood boil.

My parents were looking...Like a mess.

All of us were in the principal's office.

I didn't say a word, unlike Luca who was fake sobbing.

Ugh...I wanted to give him one more punch but the principal started talking

"As i informed you on the phone, Jake, injured severely Luca. That caused both physical and mental wounds"

I was this close to laughing and rolling my eyes, but i composed myself. I didn't want to dig my grave deeper...

"We are very sorry for this, my son has some mentally issues, he's even going to a therapist. It was probably an episode..."

My mother said and i was left speechless. Now i am apparently mentally ill. Great!

Luca's parents looked at me disgusted as if being "mentally ill" was a disease .

"We understand, but your son has cause trauma to my precious son. So we want your son to at least change school"

His mother said, and i would have never expected it but i was agreeing with her. It was the only normal thing she said the whole time

My parents gave the principal a look and he didn't say anything.

"Ok, Jake will enroll to another school"

My father said and after a while we left the school.

I was already expecting something bad would happen when we reached home.

As soon as we walked in the house i was pushed on the wall and i felt hands on my neck.

I couldn't believe my own father was trying...to kill me?!

"You are just a disappointment! Do you hear me?!" He yelled, and of course i heard him, damn i almost became deaf.

He put more pressure on my neck and without realising it i was smiling.

"You really are a psychopath..." My mother said, looking at me with horror? I couldn't tell.

My father seeing me smile only put more pressure and that's when i felt it ...Was i really that close to leaving this circle i so much wanted? Did i really desired this? My vision began the blur and i felt something inside me...

Was it fear?

Was it sadness?

Anxiety?

I don't know and i didn't like it

I felt tears streaming down my face....Why? I wasn't sad, I wasn't heartbroken, i was "happy"

I would finally be free.

I started feeling the pain, the suffocation

It was such an ugly feeling, I loathed it...I want it to end quicker.

Why was it so hard to die? I wondered.

And then suddenly i felt down, and i could breathe.

I didn't look up and i heard them leaving upstairs.

I just stayed there, shocked to say the least.

My hand went to my neck and it hurted as soon as i touched it. I could barely breathe without it hurting.

Life is hard, life is boring, life for me is nothing.

I wanted a change, I wanted to die,I wanted an end.

After a few weeks i changed schools. The last year in highschool ended pretty quickly. It was normal for once, sure i got a few weird looks but that's all.

Now I'm ready for university.

Many things are bound to change in my life.

And it started with leaving "my" house. My parents didn't care, actually they were happy.

I felt a little sad....Even though they hated me and i probably did too deep down, but they were my parents. I was leaving home after so long, it was heartbreaking... They didn't look up and it only made me feel worse. I wanted to hug them for one last time, feel the warmth of their hug that made me feel safe when i was younger. They were my home, my happiness, my life.

"Hurry up and leave...."

My father said, and i felt my throat closing up. I just wanted a hug, a goodbye. Was it really that much?

I left, closing the door and walking away. Truth to be told i visited my home again but that was years later.

Anyway, i found a dorm room, a really small room. I didn't have a roommate.

Just a bed, a desk and a tiny bathroom. I could barely walk inside.

It was cheap, it was enough.

I laid down on my new bed, cold ,unknown. I looked outside the small window close to my bed.

I felt tears in my eyes, i let them fall because i would feel worst if i didn't.

Stars were my only company that cold night.

Now i am alone

No family

Certainly no friends

Barely any will to live