' There will come a time that you will all ask for my forgiveness. But when that time comes I will just turn my back and walk away. Never to turn my head to your direction. Because at that time I no longer your child. I no longer longed for the love. I no longer needed you, for me to stand up. When that time comes I will no longer Shed a tear, for I will no longer loved you all. '

" You f*cking bitch!" my father yelled at me, before his hand landed to my neck. I was slowly gasping for air while looking at him with pure hatred. No Love just hatred.

Asking myself why did I even Idolized him, and wishes to have a man like him. I blame myself for loving him too much as my father. For trying to be a good daughter he wanted me to be.

Tears slowly escape my eyes, and as I glanced at the direction of my mother who was standing at the back of my father. Trying to take my fathers hand away from me. While pleading to let me go.

But I think my father is determined to kill me this time. But I don't care, not at all. I just wish this would be over and I can be free. If I die I won't suffer anymore. I won't wish anymore. I won't asked anymore.

But my father slowly let go of my neck. He looked at me before saying "Useless daughter!" and walked away. My mother tried to touch my shoulder, but before she could even touch me I move backward so that she wouldn't reach me.

I saw how shock she is, but I just smiled and enter our house. I directly go to my room and lock the door. As soon as I locked it, my tears came running out of my eyes.

I slowly walked towards my bed, while my face was being wet by my tears. I was trying to control my sobs so no one could ever hear me. As I lay down to my bed, my head started to clouded a questions.

'When will I stop loving them? When will I stop feeling anything for them? When will I stop shedding tears for them? When?! Because I'm already tired. Tired of being their daughter. But my heart keeps asking, pleading and needing for their love, affection and recognition. All my life I wanted to the perfect daughter they wanted me to be. The obedient daughter they want. But why?! Why am I not enough?! Why?! '

My mind is filled with questions that I don't know if I could ever answer it. Because right now I don't know if I could still make it tomorrow!

With so many questions going in my head. I feel the tiredness of my body. And I slowly, slowly closed my eyes. Still worrying what will happen tomorrow. But I hope I can still make it.

I hope I can still make it......

"Mama, where is my Papa?!" a young girl ask her mother that doing their laundry.

"Your Papa is in his Mistress!" the mother replied without looking at her child.

'So my father doesn't want us. He doesn't love us! That's the reason why I never got the chance to see him!' *the young girl thought in her mind.

She walked away and entered the house to help her sister who is currently cooking their dinner. She was watching her frying the fish. The young girl saw how irritated her elder sister is*.

"You vile fish! I'm gonna toast you really hard!" her elder sister said while looking at the pan, where the fish was. The young girl can't stop smiling when she heard her sister.

'Its okay if I don't have a father. At least I have a sisters and brothers who will care and love me forever. If our Father doesn't want us, then we don't want him too. We won't need him, for as long as I have my Siblings.' *she said in her mind.

Months have passed and the young girl never again asked about her father. She never bother herself by that topic again. But little did she know *the one she wanted to forget was coming back to them. Not just coming back to their life but also taking them with him.

At first she was terrified, but at some point she was happy. A little happy, for their father didn't forget them or abandoned them. He was just simple away because of his work. But now He was ready to take them. The little girl was overjoyed, but little did she knows it was the start of her nightmare.

And she discovered the reason why her mother choose to left their father. Why every time she asked about their father to her brothers or sisters there were hatred in their eyes. There were unexplainable emotions that wanted to get out, but they choose not to let it go*.

Morning came and as usual I need to prepare for my school. I got up and take my bath towel. As I enter the bathroom, and take of my cloths I got passed by the mirror and see the print of hand in my neck. It's the evidence of the nightmare that night.

But who cares, I am sure my father doesn't even care. I'll just wear a scarf or a jacket with hoodie to hide the marks. And I wont bun my hair for the time being. So no one will see it.

As I open the shower and water started to drip in my body. I remember yesterday night's event. And I couldn't help myself to stop feeling the pain.

I always say that I will never shed a tear for them, but I always get failed to do so. And pain keeps on bugging me, wishes and hope keeps on tearing apart inside.

After half an hour staying on the shower, I got out. And started to dress up for school. I don't want to stay in this house any longer.

After I finished up, I go out of my room and it happen that one of my nephew just got out of their room.

"Good morning young man! " I greeted with a genuine smile.

"Good morning, Aunt!" he greeted back, with a sweetest smile and walked towards me and hug me. As if the world are just like fantasy.

"If I remember correctly, you should be at school now? Why are you not dress up yet!" I asked as we we're walking downstairs.

"Aunt did you forgot? Today is a big day, so I won't go to school!"

Did I forget something....Hmmmmm.... oh that's right.

"**Oh silly me, sorry I forgot about that. Well now that you don't have class, you should still read and write. Okay?!"

"Yes, Aunt! I will! I just eat downstairs and I will read after!"

"Okay, eat well then. I'll see you later, bye**!" I kissed his forehead before leaving.

I was about to open the door to go outside, when I hear my mother's voice.

" Don't you need eat yet, before you leave?!" she asked in a concerned voice. As I turned around I see her worried look, and as she gaze at my neck I see that sorry eyes of her. Which made me feel mad at her more.

" I didn't pay for my food here, so I won't eat. And besides I will be late if I eat. " 'and I can't bare to eat with the same table with that man.' I wanted to say, but choose not to.

So I turned my back, and sneak a sigh before opening the door and leave. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I have to. Or I will always be the one to get hurt.

I will always hope and longed for the things that they don't want to give. I don't want to add hope for my pitiful heart. For I know it will never happen.