The first person i saw in my family right after i was born was definitely my mom...

Though I don't remember at all...But it doesn't matter because even if I remember or not it doesn't effect our relationship anyways. I think most of you all also think like that right??

I was the first born.As the only child in my family at that time i got full attention of everyone,loved and adored by them.But soon after that my sister was born.At first I was very happy.But it didn't took me much time to realize that something doesn't feel right. Though i was only 3 at that time I could feel that everyone is drifting apart from me and focusing a lot at the newborn.Of course its natural to feel that way and focus on her but i also wanted attention. But i was ignored by my mom. She didn't mean that but i felt like that...So soon my health was being reclined. At last I a 3 year old started crying and complaining to mom that she didn't love me. She was shocked too and soon hugged me started crying too.

We were a family of Four by then.. My father was a worker abroad.So my sister didn't get to see him until she was four. I was already a elementary schooler by then. Actually my younger sister also didn't had it smooth. She was always left at home with my uncle and aunties as my mom was busy with teaching me. But she also never needed her attention as she thought she didn't love her. Our situation was kinda similar but both of us hated each other to the core.

But it kinda went on and I was 14 when my mom was pregnant again with my brother. But this time it was different. Both me and sister were super happy. We really wanted to have a baby to see how it grows up. But we didn't knew that it was the start of a nightmare. She was pregnant in an old age. Her health and body couldn't take it. It was okay at first but as the time went on she became weaker. At last when we went to the doctor for a regular check up the doctor said we can't treat you here you need to go to the government hospital for further treatment as you have eclampsia. I was so shocked but still remained calm as I knew my mom easily gets panicked. We went to the hospital. She stayed there for 3 months. Each and everyday I was praying for her recovery. Doctors said we can't keep the baby and to have a abortion. My mom said,"I can feel the baby moving inside me.How can I tell you to kill it??"

We respected her choice and kept the baby.But soon after that she had a temporary amnesia. She couldn't remember any of us around her. I cried my heart out that day. I still remember how everyone was looking at me.Soon we decided to leave the hospital as they said if we keep the baby they couldn't do anything. We came back home. It was a really hard time. It was the first time i found out what my mom did for us. The things she managed to do alone was heavy for the 3 of us to do. We were in a chaos. I didn't knew how to cook,do the household,wash clothes or anything. That was when i found out how helpless we were without her.As time went on most of the time she fainted infront of me. It was then I think i started getting anxiety and panic attacks but I didn't say anything.The day of her delivery was getting closer.We readmitted her into the same hospital. Her blood pressure was too high to do any operations on her. So the doctors kept delaying. At last at March 4 my brother was born. We came back home the next day.

Our baby brother was born early so he needed extra care. But there was only us two useless daughter. I would rather say I'm more useless as my younger sister did whatever she could.

But the wish of our seeing a child grow up didn't go well. He was diagnosed with many problems. He couldn't sit on his own.At first we thought it was due to his premature birth but after 8 months he still was unable to do so. Again we consulted the doctor. It was an early stage of autism. He needed meds. But my father couldn't afford so we couldn't do anything about him. He was loved by my mom. To the point of forgetting us two elders of his. But this time no one blamed each other. instead we were raising the child together. Time passed. We were a little busy with life neglecting my mom. But as she was also busy with my brother no one really cared about the distance between us. I was send to a college in my hometown while my mom,brother and sister were still in the city.There were a little something between us that was I couldn't sleep without her. Even after my brother being born that habit of mine didn't fade away. But due to my moving out and certain circumstances when i came to my hometown that habit had to die a silent death. And that was when I truly drifted apart from her. Blaming her for not enrolling me in a college in the city while I clearly knew it wasn't possible. That was also when i got depressed seriously. But back then I didn't knew it was depression rather I was just thinking it was simply that I am upset. So I started to try and find something that makes me happy. Back then I really enjoyed reading novels and comics. So I started reading them on phone.My hobby turned into addiction. I was on my phone all day long. I even started to think i don't need anyone else. My mom tried to talk to me but rather i blamed her for being unable to be with me and that my current situation was due to her negligence. She couldn't refute. But soon my depression got worse to the point of suicidal attempts. She broke my phone. I almost committed suicide at that time but when i came to my senses i thought it wasn't worth it. My mom tried hard to keep me calm at that time.As she always loved me no matter what....Then...

(To be continued )