The Royal Ruse
Chapter 1: The Odd Job Offer
Casey
Okay. Don’t freak out.
Jenna
You only start like that when you’re about to do something dumb. Spill.
Casey
I just got offered a babysitting job.
One week.
Salary = my entire semester’s tuition.
Jenna
Contracts are normal.
Casey
Not ones that start with:
“Failure to comply may result in prosecution under international law.”
Jenna
…
Wait. International?? For a BABY?
Casey
Yup.
Also: I am not allowed to take photos, describe the child, or tell anyone their name.
Jenna
Oh my god, you’re babysitting the Antichrist.
Casey
Don’t joke. This family looks serious.
Jenna
Send me the address.
Casey
Redacted. Literally. They blacked it out and said a driver will “collect me.”
Like I’m a package.
Jenna
😂 Casey, this is either the weirdest scam ever or the easiest payday of your life.
Casey
What if it’s a kidnapping??
Jenna
Kidnappers don’t pay tuition-sized babysitting fees.
Also… you’re broke.
Jenna
Real talk: you need the money.
Casey
I know. I just hate how desperate this makes me feel.
Jenna
Nah. Think of it like leveling up. From broke student ➝ mysterious high-end nanny.
Casey
Mysterious is right. Look at this:
“Child must never be referred to as ordinary.”
Jenna
😂 what does that even MEAN??
Casey
I have no clue.
But the signature line is staring at me.
Jenna
Casey. If you don’t take this, I will. And I can’t even boil water.
(Types) Casey Arden
(Signs) …Done.
Screen Notification: CONTRACT ACCEPTED ✅
Casey
(thinking)
Babysitting can’t be that hard, right?
Right?
Chapter 2: Professor Davies’s Rules
[Casey’s Phone – New Contact Added: “PROFESSOR DAVIES”]
Professor Davies
THIS IS PROFESSOR DAVIES.
YOUR EMPLOYER.
Professor Davies
RULES. READ CAREFULLY.
Professor Davies
1. NO PHOTOS.
2. NO NAMES OUTSIDE THE HOUSE.
3. NO UNSCHEDULED OUTINGS.
4. FOLLOW THE BABY’S ROUTINE TO THE LETTER.
5. ABSOLUTE CONFIDENTIALITY.
Casey
👀
…That’s a lot of caps.
Professor Davies
DO NOT INTERRUPT.
Casey
Sorry, Ma'am.
(But like… are you aware you sound like you’re recruiting me for the military?)
Professor Davies
THIS IS NOT A JOKE.
FAILURE TO COMPLY = TERMINATION.
Casey
Termination?? Like… fired or Terminator-fired?
Professor Davies
DO. NOT. TEST. ME.
Casey
Okay okay okay, sheesh. Got it.
But it’s just a baby, right? Like, diapers, bottles, lullabies?
Professor Davies
YOU WILL REFER TO HIM AS “PIP.”
NOTHING ELSE.
Casey
Wait—his code name is Pip?
That’s… actually kinda cute.
Professor Davies
STAY FOCUSED.
FEEDING TIMES: 7AM. 12 NOON. 6PM.
NAP PROTOCOL: CHILD MUST FACE NORTHEAST.
DO NOT FAIL.
Casey
Northeast?
What is he, a compass??
Professor Davies
THIS IS NOT NEGOTIABLE.
Casey
Girl.
This baby has a nap compass.
Help.
Jenna
😂😂😂 omg stop I’m crying.
Casey
No really. This dude sent me a 5-page feeding manual.
Organic-only. Pureed to “exact consistency.”
Like… Gordon Ramsay levels of baby food.
Jenna
Maybe you’re babysitting the royal family of vegetables.
Casey
Not funny.
Okay, a little funny.
Professor Davies
THE DRIVER WILL ARRIVE IN 2 HOURS.
PACK LIGHT.
Professor Davies
YES. DRIVER.
DO NOT BRING OUTSIDERS.
DO NOT BE LATE.
Casey
(thinking):
Okay. This is either the best-paying babysitting gig of my life…
Or the opening scene of a horror movie.
Chapter 3: Meet Pip
Casey’s Phone – Group Chat: “The Ride”
Driver
I’m outside. Black car. Don’t make me wait.
Casey
Wow. Rude.
(Be right there, mysterious Uber-but-not-Uber.)
Jenna
👀 Send your location rn.
If you get murdered, I’m selling your Funko Pop collection.
Casey steps into sleek black SUV.
Casey
(DM to Jenna):
This car smells like leather, money, and… secrets.
I think I just sold my soul for a diaper bag.
[Scene shift – House Arrival]
Casey
(to self):
Okay. This house is… massive.
Like Downton Abbey but modern.
What even is this job??
Professor Davies
ENTER. THE CHILD IS AWAITING.
Casey
Cool. Totally not creepy.
Not at all like walking into a spy movie.
😅
Casey
(thinking):
And there he is.
Baby Pip.
Not drooling. Not throwing toys.
Just… sitting. Perfect posture.
Like he’s in a baby board meeting.
Casey
(out loud):
Uh. Hi, Pip.
Pip
[Pip tilts his head. Blinks slowly. Like a judge. Like he’s evaluating Casey’s entire existence.]
Casey
(DM to Jenna):
JENNA.
This baby just looked at me like I’m on trial.
What is happening.
Jenna
😂😂 stop you’re making this up.
Casey
I SWEAR.
He has… gravitas.
Casey
Okay, buddy. Bottle time!
(Sippy cup full of apple juice—let’s go.)
[Casey offers cup. Pip blinks. Pushes it away.]
Casey
Um. No?
Buddy, it’s apple juice. Kids live for this stuff.
Pip
[Pip gestures. Points tiny hand… to the glass of water on the tray.]
Casey
You want… the glass??
[Casey hands glass carefully. Pip takes it with both hands. Tilts it back like a seasoned aristocrat. Doesn’t spill a drop.]
Casey
(thinking):
Oh.
My.
God.
Casey
(DM to Jenna):
HE REFUSED THE SIPPY CUP.
Drank from a GLASS. Like he was at a wine tasting.
Jenna
LMAOOO
Okay but… is he secretly like 40 years old in a baby body??
Casey
DON’T JOKE.
I THINK HE MIGHT BE.
[Pip sets the empty glass down. Claps once. Like a king dismissing a servant.]
Casey
(thinking):
This baby…
Is terrifying.
But also?
Kinda iconic.
Professor Davies
(text):
THE CHILD ACCEPTED THE WATER?
Professor Davies
GOOD. REMEMBER: GLASS ONLY. NEVER PLASTIC.
THE SUCCESSION DEMANDS IT.
Professor Davies
FOCUS ON YOUR DUTIES.
Casey
(thinking):
Nope. Nope nope nope.
This is not just babysitting.
This is something else.
And for the first time…
I’m not sure if I should laugh—
Or run.
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