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July 2, 2016

"The stocks have reached rock bottom! If I weren't a fool for their tricks then I wouldn't have needed to ask countless of people for help. I even beg 'till my knees were sore!  What more can I do now?!"

My eyes opened in shock as to what I heard. It was my uncle Sam's desperate voice. I turned to see my clock and saw that it was 10 pm then I immediately got out of my bed and tried to find my uncle.. 

Natascha Wilson.. A 21-year-old architecture and business management student at Maxwell University. I came from a well-off family, as what my friends tells me, but to me, I'm just a fortunate orphan. Designer bags, grand outfits and rich-rich stuff aren't really my thing, I prefer being as simple as I could, but with style! I had been living in my uncle's house ever since my parents passed away in a car accident when I was just eight years old. My uncle Samuel and aunt Gloria were the one who took care of me ever since. They have always treated me as their own.   My uncle apparently run my  parent's family business that I would soon take responsibility of.. It was left to my uncle's hands after the accident happened. It is supposed to be handed down to me when I reach the proper age and when I want to. I wouldn't mind if their biological child would take it but my uncle and aunt doesn't really have any children. Unfortunately, I'm stuck with it.

During the night, this mansion grows very dark, like a museum closed down for the night.  All the bright airiness of the day fades, darkness falls over it like a velvet blanket and all that's left is the low lit wall lamps that throws short beams across the polished floor, reflecting in some of the glass cabinets where my aunt stores her valuable collections. I silently tiptoed my way to my uncle's study, sneakily hiding behind the enormous curtains in the hallway whenever I heard his angry voice. 

I took a stop, I finally arrived my destination. I slowly wrapped my fingers around the cold metal handle, I raised my other hand to land a soft knock on the beautifully carved and varished wooden door. I hesitated. Should I just leave? I was about to turn away when I heard a loud bang from the inside.

"What are you talking about?! I would give up everything to save this family and this company. How cruel of you to think about marrying your niece off!" 

My eyes widen, mind? blank.

My  heart raced too fast as I impulsively opened the door. Hands trembled as fear enveloped my entire being. 

"N-nat.. how long have you been standing there?" my uncle asked.

My ranging eyes were taken aback as they met my uncle's gaze. I had gathered thousands of words to say, in the end, I was left with nothing at all. He looked so haggard and tired, dark circles formed around his once shining eyes. His tie were unevenly tied. I felt a stinging pain in my chest as I saw him stand in front of me like that. He may not be my biological father but he never made me feel like I was not his child. He was always there for me even when I didn't necessarily needed any help.

Beside him, was my aunt. She looked at me with desperation in her eyes. My eyebrows frowned in confusion when she suddenly cried and knelt to the ground. I was utterly startled to her actions that I didn't know what or how to react. My uncle immediately held my aunt and told her to stand.

"What are you doing in front of your niece, Gloria?! Are you really gonna be like this?!" He angrily shouted at her. But she didn't budge. Instead, she kept saying sorry to me.

My heart felt pain when I heard what my aunt suggested. I wanted to get mad at her and run away at that exact moment, but I somehow couldn't, I'm supposed to be an adult after all. And despite that, they have helped me become who I am now. I eagerly want to help them, I really do. Just not this way, I can't just marry someone I don't know! This is absurd! 

I walked towards her and knelt down, eye level. I silently gave her a hug. She stopped crying and looked at me.

"Nat.. Natscha..Please forgive me for saying this.. But the company is dying, Natascha.. A lot of big shots we owed wants to hurt us, our family.. I'm afraid you might be in danger as well.. And I think only you can save us.. please Natascha.. I know I'm being too selfish right now but this is also to protect you." Aunt Gloria said.

"Honey, stop.. Natascha, let me handle-" My uncle protested.

"Please marry Mr. Dawson's son.. It's the only way the company could get back to its feet.."

I couldn't even react surprised anymore. I expected it would be him. Besides any other rich families we know, the Dawson family had been the closest to ours. The bond of both families had always been strong. And that wasn't just it, I knew Mr. Dawson have been eyeing on me as his "daughter-in-law" since I was still young. It isn't really an exclusive headline if his son and I would really end up marrying one day. 

I sighed and took a deep breath as I broke away from the hug.

"You know I can't do that, aunt.. Nate would be-"

"Please.. Natascha. I'm begging you. He's a nice man but so is Mr. Dawson's son.. And I knew you and Nate had become quite distant in the last few months. It would be the best time to brea-"

"No, Natascha you don't have to-" My Uncle spoke.

"Aunt Gloria! Please.. I'm an adult. I would do anything to help resolve this issue in any way that I can. Just not this! This isn't right,  you may force someone to marry but you can never force someone to love. It's up to me to decide when I leave Nate or not. That way, I'd rather blame myself than hate you."

I quickly stood up and took a step back. "I-I'm going back to bed. I still have classes tomorrow. Let's talk about this some other time.." I left. I immediately rushed to my room.  

I couldn't believe all of that just happened! I slumped into my bed and hid under the sheets until I fell sound asleep.

I woke up to sound of little birds' chirping, to the bitter sweet aroma of coffee and to the busy clanking of utensils.. It was morning. Like a beautiful morning I used to wake up to. Except for the drama that happened last night, today would've been a very beautiful day. 

I stood up from my bed and quickly washed up. After getting ready, I took my things and went down to have breakfast.

"Good Morning, dear.. I made you, your favorite breakfast.. Toasted Bread and Avocado with Veggie Salad on the side, just the way you like it... Come with us." My Aunt greeted me.

"Uhh.. Thanks, aunt." I sat down and took a bite. The entire time I was eating  breakfast, I felt so much awkwardness and pressure.  I took a breath and mustered up the courage to speak. 

"Uhm.. I'm gonna go visit Nate today, so I may not have dinner with you this evening.." I said as I checked my wristwatch and realized it was almost time for class.. When I was done, I hurriedly got up and took my things to leave.

After Class, I decided to go visit Nate. I didn't see him at school today. I hope he's alright.. I have already texted him a couple of times but there was not even a single reply. I took a deep breath and remained calm as I stood in front of his door. I still felt embarrassed when I harshly made him leave the last time we met. 

I called him but he didn't answer.. Maybe he's not home? Or is he asleep? 

I tired to twist the cold knob and it was surprisngly open.. Is he home or did someone broke into his house?

"Nate?" I called him out. I felt uneasy as the lights were off. Either way, I still walked inside quitely. Tiptoeing in every step. 

A few steps from the door I stumbled upon something on the floor. I picked it up and it was his clothes. 

"Why..is this here?" I whispered to myself. He's not really the freaky clean type but he never really throws his things anywhere around his house like this. I shrugged it off as I placed it on the couch and continued walking towards his room. He could've been really exhausted from work and forgot.. A thin long beam of light reflected into the wooden floor as the door was slightly open. The more I got closer, my heart raced splendidly faster than usual for no reason.

"Nate, are you there? why didn't answer my-" 

What the hell is happening?

***

***

Nate was literally infront of me. Lying in his bed with another woman beside him.

I couldn't move an inch. I was completely frozen. I didn't expect Nate to do something so horrible to me like this! There must be a nightmare..

He suddenly woke up and saw me standing infront of the doorway.

"Nat? What are you doing there? Why-"  he asked and then turned to his side. He looked so shocked and hurriedly looked back at me.

"N-nat.. It is not what you think it is.. Let me explain.." He covers himself and tried to go near me.

"Stop. Don't go near me.." I said with teary eyes as I took a few steps back. I can't believe this! How can this happen?

"No.. No.. Please.. Listen to me." He tried to grab my hand but I pushed him away.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!!" I shouted.

"Nate?" The woman on his bed woke up and called out his name. He looked at her and looked at me again.

There was nothing I could do but run away from that hideous scene. Tears couldn't stop running down my face. I got out of the building and walked further away.

"Nat!!! Wait! Let me explain!" He chased after me and grabbed my arm.

I whisked his arms away. I wiped my tears and composed myself.

"Thank you for making it easier, Nate. Goodbye.." I walked away from him but he grabbed my arm again.

"What do you mean?? Look babe, let me explain-"

"It's okay, Nate. You don't have to explain. It's over. Now, let me go." I quickly hailed a taxi.

"No.. Please.." He begged.

I got into the taxi and went straight home. I couldn't fully digest what just happened. I know I was gonna leave him anyway but I didn't expect to end it this way. If deciding to leave him for my family was like being hit by a car. What I saw there, in that very apartment was like being hit by a train to hell. The pain just tripled the hell out of it.. I don't even know what to do anymore..

I went home crying. Yes, I'm an idiot. I know it. I just trusted him with all of my heart. I never really wanted to marry someone else besides him. I was gonna ask for his help and find another way to solve my family issues. I didn't want to leave him. Turns out he wanted the other way..

I couldn't do anything. I even left my car at his apartment's parking lot. The amount of stupidity in me is just overwhelming.. So, I just cried and cried until I fell asleep.

I woke up with swollen eyes. I remembered what happened last night. I took my phone and saw a lot of missed calls from him. I blocked his number.

I decided to wash up and distracted myself by reading books and finishing my school works. I stayed in the house the whole day, I'm not ready to face him yet. I just want some alone time to think about everything rationally.

At dinner, we just sat and ate quietly. I took a deep breath.

"I agree.." I looked at my Uncle and Aunt. My uncle seemed confused at first but he understood what I meant.

"That's great news, dear.. Don't you think, honey?" My Aunt replied. She held my left hand and looked at me.

"What about Nathan?" My uncle asked worriedly.

"We had a huge fight. I broke up with him.." I replied.

"Oh.. I'm sorry to hear that, dear..." My aunt said.

"No.. It's fine. This was meant to happen anyway.. I'm just glad its over. I decided I should marry Mr. Dawson.. My family is more important than anyone else in the world anyways.." I said.

"Thank you Natascha.. I'm terribly sorry you had to do this.." She said.

"Are you really sure about this, dear?" My unlce asked.

"Yes, uncle.." I smiled forcibly.

I took a deep breath and continued eating. It's done...I don't know of just acting rashly because of my emotions. I feel hurt to have been betrayed by the man who I trusted my love the most.. We already promised we'd marry each other no matter what happens. I guess its impossible now..

Life turns out to be way more unpredictable than I had expected.. And now, I could guarantee thag fate is certainly a foul player..

"Are you really okay, Natascha? Tell me.. What really happened?" I didn't even notice my tears were dripping down face like a faucet of sorrow already.

How more stupid can you become , Natascha..

I quickly wiped my tears away and smiled at my uncle and aunt.

"What is wrong with me? hahaha Yes.. yes. I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Something just went into my eyes. hahaha.." I laughed awkwardly and stood up.

"I'll just.. go to my room and wash up.." I hurried to my room, locked the door.. I felt weak. My tears bursted out. My chest feels so much pain.. I feel like I couldn't breathe. I don't understand. Why does it hurt so much?? I can handle this.. It is just about a  guy.. You can get over it anytime soon..

But why is it becoming too painful to bear?

Its monday. I have to go to school and request a withdrawal of enrollment. My uncle said that I could continue with my studies after the issues in the company are settled. Well, I could stop studying and rest for a bit.

As soon as I arrived at the school gates, I saw a very familiar figure standing. He stood there in his usual spot, where he waits for me in the morning. His dark brown hair softly brushes against the wind. In a second, I found his Hazelnut eyes locked into mine.

I was completely tranced by his grand presence. However, the once familiar feeling of excitement was no longer present. Only the outrageous throbbing pain is what I can feel.

Once smiling faces truned to sorrowful images. Fluttering hearts are now only Bleeding hearts.

Little butterflies have become an empty brush of the wind.

I shook my head and avoided his gaze. I walked past his but he eventually grabbed my arm.

"Nat.. Can we talk?" I shook off his hand off.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Collins. I'm kind of busy right now.." I walked away.

He chased after me and hugged me tight. I just stood there all frozen. I couldn't say anything. What I knew was that I could cry there anytime but I trying to be strong and held back my tears.

"I'm so sorry, Nat.. Please.. hear me out. Please..." I don't need the whole campus to hear about our sad little drama. I've always hated seeing young couples fighting in the middle of the campus.

I pushed him away from me. "No, Nate. There is nothing to talk to.. It's over. We're over. Please leave me alone.." Then, I walked away.

I may sound harsh but I think its better this way.. If we learn to hate each other, maybe we could easily forget about how we were once happy having each other...

Farewell, My love...

***

***

May 26, 2014

"I promise I will always love you, Natascha Wilson.."

I quickly got up and turned to him.. We are at our favorite spot in this Park. Summer break is almost ending. Nate called me out because he wanted to talk about something.. Apparently, we are having a picnic out here. Just laying down on the blanket and peacefully looking at the birds up in the sky. Nate is my best friend since we were in elementary. He's basically like family to me. He often visits me at our house because he said that his family was quite messy to handle and I always tell him, at least he's got a mother and father. I couldn't quite understand the meaning of that poetic speech he just said so I gave him the 'did you hit your head somewhere? or are you just admitting that you're crazy?' look.

"What are you talking about? Of course I love you too, hahahah.. You're the best friend I could ever have.." I laughed.

He suddenly stood up with a serious face and stared at me for like a minute. Well, this is becoming awkward..

"Nat, please be my girlfriend.." I blushed. What the hell is wrong this man?! Is he sick or something?

"Did you eat something bad this morning? Let me call our family doctor.." I reached for my phone but he took it from me. "Hey!! Give it back to me!" I shouted.

"I'm serious.. It took me a lot of courage to tell you this.. Please be my girlfriend.." He said.

I was completely taken aback. Wow, this conversation escalated from 0 to 100 real quick.

"Hey, hey.. I know that you're cute.. well, sometimes. Aaand I have a crush on you... sometimes.. cuz of that too hahaha... Well, most of the time, yeah.. But-" He didn't let finish my sentence and pull me to him. 

He gave me a soft peck on the lips. For God's sake my best friend just kissed me!

I didn't know what to do. That was my first kiss! This idiot just stole it! My heart was racing intensely and I feel like I couldn't breathe.. 

Should I get mad at him for stealing my first kiss? What should I do?? Can I take a moment to Google up 'How to react when your best friend suddenly kisses you?' real quick?

He looked deeply into my eyes and turned his head away. He covered his face and blurted 

"Sorry!! I think I'm going crazy-" I was shocked by the situation but seconds later, I found myself.. Yes.. me, the one and only me.. pulling him and went straight for his soft lips. Good lord, I must be going crazy as well. 

Unconsciously, I wrapped my arms around his neck as he kissed me back. My mind totally went blank. I couldn't think of anything else, the only thing I could hear was the fast pounding of my heart.

We broke away from the kiss and caught our breath.. He smiled at me. I blushed and lowered my head as I was so embarrassed.  It also wasn't just a peck. What the hell did I just doooo??

"So its a yes?" He held my chin up and looked at me. I couldn't think of a reply so just simply nodded my head.

He suddenly hugged me tight and thanked me.

"Thank you Nat! I promise I will always love you and take care of you forever and ever.." He smiled and looked at me.. And I replied,

"Yeah me too.. You will always be my best friend and my love.. Forever.."

I walked out of the teacher's room when my phone suddenly rang. It's Uncle Sam..

"Hello?" I answered.

"Nat, are you free tomorrow? The Dawsons want to have dinner together. Will it be alright?" He said. 

"Yeah.. I met with my professors and I have already withdrawn my enrollment for this semester." I replied.

"Great... You can go shopping for yourself a lovely dress for tomorrow if you like.." He answered.

"Yeah, thanks Uncle Sam.. Uhmm.. can you please ask Mr. Bailey to fetch my car at Nate's? We had an argument yesterday. I was in a hurry, so I forgot to take it." I asked.

"Sure, Nat.." He answered. "Thanks, Uncle Sam.. See you at home.." I hang up. I decided to leave immediately. I certainly don't want to bump into him again.

It was evening the next day, I am standing in front of a gigantic door where behind it was my future husband. My heart couldn't stop pounding hardly. My hands were completely shaking. However, I felt comforted when my aunt smiled at me and held my hand.. My uncle proceeded to open the door.

Okay.. This is it.

In front appeared a man that looks just like Uncle's age stood with great and humble posture. They shook hands and introduced themselves. I couldn't feel at ease. I was nervous. My aunt still held my hand. So I felt reassured. 

"You have such a gorgeous niece, Mr. Wilson.. It's nice to meet you, dear." The man smiled at me. 

"Thank you, Mr. Dawson.. You have a very handsome son as well.. My niece is very excited to meet him." My uncle replied.

I'm not..

The two adults chuckled.

"Nicholas, come meet your future wife." Mr. Dawson teased. A tall man with Black hair, deep blue eyes that resembles his father's humble and smart appearance stood in front of me. He chuckled at his father's remark and walked toward me. 

He sure is a gorgeous man. He stood with confidence but I could see a hint of his gentle side shown in his shy smile. He held my hand and gave it a peck. 

"Good evening, Miss Wilson..I am Nicholas Austin Dawson and I am very glad to meet you too.."

I was too mesmerized by his grand presence that I didn't even notice his actions. This person looked like someone that every other girl would die for. 

Well, maybe lucky for me.. I am about to marry such a man. I thought.

However, I felt a little prick in my heart as I remembered how Nate used to give me hand kisses in the past as well.. I shook my head. What am I even thinking about? 

The dinner went well than expected. The adults kept talking about the wedding and a few future cooperations. In my case, I just ate and replied to some questions. I didn't want to seem that uninterested but I just cannot feel that comfortable. Especially when my 'fiance' kept staring at me. 

Apparently, the adults decided to get over the wedding as fast as possible. Well, I couldn't blame my Uncle and Aunt.. They had to, for the company and the family.. 

In the end, I just hope I'm really making the right decision..

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