**Prologue**

Issac

   I never imagined I would be in this position. The position where I’m sitting on my bed with my head in my hands trying to find some kind of motivation to go on. The position where you’re gone, where you were shot, just because people couldn’t accept you for who you are. For who we are. For what we were. Now I’m stuck here in a world where you’re no longer alive. In a world where I’ll never get to talk or laugh or cry with you ever again. A world where I’ll never again get to feel your touch or kiss or hug or the way your fingers intertwined with mine. It’s hard being in this world. But at least I can see you one last time.

   At your funeral.

   I wish I didn't have to think about that. I don’t want to remember that I have to see your lifeless body in your open casket in only a matter of hours. I want to go back to the beginning, before your death. How we met and fell in love despite knowing your father would never approve of us. I’m not ready to say goodbye to you, Philip, and I probably never will. But for now I'll pretend like you’re still here. Maybe that’ll keep me from destroying myself and the world around me.

   I want to relive our love story before I see you for the last time, Philip, so I’ll recall our story to the only audience who needs to hear it: you and me. But I don’t want to tell it alone. You’ll help me, right? Just humor me. I'll go first, I know how much you love the way I tell my stories.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**Chapter 1**

Issac

It was the third week of my junior year in high school when I first met Philip. I was walking to the cafeteria when I saw him. He was sitting on a bench in the part of school where everyone avoids because it was rumored to have snakes roaming around there. I noticed he was reading a book but I wasn't close enough to see the title. Curiosity got the best of me so I approached him.

   "Hey there! I'm Issac. Issac Garcia."

   He looked up at me, his eyes wide in surprise. "Oh, um, hi." He gave me a nervous smile and a small self conscious wave. "I'm, I'm Philip. Philip Evans."

   "Whatcha doing here by yourself, Philip?"

   "Well I don't really like being around a lot of people. It, it gives me anxiety." He avoided my eye by closing his book and carefully putting it back in his backpack.

   "Really? So you're always anxious during school?"

   He whipped his head back towards me. "Not always!" He said defensively. "Just, just most of the time…"

   I chuckled. "You're funny, Philip."

   He tilted his head to the side and furrowed his brows in confusion. "But I didn't say anything funny."

   "Well it's just, how can you be anxious around people most of the time? People are great!"

   He turned his head away from me and looked at the ground. "For you maybe," he muttered.

   "How 'bout I prove it to you?"

   He peered at me curiously from the corner of his eye. "Prove it?"

   "Yeah! Come on, I'll prove to you how great it is to be around people." I grabbed his arm and started pulling him in the direction of the cafeteria.

   "Wait, what? Hey! Let go of me!"

   "Don't worry it’ll be fun." I continued leading him, although it was more like dragging him, until we got to my usual table in the cafeteria.

   "There you are Issac! Where were you?" My best friend, Ezra, questioned.

   "Sorry, I was a little caught up with something."

   Ezra and my other friends shared puzzled looks but none of them said anything. I stepped aside to reveal Philip, who was hiding behind me. "Guys, this is Philip." I told them after I sat down. He looked at everybody sitting at the table with anxious wide eyes as they all greeted him and introduced themselves.

   He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and bit his lip nervously. He turned his anxious gaze at me and I gave him a reassuring smile. He took a deep breath then said, "it's, it's nice to meet you all."

   "Here, come sit," I said, patting the seat next to me. His gaze kept flicking to the people around us as he self consciously lowered himself into the chair.

   I leaned in and whispered in his ear. "See, that wasn't so bad."

   He laughed dryly. "It was horrible. Never do that again." I watched as he took in a breath and let it out slowly as if to steady himself. Maybe I went too far, I thought as guilt washed over me. I only just met him and I'm already pushing him to be social when he's obviously uncomfortable with it. But I didn't want to leave him there by himself. I should apologize.

   "Hey Philip?" I whispered.

   "Yeah?"

   "I'm really sorry for pushing you to come over here even though you told me you get anxiety in big crowds. I just couldn't stand the fact that you'd just be sitting there by yourself."

   "It's okay, Issac, I'm honestly kinda glad you did it." He looked around the table once more but this time he seemed a little more comfortable. "I've always wanted friends." He smiled softly.

   "What are you two whispering about?" Ezra asked, giving us a suspicious glance.

   We flashed a look at each other and turned back at Ezra.

   "Nothing," we said in unison.

   "Um, okay...," Ezra replied, his voice still full of suspicion. "Weirdos."

   I turned back to Philip to see his amused smile matching mine. Then we broke into a fit of giggles.

Philip

Two weeks had passed since Issac made me join him and his friends at lunch. Every time I tried to sit at my usual bench Issac would come around and either join me or take me to the cafeteria to join his friends. It would've bothered me if it was anybody else but I actually enjoyed his company. He made me laugh in a way nobody had been able to do in a long time.

   Eventually I found myself waiting to see if he'd come by and sit with me and talk about nonsense or escort me to sit with his friends in the cafeteria. I would even get a little sad if he was taking long enough that I thought he wouldn't come since I liked being with them. I would've asked if I could sit with them myself but my anxiety always got in the way.

   I still wasn't even sure if I was friends with Ezra and the rest to be honest. I only really talked to Issac. Occasionally I joined in on other conversations but most of the time I felt like I was just a burden to them. Some kind of annoying little brother they have to put up with because I hang out with Issac.

   Maybe I'll try to put myself out there a little more so they can see I'm not just a tag along. And I could probably ask Issac to help, I thought. But the idea of asking made my heart pound hard against my chest. I don’t really want to bother him with my problems though. I’m sure he has better things to do than dealing with my annoying anxiety issues. I hung my head, closed my eyes, ran my fingers through my hair, and let out a soft sigh. Why do you have to be such a scaredy cat Philip…

   Bzzt, bzzt.

   My eyes shot open as I jumped a little at the unexpected vibration. I take a quick peek at my teacher, Ms. Hayes, to make sure she isn't looking before pulling out my phone and checking the notification. It's a text from Issac. 

Issac Garcia:

Hey philip! Me n Ezra r gonna watch a movie l8r

Wanna come?

Me:

U want me to come? Why?

Issac Garcia:

Cuz u look like u need 2 go out more

C'mon, itll be fun! 🙂

   I look like I need to go out more? You're kidding, right? If anything, I need to stay in more.

Me:

That's what u said last time 🙄

Issac Garcia:

And u had fun didnt u?

Me:

No 😑

Issac Garcia:

Dont lie 2 me!

U had the biggest smile on ur face the whole time

Me:

That's SUCH an exaggeration

Issac Garcia:

Wutever 😂

U know u had fun!

Admit it!

   I felt a smile spread across my face. I took a glance at my surroundings then at my teacher to make sure nobody noticed I was on my phone when I was supposed to be working on my assignment. To my relief, Ms. Hayes was still focused on her computer and none of the other students were paying any attention to me.

Me:

…

Shut up.

Issac Garcia:

Lol

So r u coming or not?

Me:

I don't think so…

Issac Garcia:

Awww

Y not?!

U NEVER want 2 do anything w/ us!

Me:

That is SO not true!!

Issac Garcia:

O really?

Wut about that time we invited u 2 get ice cream w/ us?

Or all those times we asked if u wanted 2 come w/ us to get jamba juice?

U said no everytime

Me:

I was busy doing stuff!

Issac Garcia:

Mhmm suuurrreee 😑

Well ANYWAYS if u change ur mind let me know b4 5:30 cuz that's when we're buying the tickets

Me:

Well I don't think I'll change my mind but ok

Issac Garcia:

Smh ur impossible philip 😂

  I giggled softly while putting my phone back in the pocket of my hoodie and shaking my head slowly. Gradually my smile faded and I actually started to take Issac’s offer into consideration. I mean going out every once in a while isn’t so bad, right? And he does have a point about me needing to get out more… I have always wanted to go out with friends too… But what if I don’t know what to say and it gets super awkward? It would only be us three, after all, and I’m not good at conversation. Anxiety was starting to set in. What if they think I’m boring? And what if they leave me because of that? I could feel my anxiety and panic growing, spreading, throughout my body, overcoming me. My breathing was becoming more rapid and my hands were starting to shake. Eventually, tears began to well up as well.

   No! Stop thinking like that! Just take a deep breath. You need to calm down before someone notices you. After taking a few quivering breaths I was calm enough for the tears to reside and for my hand to stop shaking. It’s been two weeks, I reminded myself. Two weeks and they haven’t left you or asked you to leave. That means they still want you around. That means something. So why not take a chance? If they’ve stuck around for this long then it’s worth a shot. And throughout that whole time I’ve never seen them run out of things to talk about so maybe it won’t be as bad as I’m making it up to be. I just need to trust them. I need to push myself. Get out of my comfort zone a little. I took my phone back out, swiftly typed up the messages, and hit send before I could talk myself out of it.

Me:

Actually…

I’ve thought about it and…

I changed my mind. I want to go

   His reply came a few seconds later.

Issac Garcia:

Gr8! 😁

I knew ud come around! 🙂

Are u gonna meet us there or do u need 2 be picked up?

Me:

I'll meet u there

Issac Garcia:

Ok!

See u l8r then! 😁

   "The bell is about to ring everyone," Ms. Hayes announced, startling me. What? Already?! Ugh, great job, Philip! I thought, rolling my eyes. This is what you get for texting Issac the whole period instead of working like you're supposed to, I scolded myself. Maybe I can ask for extra time.

   "If you've finished the worksheet you can turn it in, if you haven't then take it home and do it for homework." Oh… never mind… I just have to make sure to get it done before meeting up with Issac and Ezra.

   As I packed my stuff, I went down the list of my classes to make sure I had no other homework. After confirming that I didn't, I took out my earbuds, opened Spotify, and waited for the bell to ring so I could press play on the Hamilton soundtrack.

   "There's only a minute left, you guys can go early," Ms. Hayes said. Which was weird since she'd never done that before but, I mean, I'm not complaining. She's probably just in a good mood or something, I thought with a shrug as I watched students hurrying to get out the door. I put in an earbud and after the crowd of kids made their way out, I left the classroom. Now… What should I wear to the movies?

Issac

“Hey Ezra!” I said once I opened the door. I kissed both his cheeks before stepping back to let him in. At first, Ezra wasn’t necessarily comfortable with the fact that I’d be kissing him every time we greeted each other or said goodbye. But he understood when I told him it was the French custom and eventually got used to it.

   Ezra sat on the couch while I grabbed the bottle of grape Fanta from the fridge I had gotten for him yesterday. I knew he’d be craving it after school like he usually does, since it’s his favorite soda, so I added one to my cart while I was buying ingredients for my maman. 

   "Good news” I said, handing him the bottle with a smile. “Philip changed his mind. He's coming along after all.”

   “Oh, really?” he replied. He carefully twisted the cap of the soda, making sure to let out all the air before taking it off completely and taking a sip. “That’s surprising considering he never wants to do anything with us.”

   “That’s what I said!”

   He laughs and places the Fanta on the small coffee table beside him. "Yeah, well, I'm glad he changed his mind. Hopefully I can get to know him a little better today. He's usually so aloof and reserved."

   "What? No way, man! He's not like that at all! Okay, reserved? Yeah, sure, but not aloof." I scoot closer, throw my arm onto his shoulder, and pull him into a side hug. "He just needs to warm up to you a bit. It's been two weeks since I met him and he still holds back his playful side from me sometimes. It just takes time but eventually he'll loosen up, you'll see!"

   “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

   I grab onto both his shoulders and forced him to look at me. “But listen to me, Ezra. I know you don’t like to put yourself out there so early when meeting new people but Philip really needs this, okay? He needs more friends, close friends. Ones he can trust and go to when he needs to talk because I know he has such a hard time opening up.”

   “How do you know that?”

   I drop my arms and sit back, tilting my head toward the ceiling. “He told me.” I turn my head to look at him again. “It really worries me, Ez. He bottles things in and that’s not good.”

   “Well, what’re you gonna do about it, Issac? Force him to talk to you?” He shakes his head. “It doesn’t work that way. You have to wait for him to come to you.”

   “I know, I know,” I say with a sigh.

   "It's like you said, Iss, it just takes time."

   I smiled. "What'd I do to deserve a best friend like you."

   “Pft, you’re so cheesy!”

   “Come here,” I say, a huge grin plastered on my face. “It’s hug time!” He sighs, rolls his eyes playfully, then comes into my expectant arms. I squeeze tight and even shake him a little. “I love you dude.”

   “Yeah, yeah, I love you too, you freakishly tall giraffe.”

   I scoffed and pulled back. “I am not a giraffe.”

   “You totally are! You’re tall, you’ve got yellow hair, and you have freckles.”

   “What? Okay first of all, my hair is blond-"

   “Same thing.”

   “No it isn’t! And second of all, what do my freckles have to do with a giraffe?”

   “They count as the brown spots.”

   “They do not!”

   “Oh really? Are they or are they not basically brown spots going across from one cheek to the other?”

   “Well, not all freckles are displayed that way,” I mumbled.

   “That’s not answering my question. Are they or are they not brown spots on your face?”

   “Yes...” I admitted reluctantly.

   “See! The brown spots are basically freckles for giraffes! Except they’re all over their body.”

   “I...guess you have a point...” I let out a defeated sigh. “Ugh, fine! I’m a giraffe. Are you happy now?” I say, rolling my eyes.

   “Yes,” he replies with a smug smile. “Very.”

   I laughed and playfully shoved him. “Whatever!”

   He grabbed his soda from the coffee table and took another sip. “Hey, we still have a few hours before the movie starts, can we go to the park? I want to take pictures.”

   “Do you even bring your camera?”

   “Come on, Iss, you know I never leave home without it.”

   “True. Alright, let’s go then.” We got up and started heading out. I was about to close the door when I noticed the Fanta still on the coffee table. “Leaving a mess for me to clean up, are we?” I say over my shoulder.

   “What?”

   I point at the soda. “Your Fanta?”

   “Oh.” He goes back inside and grabs the bottle. “Tsk, shut up dude, it was an accident,” he says as I try to hide my amused grin when he walks past me.

   “Uh huh, sure, man.”

   “It was! Oh my god!” He laughs and just keeps walking, not even waiting for me as I locked the door. 

   “Hey! Wait for me!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

   The shutter of the camera seemed to go off every five seconds as soon as we arrived at Ygnacio Valley Park. It’s kind of interesting watching him take pictures. The way he crouches, climbs stuff, and/or shifts directions just to find the right angle or lighting is pretty amusing if I’m being honest. The picture always comes out amazing though. He’s extremely talented in both drawing and photography. I hope he can get over his insecurities one day because the world definitely deserves to see all his work.

   “Hey Issac, can you sit next to that tree for me?” He asked, motioning with his head to the pine needle tree a few yards in front of them.

   “Yeah, sure dude.” I walk to the tree and sit with my back against the trunk. “Like this?”

   “Almost. Look forward, close your eyes, tilt your head up and rest it on the stock.”

   “Pft, the stock? Who the hell calls the trunk of a tree ‘stock’?” I start cracking up as Ezra rolls his eyes, the corners of his mouth quirking up a bit.

   “I do, okay! Just do what I told you to do.”

   “Fine,” I say with a sigh. I do as I was instructed and after a minute or two I hear the shutter of his camera.

   “Perfect! Thank you, Issac, they came out great!” He says, beaming a proud smile. He pulled out his phone and checked the time. “We have about twenty minutes left; wanna head to the theaters now?”

   “Sure.” We got in my car and discussed movie options.

   “Let’s see, ummm, we can watch Frozen 2? I heard it was really good.” He glances over at me and sees my mischievous grin. “Oh no, don’t you fucking dare!”

   “Let it go, let it go! Can’t hold it back anymore!”

   He sighs heavily and puts a hand over his face as I continue to butcher the song for the rest of the car ride.