Original Author: Paperbug

Cover: Paperbug

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Description:

"This is the closest I'll ever get to flying."

No one can fully understand the truth behind the girl's suicide, unless the person who jumped tells toy the story themselves.

But that's impossible.... right?

But what if it was actually possible, what if she tells you why she killed herself? Would you spare some of your time and be willing to listen?

Well, I'm Amber Fields and this is Why I Jumped.

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This story describes the ten days before Amber committed suicide.

⚠WARNING⚠ I highly recommend readers to be 18+

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Disclaimer:

Please do NOT read if you are triggered by suicide or self-harming!!!!!!!!!!

This story contains a small amount of romance.

This story is not meant to be romanticized or suicide in any way.

⚠WARNING⚠ I highly recommend readers to be 18+

This story is dedicated to a gril out there who feels lost and alone

...CHAPTER ONE...

I stood at the edge of the cliff that gloomy Sunday.

Part of me needed a place to think without being interrupted, and another part of me actually thought of jumping that day.

The sky was a dark grey, and then I felt the first cold drop of rain. And then the second. Pretty soon, I was standing there as rain ran down my face and soaked my hair. It was cold and I was shaking, but I did my best to ignore it.

I didn't bother putting my hood up or seeking shelter. If I decided to jump that day, I would have landed in water anyways. Getting wet beforehand won't matter.

I took a step closer to the edge. The waves crashed down below, but they were too far away from me to hear. I could still imagine the sound of them roaring as I got closer and closer after jumping. Soon enough, I'd be relieved with the calming sound of water before it all ended. It would be the best way to go.

I need to do it. Now, I thought. Because waiting would only cause me to change my mind and complicated everything. And in the end, death is inevitable, so why not just end the pain now? Prolonging it is useless.

I close my eyes, just relaxing and letting the rain consume my thoughts. I was about to step off, when suddenly, a voice that I didn't recognized spoke.

"Please… Don’t do it."

I froze, unable to move. Another obstacle. Another person standing in the way of my only way out.

"Everything will be okay. Ending it all isn't the answer…"

I slowly turned around. My eyes were already glazed over and a tear managed to slip out. It was unnoticeable due to the rain, but my red eyes had to be obvious.

"My name's Grayson. Grayson Anderson." He took a small step closer.

"Just go," Was all I managed to spit out.

"And leave you here? What kind of person would I be if I did that?" He smiled sadly.

"I just… I've made up my mind. You're wasting your time." I looked behind me and back down to the water. 'Soon' I thought.

"Please. You have so much to live for." He took another small step forward.

"You don't know me. I don't know have friends. No one will care if I die, so I'd rather be dead and at peace than be alive and stuck here." My voice trembled. "This place… it's hell. All of it."

"Well I want to be your friend. I'll care. And I'll feel so ashamed of myself if you end up jumping." He seemed genuine with his words, but I just knew that once he saves me, he would forget about me. He wouldn't actually want to stay and be my friend. It would ruin his image if he was seen with me.

And even if he did want to be my friend, I wouldn't want it to be under these circumstances. He would only want to be my friend because he'd feel obligated to do so. I didn’t want to be looked at like some charity case. I'd want my friendship to be real and genuine.

Pity. It would all be out of pity. That's not how friendship is supposed to work.

"I.. I just want to die. I've wanted to die for a long time, but now I finally have the courage to do so, and it doesn't seem to be scary anymore." I replied but only the half-truth. Yes, I've wanted to die for a long time. There was nothing to look forward to. I didn’t fit in here, but I knew I'd fit perfectly with the water. I'd jump and the water would pull in for an endless hug, and I would just swim forever.

The lie, however, was that it doesn’t seem scary anymore. I was more willing to go through with it, yes, but I was still terrified. I didn't know what to expect afterwards, and if it would hurt.

My life was the only life I'd ever get, so choosing between life and death will never be an easy decision.

Grayson took another two step closer to me. "Let me help you. Let me help you see how beautiful life can be. You don’t need to die to find peace." He held his hand out to me, and I could only see that his eyes were filled with hope. A sense of hope that I would take his hand and choose to live.

So I took it. He pulled me in for a tight hug. I was brawling but he still stayed. And after a few minutes, he asked me for my name.

"Amber Fields." I replied quietly.

...CHAPTER TWO...

I woke up to another grey sky, instantly putting me in another miserable mood. Goldridge had been really grey and rainy lately. It's pretty ironic, actually. For a town named Goldridge, it wasn't very golden or sunny.

I forced myself out of bed and checked my phone. The only message was from Greyson. He gave me his number so that we could stay in touch after he stopped me from killing myself the day before. He was the only person who knew what happened.

Grayson: Hey, Amber. How are you feeling today?

Amber: I'm fine, thanks.

Grayson: That's the biggest lie I've ever heard. You're getting ice cream with me after school.

I couldn't help but smile to myself. Although we had only met yesterday, he was the only person who I could consider a friend.

Although I said before that I don’t want to friends with someone due to their pity, or because they'd feel obliged, a part of me knows his kindness towards me is genuine, and not just a mask he puts on to try and keep the suicidal girl alive.

Because I'm sure there are some people out there who like to take it as a challenge. They want to see if they can keep you from killing yourself - for their own benefit. The way they won't be succumbed with the guilt that comes with the inability to prevent a death.

I guess it’s understandable in a way, though. No one wants to feel like a murderer; not being able to save a life.

I sent Grayson a quick reply about the ice cream.

Amber: Okay.

I turned off my phone and tossed it onto my bed.

***

"Bye, mom." I said, although I knew she couldn't hear me. She was passed out on the couch after her night of drinking. I'd left some Tylenol and water next to her for when she'd wake up. She'd undoubtably have a hungover; as she did every day.

My mom was an alcoholic. She'd been like that since her and father's divorce. We weren't financially stable, since she'd spend all of her money on alcohol, which she had basically consumed every minute of the day. I couldn't even think of the last time I've seen her awake without a beer in her hand.

Our house was trash. Most rooms looked decent, besides the living room and kitchen. The living room had beer cans and bottles everywhere, with an old broken one next to the wall where she'd thrown it during one of her 'drunk tantrums'. There was even a small dent from where it had hit the wall. Our couch smelled like alcohol and the stench made me nauseous. It was covered in moss stains, mainly from her drinks but who knows what else.

The kitchen had dirty dishes stacked up high next to the sink. I didn't bother washing them. I just didn't see the point knowing that soon enough, there was the possibility that I'd dead. Our fridge wasn't as full as it should be, and there were cobwebs in every corner since it wasn't often clean.

I walked outside. The busy roads were enough to submerged my brain into a pool filled with suicidal thoughts. Cars… oh, how easy it would be to jump in front of one… That wasn't anything new. Every day I would think about it, and I won't deny that sometimes I was afraid that these thoughts would drive me insane.

I was right outside of school when Grayson called after me.

"Amber, wait up!" He yelled.

I smiled faintly, but I couldn’t help but feel slightly ashamed of myself knowing that he saw me in one of my worst states.

We continued walking into the school.

"What class do you have first?" He fiddles with the fabric of his shirt.

"History with Mr. Fitzgerald." I mindlessly played with one of the belt of my jeans.

"Me too." He smiled,

We entered the school with five minutes to spare. Grayson sat next to me in class, paying a lot of attention to me. Maybe more than necessary, but who could blame him? He was worried about me.

After a long day of school, having a girl call me a *****, and watching two people whisper about me, it was finally time to get ice cream with Grayson.

"They have REALLY good strawberry ice cream," I said while continued to eat ice cream. "Well, there mint chocolate chip ice cream is ten times better." He pretended to flip his hair in a sassy way, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

I didn't realize that my sleeves had ridden slightly up my arms until I followed his gaze down to my wrists.

"Amber… you did this to yourself?" He asked quietly, as if I was so fragile that he could've broke me if he spoked too loudly. I pulled my sleeves back down as my anxiety level began to rise. "Please… let me see." He delicately pulled my sleeves up and examined the cuts. Some were old and already white, and some were newer; a crimson red.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. My hands were shaking slightly… I felt so panicky whenever someone noticed, or if I just thought someone had noticed. He slightly grazed his thumbs over the cuts. "Don't be sorry, just promise me that you won't hurt yourself again," He pleaded. I pulled my sleeves back down.

"I'll try, Grayson… but I won't promise that I can't force myself to keep.