I am like every day, alone in the silence of my room with my favorite book between my fingers while the leaves and lines pass through my eyes, my mind is reproducing moments from years ago, I have been told many times that to fully heal I must being able to talk about the things that once made me cry without it hurting

One of my favorite writers quotes "only those who have no memory forget" others "memories are kept in a cabinet with a label not to touch and throw away the keys."

I believe that those memories make you who you are, the pain and everything else is part of the process of what you have become... Although my memories are not always pretty, they taught me and made me what I am today.

In my mind I see myself as a girl, dreaming of being a doctor, I see myself dreaming of Prince Charming that I saw in my favorite series, I see myself believing in happily ever after, from Beauty and the Beast

I look excited about Tiana and the toad, that kiss that was magical. I also see myself giving up my dreams

My pink world was not so pink, but today I am grateful for everything that has happened in my life, it has made me strong, it has made me see that the only limit I have is myself.

What was I thinking - I question myself in the great space that surrounds me, I take off my clothes while a tired sigh escapes from my lip, rather from my soul,

I'm working through the Playlist that plays on the loudspeakers, my tears begin to appear on my cheeks, those that I held back for years. The one that lived in my soul for years, the one that I refused to let out, they come out today I was always stubborn and that prevents me from seeing how I really am.

While my body, tired from having a bad night, working all day, trembles, tearing at my soul, with a simple tear so painful that I only have to hug my body and tell myself that I will be fine.

That I only have to cry until I empty every corner of myself to finish healing, that I have a lot to do, that I have many things left to do that I cannot give up.

I closed the door, the windows and I turned off my cell phone, I just want to fall no matter what... it will be a long day but when I leave here my heart will be bandaged and a thread will unite the missing pieces. My eyes, red from crying, remind me of the sadness that lives in them. I have been told that I must let go in order to be well and I do not want to forget, I refuse to forget what brought me here.

Everything happens for a reason and I'm healing little by little, it's time to finish cleaning and erase everything that doesn't do me Everything that hurts my being, that wears me down, that steals my energy, spirit, and that hurts and tempts against my peace.

Today a new beginning awaits me!!

I left my parents' arms when I was 4 months old. When I turned one I went to an unknown city with two unknown people who, although one had my blood, I didn't know who they were. My mom was a 16-year-old teenager when she had me,,,, and she got pregnant with my sister when I was 6 months old. He had to work because our parents were irresponsible. The years went by. Birthdays came and I spent the whole day waiting for my parents to call. I just wanted that, I just wanted them to remember my birthday. Even though my adoptive parents tried to encourage me, nothing did it like telling a 5-year-old girl that her father doesn't remember her birthday. At 3 in the afternoon every 12/24 I would lock myself in my room and cry until I fell asleep until the 25th. From the time I was 5 to 11, that was my ritual every December. I hated that date. I hated the person who was born, I didn't ask him to be born, it was his responsibility .... anyway

With the passage of time ⏳ I began to forget it and swallow my feelings..... I began to lock myself in my world, there were no special days... from then until today I cannot record an important date in my memory.... since then my feelings are from me to me

Since that day I cried for the last time when I felt that my soul was opening little by little with each tear... since that day I stopped expecting something from someone since that day my emotions changed

Since then I became more quiet and reserved... I started studying English, drawing and mathematics I began to try harder and harder every day my smiles were counted and looking at the sky became my favorite activity.

Many times I fought with my mother, I told her to her face that that man was nothing of mine and that I didn't want to know about him. For her she was a spoiled brat, but seriously at that time she did hate him... I remember that when she came home from school she would go for a walk through the trees and places far from houses. As time passed, I became one of the best in mathematics and natural sciences, but he never appeared in my life.

When I was 18 years old I started going to therapy I started to heal and stopped hating him but that doesn't mean I want him in my life He has his life and his family behind me and that is fine for me. Maybe I'm bad, maybe I should try to meet him or at least call him but it doesn't come to mind Sometimes I forget his existence for months, it must be that his wife writes to me so that I remember his existence. I wish him the best always but far from me