"Ouch!!" "How Many Times Have I Told You Riya Not To Mess Things In The Store Room"

I shouted from the store room to my 10year old daughter. Darkness and the dust was not letting me know what fell over me. But as the dust resided I saw a box I never knew I had. "Huh?!" "what is this?!" I was curious to see what it was. Forgotten about the clothes I came to search for. I brought the small wooden box in my room and opened it slowly giving it time so that it can maintain its rusty and dusty wood. "creak" it opened letting me know what was inside. "A ring??" I saw a ring carved with the beautiful letters of my parents. My eyes watered at the sight..."mom" I whispered. Letting me soak with all the feelings all the emotions that I had cooped up inside me. I missed her... the way she did my hair....the way see took care of me... the way she told me about my father...how much he loved me and would have wanted to put me to bed every night. I missed everything about her. As I regained myself from the trauma I concentrated on the box. Which was left with only "A diary" I picked it up in my hands gently stocking it's cover with my fingertips. The words written sending me goosebumps and making me more curious.......it said..........."THINGS I WANTED TO SAY BUT NEVER DID"

Mom?? I missed her.... her handwriting making me remember the time when she used to teach me how to write. The clumsy me always making silly mistakes and that women independent and strong always making me correct them. She had something in her. The way she uphold herself. The way she showed herself always up for a fight teaching me to never give up was it only me that felt something was missing or was it really the truth. Was she really that strong?? Than what is this diary about? Was she so venerable that I never got to know her? I never got to know my mom? But why? Why a diary not her daughter? Didn't she trust me enough to show me her weakest side? Why mom why??

I felt everthing I did till today was of no use cause today I had fallen as a daughter...... did I really not able to see the pain that was hidden in those eyes??

(Did she had something she wanted to say?? Was she so lonely that she never got a chance to open up?? what was it??) Everything about those letters made me more Intrested to read that diary... Has she written about me? Has she written about herself?Her pain her suffering or her venerabliliy?? or has she written about dad? "I wanted to read it all.. .. no I had to read it..". I thought "but not now after I have plenty of free time". I said and closed the box placing it beside my study table I went to do my daily house chores.

In the afternoon after I was out of work I sat in the balcony with a warm cup of coffee in one hand and the diary in the other.

I was curious earlier but at that moment I was scared. Sacred of the hidden truth I am going to face. Scared of the pain I didn't know my mom was coped up with. "Was I really a good daughter to her??" was the only thing popping up in my mind.

It's true when people say that "one's importance is known when that person is no longer" And right now i knew why they said it. I was missing her badly if only she was alive. If only i could hug her enough and say that I am there even if you feel lonely. But I am too late. To late to make amends to late to say anything to her. But wherever she is right now i wish her soul to "rest in peace".

12/5/1990

Dear diary,

Today I got you as a gift from my mom. I know I know I m a lazy person but I want to write something. Something that only we could share.

So today is 12 of may my birthday. Can you believe I m actually 21 and still act like a kid. Can you blame me?? I like it this way. I hope it never changes. I have moved to this new place a few days ago. This new and unknown place where people are all so busy in their work that they don't even care. I have been here for a week and I already hate it. I miss my old place where I could hear my neighbors talking my friends running Into each other houses. And people's love and care. Out here it's filled with total loneliness and sadness.

Anyways so tomorrow is my first day of college. After I transfered here with my parents I haven't made any friends but tomorrow will I be able to make new friends or will they ignore me as all the people here do?!

13th May. (evening at 9)

Today I went to my new college. Tho the semester have already started the students and teachers were really welcoming I really didn't expect this but It felt good.

I made 2 friend Rosmika and tamanna. They are fun a little but talketive but they are fine. I hope we could be good friends in the future. So everything in the college was fine. The teachers were very friendly and helpful. I really enjoyed their classes and had a fun day but something really interesting happened today. Something I don't know how to explain.

I was in the canteen with Rosmika and Tamanna having our lunch chatting and laughing when our eyes met. The wind around us suddenly stood still. My breath rigid. Eyes fixed at his... what was that... I thought is it my imagination or it feels a little suffocating. Why did his stare bother me so much??! My laugh died in my throat and I was suddenly nervous as if..... as if i m in a interogation room and he is going to introgate me. Is he?! I broke our little eye contact and lowered my gaze to my food and silently began to eat. I appeared to be calm and composed but deep inside I knew.....I knew I was far from that. I was having a storm going inside my head and my heart as if.... as if i am going to have a heart attack soon. The girls seemed to notice me and asked what was that about. But instead of answering their questions. I asked them "who he was". They were taken aback by my sudden question. "Was I supposed to know him?? Why are they so shocked??" before I could ask them anything the bell rang and I had to return to my class.

14/05/1990

Dear diary,

Today we meet again. Those glowing blue eyes glimmering with astonishment and a little excitement was it only me that noticed that.

I was early for my morning classes and thought of spending some time in the library as I was picking a book that had taken my interest someone suddenly grabbed the same book from my hand. I raised my head to see who it was and..... there he was those blue curious glances...

"umm sorry you can take it" he said his voice a little hesitant but soft as if music to my ears. "it's....it's fine you have have it I'll choose something else"i said curious to know him. He smile making me blushed all of a sudden what was that with him? Why does me make me feel things I have never felt before? Is he the same to everyone? I thought. "Hi I m Abhishek." he introduced himself I was in awe lost in my own thoughts. "umm hello??" he snapped his fingers infront of my eyes. "Huh?!" "oh sorry I m Riya" I introduced. "It's nice to meet you Riya." he said forwarding his hand. "like wise" I said and made a small shake. But was it me or I just got sparkles from his touch. Did he feel that too??

We were just exchanging our names when suddenly "Riya." someone shouted my name from the background I turned my head to see who it was Abishesk excused himself and left. "Tamanaa?! Goodmorning" I greeted. But she was shocked as if she had seen a ghost. "Tamanna??" I shouted once again. "Huh?! Oh! What was he doing here??" she asked in return. "Nothing we just exchanged names nothing else" I replied thinking back how we had our first hand shake. "WHAT DID HE SAID HIS NAME??!" she screamed. "silence" the librarian shouted back. Tamanna pull me by my hand and took me to the canteen as we were just seated she bombered me with a tons of questions. "Did he seriously talked??"

"Are you sure it was him and not other?"....

"calm down Tamanna it was him okay" I replied back but as soon as I replied she fired another question "Are you sure??" "yes I m sure Tamanna" I replied back.

"but... but he never talks to anyone" she said sounding amazed.

"No.. he can't. He sounded friendly" I said remembering how he smiled and introduce himself.

"okay its late let's go to class"i reminded her and we headed to our class.

We had a lot of interesting classes today but how could I be Intrested in any when all I did was wondering about his smile. How his lips curved upwards how his cheeks digged up into small dimples how that smile made my heart flutter.

It was already day break and I was still lost in his thoughts sitting on my chair. "Oh God!! what is going on with me?? why am I thinking about a guy whom I just met 24hours ago?? Why am I so lost?! dammit!!" I jerked of my chair and left my room towards the kitchen.