Hello everyone here I am going to share my real life incidents which caused me deep pain, and trauma, both physically, and mentally I hope are going to read it as journal about human behavior and it's response on one's mind.

I’m writing this journal not for sympathy, but for freedom.

Every sentence I put down is a piece of the burden I refuse to carry anymore. I want others who feel trapped in silence to know: you are not alone.

Abuse is not just bruises on the skin.

Sometimes it’s words that cut deeper than knives. Sometimes it’s the weight of fear, pressing so heavily on your chest that you forget what it feels like to breathe freely.

It gets even worse when you have to stay with your abuser.

Let's start.

I am staring with my family. My family is very traditional. Let's say I have younger siblings Emily and Josh. My father is a narcissistic abuser who is also a mamma's boy. Josh is carbon copy of my father who luckily get a more strong independent woman who has good moral values as mother. In entire family my mother is the only person I can rely on. I have a pretty good relationship with my sister too. Relations between remain two males and me ruined because of their superiority complex. They consider themselves superior sometimes thanks to my mum because she is the one putting up with their shit.

Problem is that I never like the idea of serving men. Especially when serving the came with losing your worth in process. My father never liked my this attitude. I don't like his inviting my uncles and his friends over to drink. I never like the idea because it can affect us as well. You all know how dangerous it can be to hang out with drunk people when you have two daughters at home, and it can also affect the mentality of their son. I addressed this problem, and he was like it's not like that they are your uncles you think they are going to do something bad to you? Me was like I know they are my uncles and trust them but what about their safety they are gonna drive! What if they met an accident? And what about other people who you bring to home? he was so furious.

He never liked me after I started talking. I stopped speaking on this matter. But one day, his friend from work harassed me. I was shocked because I knew him since I was 10 years old he was so nice to me. I was so confused I told my mother that he did something I felt comfortable I was finding words. She said your safety is in your hands. Yeah that woman, who was swearing to protect me even if it cost her life. That all was a lie.

My father beat me so many times and I couldn't even do anything about it. He used to hit me at even smallest mistakes. One day he slapped me just because I took a snack from his plate and I didn't say anything I just left and cried. He was filling my university form. I know didn't have the power to talk back to him. I was helpless. One day he slapped me and drowned blood out of my upper lip my nose bleed because I look in his way. I was unable to breathe from nose for a week and can only eat liquid food. And still my mother blamed me. She said your father is feeling so sorry I saw in his eyes. Yes 🤡 he was feeling sorry. My brother was furious that I was not talking to our father anymore, and I was being so selfish he provides for us and all. Mind you he once made me cry for a set of 200 rupee books. I had to beg book store wale uncle for giving me one book because I didn't have money to brought entire set. (my father is a government employee and has no shortage of money and even gave money to pass my brother in 10th and +1) He brought him two phones and my brother don't even care about studies, he skips school don't respect teachers.

Once he beat me in front of our father, and he didn't say anything. He said I was well deserved of this. He always wanted to humble me, but I never break. I could see satisfaction in his eyes.

Today I got my periods and my brother stole my earphones. I asked my mother and sister to take them back from him, but he didn't. Then I went and searched in his room and find them. He was hiding them. I scolded him and the moment changed into something terrible.

He tried to hit me with 6 kg dumble on, butn but I grabbed that (he is taller than me) them he dragged me from the back of my neck across the hall and slammed me into my sister's door. Then he grabbed me again and slammed me into wall and I fell on the floor in front of our parent'door. My mother asked my father to stop us, but he said she deserves it. My mother stopped and scolded him. I was already suffering from period pain and from hitting the ground with my stomach caused more pain.I also suffer from lower disc problem, and it gets even worse now.

Want to know how I get revenge without actually doing anything ?