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Where I Lost Myself

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SYSTEM
SYSTEM
SOME POETRIES 🖤✨️
IT'S ALMOST SAD,
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Almost sad when they sound different around others, When you'll notice you haven't seen this part of them. It's almost sad, When you know it's because they're not comfortable around you, Or perhaps you don't give them enough reason to be themselves. ~🖤✨️
YOUR SOUL
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Your soul is a gift that keeps on giving for eternity. I tried for the longest to wrap my head around the makings of you, but there aren't complex prose in which I could write without trapping some side of you inside a box, shadowed behind the sparkles of your other qualities. And this dilemma you craft from nothing makes all the witches and magicians doubt their sorcery. ~🖤✨️
YOU TELL ME
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You tell me “I am too much” as if your heart were a forbidden place, locked away, as if feeling deeply were a wound that refuses to heal. But sweetheart, I crave the storm in you, the tempest hiding in your chest, the wild, unbridled surge of emotions no one else dares to face. Let me drown in your chasms, wade through the shades of silence, trace the flimsy map of your contusions, run my fingers over every indented rim, each splintered shard where the light has seeped out, yet somehow, beauty outshines despair. If your love is a battlefield, then call me to arms. If it’s fire, let me be consumed until I am ash. I have always craved for a place fierce enough, raw enough, to measure the depth of what I feel a place that dares to test if my heart can stand unbroken, even in the heart of your storm. ~🖤✨️
BREATH
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Breathe into this dead air and you shall know the desperation of acceptance, Breath into those delicate eyes and you'll forever instill the agony of a slow burning dance, Breath into the heart that was raided and you'll know your hands can't be a steady balance, Breath into your intoxicated senses and you'll know the taste of a longing trance.         -so don't breath in, breath out.
CRYING IN THE NIGHT
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I cried in the middle of the night, alone, where no one could see, wondering how I became so lonely, how my heart felt so empty. I blamed myself, over and over, thinking maybe it’s my fault that no one holds my heart close, that I’m here, waiting in the dark. I still cry for someone to choose me, to see me, to say I matter. But I know, deep down, tears can’t make love appear, tears don’t bring someone near. Yet I let them fall, quiet and slow, because even if they don’t change anything, they’re the only way my heart knows to say it’s hurting and alone. ~Thoughtless

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SYSTEM
SYSTEM
HERE SOME OTHER POETRIES
I DREAM
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I dreamed a dream, That might have flown away anywhere, I threw a web stream, That might have torn from somewhere. I stared thoroughly, To get through it all once again, I kept my eyes steady, To make myself remain there. I aspired to an aspiration, That might fade away, I stumbled on the path, That might keep me far away. ~🖤✨️
THE WORLD
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The world is too cruel to allow no mistakes. The margin of error is where I survive, where I learn to forgive myself for being human, for needing more time. ~🖤✨️
ONCE UPON A TIME
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Once upon a time, all I saw were sun rays brushing the golden of my dwelling but now I know all faults, all indiscretions, all failures are magnified. The perfect masterpiece is in my view, floating lights in my vision as it covers the flaws and what changes every fortnight you might ask, wondering if my lens is jaded. All I can say is, I have started noticing flaws, found the shades of the shadows inside of me. ~🖤✨️
AS LONG AS
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As long as you see what you choose, you'll skip the prizing eyes skimming your skin appraising you for their delight, you'll take the gaze as an admiration. As long as you comprehend what you choose, you'll take those who linger in their pursuit to be ones who adore you. As long as you decide to ignore the intent you'll live by crumbs of pretty word and suffocate under hidden malice. ~🖤✨️
WHO HAD I BEEN FOOLING ?
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Who Had I Been Fooling? I sat at a table across from sins. I watched all that was done and displayed, in the acts of things I said I could never be, I was the great spectator. I told myself that as long as I kept my heart right, it didn't matter what my eyes saw. Across the table from sins I sat. I heard all that was spoken, in the words that had wounded my ears, I was a keen listener. I told myself that as long as I still could discern from right and wrong, it didn't matter what I heard. I sat at a table across from sins. I participated in the laughter and words that were spoken, in the sight of things I disagreed with, I was a distinct participant. I told myself that as long as I kept my composure and only said a few that were right, it didn't matter where I was. What had I known to have been certain I knew right from wrong? Who was I to have said it hadn't mattered? How long had I lived to have believed I was already who I could be? The moment I proceeded my way out, that which I experienced was all my mind began playing. And when I spoke, the words didn't sound like mine. And when I began to think, my thoughts were stringed to all I've seen. And when I began to act, it was the things I never thought I could do. The truths I knew became blurred with uncertainty. I became certain on perhaps and probability. Only I knew how much I had been affected. But I had to go on pretending that I hadn't become the things I was surrounded by. I told myself that as long as I didn't have to show it, it didn't matter who I've become. ~🖤✨️

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SYSTEM
SYSTEM
HERE SOME MORE POETRIES
CAGED MAN WHO WRITE
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Caged men who write In his confinement, the caged man sat at his desk, coupled with crumpled papers and ink, for he is a writer, and he writes of the things he sees through his shrouded window that sits across the vast ocean. The pictures he paints are of the enormous ships filled with people who are bestowed the will to still move about. He captures their laughter with captivating words. He tells stories of their dresses, faces, kisses, glistening shoes, ebony and ember hair, of their beauty and the birds that rove above them, all, behind the walls of his bars. I am a free man; I tread the earth with my feet. I go places I please, meet new faces, and always have a different story to tell. On my desk are crumpled papers and ink. I write. I write of my past, pain, and this meager life. I paint pictures of the things that haunt me but are yet to devour me. My sorrow hovers over me like smoke from a burning flame. I know what I must do, yet I do not do what I must. I know this world itself is a cage, yet within this cage, I built an invisible cage that grows smaller with the passing seasons. I find it hard, to breathe. He is a caged man, but in his confinement, he painted freedom. I too, am a caged man, for in my freedom, I painted bondage. ~🖤✨️
ONE DAY
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One day, I want to go on a quiet road, just me or maybe someone who understands quiet. I want to leave everything behind for a little while, letting the road carry me far from home. I’d stop to look at empty fields and small, lonely places, drink coffee in tiny shops where no one knows my name. With an old camera, I’d take pictures of soft, gentle sunrises, and shadows of myself, so I remember I was there. I’d run through forests with no one to chase me, follow the fog like it’s a fading dream, make crowns from flowers that fade by night, and feel the wind tangle my hair, taking pieces of me with it. I want to find little things I’ll leave behind someday, meet people I’ll never see again, and in the quiet, feel the soft ache of time passing, wondering if these memories will keep me warm. ~🖤✨️
NOTHING
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Nothing of what I am belongs to me. If I exist in what I know of myself, Anything that I overcome, Will soon overcome me. Nothing of what I am interests me. If there is, within my heart, Any fervent feeling, It will be a fervor in vain. Nothing of what I am will I ever be. I dream, and in my being, Only a dream exists of what I may attain, Only I know I will never attain it. ~🖤✨️
NOW I HAVE
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I now have a taste for bitter words and half baked lies; those stories with crooked ends I'm their screams in silent sighs, for I've been a person of storms, hoping for more sunrise and dreams, so ardent, yet on my lips I've had them die. ~🖤✨️
I WAS TOLD
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I was told to be myself, but not too much of myself. they love authenticity just as long as it’s tailored, palatable, wrapped neatly for easy consumption. ~🖤✨️
TWIRLED
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As she twirled on the floor of the future, non existent on the contemporary moments that determined her morrows, she jabbed and stabbed her way through untouchable fullness of time until it became one with her present.        ~and now she likes to say she owns her moments not the clocks ~🖤✨️
KEEP GOING
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Keep Going No one told us this— that life would keep moving, even when we feel too tired or too sad to get out of bed. No one taught us that some days would be so heavy it feels hard just to breathe, and yet, we’d have to keep going. We grew up thinking stories end happily, where everyone smiles and rests. But life doesn’t always wait; it just keeps going, step after step. So we learn to hide the tears, to laugh even when it doesn’t feel real, to walk forward, even when it hurts, pretending we’re okay. And maybe that’s what strength is— not being loud, but finding a way to keep going, quietly, softly, even when no one sees. And maybe that’s enough, just to keep moving, step by step, with a heart that refuses to stop. ~🖤✨️
THEY CALL
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They call this healing, as if the scars are badges of honour, but I find it strange that we glorify the wounds when all we ever wanted was to not be cut open in the first place. ~🖤✨️
CALL ME A COWARD
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Call me a -Coward- But I wish to leave everything undone. I wish to leave before finding out what my true purpose is. I wish to leave before everything eventually makes sense to me. I wish to leave before seeing a butterfly sit on the back of my hand. I wish to leave before touching the skin of my lover and watch it ignite me. I wish to leave before any of my loved one leaves my life. I wish to leave before the darkness suffocates the last breath of my hope. ~🖤✨️
THOUGHT
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Thoughts stream in like a flood, My heart drips, droplets on paws. I see a blue road submerged in red mud. While dreams escape between the seams, A blackened sea, stretching far as the eye can see. Pale blood, as I lose the rhythm of God's love. As the shadows pass by, I know I must pay in kind. My last and only soul sinks beneath the poisoned ground. Bullet ~🖤✨️

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