"you are too young to let the world break you"

I've grown up hearing people throwing this words into each others face like an easy task, and me being the innocent little girl i keep repeating it everyday so that i won't forget, if i only knew what's ahead of me; but if we all know what life is hiding for us we would not make some decisions, avoid interacting with some people or even stopping ourselves from saying regretful words,

if we do we won't learn and life would be meaningless.

My name is Minah i'm 19 years old economic student i have one older brother named Alen and younger one called Mason,yes i'm the only girl in the family believe me it's not that cool at all.

I'm good student \(not always we all have ups and downs\)and i love what i'm studying i draw read books at my free time and i'm good cook, i take care of my siblings and my friends.

Everything sounds boring and normal till now but what behind this facade is a whole another person a diffent story that no one knows, behind this persona is a broken and depressed girl, someone standing at the edge of breaking down; someone standing between life and death.

I grow up with a family but i raised myself, seeing my sibling getting the love they deserve and me getting the hate that i don't deserve, growing up everyone jealous from the grades i get and the family that i have while I live in a house i can't call it warm home, i grow up seeing everyones life without me in the picture and bottling myself hiding my feelings until i forget how i feel,i grow up in a country where depressed people that go to psychologist are crazy and abnormal.

Everyone suffers in silent afraid of speaking thier minds so they wouldn't misjudged and misunderstood by the society, welcome to my world.

To start let's use some magic and travel 10 years back in time and meet my younger self and join my life trip full of surprises and adventures and find out the secrets that i hide from everyone, some that i dont even dare to say it to myself and how i over come difficulties, facing disappointments while trying to make my way up to my dreams and my happiness .

the story of the girl who is stuck between having it all and giving up her life stuck between her true self and people's expectations starts now.

A\N

hello i'm lily and this is my first book i hope you will enjoy it this book's ideas based on my life'a events with some changes i want to write this so i can help other overcome difficulties and share the way i did if this story will help anyone even with 1% i would be gald

♡Inner child♡

When i was young i was looking for adult's life i was jealous; i though they were free,fearless and more important happy.

I had alot of dreams and i couldn't wait to grow up so i can make'em all come true don't mind my pure thinking, i pictured life sweet as a chocolate river like a rain of candy, oh boy i was so wrong.

I wasn't my mother's favourite child i was the smartest amongst my siblings so all she cared about was my grades she was never satisfied but always wanted more i though by working hard she will love me but well i was naive let's just say my mother is another story that i will talk about in the future.

My childhood wasn't that nice no one liked me since i was little girl everyone thinks i was born with a golden spoon, you know what they say don't judge the book from it's cover i was too innocent to understand how life works but when i grow up i wish i could go back in time so i can play with my dolls and cuddle my giant teddy bear.

I'm minah the perfect girl in everyone's eyes the same girl who was abused by her closest people or let's just say family anf bullied by the neighbor's kids, i was too innocent to know what i have to do but try to make myself accepted .

 But then i realised i'm unwanted here and no one cares that innocence i valued more than anything started to slowly fade away every day i lose part of it and it replaced with piece of darkness.

The truth is i'm minah the girl who is silently suffering from depression, anxiety, panic attack... the girl that has no right to say no why because she is a girl (the low in a lot of countries).

I'm minah the lonely girl who is always afraid to be judged, the girl who wished she never existed.

I was invisible that no one noticed me my pain and the way my eyes' light turned off.

 I'm not naive nor innocent i lost it while building a strong version of me but it's something i really miss and hope i will get it back one day how? We all have someone inside of us we call "inner child "and i know mine is still there all i need is to motivate that precious baby to wake up,

That child inside of me inside of you and everyone, needs to be embraced no matter where life takes or what the unknown future hides for us he represents our purity it's one of the reasons we are alive and going through the life's hardships, a connection between childhood and adulthood, the part of us that helps us enjoy and take a break from the responsibilities we have, the real person we need to keep along with us and never let go.

My mistake is forgetting that he exists in a young age, the questions that need to be asked here how did i lost it? When? And what reason ? I spent years thinking about these questions well of course i won't find the answer in the books but it's just buried deep in my mind and i'm juat afraid to know it, when i was ready i found it, the answer is "an early maturity";

 So what's the an early maturity means? Is it good or bad? Maybe both? i wonder...

 ♡Early maturity♡

Me and Alen aka my old brother grow up taking care of each other since my parents work and me being a girl i was like the old sister to him at some point we had a good relationship but my father's favouring me over him (note the sarcasm) caused us to grow apart.

What makes it worse he started to cause me problems with my mom and him being my mother's first child, her favourite child she always believed him even if it's not true so minah has to pay for mistakes she didn't commit, i have no right to object, to defend myself or to explain my side of the story all i got slaps and hurtful words.

if i say i wasn't hurt is a misunderstanding, it hurt like hell, i cried i screamed but a silent one and i couldn't tell my father \(now i'm glad i didn't you'll find out why soon\).

I was alone but i didn't give up instead of cry my eyes out and waiting for some magical miracle to get me out of there, i made mine and i fought but to survive a war the first enemy was youself; you have to sacrifice many things inorder to survive and i did; it was pretty huge sacrefice but i'm glad i did.

I became an adult in a young age so i can take of myself without asking someone's help even the one who should give me love and care.

I start to understand what being responsible of myself means :"instead of playing i dealt with my problems instead of hugging mom and cry while telling her that a girl tried to bully me or a teacher scolded me i kept it to myself hiding my true self from the people who should give me love" i mean isn't that what we do now days hiding everything from our parents so we wont worry them because we are old enough to deal with i just started early but for diffrent reasons.

I call it early maturity i don't recall how it starts or the first thing i did i guess it's just came spontaneously but it woked well.

This is the first thing i sacrifice part of my childhood a part when i should have been playing and having fun but i was trying to deal with problems that seem tiny right now but back then it was huge challenge.

To be honest it's has positive and negative impacts or was good i was strong and didn't just sat at the corner and cry but i stand up on my feet and paved my own way but it was bad that a precious period an important part of my life slipped out of my hand in the blink of the eye.

If i can go back in time i would enjoy my time being a child and free, ignoring those small things that bothered me but if i knew what it meant back then life would be meaningless if i can say one thing would be dont lose what good stuff you have in hand right now and worry about the bad ones.

What i'm trying to say is me you and everyone must live and act their age because the problem will be solved, sadness will fade away but time once it's gone it's never coming back.

I mentioned earlier my brothers Alen and the other one Mason they played a huge part of building the new me, so why don't i talk about the brotherhood With my siblings; how i witnessed it, how i wanted pictured it and what truly means....