I do not really like the noise coming from the area around me. Especially someone other than my brother. Someone other than the mother; And other animals than Dodo. It would be nice to have these three in my life.

At this point, I accept that Dodo is my friend more than a normal person. My brother and mother said, "Dodo is a puppy that’ll be a companion for you, Little one," but Dodo is more than just an animal especially for me. I see him as a human being whom I love. I see it. Haha, I says I see it. That I see it. Even when I thought I saw it, I wanted to laugh. Just let it be.

I like to be alone in a room with headphones on. I like to play music and do whatever I want. Ko Ko and Mom used to say that when I sang, they would sneak up to the door and listen my songs. Is my voice so good? When I sing, it is as if a person is refreshed and renewed. Most importantly, if I had a small space of my own, I would be able to own it. That is why I do not ask strangers to come to my room and cry. The only persons who can enter the room are Ko Ko and Mom. And also Dodo can.

It's just the three of them. Who in my life but these three? Is there any person who is able to, both mentally and physically, understand me?

Tell me, who will be there by my side? . . .

Please answer me, Mom . . .

Who do I have besides the three of you?

Please answer me, Brother. . .

Who else is next to me?

Please answer me, Dodo . . .

Besides me . . . Besides me . . .

Ha . . . Ha . . .

You think I am crying because I am feeling so sad? You are going to be thinking in the wrong direction. Why should I be sad? Why should I cry? I do not want to cry because I am sad or I do not want to be sad because I want to cry.

When you cry, do you lose the urge to cry? . . .

When you cry because you are sad, do the sad clouds leave your mind? . . .

Because of those who have left you. Because of those who have left you. Will you suffer because of those who have left you?

Do you want to get away from me? . . . Just get away!

Do you want to leave me? . . . Just leave!

Say it all with a smile on your face. I always do like it, and then I try to forget as much as I can about them and the memories they can relate to.

I live as happily as I can.

I think as clearly as I can.

And I clear up the things that bothers me as immediate as they come to my mind.

Touch, smell, taste . . . I live with these things. Touch is one of the most important things for me to be able to see. Smell is a form of imaging that produces images. Taste; you will find it along with me.

Hello. Welcome to my world. What is going on in the world of someone who was born with something out of the ordinary?

...............................

I was at Htee Kale People's Hospital.

At first, I was not in the hospital. In fact, I had not yet come to this world. I had an other small world, not this world where real human beings lived in. To live in, that little world was, at first, good enough for me. But one day, I began to feel that the world was getting smaller and smaller. Sometimes I even kicked the walls of that little world. The walls were so soft.

I did not know how long I lived or had to live in that world. One day I was about to leave that world. In the small world I lived in, I felt like I was drowning because of some fluids. And I thought I needed to get somewhere.

That world was a really good place for me to live . . .

Hmmm . . . They cut the cord of my connection with that world. Why did they cut the rope that gave me strength?

The place where I arrive now was cold. The place where I lived was as warm as this world was being so cold. I did not like this feeling. I did not like it at all. Something was touching me. Ah . . . What was so significantly harsh on my head? Do not touch my body. It hurts. Do not touch.

Sounds? . . . Sounds I did not understand . . . What sounds? I thought it must have been somewhere nearby. Increasing and decreasing the volume several times. Increasing. Decreasing. Increasing. Decreasing. Round and round.

I also tried to mix like those sounds. Ouu . . . My voice was thorny. And . . . and . . . I did not really like the way I sounded.

I never really thought it would be so hard to leave the old place, my tiny little world. During the transition, I struggled to get out of the traffic jam. The new place was full of such harsh experiences. Noisy noises. I did not expect myself to be in such pain.

I came to this world with a lot of noise. I was greeted by the noise of this world.

As soon as I set foot in a new place, I began to feel the roughness of this world.

Before I knew the touch by something I did not know, I was not sure what the world would be like. In fact, before I knew it, I was approaching something warm defending the roughly coldness of this awful place. I could not see what thing is touching me, but it was as if a warmth has sinking into me. Huuu . . . I do just feel a little better.

That . . . I was even touched something in my mouth. I did not know what it was. But it was as if I had regained my strength in the world before. I liked this one. Sweet. Very Sweet. The next time I crave this sweet and energetic thing, I screamed at the top of my voice.

There was more. I was surrounded by something and my face was still covered. In the past, nothing was wrapped up around my body. But here, I did not know what things were happening to me, taking off the wrap and wearing again. Even when I did not like it, I made noises. I was also noisy when I was taken away from something that provided me with warmth and sweetness. In fact, in this world, if something I did not like was done to me, I always made a lot of noise. This place was really different from the previous world I lived in. In this current world, sound was something I did not yet know.

There were two other things I like. I also felt the warmth of those things. The first one gave a rough touch. The other one was not as rough as the first one. It may seem a little harsh on me, but I was glad it was done to me; I did like that touch, the second one. It sounded a little soft, and a voice came out as it touched me. I did not know what laughter sounds like, but I did feel that voice was familiar to me and close to my heart. It was as if I had never heard such a voice before, but as soon as I heard that voice I was given a positive outlook on a new place, wondering if there was anything in this world that I was happy with.

That's how I, firstly, lived in this world.

Later, I knew that the one who gave me pure sweets and hearty warmth was my Mom, the one who who gave me the warmth I needed, even though it was rough, was my Dad and the one who introduced me to happiness, joy and gentleness was my big brother, Ko Ko.

Yes . . . I knew as much as I should have known. I got to know them through touch. It's the same now. I have never seen them but I have known them.

.....................................

There was a game that my brother, Ko Ko, and I played. Ko Ko wrapped my eyes in a white handkerchief (“white”, actually I do not know what that words was but known as "white" according to Ko Ko’s words) and gave me another handkerchief. When Ko Ko yelled, "Ko Ko’s here," I had to move to where he seemed to be and waved that handkerchief. Could I say that I was a good player in that game? As soon as Ko Ko shouted, "Ko Ko’s here," I shifted a little from where I was and started to catch Ko Ko. I was nothing wrong with that game and I always caught him and never missed. When it was Ko Ko’s turn to arrest me, he just didn't catch me. I was good at fasting. When I said, "Ko Ko, I'm here," I lean to one side and move to the other side, and the other way around. The game was not weird; we, in turn, put the handkerchief on our eyes and waved the other handkerchief in turn.

One day, Mom and Dad decided not to play the game. That day, I collided with a flowerpot (they called “vase”) in the yard and fell down to the ground in prone because I abscond from Ko Ko’s catching. It's getting fell hot all over with me. I was wondering what had just happened to me. And I could feel the tears streaming down my cheeks. Ko Ko yelled Mom and Dad. I remembered. I was not the only one who cried that day. I could tell by the sound of Koko that Ko Ko was holding me and crying. "Mom . . . . Dad . . . Please come. Here . . . Our little one stumbled and fell . . . There is bleeding on his lips . . . ”.

Ko Ko was not very close to me that day. He did not come to my room. I'm so bored without him. I just had to play for a while in the morning. Later on, the restriction not to play this game at all came to the fore. How can Ko Ko and I not play this game? Dad and Mom are also very worried about me. I told and promised them I would make sure I didn’t get hurt next time, and I was so happy to be playing like that. “Didn't you see that I used to laugh and smile when I was playing with Ko Ko?” But since Dad and Mom did not want me to play, I had to put up with the urge not to play.

While I was sleeping that afternoon, I woke up to the sound of Ko Ko and Dad whispering. But I wanted to know what Dad and Koko were talking about, so I kept pretending to sleep.

"Is it because of me, Dad? Is it because I’m playing with Little one?"

"No, Son. Not because of you. It's because of a vase that hit your brother."

"Because of the vase"

"Yes. The vase was there, so your younger little one has stumbled and fell."

"So, relocate the vase. Then I and little one can play."

"Can you say that just by moving the vase, your little brother will not stumble again?"

". . . . ."

"Son, I’ll tell you, ‘If there is the lawn with the bricks where you two are playing, your little brother will stumble and fall down again. Then little one would still be in pain and cry. Or it may be that little one is crying because he is too fast to hold himself on. So it'll be the the best that you guys are not playing this game. "

"So, how can we play if we can’t play this game? Little one is . . . He is . . ."

No more voices from Ko Ko. I listened intently. I, literally, could not hear anything. After a while, Dad and Ko Ko left the room.

Why didn't you tell, Ko Ko? I'm . . . I'm . . . Why? And why are Ko Ko and Dad so quiet? Didn't Ko Ko and Dad ever dream of telling me something I still do not know? Shouldn't I know for sure? If you're not sure about yourself . . .

flowerpot (big vase) . . .

A vase that I stumbled . . .

What does a vase look like? . . .

It was a hard thing I felt when I was hit. I do not know the rest. So, I was the only one who do not know what a vase, a thing that even the others, Mom, Dad and Ko Ko knew, is.

That night, Mom and Dad kissed Ko Ko and me on the forehead, telling us not to, unsafely, play again. Before Mom and Dad left the room, I asked them.

"Dad, what kind of vase did I hit this morning?"

Dad and Mom seemed to be quiet for a while without answering. Then Dad answered.

“A vase is a thing as lovely as you, Little one. Round. And Waugh wavy lips.

"The vase is hard, Dad."

"Yes. Of course. She is okay even though you stumble on her."

"I still cried when I fall down. But I think I’m as strong as that vase. I cried for a while. And despite this pain, he still wants to play. Next time, I need to make sure I does not cry like that vase didn’t."

". . . ."

Hmmm . . . Didn't Dad or Mom want to response my words or say anything? I did not even hear Ko Ko's voice. I thought Ko Ko was asleep, so I was going to sleep too.

"Dad, I'm going to sleep. Is Koko asleep too? "

"Your big brother is asleep. Then I will turn off the light and close the door, Little one. Good night."

I closed my eyes to sleep. I was going to sleep. When I was about to go to bed, I was still thinking about Dad telling me he turned off the light and so why he had to turn off the light.

What happens when the lights go out? . . .

Do I have to turn off the light when I sleep? . . .

Do I feel sleepy only when the light was turned off? . . .

So what about the old days? We’re the lights always off? . . .

Whether the lights were off or not; even if the lights were on, nothing seemed to change to me.

How do you define light and darkness that I have heard? . .

What game should I play instead of the one I no longer play starting from today? . . .

.....................................