Habang naghihintay ako sa mga kaibigan ko sa plaza dahil maglalaro kami ng basketball, tama kayo ng narinig basketball kahit napakababae kong tao, may napansin ako na buo ang pamilya na nakaupo sa gilid kung saan ako nakatambay, pinagmamasdan ko sila at masasabi kong napakasaya nilang tignan, mayroon din naman ako niyan dati bago magkawatak-watak.

Akala nila wala akong alam sa mga nangyayare, nakakatawang pangyayare. Alam ko ang lahat ngunit hindi ako nagsasalita.

“hindi bali na”

Bulong ko sa sarili ko, anim na taong gulang palamang ako ng iniwan ako ni mama sa tatay niya para mag trabaho sa malayo, anim lamang ang edad ko ng iniwan ako ni lolo sa bahay kubo kung saan siya naninirahan, isang mangmang, tahimik ngunit matapang na bata, hindi nag rereklamo. Ang totoo iyakin akong bata ngunit ano paba ang magagawa ko? Ayaw kong iwan si mama, pero ako ang iniwan nila.

Buwan ang lumipas bago bumalik si mama, hindi ko tanda kung paano ako na buhay ng wala siya na nag aalaga saakin at naalala ko pa na pumapasok pa ako sa paaralan.

but how did i survive?

maybe it's survival instinct?

or maybe more than just that?

i instinctively thought, my brain become foggy a little bit.

Pagbalik ni mama mas naging sakitin ako nang walang kadahilanan, nagpalipat-lipat hanggang sa gumaling ako but i became numb and forgetting most of my childhood memories. It became mystery for teenage girl like me.

My mother and i decided to stay in Cagayan De Oro as she found work as a maid in a wealthy neighborhood, it's peace and promising as we rise up from poverty but then God gave another challenge. I got sick once again at mas malubha pa, hindi isa, hindi dalawa, kung hindi tatlong sakit.

I was diagnosed with Congenital Heart Disease, Dengue, and UTI. Lumubog na naman kami sa utang dahil saakin, i was confined in ICU and needs immediate operation sa puso, but sadly the doctors said they can't do it because of lack of equipment, and also a lack of fund at ito yung nakakatawang pangyayare my father side did not help, ha! They gave every burden on my mother.

Supposedly may taning na ang buhay ko, i'm like a cigarette, unti unting nauubos ang buhay, but my mother gave everything pumunta kung saan-saan para humingi ng tulong para mapa operahan lang ako, dugo't pawis ang ibinigay para may maibili ako ng gamot at mga kakailanganin ko

That's the only thing i remember, the sacrifices my mother did just to let me survive such a disease, she let me survive to live my life.

“tolllll!”rinig ko na siyang ikinagulat ko

“bat ka ba sumisigaw?!”naiinis kong sigaw kay matthew, habang inaayos ang buhok ko

“kanina pa kita tinatawag, nakatulala kana naman! Ano mag lalaro paba tayo? kanina pa sila naghihintay sabi ni michael”kitang-kita mo sakanyang mukha ang inis at irita

“ano tara na!”sabi ko nalamang upang wala ng gulo

I should be dead right now, but i live.

Grade 6 yet only 9 years old, someone keeps manipulating me because of money, it was supposedly my friend, maybe i'm young but i know she's greedy for money oh how funny because i let her manipulate me, i need accompany, i'm also guilty because i'm also greedy for the warmth she gave me. Until i met someone that i become distant, she's from a wealthy family, we live in the same neighborhood hood, she's not greedy for anything, we go through thick and thin, she got a depressive aura lagi kaming magkasama at hindi agad-agad mapaghihiwalay, she also has a third eye. Her name is Myra.

Habang nag r-recess kami ay may na ikuwento siya saakin

“Angel, did you know that i already met you at grade 5? Binubully ka lagi ng kaibigan mo”she said while in a deep thought

“no, how could i know? if i already forgot almost everything?” seryoso kong sabi dito.

As the time past by i need to go to manila for another check up, i got separated from her for one month at naging late narin ako sa enrollment that caused me na mapunta sa last section of grade 7 at siya naman ay sa second section but that's it, we are still in the same school kaya okay lang.

We always meet each other every recess, lunch, at pag uwian until may lumapit sa akin na lalaki, he wanted my help.

He's my classmate, his name is John.

“Can you make me a letter for Myra? Yung tagalog sana? tapos ibigay mo na din sakanya nahihiya kasi ako”he requested, i can't forget it, how shameless.

I can't distinguished my feelings, but i got jealous for no reason, i want to reject it but in the end i agree to his request, i wrote a letter for her, every sweet words i know and also gave it to her after recess.

“pinapabigay nga pala ni john”i said at sinamaan ko siya ng tingin

Her smile is so dazzling that i was in a daze for while, I want her

“can you give me more letters? I want to keep it in the box”she said gently, shocked and nervous i only nod as my response

Days past by again

John came to me to stop writing a letter for her, he got disgusted by a pimple? I want to stab him with a pen but i stop myself.

If he doesn't want her, i want her, cringe to hear but yes.

But then i betrayed her trust, hindi ko na siya pinapansin, nilalapitan niya ako pero wala lang siya saakin tila ba'y naging hangin, she become transparent, i don't know kung ano ang nangyare saakin bakit naging ganon ang attitude ko. My heart and mind wants her yet i can't control my body. Hindi na kami nagpapansinan. I, myself was also stunned but it's already too late to say sorry.