As i stare in the gray sky with cold expression, I keep asking myself when shall i die. Im tired being in this life where all the happiness in me had vanished like smoke in the wind, and how fire dispersed with water. I don't believe in affection, because I've seen it shredded in front of me at a young age. There's no such thing in my vocabulary. I am Jibrylle Garcia and i don't believe in love

As my thoughts keeps on whirling my mind i heard my phone vibrate as i received a message from a friend Xy*** Belarmino . i read her message and expecting an invitation to stroll around somewhere.

From: xy*****

Hey! prepare yourself im almost ready and will be at ur place in a minute. can't wait to buy Christmas presents!! 🤩🤩

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To: xy*****

Wished u told me a little early. 😗 just call me when you arrived

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i didn't consume a lot of time preparing. A girl like me who doesn't wear make ups and a boyish one only need a minute.

Christmas! that word suddenly approach my head. yeah the day after tomorrow is Christmas already, but i already forgot the happiness Christmas brings towards a person. I thank god every Christmas as a sign of tradition but being happy on that day is out of me.

After preparing im up on texting her but i already heard a hand clapping approaching to our house and knew it was my friend. I quickly open the door and welcomed her without letting her talk first.

xy***: how'd you know its me?

me: no one else would clap her hands that loud in this neighborhood

xy***: well you have a point, so lets go?

me: sure

So as plan we went to the mall and she bought gifts. I just stared at her buying. I am always happy shopping with this friend of mind but today is different. how can i be happy seeing Christmas decorations ? my friend noticed me and asked

xy***: aren't u gonna buy gifts?

me: why would i? i already give ur gift in advanced together with ur birthday last month aren't i?

xy***: yeah i know, but for ur father or for ur self?

me: me and my father will just eat dinner together as a celebration then lay at our different rooms listening how people celebrate Christmas happily. Where fine with it 😐😐👍

xy***: and i wont fight you with that

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Christmas..... if only it didn't happened, maybe i can smile widely like before without thinking others words... Maybe i can still be me. the real me. A person thats not afraid of affection ang love from someone.

Many tried to pursue my heart but failed for they can't break the ice covering my heart. Im not easily be fool cause i know where it will end. Sadness and sorrow after a lost cannot be healed easily especially when the wound is too deep and it breaks ur hope in love into ashes.

"dad I'll wash the dishes u can have ur wine if u want"

dad: ok dear, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

"Merry Christmas dad" after uttering my response a smile vaguely as i start washing off the dishes. My dad went straight to the balcony and watch the scenery where kids are excitedly waiting for 12am to arrived outside there houses. Pretty much sure they also have their dinner with their family. This year's Christmas got a little fancy. My dad cooked 4 dishes for us to eat so i transferred the left overs into a containers and put it on the refrigerator. After keeping the left over and washing the dishes i went to my room and grab my phone and scan if someone texted me. I found 10 text messages of greetings from my relatives and classmates. Xy's Christmas greetings also pop in. I greeted them back and scroll my Facebook for a minute. Afterwards i look at the time.. hmm its 11:30 already so i decided to go to sleep. 😴😴😴

*ring*ring*ring*ring*

*ring*ring*ring*ring*

i reached my phone and look who's calling

*ring*ring*xy****calling*ring*ring*

me: hello (in a sleepy tone)

xy***: what are you doing now?

me: sleeping? and you just disturb it

xy***: how on earth ur sleeping? its Christmas like duh?!!....😒😒

me: why on earth ur calling by the way? 😑😑

xy***: well you see ylle ... my boyfriend ask me if i can go at their place. he and his friend where there too so i might got out of place I'd rather have you too. so can you come with me?

me: who's that boyfriend again?

xy***: again his name is ral... ur making it sound like im a play girl....

me: u hurt? 😏😏 do i really need to come?

xy***: yes.. please....

me: do i have a choice?

xy***: no.. 😁 so prepare urself... ral will fetch us up...

me: fine... meet you at the bridge then

xy***: ok bye (beep beep)

as I step out in the house my father suddenly came and ask where am i going.. i told him i will just meet xy*** so that he will not opposed and i succeeded, but father told me to be home before the sunrise. I agreed and went to the bridge and found my friend and his boyfriend ral talking beside a car while waiting for me...

xy***: here you are atlast! ral meet ylle... ylle my boyfriend ral (introduced us to each other)

ral@me: hi/hello

ral: so ladies lets go?

xy***: sure 😊

me: im hesitant.. can i not come?

xy***: no way high way .... (as she grab my hand and push me inside the car)

me: fine..... just let the window open. you know i have motion sickness. fresh wind can help.. if u dont mind ral

ral: sure no problem...

What a silent night inside a car. that's what i thought but this lovey dummies in front is noisy 😒😒 seriously? sweetness is feeling the atmosphere but it cannot break through my serious aura...

minutes later the car stop's in a house with a vintage design "woah" i utterly whispered

"it's been a while since you've become amaze to something" whispered xy*** in me

its kinda true. ive been a walking stone since.

as we enter the gate several laughing voice dominates my hearing. as in all boys... now i know why my friend ask me to come.

"guy's! listen up. meet xy*** my girlfriend and her friend ylle" - ral as he introduced us

all the man's attention is on us. I feel shy. introvert syndrome strike... 😦

" please make ur self comfortable" said the man with an ear piercing as he prepare a chair for me and xy***

we seat together with the boys ... and a second after, the noise continues with the man's laughter, xy*** is busy talking with ral too and im left with my head down and playing with my phone.... it will be a long morning for me though.

I keep on playing with my phone and let my surrounding enjoy. I feel a little outcast, but my situation suits me well. I don't know this guys and my friend xy*** forgot that im still here, and no one even bother to introduce theirselves. i had no one to talk too for almost a half an hour. i look at the time in my watch and its almost 2am and im boored. although im an introvert and being alone is my forte but being alone yet surrounded by people makes me awkward and boored.

"ral?" i called him that makes everyone's attention focus to mine. now i feel more awkward than usual. *sigh*

"can u please tell me where the rest room is?"

i asked with a serious tone and a bored expression.

"let me accompany you" - offers one of the guys

"follow me" - he said after he stand and walk

"please excuse me" i said and look for xy*** and smile before following the guy

The rest room isn't far as i thought just a 2 turn from where we are then ull see the rest room

"ill wait here, u can go on" he said as we arrived in the rest room

"ok thank... thank you ahmm.. mr?"- me

"Rafael Acer, u can call me raff" - said he

"ok... just a moment"- me

I really didnt withdraw any call of nature . I went in this rest room to avoid awkward atmosphere there. i just wash my face, wipe it up then go outside... where the guy patiently waiting for me

"sorry did i take long?" - i ask

" it's fine, actually better so i could skip a round of glass" said raff

" awe . ok" - i responded

as i watch our every step back to the gate side he suddenly stop walking that make me stop too. he turn his gaze to me so i look up straight in his eyes trying to mind link him asking whats the matter ...

"what do you drink?" raff asked

"ahmm me? " i replied

"maybe yes, ur boored in there.

you have no one to talk to while ur friend is busy chitchatting her boyfriend so i thought giving u a drink will make u company" raff

" well thank you for ur thoughtfulness, any ladies drink will do" i said while looking down

" ok , should i get one for ur friend too? " raff

"maybe u can. drinking it will depend on your friend" i honestly said

" you have a point" raff said as he dial someone on the phone. it is less in my concern so i just went straight to my chair and play with my phone again

a moment later i was disturb by a glass of tequila in front of me, when i look up to see who gave it to me i saw raff serving it.

"enjoy urself its Christmas" he said with a smile

I've accepted the glass of tequila and thank raff. so the moment went on. the tequila became my buddy while playing with my phone...

suddenly a message pop out and it was my father's

from: dadda♥️

make sure to go home before sunrise. ill be out to get some stuff at work better home when i got back

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after reading may dad's message I immediately look at the time and shock that its almost 5am. ive been focus on my phone and the tequila that i forgot the time 😣

"xy*** i gotta go first*- i told her

" wait ill ask someone to drive you home" ral said then look for his friends that is still capable..

i stood up and stop immediately shitt! im drunk. did i drink that much? 😵

"let me drive her" said a guy from which i remember it's raff's voice..

"wait for me at the gate" he said and inside the house

i tried to maintain my composure and said my goodbye to them. my friend will be staying with her boyfriend so i just go and waited outside..

few minutes later a big bike stop in front with raff wearing a helmet. he give me another helmet so i wear it immediately and place myself behind him in the big bike .. my drunk mind went dizzy wanting me to puke but i push myself not to.

the big bike suddenly stopped in a small space beside the road and i feel raff move a bit, reach my hands and wrapped it in his waist... i tried to fight ..

"don't try it, ur drunk if we continue u might puke in me and my helmet, just rest for a while and lean ur head in my back" - Raff said

i didn't argue anymore cause what he said is true

before i close my eyes i still hear him say "tequila is not a juice u silly"