In Another Life LittleLuxray Summary: Sleeping didn't come as easy as it used to. Bokuto knew this, and now Akaashi did, too. The hospital AU that no body asked for, but that I took upon myself to write. Notes: I never thought I would end up finishing this piece, but I am glad that I did. This includes Bokuto and Akaashi, as you already may know. They are my favorite ship in Haikyuu, so typing this makes little to no sense to me. I cried several times while typing it, actually. I am weak. If anyone here has also watched, and enjoyed, the movie Cloud Atlas, then I hope this hits closer to home than usual. I really hope that whoever reads this enjoys. Thank you for stopping by, your interest means everything to me. (See the end of the work for more notes.) Work Text:     It had been some time since Akaashi set foot into that hospital. It was a dreary place for him, a place he was not fond of, but a place he was obligated to visit. Akaashi's parents were intent on having him intern in a hospital nearby, so that he could stockpile more things that would look good on his resume, for future purposes. Often times, however, Akaashi would disagree with his parents, unhappy with the suggestions they'd given him. But ultimately, they would urge him to carry out the task that had been pushed on him, and one way or another, he'd do it. Asking around here and there, the male put little to no effort in finding out where he could go to sign up for what. He didn't care, nor did he think he would care in the near future. Akaashi was unhappy with where he was, unhappy with what it was that he was doing. He was wasting time, asking for something that he did not want in the least. Pointing a finger down the hall, a small assistant nurse directed Akaashi to a different desk, one where he would be able to find more information on the subject. Blatantly, he thanked her, and continued on his way, passing by several rooms as he did so. His eyes where set forward. He didn't look into any of the rooms. He didn't want to. It would hurt if he did. Akaashi closed his eyes and sighed, swaying absentmindedly in his step, opening his eyes just in time to swiftly avoid colliding with someone. A doctor- no- just another person. He circled around the male, apologizing flatly before he continued on. An 'It's alright,' could be heard from behind him, but it soon faded as Akaashi continued forward. Do I really want to do this? His eyes stared forward, uninterested in the information desk several meters from him. No, I really don't. Standing still, Akaashi remained in place for quite some time, his legs refusing to carry him further. People walked by him, around him, up and down the halls, to and fro, but no one seemed to notice him. He stood there, hesitant, uninterested, indifferent. Unfeeling. He remained in place silently. No one was bothered by him, so there he stood. He brought a hand up to push through his black hair, and slowly, his head fell forward. Akaashi stared at his shoes. What am I doing? The thought rattled his mind. Why am I even here? Another person walked by at a gradual pace at first, then slowed progressively as they drew near. Their walking then slowed to a halt, and it was then that Akaashi had become aware of the new individual who'd invaded his personal space. From his peripheral, Akaashi could see their hand reaching out to him. He withdrew and looked up. "Oh- you can move." He smiled in Akaashi's direction, bright yellow eyes catching his own. It had been the same guy he'd almost bumped into... Perhaps he'd remained in the hall and watched as Akaashi had gone from a brisk walk to a sudden stop. He understood how that would be alarming to some people. "Is there something wrong with me standing here?" Akaashi asked sincerely. "No, I don't think so." He brought his hand down to his side. "Why did you stop so suddenly? Are you alright?" "I'm fine. I was just thinking." Akaashi blinked slowly. "Of what?" A question asker. How thrilling. "Of this hospital. I've realized that I don't want to come here anymore." The male who stood across from Akaashi shifted his weight to one leg. "Were you sick? Are you checking out?" Akaashi stared through the stranger. "No. I'm not sick, but this place makes me feel like I am." His answer was cold, but it did not seem to cut through the other's pleasant mood. "I feel the same about this place, honestly." He paused. "So you must be leaving soon, then." "Yeah." Akaashi shifted, leaning in the direction of where he'd come from. He had no interest in staying where he was. His only intention was leaving. He figured he would tell his parents that the people in the hospital were too occupied with everything else to tend to him. He started on his way without so much as a second glance in the other's direction. "Goodbye." "Hey, hey!" Akaashi turned his head. "What?" "What's your name?" Why did he want to know his name? When would he ever use it again? The stranger could have been a patient at the hospital for all Akaashi knew, and the last thing he needed was a sickly acquaintance to add to his already short list of friends. "You don't need to know." The male across from him did well in hiding the look of offense that almost surfaced upon his face. "I understand. But for what it's worth, my name is Bokuto." Akaashi cast a weary look in Bokuto's direction, gave a nod, and continued on his way until he was out of the building.     Two weeks had passed since Akaashi's last visit, and to his dismay, he found himself on the same aimless path back to the same dreaded hospital. He couldn't stand his parents' persistent natures, but he was somewhat relieved to be out of the house, to say the least. Here we go again. Akaashi entered the building and greeted the woman at the front desk, as always. He wasted no time ascending the steps needed to get to the part of the hospital where he'd almost reached all that time ago. In minutes, the information desk was in his sights, and for the first time in forever, he'd actually gone to it. He spoke with a small woman there, and after several minutes had passed, Akaashi backed away from the desk, some sheets of paper in hand. He started down the hall, sighing heavily, intent on rushing home. "Hey! Hey- it's you!" The familiar voice made Akaashi's throat tighten. Another sigh was forced out, even heavier this time. He turned around. "Bokuto." "Apathy-kun." He grinned from ear to ear. "Don't call me that." Akaashi stuffed the sheets into his bag. "I thought you said you weren't ever going to set foot in here again." There was something strange about the excitement in his tone. "I didn't say exactly that..." "But it was implied!" Akaashi squinted. "Yes, it was implied." Bokuto's smile never left his face, and his tired eyelids contradicted his facial expression. Why must I always run into the strange ones? "So what brings you here again?" "I could ask you the same thing..." Akaashi's lips screwed to the side. Thick, white eyebrows raised above yellow hues. "I'm supposed to be here, actually." Akaashi yawned. "Intern?" "No, patient." His smile was unnerving. Silently, the dark haired male frowned. "I've been insensitive..." A laugh bubbled out from Bokuto. "No you haven't. Don't worry about it." Though he'd been dressed in normal, casual clothing, upon further examination, there was indeed something sickly about him. He was paler than the others who walked along in the halls, and soft, dark circles sat under his eyes. Akaashi made sure not to stare. "I know you aren't going to ask, so I'll just let you know. From what I've heard, the doctors say that whatever I have is called... FFI?" Bokuto folded his arms. He held an air around him as if he were having a normal conversation about the weather. "Fatal Familial Insomnia? If I remember correctly." A cold shiver curled up Akaashi's spine. He'd never heard of that disease before. It worried him enough to get some words out of him. "I don't think I want to ask about the symptoms of this illness." "Well, even if you wanted to, I wouldn't have an answer for you." Another laugh. "All I can say is that sleeping doesn't come as easily as it used to." What normally would have pained someone to say, he delivered with ease, and with that same grin to boot. Akaashi couldn't help but almost smile back, his lips barely twitching. He stared in Bokuto's direction, at him this time. "Are you here every day?" "Of course! Been here for about... Four weeks now." He blinked sluggishly. "I see..." Akaashi nodded once. No words were exchanged for a moment, and soon, the short amount of silence had become awkward. "Well, I'll be going now." Shut him out, don't let him in. He's sick. "Ah-uh, one second-." Akaashi's jaw clenched. "I have to go, Bokuto." He started on his way. Please don't persist. "If you would please listen." His hands at his sides, Bokuto bowed. "Please, it will only take a second." Akaashi was straightforward, but he wasn't heartless. He huffed out a breath and turned around. "What is it? I really have to go." His eyes lighting up, Bokuto straightened his back and fished his hand into his pocket. He pulled out a phone, and to Akaashi's dread, he asked for his phone number. What was he to do? What was he to say? Akaashi literally found nothing special about Bokuto. Why had the sickly one taken a sudden liking to him? He wanted nothing more than to push him away, throw away the forms, and never set foot into that hospital again, but for some strange and irritating reason, Akaashi found it difficult to deny Bokuto. He was trying to, he truly was, but he just couldn't. "I... Don't... Usually text," Akaashi murmured. He looked down at Bokuto's phone. He couldn't look at his face. "I'm often busy. Keeping in contact with me wouldn't be a good idea." He watched Bokuto's fingers curl around the phone, and his hand slowly backed away. "But–" Akaashi shocked himself with that one word. He could still see Bokuto's hand, and it had frozen in place. "I guess I could find some time to talk every so often." He looked up, and his gaze found Bokuto's. Those yellow eyes were gleaming. He entered his number swiftly, and then handed the phone to Bokuto, the name section empty. "Thank you." His voice was full of excitement as he proceeded to enter the name for his new contact. Akaashi watched closely as Bokuto mouthed and typed the name, "A-p-a-t-h-y—k-u-n." Bokuto was close to saving the contact before Akaashi spoke up. "You don't have to put that." He sighed. "It's... Akaashi."     The sky burned a strong, orange glow as the sun set in the distance. Akaashi sat in bed, laptop in his lap, as his fingers scrolled and typed frantically. FFI. The page loaded. Akaashi went straight into the reading. (FFI) is a very rare autosomal dominant inherited prion disease of the brain... Akaashi's eyes scanned the screen. FFI has no known cure and involves progressively worsening insomnia, which leads to hallucinations, delirium, and confusional states like that of dementia... Thin lips pressed into an even thinner line. His fingers remained stiff for quite some time as his eyes read the introductory paragraph over and over again. "There is no known cure, huh...?" Akaashi continued to read on. "All the people who've contracted this disease eventually die within a year or less..." This part was read aloud. He rubbed his face quietly. "Of course they do." Akaashi leaned his head on his hand, chin resting in his palm. "I wonder if Bokuto knows about all of this." He must have looked it up at some point, right? It was the only normal thing to do, considering how he was the one who was suffering from said disease. "Insomnia." He thought back to the bags around Bokuto's eyes. 'All I can say is that sleeping doesn't come as easily as it used to.' Akaashi exhaled quickly through his nose, making a sound that was almost like a laugh. He read up on the symptoms and blinked gently, a hand over his lips. After several minutes, Akaashi closed his laptop and lay back on his bed. He stared at the ceiling. "Some friend I've made." There wasn't much else to say.     New Text Message! From: Bokuto (Sent July 29th at 11:56 PM) [Hey! I hope this isn't a bad time!] Akaashi lifted his head from his pillow and reached a hand out to grab his phone. The bright light caused him to squint as he read the message. Quietly, he contemplated on whether he wanted to respond or not. He blinked weakly and slid his fingers down the sides of his phone, a sign of weariness that he could not disobey. Akaashi watched as the screen went to black, and it was then that he placed the phone back on his nightstand, choosing to ignore the message. He couldn't sleep for about an hour after the text, but ultimately slipped off to sleep. Akaashi never received another message in the remaining hour that he was awake.     During the next day, Akaashi decided to stay home. He sat in his room for the majority of the day, and had spent at least six hours awake until he'd picked his phone up in his hands again. He looked at the message Bokuto had sent him the night before. His thumb aimlessly hovered over the keyboard, thinking of what to type. From: Akaashi (Sent at 4:43pm) [Hello.] Bokuto: [Hey hey heyyyyy!] [I must have texted you while you were asleep!] Akaashi was dumbfounded. He'd never received a faster response in his life. Akaashi: [Yeah, that must've been the case.] [You say "Hey" a lot, Bokuto.] Bokuto: [I know! It's kind of my thing!] Akaashi could feel Bokuto's enthusiasm through his text messages. He spoke to Akaashi as if he hadn't had a friend to text in years. Bokuto: [How are you today?] Akaashi: [I'm well, thank you... Just catching up on some volleyball things...] Bokuto: [VOLLEYBALL?! You like volleyball too?! WE HAVE TO PLAY TOGETHER.] Wincing a bit, Akaashi squinted at his phone screen. Such an energetic texter, Bokuto was. He was kind of difficult to keep up with, and Akaashi felt like this would be a long term sort of thing. Akaashi: [Uh, sure. I mean, will they let you out of the hospital?] Bokuto: [I guess. I can still walk around and get to where I have to go! Pretty much the only thing wrong with me is that I can't sleep!] Akaashi scowled. He could feel the ignorance emanating off of Bokuto's text messages. Did he really think he was admitted to a hospital just because he was having trouble sleeping? He knew full well the name of the disease he had. So then why was he so cheerful about his entire situation? Why did he lack the understanding of just how serious his condition was? Unless... Bokuto was purposely playing the fool. He must have been. Right? Akaashi's grip tightened around his phone. He had to be. Akaashi: [Then I guess I'll see you at the hospital around a week or two from now. I know a gymnasium we can go to...] Bokuto: [A WEEK OR TWO?!] Akaashi: [Is that too long a wait? I can probably reschedule...] Bokuto: [Nah, it's alright! I guess I can wait that long. I've got time.] I've got time. The words echoed in Akaashi's head, as if they'd been spoken aloud. He stared down at the screen, his brow furrowing slightly. Did Bokuto know about the lifespan of victims with his condition? Was he just playing the fool after all? Just what kind of guy was he? Indifference morphed into curiosity, and said curiosity was what drew Akaashi closer to his new friend. Akaashi: [Great. I'll see you then.]     "Akaashi!" Another two weeks had passed since Akaashi had seen Bokuto, but this time, he waited outside of the hospital, several meters away from the entrance. Akaashi had looked up from his phone and stuffed it into his jacket pocket as the energetic hospital patient made his way across the lot. In no time, Bokuto was standing in front of Akaashi, eager in every way to make it to the gymnasium. "I haven't set foot outside in weeks." He looked around. The day was strangely chilly, with an occasional breeze now and then, causing the browning leaves to rustle in the trees above. Those yellow eyes examined everything, adamant with taking all of it in. Bokuto tucked his hands into the pockets of his hood, his shoulders hunching. A puff of smoke came from him as he exhaled. He was paler than before, and the bags under his eyes were darker. Bokuto looked exhausted beyond belief, yet there he stood, excited to make his way to the gymnasium. Akaashi hadn't even mustered his first word before Bokuto snapped his head to the side to give him his undivided attention. "The gymnasium's about ten minutes that way." Akaashi pointed down the road. "Then let's go!" Bokuto power walked ahead, obligating Akaashi to catch up to him with a quickened pace, whether he wanted to or not.     The sounds of their sneakers squeaking against the gym floor was so memory inducing, it caused Akaashi to take a moment and reminisce on the old days, as if doing so would take him back in time to when he'd play volleyball every single day after school. After a while, he opened his eyes and sighed, then moved across the court to the net. He'd brought along a volleyball of his own, just in case they weren't provided with any. "What used to be your position back when you would play?" Bokuto asked aloud, finally pulling his hands from his hood pockets. His head was cocked back as he surveyed the gym. Akaashi bounced the ball off the floor twice. "Setter. You?" Bokuto grinned. "I was the team captain, and the ace." He gave a mock swing of his arm, as if spiking. "Do you think you can toss to me?" "Of course." Akaashi and Bokuto carried a sort of unspoken communication with each other. They had a strange relationship, to say the least. Akaashi would answer his questions coldly, with little to no emotion, but Bokuto would cherish these answers and retort with excitement in his tone. He did not seem to take offense easily. Bokuto was very different from everyone else Akaashi had ever met before him. Where most people would detach themselves, Bokuto took hold and wouldn't let go, being as persistent as he was energetic. It was very unsettling. Akaashi turned away and frowned. I wouldn't have given you my number if you weren't a patient... The black haired male bounced the ball again and walked over to position. "This is all so nostalgic." Bokuto's voice was filled to the brim with excitement. He took several steps back to prepare himself for the toss. Mentally, he was more than ready to spike, but not so much physically. Bokuto missed Akaashi's set twelve times. "Shit- shit." His frustration was unmasked. "Please toss to me again!" He threw the ball to Akaashi. There's no stopping you, is there? Taking the ball in his hands, Akaashi aimed for the approximate location as to where Bokuto would spike the ball. He wanted for him to spike it at least once lest Bokuto threw a self hate-induced panic attack. Watching as Bokuto ran forward, Akaashi set the ball perfectly. It brought him back to his high school days. Now if only the sickly one would hit it. The sound of the palm of Bokuto's hand meeting the ball sounded much like an explosion. Akaashi flinched. It had been so long since he'd heard something so loud. It was amazing. "Ha! Did you see that?!" Bokuto was bursting with emotion. He was ecstatic. "I spiked it perfectly just now! That toss was perfect!" Without hesitation, he ran across the court to retrieve the ball. Akaashi knew that running probably wasn't the best thing that he should have been doing, but he said nothing about it. The ball was tossed back to him, and again, he got back to tossing the ball for Bokuto. After three sets, there was another hit, and another cheer from the former ace. Akaashi raised his eyebrows. "Impressive." He watched the ball roll further away from them, and expected to see Bokuto trailing it, but instead saw nothing. He turned his attention back to the only other in the room. Bokuto stared off in the distance from beyond the net, his face carrying a confused expression. After a moment, quietly, he spoke. "They... Aren't really there, are they?" The words left his mouth reluctantly. Akaashi glanced in the direction of where Bokuto was staring. No one. They were the only two in the gym. He dug his thumb nail into the side of his index finger and returned his gaze to Bokuto. "They aren't really there." He had to force himself to say the mere four words. Bokuto mouthed an "Okay," before backing up several steps. "Could you please toss to me some more?" "Sure." Akaashi nodded once, and that was all that Bokuto needed to hear before he ran off to retrieve the ball.     At some point during their walk home from the gym, Akaashi had agreed for Bokuto to spend the night at his house. "My parents are out for a month," he'd unconsciously said, causing Bokuto to go into a begging frenzy to stay over until Akaashi said yes. Normally he would have been red with irritation from the sound of such irksome persistence, but the smile that would claim Bokuto's face whenever he agreed to something would make Akaashi forget all about how frustrated he was. He entered his home with Bokuto in a matter of minutes, having walked faster than usual. Out there, the sickly one trembled like a new born animal, even with the extra jacket that Akaashi had offered him. "It's warm-" Bokuto exhaled and shuddered once he was inside, slipping off his shoes. Akaashi stepped in and turned his head. "I would hope so." He moved forward. "My room is this way." Bokuto followed briskly. He observed his surroundings once again, having been fascinated by the inside of someone else's home. Everything was neat and placed perfectly here and there, giving Akaashi's house a warm atmosphere to it. It reminded him of his home... Bokuto nearly bumped into Akaashi as he stopped to enter his room. "You can sit anywhere." He climbed into bed and folded one leg, pulling over his laptop to start it up. "Is your bed alright?" Bokuto pulled off Akaashi's jacket. "I said anywhere." Bokuto plopped onto the mattress right after those words, bumping his head against Akaashi's shoulder. He recoiled with a grunt. "Watch it." Akaashi shifted to the side to give his visitor more room. Despite this, Bokuto was still close enough for their arms to touch. Akaashi sighed and lazily dragged his finger along the d-pad. "Do you want to watch a movie?" Bokuto curled in on himself and pushed his hands into his hood pocket. "Yeah. Anything is fine." His yellow eyes stared at the screen intently. "Okay." Akaashi opened the first movie that he had in his computer's memory. He pushed the laptop away and pressed play. "What's it called?" Confused, Bokuto glanced over at him. "Cloud Atlas." "How long is it?" "About three hours." He kicked his legs out of bed and walked across his room to retrieve a thick blanket that sat bundled up in a rolling chair. He then tossed it to Bokuto once he was close enough. "You've been shivering. Use it." Bokuto gathered the navy blue blanket in his arms, and cautiously threw it around his shoulders. It was soft. "Thank you." He kept his eyes on the screen. "I used to handle the cold better than this." An embarrassed chuckle escaped him. Exhaling through his nostrils, Akaashi reclaimed his seat in bed, crossing his legs. "Things happen." "Yeah..." Outside, the sky above grew dark as clouds rolled in. Bokuto quieted himself, curled up, and watched on as the movie started.     The sound of rain pelting hard against the window snapped Akaashi back into reality. He looked around in weary haste, but calmed quickly once his memory had returned to him. He'd nodded off for a brief moment, with his arms crossed and his head resting on a thick bundle of pillows. With much effort, he sat up to look at Bokuto. The movie was well over two hours in, nearing its end, and Bokuto lay on his side, curled up and clutching the blanket with what little strength he had left. His eyes were half-lidded and glued to the screen, his face void of emotion. It almost looked as if he were asleep. "Bokuto?" Akaashi's voice was groggy. Slowly, his yellow eyes scrolled to the side to catch Akaashi's gaze. He turned his head weakly, and his body along with it. "I'm sorry. I've watched this movie so many times, I actually fell asleep." Akaashi dragged a hand down his face. "Don't be sorry." Bokuto found himself smiling. "It's your house. You sleep if you want to." "Not if I have a visitor over." "It's fine. I'm not just some visitor, after all. We're friends." Bokuto's head lolled to the side, directing his attention back to the movie. "You were out for about an hour." Akaashi heaved a sigh. He rubbed the back of his neck. "I envy you. I wish I could sleep like that again." Guilt bubbled up within Akaashi's chest. He'd realized just how rude that was, falling asleep so easily in front of a person who's biggest struggle was just that. "How... insensitive of me..." He furrowed his brow, mentally scolding himself. "Don't cry over it." Bokuto shifted as he lay down, sticking a leg out to kick Akaashi. "The movie kept me company. It's very good. Kind of confusing, but good. I'll have to watch it again." Strange. Bokuto was such a strange one. He seemed to be unfazed by many things, and blatant about others, blurting sentences out that didn't seem to have much thought behind them. Akaashi doubted that he'd ever have Bokuto over again, so hearing him say 'I'll have to watch it again,' didn't sit too well with him. Akaashi twisted his lips to the side and decided to bring up something else. "Are you tired?" "Exhausted." Bokuto answered honestly. "Close your eyes for the time being." Akaashi kicked his legs out of bed with much effort and stood on his feet. "I'll get us some water." He left the room quickly, leaving Bokuto by his lonesome. After several seconds, he'd returned to see that Bokuto had changed his position in bed entirely. He lay on his back, with his head on some of Akaashi's pillows. His hands rested on his stomach, the dark blanket surrounding him from behind, but slipping off just enough for his torso to be exposed. His head rested against the bed, slumped to the side, facing away from Akaashi. Again, if he hadn't known any better, Akaashi would have figured that Bokuto was already fast asleep. He approached his bedside silently. The room was dark, apart from the soft orange glow that his lamp gave off. He set the drinks down and shuffled into bed, as if trying not to wake the other. Lying on his back, he stared at the ceiling. No words were exchanged for what seemed like forever before Akaashi spoke up. "How does it feel? To not be able to sleep?" Bokuto's answer was delayed. "Awful." He turned his head in the opposite direction, facing Akaashi now. "I can barely keep my eyes open by day, and can barely keep them closed by night." He snorted in laughter. "Does it frustrate you?" "It did at first, when I didn't understand why. But now I'm kind of okay with it." A hand reached up to push through his own messy locks. "I still miss it though. Sleeping. Dreaming." Akaashi watched Bokuto, listening to every word he said. "I used to have some insane dreams, too. Especially before certain volleyball matches." He laughed again, louder this time. "I'd dream that I messed up during a spike, and then I'd wake up fuming, and would constantly tell myself that I was the best." "Do you still think that you are the best?" Emerald eyes searched Bokuto's own for an honest answer. He sighed his response with a grin. "Yeah." Bokuto closed his eyes after that, one hand resting on the side of his head. He was obviously tired, showing signs of exhaustion with every small move he made. Akaashi grew silent and knitted his fingers together on his stomach, his head relaxing into his pillow. The both of them didn't exchange any words after that, ending the conversation just as suddenly as it had started.     Two hours had passed since their last words towards each other, yet Akaashi still lay awake in bed. Unknown to Bokuto, he watched him quietly through almost closed eyelids, his thick lashes being enough to hide the fact that he was still awake. Tired, but awake. Akaashi couldn't sleep, but it wasn't because of his unfamiliarity with Bokuto that caused this. He couldn't sleep because of his honest fascination with him. Bokuto would lay still for quite a while, his head tilted to the side with one hand on his stomach, and the other at his side. When he was like this, Akaashi would think that he was resting, and he would almost believe that thought until Bokuto would twitch awake again, his body jerking him from what little relaxation he tried to achieve. At first, Akaashi thought nothing of it. Bokuto would wince and snap back to reality the way someone would when they dreamt they were falling. But Akaashi knew full well that such a thing wasn't possible with Bokuto's condition. It made Akaashi pity him, to say the least. Three times, Bokuto jolted awake involuntarily, and three times, he covered his eyes with his forearm and heaved a quiet sigh. Akaashi refused to have reacted to those moments, hoping to spare his visitor the embarrassment of him having seen that. He intended on closing his eyes and falling asleep for real afterwards, but after having felt his mattress shake for the fourth time, he opened his eyes. Akaashi lifted himself onto his elbows. "Bokuto," he whispered. Alarmed, he snapped around quickly. His face looked both shocked and exhausted at the same time. "Akaashi? I'm–" "Don't." His voice a mere murmur, Akaashi moved closer to Bokuto, then resumed to lie down on his back, his head slightly elevated with the pillows that sat behind him. "Don't apologize." Mildly embarrassed, Bokuto looked away and rubbed his arms. "Come." Akaashi beckoned for his visitor. Turning his attention back to him, Bokuto met Akaashi's gaze. He wore a confused expression, wondering just what the other had meant by that word. "I said come." He motioned for Bokuto to come closer. "Get over here." As Akaashi said this, he held out an arm, as if readying himself for some sort of hug. Obeying with hesitance, Bokuto shifted towards Akaashi and lay against him, fitting into the curve of his arm. It was no doubt that he was larger than Akaashi, but that didn't stop him from fitting in just right. Bokuto's head lay against Akaashi's shoulder. Akaashi's arm cautiously wrapped itself around Bokuto's broad shoulders. Neither of them said a word. Minutes passed, and in time, Akaashi could feel Bokuto relaxing against him, the signs of fatigue finally wearing him down. His head slumped against his shoulder, and both his hands rested on his stomach. He was trying. Trying so hard to fit in that small amount of sleep that would get him through the next day, and Akaashi wanted to help. As much as he didn't want to believe it, Akaashi wanted so badly to help. Why? Akaashi watched as one of Bokuto's hands twitched involuntarily, and to his dismay, it wouldn't stop. Slowly, he reached a hand out and closed it over the twitching one, his four fingers fitting into Bokuto's palm. In seconds, his hand was calm again. Akaashi inhaled quietly. He watched as Bokuto's chest rose and fell with each breath that kept him alive. His breathing was controlled, much like one of a person's who was actually asleep. Pursing his lips, Akaashi let his head fall back into the pillows. He turned his head to the side, towards Bokuto's. He could smell his faint scent. He smelled sort of like a hospital.       Akaashi made his way to the hospital for the umpteenth time that week, his hands in his jacket pockets and his nose burying into the burgundy knit scarf that protected him from the chilly weather. It had been two months since Bokuto's visit over his home, and ever since then, Akaashi found that making his way to the hospital had become a daily routine for him. And even if he didn't show up, he would still spend his days sending messages to Bokuto, be it text, email, or the occasional video chat. He exhaled through his nose and entered the hospital, greeted the woman at the front desk (who now knew him by name), and removed the scarf from around his neck. Akaashi already knew where he had to go. He ascended those familiar steps, said hello to the familiar faces, and rounded that familiar corner that he knew would lead him to Bokuto's room. Another breath escaped him, slow and casual, but he'd soon learned to hold his breath when he noticed another person sitting outside in the hall, several feet from the room, where visitors could spend their time. Akaashi eyeballed the small male for a long second, knowing that he wouldn't look up to catch him. His head hung low, and his attention belonged only to the handheld system that entertained him. Normally, Akaashi would have walked away that instant in order to pay Bokuto a visit, but as he neared his room, he could hear two voices coming from within. One of the voices belonged to Bokuto. The other, he had no clue. Akaashi paused and gripped the strap of his bag. Hesitating, he turned, pivoting on one foot to stare back at the small one who sat by his lonesome. Feeling that it would be rude to interrupt Bokuto's conversation with whoever the other person was, Akaashi strode over to the seats and sat one chair away from the gaming stranger. Akaashi tapped his fingers quietly against his pants. "... Are you here to see Bokuto Koutarou?" Akaashi's asked in a leveled tone. "No. My friend is." The other spoke in a quiet voice, low and brooding. Or maybe not brooding, but more along the lines of apathetic. Apathy-kun. The nickname popped into Akaashi's head for a brief second. He wasn't too sure why. "Is your friend a friend of Bokuto's?" "Yeah. An old friend." He pressed pause on his PSP and tapped one end of it against his open palm. "They used to play volleyball together. They go back a couple of years." Akaashi leaned back in his seat. "Ah. I see." He felt the need to keep most of his questions at bay. His company did not seem like the type to socialize so openly, so he figured simple inquiries would do just fine, especially if he kept them to a minimum. "May I ask your name?" Akaashi took a shot at it. A small thumb rubbed at the system's screen to remove a smudge. He looked up, gazed at Akaashi past his bleached blonde bangs, and straightened his back in the slightest way possible. "Kozume Kenma." "Akaashi Keiji." He felt like he could enjoy Kozume's company, what with how his words lacked all form of emotion. "It's nice to meet you, Kozume." "Kenma is fine." He looked back down at the game screen. "Likewise." Akaashi nodded, glad to have made an acquaintance, and would have relaxed into his seat if not for the sudden disembodied voice that startled him soon after Kenma's sentence. "Hey, Kenma, who are you talking to?" As if straight from a cartoon, out popped a tall male from Bokuto's room, with stark black hair that both hung over his face and stuck out in all directions. He carried a look on his face that made him seem more sinister than sincere, and his eyes flitted from Kenma to Akaashi, and then back to Kenma. "This is Akaashi. I just met him." His words were as straightforward as they were indifferent. "Akaashi?" Bokuto's voice rang out from the room this time. Akaashi didn't even have to see his face to know that Bokuto was beaming. "He's here? Is he here?" "I am-." Akaashi rose from his seat to enter the room, but instead found Bokuto standing at the door in seconds, his eyes wide with surprise. He was thinner than before, a large flannel shirt fitting him loosely. He had probably lost a bit overtwenty pounds in the two months that passed. Akaashi frowned. "Get back into bed. You shouldn't be-" Bokuto didn't allow him to finish his sentence as he embraced Akaashi suddenly. "I didn't think you were going to make it today." Though he'd gotten thinner, his arms still had some power to them. He squeezed Akaashi, mashing him closer until he could barely breathe. Akaashi's eyebrows knit together. "I told you I would..." He all but murmured against Bokuto's shoulder. "What's this?" The taller, dark haired male gestured to them. "I come to visit and I'm barely paid attention to, but when he comes along, he's given the whole package?" Bokuto pulled away to face his smirking friend. "Relax." He then turned his attention to Akaashi. "This is Kuroo, a close friend of mine." He cocked his head to the side. "Nice to meet you, Akaashi. I've heard a lot about you in the short hour that I've been here." Nodding once, Akaashi acknowledged Kuroo's words, but did not know how to respond to them. All he had to offer was a, "The pleasure is mine," before moving forward to try and usher Bokuto back into his room. "Hey- hey!" Bokuto resisted, standing firm in place. "We were actually just talking about stepping outside." "Well, I brought it up, just as a suggestion, but then he got really excited." Kuroo scratched the back of his head. "So we were going to step outside for a minute or two in order to get this owl to shut up." "I've been cooped up in this place for too long. I haven't gone outside in days." The discomfort could be heard in Bokuto's voice. If there was one thing that Akaashi had learned about Bokuto in the little time that he'd known him, it was that he wasn't too fond of staying locked up indoors. Maybe taking him outside for a while would do him some good. Akaashi looked down the hall. "Let's go then. To the garden out in the back." Everyone came to an unspoken agreement after the one sentence. Kuroo started down the hall, Bokuto trailing after him. Akaashi followed after knowing that Kenma was nearby. As he walked, he stared at the backs of the two men in front of him. They both seemed to be the same height, but Akaashi couldn't help but realize that Bokuto looked just a bit smaller.     A mere two minutes outside had turned into two hours. Akaashi shared a bench with Kenma. The both of them had sat down long ago, leaving Bokuto and Kuroo to their own business as they wandered about and waved their arms around in their animated way of speaking. He found it strange, how Bokuto was the one walking around when he was the sick one out of the lot. He furrowed his brow and exhaled heavily, his eyes looking down. He stared at his knees intensely before Kenma spoke up. "You don't like to see him like that, do you?" Akaashi lifted his head and looked to his side. He eyed the blonde one for quite a while. Kenma didn't give him a chance to respond. "I don't like to see him like that, either. It's why I didn't want to come along. But Kuroo insisted." Kenma's unconcerned tone contradicted his words, but something told Akaashi that he meant everything he was saying. "Were you ever friends with Bokuto?" Akaashi lifted his head in subtle interest. "More like acquaintances. Our teams would face each other often. Whenever we did, Kuroo and Bokuto would meet up afterwards and spend time together. I'm usually around Kuroo, so..." He shrugged with little energy. "I sort of got to know him through Kuroo's company. He's an okay guy. Loud, though." Bokuto's disembodied laughter rang throughout the garden, as if to prove Kenma right. Akaashi almost smiled. "So... How are you taking all of this, if I may ask?" "I'm..." Kenma's lips puckered in thought. "I'm taking it well, or at least I think I am. I'm trying to detach myself. It's another reason why I didn't want to pay Bokuto any visits." He looked down, his hair hanging over his face. "There's something about Bokuto that doesn't sit well with me." Confused and mildly shocked, Akaashi made a face. "Is there something wrong with him? Has he ever done anything bad?" "Not to my knowledge. But even if he has, that's not what I meant." Kenma rubbed his nose with his sleeve. "It doesn't matter if you've never met Bokuto before, or if you haven't seen him in ten days, or ten weeks, or ten months, or ten years. If you ever interact with him in even the slightest, you'll be reminded of just how good a person he really is." Akaashi stared at Kenma, speechless. "He's genuine, kind, and at times, infantile, but that's what makes him so... Likeable, I suppose. He drags you back in. He praises others while shouting that he's the best at everything he does. It's ridiculous." Looking away slowly, Akaashi watched as Bokuto and Kuroo reappeared in the distance. They were still wrapped up in whatever conversation they were having. "Kuroo looks happy now. But he wasn't, then." Kenma almost murmured the words. Akaashi turned to catch a glimpse of him, but he stared off in the distance, his eyes not focusing on anything in particular. Blinking, Akaashi turned his attention back to Kuroo and Bokuto. "Five weeks ago, he was in shambles. He didn't want to talk to anyone. He only accepted my company. I was the only one willing to give it to him." He continued to stare on as he talked. "That was when he learned about the disease. This entire past month hasn't been any different for him, though. He almost didn't want to come today, either. No one likes to find out that someone they care about is sick... Much less diagnosed with a disease that can't be cured." Bokuto and Kuroo continued to talk animatedly, the both of them out of earshot. "Bokuto is starting to look less and less like his old self, too. He used to be thicker. He used to be bigger than Kuroo, but now he's the one who's smaller. Kuroo's the bigger one. Kuroo's the heavier one. It doesn't-... It doesn't make any sense." Pursing his lips into a thin line, Akaashi looked down and noticed that Kenma had laced his fingers together. He pulled and tugged at them restlessly. His hands showed what his face dared not. Akaashi figured it was safe to say that Bokuto had already begun to pull Kenma back in. It was an awful thing to do, but Akaashi knew full well that none of it was intentional on Bokuto's part. All he had to do was talk to someone, and in an instant, they would be involved in Bokuto's lively shenanigans once again. Akaashi knew this. The same thing happened to him some two and a half months ago. If he had known that sending simple text messages would have turned into daily hospital visits, then he would have never handed over his cell number. This was not what he wanted. He wanted healthy friends that he could talk to on a regular basis, not one sick friend who he'd have to invest personal and emotional time into. Akaashi swallowed thickly and crossed his hands, rubbing one thumb over the other. He stared at Bokuto and found it difficult to look away. With a heavy heart, he spoke. "I wish I never met him." A cool breeze passed through the garden just then, and in the distance, Bokuto held on tight to the burgundy knit scarf around his neck to keep warm.     In time, Kuroo and Kenma found that it was time for them to make their way back home. Kuroo bid Bokuto farewell for the time being, while Kenma made his way downstairs to exit the building. He didn't seem like one to say goodbye ‒ or hello ‒ for that matter, so both Akaashi and Bokuto didn't pay any mind to it. Kuroo finally left the room after four minutes or so, having forgotten that he was supposed to leave in the first place. He waved and jogged out, knowing that if he didn't hurry, he'd have to spend several more minutes trying to catch up to a wandering Kenma. Standing at the side of Bokuto's bed, Akaashi glanced to the open door that led to the hallway. "Your friend is a lot like you." "Anything but," Bokuto retorted, sitting upright in bed. "He's a bit more of... An ***, to say the least." He chuckled and rubbed at his face wearily. The sound of Bokuto's laughter caused Akaashi to turn his head back to him. It was a reaction that Akaashi was not expecting in the least, but he played off his surprise and only managed an, "I see." Bokuto gazed at Akaashi, almost in wonder. "Why are you standing? Take a seat." He pat the empty space next to him animatedly. "No, it's alright. I was actually thinking of taking my leave soon, as well-" "What? Why?" The disappointment in his voice was clear. "You've only been here for like, thirty minutes." Akaashi scratched his head. "It's been over three hours, actually." "That's the same thing!" Bokuto moved closer to where Akaashi was standing, all the while still sitting in bed. "I spoke to Kuroo most of the time, so it doesn't count." "What doesn't?" Akaashi took an unnoticeable step back. "The three hours!" He was getting frustrated. "I'm very bad at measuring time now, too, if you haven't noticed. Three hours feels like seven hours, sometimes. But three hours can also feel like seven minutes. I may not be as sharp as I used to, but that whole 'Time flies when you're having fun,' rule still applies to me, even today." "So... Three hours is nothing." Akaashi muttered. "Exactly!" Bokuto's eyes lit up again. Akaashi avoided looking into them. "I understand, but I still have to go." He avoided looking at Bokuto altogether. "I would stay if it were up to me. I've just got something to take care of, but I'll be sure to visit you tomorrow." Bokuto didn't make a sound. He pressed his lips into a thin line and fell backwards on his bed. He probably had a thousand things to say, but he kept them all at bay and instead rolled onto his side, facing away from Akaashi. He was shocked. Akaashi never knew that Bokuto was one to suddenly sulk on a dime. He looked around and frowned, and figured it would be best to take his leave. "I'll... See you tomorrow." "Do you want your scarf back?" The question came out of the blue. Despite him being the one who asked, Bokuto held onto it tightly. Akaashi watched him and zipped up his jacket. "Yeah... I do." In dismay, Bokuto sat up in bed and slowly reached around his neck to pull off the warm piece of cloth. He took his time, the thought of removing it killing him faster than the disease itself. "...But I also want you to hold onto it." The words had come as such a shock to Bokuto that he'd paused and looked up at Akaashi. His hands tensed, relaxed, and rested against his neck. "...You do? "Yes." Akaashi managed the faintest of smiles. "Please hold onto it, Bokuto." At that moment, he turned away and walked off, feeling he wouldn't be able to leave if he'd lasted one more second in the room.     Akaashi woke with a start that same night, his strangled shouts having pulled him from his sleep. He'd flinched hard and sat up quickly, closing his hand over his mouth to subdue the almost hysteric sounds that came from him. His breathing was heavy, his heart rate quicker than usual; Akaashi could feel his heart pounding in his throat, making it difficult to swallow. "Sh- sh-it..." That had been the fifth time that month where Akaashi had to tear himself out of another nightmare. They made him feel nauseous to a point where he had to sit up in bed and swallow deep, slow breaths in order to cool himself down, and he did just that, reaching his hands up to rub at his eyes before taking a tense look around his room. Exhaling heavily, Akaashi turned to look at the desk near his bed. His phone was there. Hesitating for only a second, he reached his hand out and took the device into his hands. When the screen lit up, a text message from Bokuto waited there for him. 'Sleep well, Akaashi.' It had been sent two hours ago. Akaashi swiped and unlocked his phone with trembling hands. From: Akaashi (Sent at 2:47am) [Are you there?] Bokuto: [Yeah! Akaashi? I thought you fell asleep.] Akaashi had to wait almost a minute for Bokuto's response. It was the longest minute he'd ever been forced to sit through. Akaashi: [I woke up. Nightmares.] Bokuto: [Nightmare? You had a nightmare? Was it bad?] Akaashi: [Well, it managed to wake me up.] Bokuto: [The quiet kind of wake up?] Akaashi: [No, more like the clichéd kind, where you sit up in bed in a cold sweat.] Bokuto: [Are you calming down? Are you feeling better?] Akaashi stared at the text message and let out a shaking sigh. Judging by his still trembling hands, he knew he wasn't. Akaashi: [Yeah. I'm just a little shaken.] Bokuto: [I don't believe you on that 'Yeah' part.] Akaashi: [I'm fine.] Bokuto: [Alright, well... We'll just see about that.] Furrowing his brow, Akaashi stared at his phone screen and lay his head down sideways. It wasn't like Bokuto to question what he said in such a straightforward fashion. Akaashi: [There's nothing to see...] He pressed send and watched the phone carefully, waiting for the small ellipses to appear on the lower left side of the screen. But instead, he was greeted with nothing. He didn't get a response, nor did he see any signs of responding. Akaashi frowned and left his phone screen alone to dim and blacken. He held it in his shaking hands and closed his eyes in an attempt to try and find sleep again. It was difficult, however, as each time he tried to drift off to sleep, that unnerving fear of having the same dream would jerk him back awake. Akaashi groaned softly and covered his face. BZZT Akaashi's phone vibrated against his forehead. He flinched and pulled his hand away to stare at the screen. Bokuto: [Look outside! (＠´∀｀)ノ] "What?" Akaashi kicked his legs out of bed and strode to his window. "Impossible-" He pulled apart the blinds and looked down. Out in the dead of night stood Bokuto, with the burgundy knit scarf around his neck, a jacket, jeans, and slippers. He looked up and grinned, and waved wildly in Akaashi's direction. Akaashi's eyes widened. "No, no, no, no-" He pulled away from the windowsill and ran out of his room, straight downstairs and to the front door. He threw it open and faced Bokuto, who was jogging to him with a smile and a shiver in each step. "May I come in?" "No! No, we're-" "Why not?" "We're going back to the hospital right now. I'm taking you back." Akaashi reached his arms out and pushed Bokuto away. "What? No!" Bokuto refused to budge. He pushed Akaashi back this time. "I just came from there." "Exactly, because you belong there!" Akaashi felt that his words were a bit bitter, but he had no other way of telling Bokuto the truth. "You're sick, you need medical attention." "So I can't sleep." Bokuto swatted Akaashi's hands away. "What's the big deal?" "It's more than that!" He exerted more force into his arms, getting Bokuto to take a step back. "You've had two panic attacks this week already, and your hallucinations are getting worse. My home is not a place for you to be right now." "I get panic attacks when you're not around," Bokuto answered simple-mindedly. "And my hallucinations aren't all that bad." Akaashi clenched his jaw behind a mildly irritated face. "Stop trying to act like this isn't such a big deal... You may not think it is, but I..." He paused and reached his arms out to get in another shove. "Let's just go." "I don't want to." Bokuto grabbed Akaashi's hands with his own. "Bokuto, stop." "I don't want to go back!" "How did you even sneak out?" "By sneaking out! They don't pay much attention to me anyways!" Akaashi yanked his hands away and stared at Bokuto. As much as it infuriated him, he knew that Bokuto wasn't going to go anywhere unless he let him into his home first. He swallowed thickly. "Get inside." Akaashi stepped to the side. Bokuto's eyes did the familiar light up thing as he bounded into Akaashi's home. He removed his slippers and waited at the entrance for his friend to enter. Akaashi stepped in and shut the door behind him. "You chose the perfect night." Akaashi said bitterly as he hobbled up the stairs. "My parents aren't home." "It's not like I would've made any noise," Bokuto all but shouted, following after him. Akaashi sighed. "I'll get you back to the hospital by seven in the morning." "Fine by me! Imagine the looks on their faces when they see me coming in from the outside. Imagine their faces when they notice I'm not even in my room." Bokuto was elated. Akaashi entered his room and shut the door behind Bokuto. "I'm going straight to sleep." "But I thought you had that nightmare." Bokuto stood at the side of Akaashi's bed. "I did..." He paused for a moment. "... Is that why you came here? Because of the nightmare?" Bokuto stared at Akaashi. "Because you said you were okay, and I knew you weren't." Akaashi was at a loss for words. He returned Bokuto's gaze, then looked down quickly afterwards. A hand tugged at his shirt weakly. "I see." He reached a hand out to turn on the lamp that sat on his nightstand. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, Bokuto rubbed the back of his neck. "What was the dream about?" Akaashi sat in bed and wrapped a sheet around himself. He tossed the navy blue one to Bokuto, remembering how fond he was of it the last time he'd come over. He watched as Bokuto gathered it up in his arms and threw it around himself. He then stared at Akaashi, waiting for his response. He sighed. "I was drowning." His hands picked at the small lint rolls that stuck to his sheet. "Drowning in something black, sort of like tar. I was fighting and trying to get out, but... I had no power over it whatsoever. I was so weak, and it'd gotten to the point where I could barely breath. My face was the only thing sticking out." Akaashi cocked his head back to demonstrate this, with his finger tapping his chin. "I was struggling. But in the end, I couldn't move. I was shouting, but no sound came out. No one could hear me. No one was around." Akaashi shrugged. "The liquid started flooding into my mouth and nose, and it wasn't until I was suffocating that I forced myself awake." Akaashi didn't say another word afterwards. He only bundled himself up in the sheets that surrounded him. He turned his head to look out the window, eyeing the moon timidly. Shifting in his seat, Bokuto pulled himself closer to Akaashi, one hand grasping the blanket that had been given to him. Akaashi remained in place with the thought in mind that Bokuto would respect his personal space and sit a foot or two away from him, but to his apparent surprise, Bokuto leaned his head on Akaashi's shoulder and slipped an arm around him. Akaashi squirmed in discomfort. "What are you doing?" "Comforting?" Bokuto replied, lifting his head. "Isn't that what humans do?" Akaashi watched him carefully. "Don't talk like you're not one..." Bokuto chortled quietly and placed his head back on Akaashi's shoulder. They didn't speak for a moment, and the room was filled with the hushed sounds of the outside. "Hey." "What?" "Let's watch Cloud Atlas." "No." Akaashi shook his head. Bokuto grumbled to himself. "Why not? Don't you have it in your laptop?" "I do, but I don't want to watch it. It's a long movie, and I've watched it about seven times already." "Well if you've watched it seven times then why not watch it an eighth time?" "Because it's three in the morning and I want to fit some sleep into my schedule. By the time that movie ends, it'll be six. Then I'll have to walk you to the hospital before the doctors find out you're missing and lose their minds." A laugh escaped Bokuto, the sound curling his lips into a smile. "What if they've already found out?" "Then that would be a problem." "And then they'd turn my room upside down in an attempt to find me." "That'd be a tough mess to clean up." Turning his head, Bokuto looked at Akaashi. "Everything you say is so straightforward. Why is that?" "I... Don't know." Akaashi inhaled slowly. "It's just how I am. Sometimes I think I'm funny. But people never laugh at my jokes." Bokuto snorted. "When have you ever tried to make a joke?" "When I said that it would be a tough mess for them to clean up..." Akaashi sounded genuinely confused. "Didn't that come off as remotely funny?" Bokuto couldn't help but guffaw, his head tilting back. "That was your idea of a joke?" "You're too loud, be quiet." Akaashi shoved his visitor lightly. Despite this, it only seemed to make Bokuto laugh even harder. Akaashi pursed his lips in frustration, but this look quickly vanished as a small laugh fell from his lips. "Well, you're laughing now..." He tried to hide his smile. "So I guess I am pretty good at being funny." Bokuto glanced at him. "Yeah, but for all the wrong reasons." His laughter died down along with Akaashi's. "You know... I don't think I've ever heard you laugh, or seen you smile for that matter." Shrugging one shoulder, Akaashi grabbed his phone. "Well now you have." Bokuto looked over at the phone screen. "What are you doing?" "Setting an alarm for six AM." Akaashi set his phone down and leaned back slowly, resting the back of his head against his pillow. Bokuto followed, his arm still around him. This is strange. He stared up at the ceiling and sighed. Why do I let him do this? Akaashi's head slumped to the side, in Bokuto's direction. "I hope you don't mind me sleeping." He whispered the words. "Of course I don't. I showed up to your house unannounced at three in the morning. You've got all the right to sleep..." "I just hope it isn't rude-" "It isn't." Bokuto's arm unconsciously squeezed Akaashi closer to his side. "Alright..." He closed his eyes. "Good night." Akaashi pulled his arms in close, wrapping the sheets around himself. "See you in three hours." Bokuto whispered. Complete and utter silence befell them afterwards. Akaashi had kept his eyes closed for quite a while, trying to fall into a deep sleep, but found that he couldn't, or at least, not as quickly as he thought he could. He kept his breathing controlled and steady for about forty minutes; he looked sound asleep, but was actually drifting between the real world and the dream realm. There was silence, and then there was a sound. A subtle, gentle sound. The sound of someone cautiously moving their arm when they didn't wish to wake someone. Akaashi remained in his faux sleeping position, feeling that it would take much more of an effort for him to open his eyes and check around than to stay dormant. And so he continued to try and grasp sleep, expecting nothing from the noise. It was because of this that he was so surprised when he felt a gentle sensation against his forehead. It took all of his power not to flinch when he'd felt the unfamiliar touch. They were fingers. Hesitant fingers that ghosted over Akaashi's forehead in order to push a loose strand of hair away. Keeping his eyes closed, Akaashi took in the feeling of this. He could sense the heavy amount of reluctance in each movement that Bokuto's hand carried out. Bokuto was afraid to wake Akaashi. So much so that his hands trembled slightly whenever he'd push Akaashi's bangs away. Slowly but gradually, Akaashi's heart rate picked up. His hands twitched once, and he moved closer, leaning into Bokuto's touch. This backfired, however, as the other's hand quickly withdrew. Akaashi relaxed then, keeping the sleeping act alive. Bokuto did not move a muscle after having seen Akaashi stir. The last thing he wanted to do was wake him up, so they lay in silence for minutes on end. Akaashi figured that Bokuto would keep to himself for the rest of the night, so he put his focus back to trying to sleep. He held the same position and felt himself dozing off... "I'm sorry." The words were barely a whisper, and they came without warning. It almost sounded as if Bokuto were talking to himself. Akaashi remained still and silent. "... I never meant to drag you into my life..." Bokuto inhaled all that he could. Akaashi felt his chest rise. He could practically hear the frown in his voice. "I know that I'm unbearable. I know that I'm a lost cause. I know that you know that, too... And yet you still stick by me." He paused for a moment, then spoke up again. His voice was a soft tremor. "So... Thank you." Bokuto had nothing more to say after that. He lay his cheek on the top of Akaashi's head and kept still, daring not to wake him. But Akaashi now couldn't find it in himself to sleep. Bokuto's words haunted him, and they repeated themselves over and over in his mind.  He swallowed once, hoping to get rid of the lump in his throat.       After that night, things had only gone downhill from then. Akaashi took a glance out the window, only to instantly throw on his clothes and toss his bag over his shoulders. He jogged downstairs, slipped his shoes on, and was out the door in seconds, making his way down the familiar route to the hospital. Above, the clouds were dense, and they gathered quickly, casting a dark shroud over Akaashi's path. He zipped his jacket up to shield himself from the harsh winds that came his way and advanced forward. There was definitely a storm coming his way, so Akaashi knew that Bokuto would need him. A month and sixteen days had passed since Bokuto's final visit to Akaashi's home, and once he'd been taken back to the hospital, the doctors and nurses made sure to keep a closer eye on him, and with good reason. Not only was Bokuto the kind of guy to sneak out when no one was watching, but his condition had quickly begun to worsen without warning. Before then, he would normally lose several pounds a week, but ever since the night he'd snuck out, his weight loss could only be described as alarming. In the span of a little over a month, Bokuto had gone from a general one-hundred and fifty pounds to a mere ninety-seven pounds, last time they'd weighed him. The drastic weight loss was awful enough, but as if to add insult to injury, Bokuto's worsening condition also made it increasingly difficult for him to walk, move, and speak. Akaashi frowned heavily as he entered the hospital. He made his way up the same path, walking swiftly and without pause. That was, until he saw a familiar face. "Kuroo?" Akaashi stopped in his tracks, in front of Bokuto's room. The black haired male looked up from his hands. He faked a smile. "Hey- Akaashi, right? Long time." "Yeah, I'm-," He turned his head, "Is there someone in there?" He didn't wait for Kuroo to respond and glanced into Bokuto's room. Surely enough, he noticed Kenma sitting in the seat next to Bokuto's bed. His back was facing the door, and Bokuto seemed to have all of his attention on him. "Will Kenma allow me to enter the room?" Kuroo rubbed the lower part of his face with his hand. "Nope." He leaned back in his chair. "Take a seat. Kenma usually isn't the kind of person to speak to people one on one, so... I think you'd better leave 'em both alone." Inhaling deeply, Akaashi lingered in place, then sat down in the empty seat next to Kuroo. "You seem a bit anxious." Kuroo looked at Akaashi sideways. "I am. There's a storm coming. Bokuto doesn't do well with those..." "Ah..." Kuroo looked at the ceiling, as if he would be able to see the clouds from there. "I hadn't noticed that one was rolling in." He slowly lowered his head and folded his arms. "Didn't think you knew that about him." Akaashi turned his head to face Kuroo. "Was he ever fond of them?" "Don't think so. In the past, he'd always get sort of tense and paranoid whenever a storm would pass over head, but that was kind of it. Now I bet he... Suffers panic attacks because of them." Akaashi looked down. "He does. Storms trigger them." Kuroo made a grunting noise and had nothing more to say on the subject. Akaashi figured he should stay quiet too. He knit his fingers together and kept his eyes down, anticipating when the first boom of thunder would sound. He would have to close Bokuto's blinds and take his mind off of it somehow. Show him a movie or play a game with him that would result in him to calm down quickly. Akaashi rubbed the back of his neck hastily and closed his eyes. "Ninety-seven fucking pounds." Startled, Akaashi opened his eyes and glanced in Kuroo's direction. He glowered at nothing in particular. "I'm sorry?" "Ninety-seven pounds, right? That's how much he supposedly weighs now?" Once Akaashi realized what Kuroo was talking about, he instantly felt his spirits fall. "Yes." "Fucking bullshit." He swore without a filter. Wincing, Akaashi turned his head away. He'd only spoken to Kuroo once before, and they barely exchanged any words. He didn't know how to deal with him now, so he remained silent. He twisted his fingers and pursed his lips, wary of what Kuroo would say next. "All of this is so- ugh. Why the hell did this have to happen to him? And at such an early damn age, too?" He hissed the words under his breath, openly frustrated with the situation. "He turned twenty only three months ago..." Akaashi lowered his head. "It's not fair." "It's not." Kuroo echoed the words in agreement. "But... Here we are. And here he is..." Kuroo rubbed his elbow, irate, and sighed in defeat. "I'm not coming back to visit him anymore. Not after this. I've seen enough." He turned to look at Akaashi. "Keep him company from now on. I don't know how you do it, but... When you're around him, you help him forget." Akaashi kept his eyes down. He wouldn't show this, but Kuroo's words had hit him harder than he could ever imagine. They sat heavily in the pit of his stomach, churning and pestering him, urging him to throw up. But he only swallowed and kept his composure, just as he'd been doing since the day he met Bokuto. Akaashi reached his hand up to rub the back of his neck roughly, administering a feeling of discomfort to one area in order to ignore the pain that threatened to swallow his heart. He closed his eyes in a slow blink and kept his breathing quiet. Having been neck deep in his own sorrows, Kuroo was blind to Akaashi's. He forced himself to stand after some time, tapping his fingers against his pants. "Keep doing what you're doing." His voice was low. Akaashi nodded in response. "Of course. I couldn't stop, even if I tried." A biting chuckle escaped Kuroo. "Yeah... Ain't that the horror of it all..." He rubbed his chin and stalked his way down the hall. "Keep in touch, Akaashi." "Of course." He repeated the same phrase, finding that it was difficult to search for words at the time. He watched as Kuroo walked away, far enough for small details to become blurred. He only looked like a tall, thin, black mass now as he stood near the stairway. He was waiting for Kenma, but Akaashi wondered why he hadn't waited for him in the seat that he was initially sitting in. Just then, as Akaashi bit down on the inside of his lower lip, he turned his head in time to catch a glimpse of Kenma lowering his head towards Bokuto. It wasn't necessarily a bow. It seemed more along the lines of an act of affection, or at least as affectionate as Kenma could get, which wasn't much. He touched his forehead to Bokuto's shoulder, which only earned a laugh from him. Bokuto talked quietly in response to Kenma, gave a nod, and smiled. He never seemed to stop smiling. Once he saw this, Kenma picked himself up from his seat, put his hands at his side, and bowed his head. He didn't last another second in Bokuto's company before he turned and briskly walked out of the room. He kept his head down and played the fool, pretending he didn't see Akaashi. In seconds, Kenma was down the hall and making his way down the stairs, having completely ignored Kuroo as well. Kuroo didn't seem surprised in the slightest. He only waved goodbye at a staring Akaashi before following his small friend down the stairs. Hesitantly, Akaashi barely managed to wave back before he heard his name being called from that all too familiar room, by that all too familiar voice. He directed his attention to a grinning Bokuto who eagerly sat up in bed. Akaashi almost smiled back, and he would have, too, if it hadn't been for the thunder that sounded its arrival from above. He watched as Bokuto's smile faded instantly, his eyes having gone from half lidded to wide in a second. His hands squeezed tightly around the navy blue blanket that enveloped him. "Akaashi-" "I know." He walked ahead quickly, straight into the room. He pushed the chair away and found Bokuto's side in bed. Frail, shaking fingers pushed through his own black and white hair in an attempt to calm himself down, but another thunder clap sounded, louder that time. Bokuto flinched hard enough to make the bed shake. "F-f-u-ck." His voice broke in terror. "Look at me, it's going to be fine." Akaashi spoke in a calm, slow voice. His hand took Bokuto's own, and he held it gently. It was cold and shook in short bursts. "You will get through this. You always do." Staring down wide-eyed at the floor of the hospital room, Bokuto fought to find words. "Akaa-sh- d-don't-" Bokuto struggled with his breathing. "Don't what?" "Don't l-le-leave m-me..." "I won't leave you." He moved closer, his other hand taking hold of Bokuto's. "Just breathe with me." Bokuto nodded frantically and forced himself to comply with Akaashi, as he always did. He was the only person who could get him through those horrible moments, after all. Heavy raindrops pelted against the window as Bokuto's frantic sounds filled the room. Akaashi was glad to have made it in time. That had been one of Bokuto's worst attacks yet.     "Hey, Akaashi?" "Hm?" "When do you think it will snow?" "I don't know... Snow falls at random." "Yeah, but... Do... You think it will snow soon? Or maybe January?" "I hope so. That would be nice. Tokyo needs a little more snow now and then." "Yeah... Yeah. When it falls, I want to go out and stand in it." Akaashi sat cross legged in the seat adjacent to Bokuto's bed. He looked up at the sickly one when he'd said those words, trying to meet his gaze, but ultimately finding no yellow eyes to look into. Bokuto had his head turned away. He was staring outside at the white clouds that shrouded the skies, mesmerized by just how colorless it made everything seem. It was one of those "White days", as Bokuto liked to call them, so he paid much more attention to the world beyond the glass than he did to his own confined life in the hospital. Bokuto breathed in deeply, the sound filling the small space around them. The bedsheets crumpled beneath his hands. "Are you sure you should be going out in the cold like that?" "I think I can handle it." Akaashi didn't want to bring up the fact that Bokuto probably would no longer possess the ability to walk by the time any snow did get a chance to fall, so he kept his mouth shut. He rubbed his hands together weakly and tilted his head to the side. "I guess you can... Just as long as you're feeling better." Bokuto scoffed. It was a quiet sound. "I am. Stop asking already. That was six days ago." "I know, but it was bad." "It passed." Bokuto turned his head, the pillow crumpling under his neck. He looked at Akaashi with heavy lidded eyes. He was extremely pale, and somehow thinner than before, but he kept that same smile on his face. "I'm fine now." Akaashi couldn't help but smile back at him. He leaned his chin against the palm of his hand and chortled. "Or at least as fine as you can get." Bokuto stared at Akaashi sharply. His lips quivered before he could form his words. "Sh...ut up." A stronger laugh broke out from him, rattling his body as he lay down in bed. "I look... Like shit, I know." Akaashi found himself laughing along with him. His quiet chuckle was louder than Bokuto's wholehearted laugh. "You don't. You don't look like shit." He tried to hide his grin with his hand, but it was still visible from the gaps between his fingers. Bokuto reached a hand out, aimlessly trying to swat Akaashi's own hand away. He tried to aim for it at the very least, but found it difficult to. Still, he continued. "Don't cover that." "Cover what?" "Your smile." "Why? It isn't anything spe-" "I barely ever see it." Bokuto's fingers touched at Akaashi's knuckles. That was enough for Akaashi to remove his hand from in front his mouth slowly, moving it to rest it over his chin. He smiled down at him. Bokuto's eyes stared forward with an engrossed gaze, his yellow hues taking a mental picture of what he probably would never see again. Many words dashed through his mind, but he could only think of three that would be best for him to say to Akaashi. He tried to open his mouth to say them, but he performed another action instead. Unconsciously, his hand grasped Akaashi's own, and he dragged it down with his lack of strength, causing both of them to startle. Bokuto's eyes widened. "I- I thought you would... Hold it up-" "It was sudden." Akaashi stifled a laugh. "It caught me off guard." "I didn't mean... To..." "It's alright." He smoothed his thumb over Bokuto's knuckles. "I'm... Holding it now." Silently and almost in fascination, Bokuto stared at Akaashi once again, longer this time before he looked up, then down, then away. He turned his head towards the window, away from Akaashi. He couldn't face him. Pursing his lips timidly, Akaashi ceased to speak. He studied the back of Bokuto's head, eying the messy strands of black and white hair that overlapped each other. His green eyes then fell to study his paling skin; his veins were easily noticeable now, and they bulged from beneath his flesh whenever he moved. Akaashi's eyes lowered, focusing on the arm that was attached to the hand that he was holding. He studied the small needle that was lodged into Bokuto's forearm, eyed the thin tube that was attached to this, and followed it up to the bag of IV fluid that hung above his head. Whatever was left of Akaashi's smile faded. Ever since Bokuto's last panic attack, it had suddenly become more difficult for him to control his words, movements, and actions altogether. Such a task as easy as swallowing was now a problem for Bokuto, too, and after many failed attempts at keeping his food down, or getting it to go down in the first place, the nurses found it would be best if Bokuto received nourishment the only other way possible, and that was through a tube. Over the span of the six days, Akaashi found that the only things Bokuto could manage to swallow were small snacks, like grapes, ice cubes, and Pocky Sticks that were specifically strawberry flavored. Other than those things, Bokuto found it nearly impossible to stomach anything else. His only other choice was to lie there and accept whatever it was the IV liquid had to offer him. Looking back to Bokuto, he was relieved to see that he still had his attention on the window. At some time while Akaashi was spacing out, the blue blanket that surrounded Bokuto had been pulled up just below his chin, with only his arm hanging out to hold onto Akaashi's hand. Bokuto's breathing was quiet, and his hand never really remained still for a long time. It would shake every so often, and each time it did, Akaashi would squeeze lightly in response. This was their unspoken communication. It was Akaashi's way of letting Bokuto know that everything would be alright, and this would always comfort him, no matter the situation they were in. They both found it easier to believe in that lie than to accept the truth of what was to come.     On the numbingly cold day that was January 3rd, at 8:04 PM, snow had fallen for the first time that year. Bokuto was the first to notice this, but had also been the last to say anything about it. It wasn't until Akaashi looked up from his laptop screen that he realized it was snowing heavily outside. His eyes lit up, intent on informing Bokuto, but when he turned his head to get a look at him, instead of being greeted by an over enthusiastic friend, he was presented with an unfazed expression upon Bokuto's weary face. Akaashi frowned. "Bokuto? Don't you see it?" Looking up from the laptop screen, Bokuto directed his attention to Akaashi. "Wh...?" "The snow? It's snowing outside." Bokuto turned his head to catch another look out the window. Surely enough, snow was falling, and in chunks too, but this did not grasp Bokuto's attention. Frankly speaking, it had no affect on him in the slightest. He managed a feeble shrug and turned to continue on with the movie that he'd watched for the thirtieth time already. Akaashi was genuinely confused. "I thought you were waiting for the snow. I thought it was what you wanted..." His eyelids drooping and then snapping open again, Bokuto made a small sound. "Mnh-... I... See it... All the t-ime." Just then, Akaashi's lips parted in realization. Bokuto's hallucinations had become such a part of him, that he thought the snow outside was just another mind trick. He breathed in sharply. "It's not a hallucination, Bokuto. It's actually snowing." "..." Bokuto looked up to stare out the window again. There was a longing in his eyes that Akaashi couldn't stand to see. With barely an ounce of strength left, Bokuto pulled himself up a tad to get a better look outside. Curiosity had sparked within him. He wanted to know if it was real or not. He hated how difficult it had become for him to tell apart the real things from the fake ones. "I'll show you." Akaashi stood from his seat and walked to the windowsill. There, he parted the glass slightly. A gust of icy wind charged its way into the room in an instant, draining the warmth from everything it touched. Bokuto's skin crawled, goose bumps pimpling his porcelain surface. He pulled the thick blanket over himself with much effort. Swiftly, Akaashi closed the window, having gathered just enough snow off the edge for him to show to Bokuto. He strode to him quickly, cupping the already melting snow in his hands. Bokuto held out his own, eager to see if it were true. "See, look." Akaashi placed the small, white compressed lump of snow into Bokuto's palm. This earned a gasp from him. Bokuto stared down at the white clump of melting ice, and with one finger, he pressed against it to watch it fall apart. The tiny snowflakes deteriorated in the warmth of his palm, leaving a small puddle behind. A gasp escaped Bokuto. His eyes widened as much as they could. "Akaashi!" "I know." "Take me... Outside!" "It's freezing." Akaashi murmured the words and looked Bokuto up and down. He was nothing more than a blanket with a head. "You tremble when it's seventy degrees in the room. Right now, it's about... Ten degrees outside." "Please, Akaashi." Pressing his lips into a thin slab of a line, Akaashi shook his head once more. He found it much too difficult to say no to Bokuto, but it had to be done. "I can't..." "But why?" Bokuto's spirits fell, his frown deep. "That weather will only hurt you. You need to be protected." "F-from... What?" Bokuto stared at Akaashi, his features having gone from disappointed to unaccepting. Akaashi drew in a breath, but found that he couldn't say anything. He watched Bokuto with a wary gaze, unaware of what he was to say next. "I'm already in... Death row. I can.. B-arely speak. I can bare-ly walk... I can't eat. I can't... Sl..eep. The l-last thing you..." He clenched his jaw, frustrated with himself and the words he spoke, "... You... Need to do.. Is worry about me... C-atching a... Cold." "Bokuto." "C... Cold or n-not... I'm still... Not going to last v-... Very long. So please... Let me have this." His eyes were glued to Akaashi's, and Akaashi found that he was unable to look away. Bokuto's eyes said everything to him. He translated all that his words could not. Akaashi looked down and away from Bokuto, then back to the window. "... I think the window will be as far as we can go." He said in a hushed voice. "That's... Fine with me." And just like that, a smile found Bokuto's face again. Akaashi sighed to himself, frustrated with how easily he'd given in to Bokuto's begging. But as he thought of it, he figured he couldn't be blamed for it. He didn't want to be the one to say no to someone who had little to nothing left in his life. There was that, and the fact that Akaashi couldn't help but find Bokuto's smile endearing, no matter how sickly he looked when he wore one. "Come on..." Akaashi reached a hand out to help Bokuto to his feet. He urged him to keep the blanket around him, but Bokuto insisted that he leave it behind. He held onto the IV stand with one hand and Akaashi's hand with his other as he hobbled over to the window. Bokuto's hands were as cold as ice, causing Akaashi's concern in him to grow even more. But no matter how much he worried for him, Akaashi continued on their way to the window at a slow and steady pace until they finally made it. Once there, Bokuto pulled his hand from Akaashi's and leaned it against the windowsill. The air was bitter and cold, and it hit Bokuto like a slap to the face as another gust of wind forced its way into the hospital room. This did not faze him, however, as Bokuto only closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, allowing the burn of the winter air to fill his lungs. When he exhaled, a puff of smoke left him. Bokuto stuck his head out of the window slightly and kept it there as the snowflakes fell all around him. "Don't do that." Akaashi pulled Bokuto back inside. He expected to hear a whine of resistance from him, but instead received nothing. Bokuto only complied and stuck his entire arm out instead, watching as each individual snowflake passed around his limb, as if none wanted to touch him. On occasion, one or two would land on him, and he would draw his hand in quickly to try and see if he could make out the small pattern on them. He would study them for quite a while until they melted and left behind nothing more than a droplet on his arm. After this, he would repeat the same process, paying little to no mind to the freezing cold that surrounded him. Akaashi watched Bokuto, mesmerized by his actions. He almost portrayed the behaviors of a child, sticking to an activity and refusing to let it up, repeating whatever he was up to without having anyone to tell him to stop. Akaashi furrowed his brow and looked outside, away from Bokuto. That familiar feeling of dread was rising from deep within him, something Akaashi wanted to forget. He placed one hand on the windowsill and squeezed, his knuckles going white. They shared another moment of silence, something that occurred more often than Akaashi would have liked. Though Bokuto's speaking skills weren't as good as they used to be, he was still the more talkative one out of the two. So whenever he went silent, an unwelcomed feeling of discomfort found its home within Akaashi. He wanted to rid himself of this feeling, rid himself of this silence, so he searched his mind in haste for any word that came to mind. He needed something – anything – to say to Bokuto, just so that he could liberate himself of the horrid feeling that threatened to overtake him. "You know... I never asked." Akaashi managed to say, staring out into the distance. "Why are you so fond of the snow, Bokuto?" He waited for an answer, but did not receive one. Unnerved, he spoke up again. "I mean, in your state now, it's a bit clichéd, don't you think?" It was his attempt at brightening the mood, or "being funny," as some called it, but alas, his words had fallen flat on the ground as he received another silent reply from Bokuto. Akaashi frowned deeply. He turned his head to get a clear look at Bokuto's face, but instantly wished he hadn't. In his silence, Bokuto wept to himself, fat tears rolling down his cheeks in numbers. The hand that supported his weight against the windowsill trembled without pause, and his other remained outside, shaking in the cold dead of night. Several flakes had gathered on the outstretched limb, but they were not quick to melt. They settled there, deeming Bokuto one of them for the remainder of their frozen lives before they eventually melted or fell away. Akaashi stared at Bokuto, opened his mouth to say something, but found that he couldn't form even one simple word. Realizing this, Akaashi decided to take action instead and reach out to comfort him, but not even this he could do. His arms and legs were stiff, as were his eyes. All he could do was stare at the melancholic performance that played out before him. Do something... Akaashi closed his mouth and swallowed. Do something... Anything . Akaashi's body didn't respond. He could only watch as those tears fell at a faster pace, down onto his hospital gown and onto the floor. The light that came from outside reflected off of Bokuto's teardrops, lighting his face up in the most gentle of ways. Eventually, Bokuto drew back his hand and let it fall to his side. He hung his head and tried to keep his crying controlled in the best way possible, but this proved to be very difficult as sobs broke out of him, causing his entire being to shake. After a moment of trying to gather himself, Bokuto choked out two simple words with quivering lips. "Why... me..?" Akaashi stared on as his mind searched for words. He found some and said them without a second thought. "Because life is unfair." Bokuto reached up a cold, frail hand to wipe at the mess that was his face. "I w...anted to do s-so many things..." "I know." Akaashi balled his hand into a fist, mentally scolding himself for the present lack of emotion in his voice. As Bokuto backed away from the window, Akaashi was quick to close it, locking the bitter night air out of the room for the remainder of the night. He then reached out and took hold of Bokuto's arm to help him back to the bed. Once they'd reached it, Bokuto resumed his usual position and wrapped the thick blanket around himself, then turned away from Akaashi. He watched the window quietly, paying no mind to his visitor, or so Akaashi thought. In a matter of minutes, just as Akaashi had started to fidget, Bokuto spoke up. "Akaashi..." "Yes?" His undivided attention was on Bokuto. He hesitated for a moment, but finally spoke up. "I don't want you to visit me anymore." Akaashi's eyes squinted to the words, and he leaned forward in shock. "What?" "Please... Don't visit me... Anymore." "No." Akaashi stood from his seat. "Please-" "No. It's a little too late for that, Bokuto." A shiver racked Akaashi, causing the hairs on the back of his neck to stand. "Akaashi, please..." "No is my final answer." He stalked over to the other side of the bed, where he would be able to look at Bokuto's face. Once Bokuto noticed this, he turned his head and slowly rolled away. Akaashi's eyes widened, his emotions now falling victim to a strange mix of fear and fury. "Bokuto, what is the meaning of this?" Bokuto didn't respond. He remained in the same position and only moved his hand to wipe at his face again. "Answer me." Sucking his teeth, Bokuto pulled the blanket up to just beneath his chin. It took some time, but he finally answered. "I don't want you... to grow... any m-more attached to me th-than y-you already are." Akaashi nearly scoffed. "What makes you think I'm attached to you? I never said that I was." This time, Bokuto directed his attention to Akaashi. He wore a grimace upon his reddened face. "Sh-shut up, Akaashi..." He breathed in deeply, frustrated with himself and the gradual growth of his speech impediment, but continued on. "I know... You hate hosp-itals. Don't... Come telling m-me now that you... Have only been... coming here every day because y-you wanted to." Akaashi had nothing else to say. He stared at Bokuto with his lips parted, as if he were going to speak, but ended up speechless. "I know that... You care... Ev-... Even if it's just a little bit." Bokuto covered his mouth and coughed suddenly. He found that speaking was taking much more energy than he thought. Still, he continued to talk. "I don't... Know much about this... Disease. Partly be-...cause I was too afraid to read up on it. But... I know I don't have... much time left." His frustration slowly faded, and all that was left behind upon his pale face was a look of defeat. "One, maybe two months at most, if I'm lucky. That's... How long I know I have... Left." The air around Akaashi thickened, and suddenly he found it difficult to breathe. Bokuto looked down and twisted his lips to the side. "I heard the doctors talking. They d...on't know how to... H-heal me, so..." From beneath the blanket, Akaashi could see Bokuto's shoulders rise and fall. "It's just... A slow, downhill ride f-f...rom here. And I d-don't want you to... See it all h-hap...pen." Bokuto lay there glass-eyed, his welled up tears glinting in the dim lighting of the room. "I don't... Want you to... Watch me decay." Small tears spilled out of Bokuto's eyes and rolled down his hauntingly placid features. "So I figured if you left now... You... Wouldn't have to... And it wouldn't h-hurt so much..." Once again, that crippling spell took hold of him, and Akaashi couldn't move, nor could he speak. All he could do was watch in muted anguish as Bokuto finally accepted what had become of his short lived life. Akaashi realized that those smiles he'd seen before were smiles of denial – forced grins that tried desperately to trick Bokuto into thinking that everything would be fine. But he couldn't keep it up forever. Not in the state that he was in. Bokuto had always been struggling to keep a positive front, but inside, he was falling apart all along. Akaashi knew this now. In an attempt to move, he tapped his fingers against his legs at an impatient pace. He was trying everything he could to psych himself into doing at least something to let Bokuto know that he was there for him. Do something... As if he were one of the living dead, Akaashi forced one leg forward, then the next, until he was touching the bed side. He pushed his negative thoughts aside and sat himself down in bed, right next to Bokuto. Akaashi did not give him time to react to this as he moved closer still, and when he was close enough, he lowered his head to lean it on Bokuto's shoulder. Akaashi squeezed his hands together to keep them from shaking uncontrollably. "I'm not leaving, Koutarou." His voice was hushed, gentle. "And nothing you say will make me leave." Bokuto kept silent. Not a word left him, even as he reached a hand up to wipe at his face again. He only sniffed on occasion, and shifted in place, but never did he say anything to oppose Akaashi's decision. He was glad. Akaashi turned his head slightly, his cheek gently resting on Bokuto's shoulder. He took in a slow, deep breath and closed his eyes, and his eyebrows knit together for only a second. His hands quivered as he dug his nails into his knuckles. Bokuto no longer smelled like a hospital. Bokuto smelled like... Home.     The reflection of ending movie credits could be seen in Akaashi's eyes as they scrolled up along the screen of his laptop. Sitting back, he reached a hand out and paused the movie that'd been on screen. "So, how was it, watching the movie for the thousandth time?" There was almost a hint of sarcasm in his voice. Lying next to Akaashi, a ghostly pale Bokuto smiled. "...Good..." Bokuto eased back and buried his head into his pillow. He looked in Akaashi's direction. It took a moment for Bokuto to focus on him. Pulling his laptop close, Akaashi smoothed his finger along the mouse pad. He looked to the lower right corner of the screen. January 19th, 6:40pm. Akaashi pulled a solemn face and closed the laptop. He moved in his seat and sat straight against the head of the bed, then looked down at Bokuto. His tired eyes were on Akaashi. He was grinning. Forcing a smile of his own, Akaashi tilted his head only slightly. "What are you smiling at?" He reached a hand out and touched Bokuto's forehead. He was cool to the touch – colder than most. Akaashi was quick to withdraw his hand, but he managed it discretely. It took a moment for Bokuto to respond, but after some time, he managed some words. "... Thank you..." "Don't worry about it." A sheepish grin curled Akaashi's lips. "I know you're fond of that movie." He looked down at Bokuto as he said this, and glanced away soon after. Something told him that those words weren't meant for the movie, but Akaashi shoved this thought away. He twisted his body to reach for the box of Pocky that sat on the counter. He opened it and pulled one out. "Do you want one?" Bokuto nodded and stretched a wobbling arm out. Akaashi placed it in between his fingers, and Bokuto retracted his hand to hold the biscuit snack against himself. He held it to his nose with some difficulty and breathed in the strawberry scent, then let his arm fall. He touched at it lightly, twirled it shakily between his fingers, and studied it, but he never ate it. Akaashi placed the box back onto the counter and huffed softly. "You seem to have grown more attached to that Pocky stick than me..." Bokuto looked up, surprised, and glanced back down at the snack in his hands. It took time for Akaashi's words to reach him, but when they finally did, his face lit up as he broke out in laughter. It was the weakest sound Akaashi had ever heard. "Ah, I've finally said something funny." Akaashi chuckled with Bokuto, folding his arms in the process. "I told you I had my moments every so often." Bokuto's laughter died down and he closed his eyes. "R...arely..." "Give me a break here." Akaashi's chortling had been dragged out for a few seconds longer before he, too, quieted down. They remained speechless in each other's company for several minutes before Bokuto actually spoke up, his voice sounding like nothing more than a mere whisper. "Keiji..." Akaashi looked at him. "M-hm?" Bokuto swallowed thickly and toyed with the Pocky in his hand. "Ask... M-me w... Why I like... Cloud Atlas so much." Perplexed, Akaashi directed his full attention to Bokuto. "Well alright... Koutarou, why do you like Cloud Atlas so much?" He watched Bokuto intently, curious to know what his answer would be. Looking up at Akaashi with eager eyes, as if he'd been asked the question out of his own free will, Bokuto gladly answered. "S... So you... Know in the m-movie when... Th... Characters die in one life...?" He kept his weary yellow eyes on Akaashi, waiting for him to nod. Once he did, Bokuto continued. "W-well... I... Like it when... Th-they find each other again... In another life." Bokuto's voice was soft, measly, and carried no force to it. But as he spoke about his favorite scene, Akaashi could sense a powerful vibe coming from him... One that wasn't there before. A hopeful one. "It m-makes me... Feel like I'll h-have another life... One beyond this one... One that's better... Wh.. Where I can actually wake up to you... and be with y... you..." A smile played on his pale, thin lips. "One where we... Can... Live n...normal lives instead of... Living... This one." Akaashi couldn't find any words to say at that moment. He stared at Bokuto and could only nod with whatever it was he thought he was agreeing with. He felt as if all the air had been squeezed out of his body by the words that Bokuto had spoken. Of all the things that Bokuto found most endearing of the movie, Akaashi never thought it would be that. Managing a miserable smile, Akaashi roughly rubbed his palm with his thumb. "You know... I would like that. Very much." He spoke gently in Bokuto's direction. "Me too..." Bokuto's eyes never left Akaashi. He stared at him intently and watched every move he made, to the point where this had captured Akaashi's attention. "Why do you watch me like that?" His emerald eyes met golden ones. Though the question was asked clearly, Bokuto didn't make a sound, nor did he move. He instead continued to stare in Akaashi's direction with hopeful eyes. After what felt like the longest ten seconds of his life, a sudden shudder charged down Akaashi's spine, causing goose bumps to rise on his flesh. He held his breath, then proceeded to ask again. "Koutarou... Why do you watch me like that?" It took every fiber of his being to keep his voice from trembling. It was then that Bokuto's eyes blinked in realization, and slowly but surely, he moved his lips to answer. "Just... Because..." He replied in what almost sounded like a surprised tone. "I didn't... Want you to leave. Sometimes when I... blink... you aren't there anymore..." Bokuto rubbed one of his eyes, then the other, and let his hand drop to his sides. Akaashi tried to hide his frown. His eyes looked down at Bokuto's hands. They were thin and bony, and he could see those smooth blue veins curling over the bones beneath his flesh. He reached a hand out and took Bokuto's hand in his own. Bokuto's automatic reaction to the warmth was to curl his fingers around Akaashi's grasp. He looked at him and exhaled through his nose quietly. Akaashi met his gaze, then looked down. "Don't worry. I'm still here." Bokuto nodded feebly against his pillow. "I'm still... Here too..." His voice was weaker than before, if possible. Akaashi nodded, with him. "Yeah. You're still here, too..." With what little strength he had left, Bokuto beamed. Akaashi wished he could do the same.     New Message! From: Kuroo (Sent January 31st at 2:25 PM) [Hey, are you there?] Akaashi: [Yes, I am.] Kuroo: [How are things?] Akaashi: [Things could be better. Things could be worse.] Kuroo: [May I ask how Bokuto is doing?] Akaashi: [He's... Hanging on.] Kuroo: [Can he still walk? Or talk?] Akaashi: [No, he can't. He lost the ability to walk a little more than a week ago. His ability to speak left him soon after.] Kuroo: [I see. You really are straightforward, aren't you?] Akaashi: [I don't know any other way to put it. Sorry.] Akaashi looked up from his phone after sending the message and turned his head to notice that Bokuto was once again staring at him with acute interest. His eyes read, "Who's that?" Stuffing his phone in his pocket, Akaashi shrugged. "Just... Kuroo." He said the name with a lack of interest to try and soften the blow, but Akaashi knew that no matter how he approached it, Bokuto would frown when he heard the name. And he did. Bokuto looked down at Akaashi's hand. His eyes gave away just how much he missed his friend. Feeling an amount of guilt build up within his chest, Akaashi pulled out his phone just as quickly as he'd hid it away. "Would you like for him to send a photo?" Bokuto looked back up and thought for a moment, then nodded. Playing off of this, Akaashi texted for Kuroo to send an image of himself for Bokuto to see. It took quite some time for a message from Kuroo to arrive, but when it did, Akaashi realized that he'd sent a video instead of what was initially asked for. Akaashi leaned over in his seat to move himself closer to Bokuto. With one elbow on the bed, he held his phone so that the both of them could see. Bokuto stared at the screen with interested eyes, wondering what the content would consist of. Akaashi pressed play, and a video of Kuroo started to play. He sat at home in bed, with a snug fitting shirt on and his hair an absolute mess. "What's up, guys? Ahhhh I know you didn't tell me to send a video, but, I'm not someone who follows rules." He pulled a mock cool expression, but this was cut short as someone else spoke up. From the background of the video, a low voice could be heard. "What? Did you just... Say that to yourself?" "No- wow, no, I'm taking a video." Kuroo panned the phone to his side, and a blurred Kenma came into focus on screen. He sat cross-legged, with a shirt on that was two sizes too big, and a hat that looked as if it had been placed on his head without his consent. His head was down and his fingers moved swiftly over the buttons on the gaming device that he held in his hands. At one point, he reached a hand up to grab the beanie off of his head, and he aimlessly chucked it to the ground with force. "Say hi, Kenma." "Wait, what? I didn't hear what you said..." Kenma looked up and was greeted with a front facing camera. He quickly got up from the bed and walked off. "Don't record me." "At least say hi," Kuroo called. "Hi." The disembodied voice came from off screen. "And that's Kenma for you..." Kuroo groaned as he repositioned himself in bed, and then he smiled. "But putting him aside... I hope all is well. Um..." He scratched at his cheek, just below his eye. "I miss you guys. I miss you especially, Bokuto. Um... Hang in there, alright? Akaashi, don't give him a hard time, or you and I are going to fucking fight." Bokuto smiled wide to those words. He would have laughed if he could. A grin ghosted across Akaashi's lips as well, but it was quick to vanish. "Well, I guess that's it for now. I would have Kenma say bye, too, but-" He turned his head to look around, "He left... the room...? Yeah, he left the room. So I'll just say bye for him! See you, Bokuto. Keep it cool. And remember, you're the best." He held his hand up in a "peace sign", and the video ended with him on screen. Akaashi sighed. He thought the video had gone by too quickly, but it had actually lasted a little under thirty seconds. "For a guy who's name is Kuroo, he sure is a colorful one." Akaashi sat up and placed his phone on the counter. Bokuto nodded and looked up at Akaashi once again. "You guys were best friends, huh...?" Bokuto nodded once more. He struggled to raise a hand, and slowly he twirled his index finger in circles at the side of his head. Akaashi snorted softly and leaned back in his seat. "Is he crazy?" The smile on Bokuto's lips grew just a little more, signifying that he'd answered yes to Akaashi's question. It was moments like these that made Akaashi realize just how much of an innocent soul Bokuto really was. Every now and then, it would come to him that Bokuto was only twenty years old, and that fact would only weigh Akaashi down even more than it usually did. It hurt him to think that Bokuto had barely even experienced the joys of a young adult's life before that crippling disease had taken a hold of him. It was frustrating, it was infuriating, and it was overall saddening, but Akaashi could not show any of this. Not in front of Bokuto. So instead of putting on a sour expression, Akaashi only kept a neutral one, like he always did. It was his best and only way to hide his pain.     Several hours had passed since the message from Kuroo, and both Bokuto and Akaashi didn't do much. Without a voice, Bokuto couldn't keep up a conversation as well as he used to, no matter how hard he tried. And even if he could speak, he wouldn't have been able to talk for long considering the state he was in. His movements were uncoordinated and slow, and the only sounds he could manage were meek and most of the time inaudible. At times, Bokuto would do nothing but lie there in bed, twitching back awake whenever his body tried so desperately to fall into the sleeping state that it once knew. When this would happen, he'd pull a frustrated expression for only a moment before his face grew too tired to hold it any longer. When Bokuto was like this, Akaashi would normally look away to spare himself the sight of it all. But on rare occasions, there were times when he'd have no choice but to watch Bokuto fall apart at the hands of his illness, and he hated it. For every time Akaashi would witness this, his mind would repeat one phrase, whether he wanted to hear it or not. This is what a dying person looks like. Looking down swiftly, Akaashi's sights locked onto his hands. He glared at them intensely with that same placid expression of his, making this look all the more unnerving. He wanted the thought to leave his mind. He wanted nothing to do with it. He forced those words away and replaced them with new ones. Ones that said, He's not dying. He's going to be fine. But as he thought of it, as he narrowed down the true meanings of both phrases, he ultimately could not decide which of the two were more horrifying. Akaashi closed his eyes and heaved out a sigh, feeling more and more hopeless with each passing second. He feared he wouldn't be able to pull himself out of this state, but then it occurred to him that he was not alone in this. He felt the gentlest of taps against his arm, and he turned his head to meet eyes that were as concerned as they were exhausted. Akaashi sat up straight and composed himself. "I'm fine." He commented softly, leaning back in his seat. "How are you feeling, Koutarou?" Bokuto blinked slowly. This was his way of saying he was feeling alright. Not great, but alright. Akaashi pursed his lips and nodded once. He found himself unable to say anything else, figuring that Bokuto wouldn't have anything to say either, but he was wrong. Again, he felt the light tapping against his arm. Surprised, Akaashi gave Bokuto his attention again. "Hm? What is it?" He turned the chair so that he was now facing Bokuto from the front. Gazing up at Akaashi, Bokuto frowned and tried to form some words, but failed in the end. He looked around and moved his fingers, trying to make out a phone. Akaashi picked this up quickly, and he pulled his phone out for Bokuto to use. He opened his notes application and held the device in front of Bokuto. It was then that he started to inaccurately press at words that he was trying to make out. It took him some time to get down what he wanted to say, but after several minutes, he withdrew his hand. Akaashi looked at his phone to read the sentence. It read: "If I knew those words I spoke a week ago would have been my last, I would have chosen them more carefully." Akaashi stared intensely at the screen, then tore his gaze away and looked back to Bokuto. "You weren't happy with those words?" Slowly, Bokuto nodded. "Well then, if you had a second chance..." Akaashi hesitated. He almost didn't want to ask the question. "What would you have chosen to say?" Just as those words left Akaashi's mouth, the clouds outside parted, allowing the setting sun's orange light to flood into the room. It illuminated both Bokuto and Akaashi, and they squinted at the same time. Despite this, Akaashi did not miss the look of slight nervousness that claimed Bokuto's features. He was now more curious than he'd ever been before. "Um... Bokuto? You don't have to say it now if you don't want to." Bokuto shook his head. "So... You don't want to?" He shook his head again, stronger this time. "Ah, you do want to say it now." This time, a weak sound left Bokuto's throat through a closed mouth, and he nodded. "Alright." Akaashi shifted in his seat, now timid. He glanced to the side. "How many words are there? In what you want to say, I mean?" Responding as slowly as ever, Bokuto raised one hand. On that one hand, three fingers stuck out. Akaashi felt his heart sink to his stomach. Another shudder threatened to rattle him, but he kept himself still, as difficult as that was. "Three words? That's all?" Akaashi forced a smile. They felt mandatory now. "That's interesting..." Please... Please don't say them. He reached his arm out and held his phone in front of Bokuto for him to type. Please don't type them... I don't want to hear them. I don't want to read them. I don't want to know them. For what felt like an eternity, Bokuto typed the words on Akaashi's phone. His hand wobbled so much that it was impossible to decipher which letters he was hitting. Akaashi was close to holding his breath before Bokuto had finally drew his hand back. He let it fall over his stomach, and there it rested. His golden eyes searched the room for Akaashi. When he'd finally found him, those shining eyes of his lit up just a little more than usual. And with that glint came his smile. It was small and measly, but there. Akaashi made sure to take a mental picture of this before he looked down and closed his eyes. He gripped his phone in his hand and took in a deep breath, filling his lungs with all the air that he could before he exhaled through his nostrils. He turned his phone so that it was facing him, opened his eyes, and read the three words that would haunt him forever. ... Or so he thought. Akaashi's eyes widened slightly, and his eyebrows knit together in surprise. What sat upon the screen was not what he thought it would be, but rather... A simple compliment. "You are beautiful." Freezing in his seat, Akaashi read the words ten times over before he finally looked up. He could feel his heartbeat thumping hard against his chest, as if it wanted to break free. His eyes locked onto Bokuto's. "You... Think that I'm beautiful?" He asked this in a tone of disbelief. Mustering a weak nod, Bokuto's lips curled at the sides just a bit more. With this, he raised a quivering hand and his index finger. He was trying to tell Akaashi something else. Guessing quickly, Akaashi muttered, "One?" Bokuto kept his finger up, then moved his hand to point it at himself. He did not give Akaashi time to voice his guess as he then moved his finger to point at his eye, then finally at Akaashi. Weakly, Akaashi parted his lips. He almost couldn't find his voice, but when he did, he tried his best to keep it from shaking. "Since... The first day you saw me..." To this, Bokuto's arm fell and rested lightly on his stomach. He did the only thing that he could and nodded again, then closed his eyes, and slightly turned his head away. Akaashi watched curiously as Bokuto's lips quivered into a wide grin, and as the light captured his features, Akaashi realized just how embarrassed Bokuto actually was. His face glowed the quietest shade of red, and he tried to hide it from Akaashi. It seemed that, after finally hearing his pent up thoughts aloud, they had frayed his nerves more than he thought they would. Seeing this display unfold before him, Akaashi could barely think. His heart beat a mile a minute, he found it difficult to swallow, and one of his legs bounced up and down rapidly. He didn't know how to react, didn't know what to do or say, but as he searched for the right words to speak, or the right thing to do, Akaashi found himself doing something he didn't expect of himself. A light hearted laugh bubbled out from deep within his chest, and the sound filled the room as soon as it hit the air. He laughed hard, or at least as hard as he could. His voice was gentle, light on Bokuto's ears. It caused him to open his eyes and look in Akaashi's direction, astonished. Those honey-hued eyes took in all that they could of Akaashi's laughing face. The way his lips curled at the corners, the way his eyes squinted just enough so that only a glint of green could be seen. Bokuto captured it all, and in no time, he found himself laughing too. It was a quiet laugh. It was so weak and feeble, it could barely be heard, but it was there, and Akaashi could hear it, so that was enough for Bokuto. His face still wore the same shade of red, but he no longer minded this. He was happy where he was. He was happy that he'd admitted those words. He was glad that Akaashi found company in him. Finding a breath between his laughter, Akaashi managed to speak. "You're... Ridiculous." He said lightheartedly, his fingers trembling around his phone. Bokuto gave him a look that could only be read as, "I am, aren't I?" Slowly, Akaashi's laugh eased into a chuckle, and as he sat there in his seat, he looked down at Bokuto with placid eyes. A genuine expression made its home on Akaashi's features, and a hand reached up to push through his raven locks. "Thank you, Koutarou." He whispered softly, his voice shaking in his throat. He reached a hand out and found Bokuto's. Bokuto tightened his grasp in that automatic way he always did. He stared up at Akaashi with that smile that never seemed to fade. His eyes read, "You're welcome, Keiji."     February 2nd. What time is it? Akaashi stirred in bed slightly and let out a weak grunt. He didn't bother to check. He didn't care. The sky was already black. He figured it was already past five in the afternoon. So he didn't care anymore. He didn't care if it was seven at night, or eight at night, or twelve in the morning, or if the world's clock stopped moving altogether. All he cared about was the fact that Bokuto was still with him, next to him, breathing, alive. All he cared about was the fact that Bokuto Koutarou was still there. Akaashi moved his head to the side and touched his forehead to Bokuto's neck. Bokuto's movements were late to this, but he reacted nonetheless as he turned Akaashi's way to touch his chin to the top of his head. The soft touch of Akaashi's hair against his chin comforted Bokuto, and pulled him into a relaxed state. Akaashi liked it when this happened. It would cause less spasms to grip Bokuto's body, allowing him to unwind more than he usually could. Akaashi didn't know why he had this effect on him, but he did, and that was all that mattered to him. The day was exceptionally cold, but Akaashi was glad to know that the hospital's room provided enough heat to keep Bokuto from freezing over. But even so, Bokuto still suffered from trembling spells, and they would come in small, short bursts and last only several seconds before his body became too weak to keep it up. Akaashi always made sure to hold Bokuto close and squeeze him tight whenever this happened, just to let him know that he was there for him. That he wasn't another one of those illusions his mind would create. Akaashi would also murmur quiet things to him from time to time, to keep up a small, often one sided conversation. He'd usually ask yes or no questions, ones that were easy for Bokuto to answer with a nod or shake of the head. But sometimes, he wouldn't answer certain questions, despite Akaashi asking them twice. He wouldn't always get answers, Akaashi was aware of this, but he would still ask him things. At other times, he would just tell him things that were on his mind. It was strange how the less Bokuto asked, the more Akaashi found himself saying. Relaxing his head against the crook of Bokuto's neck, Akaashi blinked wearily and stared off into the distance. He focused on nothing... Something he remembered Kenma doing. His hand held onto one of Bokuto's very thin arms, and his thumb would occasionally rub up and down to comfort him. They shared the same navy blue knit blanket and huddled up beneath it, keeping each other warm in the best way that they could. As Akaashi lay there, quiet, listening to Bokuto's strained breathing, he opened his mouth to speak. "Koutarou?" He spoke just loudly enough for Bokuto to hear him. He felt him move against his head in response, so he continued. He drew in a deep breath and blinked away the stinging in his eyes. "I want you to know that... I don't regret meeting you." Bokuto didn't move much. He just breathed now. "I am... Very happy to have met you. And to have gotten to know you..." Akaashi paused for a long moment and said nothing for a while. But then he spoke up again. "So... Thank you, Koutarou, for talking to me me in the hall that day... And asking me if I was alright. Because I wasn't, then. But... I am, now." Slipping his head down to Bokuto's chest, Akaashi leaned against his frail frame. Akaashi listened to the quickened rate of Bokuto's still beating heart, and knew that this was his response to his words. Akaashi closed his eyes against him. He found he had nothing more to say. He instead allowed his actions to speak for him. He pulled himself closer to Bokuto, and nudged his face into the warmth of his neck. He could feel Bokuto's chin rubbing against the top of his head, like it always did. It never failed to comfort Akaashi. He breathed in that familiar scent that he'd grown so attached to, then exhaled quietly against Bokuto's prominent collar bone. Akaashi could feel a weak, ailing arm pull itself up to rest upon his shoulder. To this, he shifted in closer and allowed his body to relax. His breathing evened out and in no time, he could feel himself slipping, slowly, into the warm grasp of sleep, unable to resist. In a daze, Akaashi's last words were, "Good night, Koutarou," before he slipped off into a deep sleep. He dreamt of nothing in particular that night. He suffered no nightmares, nor did he see anything remotely close to a dream. There was nothing. There was only blackness.     Akaashi woke up to the feeling of sunlight against his face. It was warm on him, certainly something that one would find comforting, but as he stirred in bed, he was certain that something was off. He kept his eyes half-lidded and his movements reserved, clinging onto the false hope that Bokuto wasn't moving because he didn't want to wake him. But Akaashi knew that this wasn't the case. He just didn't want to accept it. Stretching out a trembling arm, Akaashi took hold of Bokuto's hand. He shut his eyes and squeezed his palm. It was cold. His hand trembled harder with each passing second, as if the movement would cause Bokuto to wake up. Akaashi's face buried into the crook of his neck. He nudged the bridge of his nose against the cool skin. His lips brushed against his collarbone in desperate search of that familiar warmth. Both hands had clasped around Bokuto's own now, quavering without pause. He couldn't find his pulse. Devastation weighed down on Akaashi in that instant. It was a surreal feeling, one that he could never in one million years describe. It squeezed him, threatening to crush him from the inside out. The pain seared itself into his soul, hindering him, rendering him speechless to a point where he no longer knew what words were. A sob wretched its way out from Akaashi's throat. He tried desperately to hold it in. Tried so hard to keep himself together, but he knew he was too weak to pull such a bluff. Once the second sob had left him, he felt himself spiraling. There was no hiding it. He was undone. His body jerked with each sob that was torn from him, his frame curling to bring himself closer. He held his face against the corpse's neck, just beneath the jawline, breathing in all that was left of Bokuto. He had so many things he'd wanted to do with him, so many things he'd wanted to say, but all of those things seemed to have fallen away once the moment had finally come. Akaashi wanted to scream, but he couldn't find his voice. Not even a sentence could get past his suffering. He kept himself against Bokuto and held onto him with what little strength he had left in him. He didn't get up to alert the nurses, or the doctors, or anyone in the hospital. He knew that once they found out, they would take Bokuto away from him. So he stayed in place, holding onto Bokuto, taking in his company for one last time before he'd never see him again.     Once Akaashi had left the hospital, he never looked back. He walked home that day with a balled up blanket in his arms, a burgundy scarf around his neck, and nothing more from the hospital. He held them against his frame in the twenty degree weather, and though many people gave him strange looks and watched him side-ways, none of this affected him in the slightest. The cold was no longer a factor to Akaashi. He couldn't feel it. His mind wouldn't allow him to. He made it home without so much as a hello to his parents who sat in the living room. They asked him questions. He answered blatantly. They asked about the blanket and the scarf, but they never asked about Bokuto. Akaashi was glad. It was a good idea to have never told them about him after all. He ascended the steps to his room, balled his – no – Bokuto's blanket up into a lump, and dropped it onto his bed along with the scarf. He reached into his pocket to fish out his phone, and pushed call on one of his contacts. He held it up to his ear and waited for the other line to pick up. Once it did, Akaashi was greeted with a, "Hello?" Akaashi hesitated. He swallowed thickly and looked out the window. "Hello. Kuroo? It's Akaashi. Are you busy?" Kuroo's voice was reserved and reluctant. "No, I'm not." "If it isn't too much trouble, may I come over?" Kuroo was quiet on the other end. He already knew. He inhaled audibly, and Akaashi could hear a scratching sound. After a moment, he finally spoke. His voice was solemn. "Sure."     Akaashi sat at the edge of Kuroo's bed, and he stared out the window without focus. Kuroo spoke to him, and Akaashi listened and often responded. But most of the time, he only sat there and continued to watch nothing. Kuroo would have been concerned if not for finding out what had happened earlier that day. He was much like Akaashi, sitting on the same side of the bed, a good distance apart from his visitor. Those yellow eyes of his would often dart to the floor, then to the ceiling, around the room, and back to the floor, but he would never look at Akaashi. He feared that if he did, he wouldn't be able to keep his emotions at bay. "How did he look?" Kuroo asked with a hushed tone. It took Akaashi a while to respond. "When I woke up?" "Yeah..." Kuroo looked down. Akaashi let out a half-assed grunt and continued to stare forward. "Pale. Sick. Dead." "How did you find out that he wasn't... There anymore?" "His entire body was relaxed. His head rested on mine with the weight of someone's who's unconscious." This time, Kuroo was the one to grunt, the sound coming from deep within his chest. He was slow to speak up again, but did either way. "Are you going to his funeral?" "No." The answer came so much more quickly than Kuroo thought it would. It shocked him as Akaashi continued. "I refuse to go. My last memory of Bokuto will not be of him sharply dressed, pale, stiff, and stuffed in a casket, surrounded by a countless amount of people who did not care for him at all until the day they heard about his death. My last memory of Koutaro is already with me, and it will die along with me." Akaashi's tone was monotonous, but Kuroo didn't fail to detect the venom that lined each word prior to his last sentence. He understood where Akaashi was coming from and didn't even think of holding his icy tone against him. Kuroo was just as bitter. He, too, did not intend on showing up to any funeral. He'd be furious with everyone in there, and he knew that the same pain burned within Akaashi, too. Kuroo leaned forward and joined his hands together. He stared at the wall and bounced one leg up and down as his emotions slowly started to reclaim him. "You know... Um..." He looked down and rubbed his neck roughly, leaving behind deep, red marks. "Bokuto, he... He really liked- uh- cared about you... He talked about you all the time when he first met y-" "Don't." Kuroo froze. With his hand clinging to his neck, he slowly looked up to find that Akaashi was staring back at him with vacant eyes, void of all known emotion. "Don't, Kuroo. Just... Don't." He swallowed thick, and turned his head to stare out the window again. Akaashi laced his fingers together and dug his nails into the backs of his hands. He was redirecting the pain. "Sorry." It was the last word Kuroo murmured before he stared forward as well, having nothing more to say. They shared each other's company in silence for what felt like the length of five minutes, and in that time, Akaashi never once looked to the side to catch a glimpse at Kuroo. It wasn't until he watched Kuroo's form double over in his peripheral that Akaashi did glance in his direction, and when he did, he was greeted with a quietly sobbing Kuroo, his face having been buried in the palms of his hands. Though is was delayed, Akaashi moved on instinct and sat near Kuroo. He placed a hand on his broad back and rubbed gently, hoping to comfort him and to be the stronger of the two. But as each second passed, Akaashi could feel his own pain building up more and more within him. He wished he could fight it, but he knew there was no possible way for him to. It wasn't long before Akaashi had leaned his head on Kuroo's shoulder, as he, too, fell victim to the sorrow that slowly ate him alive.     It had been three days since Bokuto's passing, and surely enough, sleep did not come to Akaashi as easily as it used to. In the span of those three days, he had only acquired a little over four hours of sleep in total. On the first night out of the three, Akaashi flat out refused to get any rest in fear of suffering another night terror. But during the other two nights, he surely did make the effort to try and lull himself to sleep, but each time he did, he either found himself stirring awake from a strange dream, or lying wide awake in the middle of the night, half expecting to receive a message from Bokuto. At times, Akaashi would look through the conversations that he'd shared with him. He'd scroll up, up, up until the first text, then would scroll all the way down again, waiting for the ellipse to appear on the lower left side of the screen. But always, he'd receive nothing. That night was no different as Akaashi repeated this action for the twentieth time that day, his thumb scrolling up and down for minutes on end until he finally came to a stop. When he had, however, instead of shutting his phone off and trying to force a few hours of sleep upon himself, Akaashi stared at the phone screen longingly, and read the last messages that were sent between them. Bokuto (Sent at 2:15 AM, December 20th): [Hey! Akaashiiiii. Are you awake?] Akaashi: [Yes, I am. What is it?] Bokuto: [I'm excited for you to come over tomorrow!] Akaashi: [I visit you every day, though.] Bokuto: [I know! You never miss a day... Don't your parents ever ask why you come here so much?] Akaashi: [They think I'm interning. So they don't mind.] Bokuto: [Oh! Works for me. ٩( 'ω' )و] Akaashi: [I would hope so. It works for me as well. I'll be sure to bring my laptop when I visit. We can watch Cloud Atlas again.] Bokuto: [YES! PLEASE! Thank you, Akaashi!] December 20th at 3:45 AM [You probably fell asleep. Sorry for always messaging you so late. Sleep well, Akaashi! I'll see you soon.] Akaashi frowned and felt that familiar pain pierce his chest. He re-read 'Sleep well, Akaashi!' and inhaled with frailty. "I'm trying..." He couldn't bring himself to read over the last four words of the text again and ultimately shut off his phone. He placed it on the counter near his bedside and buried himself into the blanket that he had so openly shared with Bokuto. Akaashi inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, his eyebrows knitting together as his brow creased. It still smelled like him. Akaashi relaxed himself against his mattress and closed his eyes, a powerless yawn leaving him. His head eased into his pillow, and to his surprise, within a matter of minutes, he could feel himself slipping. It felt strange, not falling asleep against Bokuto's body, but Akaashi knew that he would have to get used to this form of sleeping by his lonesome once again. He just hoped that the night wouldn't bring him any malevolent dreams. All he wanted was to see Bokuto again, even if just for a second. An exhausted breath left him, and Akaashi finally fell asleep. That night, he dreamt of the first night Bokuto had come over his home. He dreamt of how Bokuto had buried himself into the navy blue blanket to watch the movie that played on the laptop screen, and how he held Bokuto in his arms that night to aid him in his attempt to sleep. He could still remember the small details, like how Bokuto's starry shirt would slip off his shoulder every so often when he stirred in bed, and how the feel of Bokuto's weight on him would take his breath away. Akaashi could still feel the sensation of his wild white and black hair brushing against his cheek whenever he moved, and the warmth that came from him as he held him close. It was all still there, but there was something different about it all that puzzled Akaashi. At one point in his dream, Akaashi looked out the window. The night sky had suddenly become a pale blue, and the warm orange glow of the sun slowly spread across the horizon. He turned his head slowly to look at Bokuto, and watched him as he lay in his arms. Akaashi said his name, and to this, Bokuto stirred awake. He turned his head and met Akaashi's gaze with weary, well rested eyes. He stretched and stifled a yawn, pushed a hand through the mess that was his hair, and relaxed his head against Akaashi's shoulder. Sunlight broke into the room, cascading all along the walls and floor, and casting shadows all around. It lit Bokuto's face up just enough for Akaashi to take in those healthy features that were staring back at him. He felt his heart rate accelerate, and his throat tightened as his vision blurred. Bokuto beamed at him with a smile that spoke a thousand words, and his hand reached out to touch Akaashi's cheek. Akaashi felt his palm- warm, full, caressing the round of his face. He leaned into his touch, and his vision began to fade, his eyes welling with tears. Bokuto leaned in and touched his forehead to Akaashi's. He was only a blurred shape now, but Akaashi knew he was still there. Bokuto spoke, his voice peaceful. Healthy. Whole. "I found you." A trembling, tender laugh escaped Akaashi. He smiled. "You found me." Notes: Thank you for reading, it means a lot that you've read through my work! I hope you enjoyed this... I researched FFI a lot actually, in order to get a better understanding of it. The side effects are heart wrenching however, resulting in me watering them down a bit... I couldn't put Bokuto through all of that. But that still doesn't make me a better person. Again, thank you! Your interest is always appreciated.

TBC

My Kitten~KuroKen~ Chapter One *Note: The characters and photo don't belong to me. ~3rd person POV~ It was the middle of summer and Kuroo was sweating as he sat on his porch in the late afternoon sun. He laid down his feet, hanging them off the edge of the porch just grazing the ground. He closed his eyes and started to doze off but was interrupted by a truck coming up the street. He sat up and saw a moving truck stop at the house next to his. At age eight Kuroo was a bit shy and not wanting to be seen, he ran into the house to watch from his window. As he ran upstairs he heard car doors slamming from outside. He ran to the window in his room just in time to lock eyes with a black haired boy. Even from a distance Kuroo could see the the glint in the boys large cat like golden eyes. Kuroo felt a slight shiver go down his spine. The boy turned and walked into the house parallel to Kuroo's. Kuroo stood at the window in a daze. His thoughts were broken when Kuroo's father called him down for dinner. ~ When Kuroo finished his dinner he ran upstairs hoping to see the little boy once more. When he got to his room Kuroo went straight to the window. He looked into the window across from his, and saw the same black haired boy sitting on his bed with a PSP in his hand. Kuroo felt his heart skip a beat. The boy noticed Kuroo watching him and flinched slightly. Kuroo smiled but the boy had already closed his curtains. He sighed and walked to the bathroom to shower. Kuroo came back into his room in shorts and a t-shirt with a towel hanging around his neck, his hair still damp. He looked out his window only to see the blinds in the parallel window were still closed. Kuroo sighed again and plopped himself on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He stayed there for a long time. Finally, he got up and turned off his light. He walked back to his bed and lie back down falling asleep almost immediately. ~ Kuroo woke up the next morning to bright sunlight hitting his face. He slowly opened his eyes and squinted in rejection to the sun. Kuroo grumbled and covered his face with a pillow, falling back into a light doze. "Oiiii, Kuroo!" Kuroo's sleep was disrupted by his father calling him. "Whaaaat?" Kuroo called back groggily. "Breakfast!" His father hollered from downstairs. Kuroo got up lazily and went to the bathroom to wash his face. He changed and walked downstairs the cold from the stairs sending a shiver down his spine. "I'm here!" He told his dad from the living room. "After breakfast we're going to welcome our new neighbors." Kuroo's dad informed him. "Ehhhhh, but I don't wanna!" Kuroo whined walking into the kitchen. "To bad. Plus, I think they have a little boy thats your age." His father said. Kuroo remembered the cute boy he saw last night and his cheeks flushed slightly. "Ok..." Kuroo mumbled in defeat. ~Kenma's Pov~ Last night when I was playing my PSP I noticed a bed headed boy looking at me from his window. I flinched a little. I don't like people at all. I always get bullied by kids at school because I'm small and frail looking. So seeing him scared me a bit. I got up to close my window and for a second I hesitated seeing him smile. It was a shy smile but it was somewhat nice. I blushed a little and quickly closed my curtains. I stayed up late that night playing games. ~ I was awoken by my mom calling to me. After five minutes I got up. Stumbling over a box I fell on the floor with a loud thud. "Owwww...." I mumble. I got up and went to wash my face. When I wad done I went back to my room and changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I went down to where my mother was in the kitchen. "Goodmorning." I say quietly. "Goodmorning Kenma! Breakfast is at the table." She responded. "Thanks mom." ~ It had been a couple hours since I had eaten breakfast. I was lying on my bed playing my PSP when the doorbell rang. I heard mom open it and say something. The door shut. Then the sound of her footsteps came closer. "Kenma c'mere for a sec." She called up to me from down the stairs. "Okay." I turned off my PSP and walked downstairs. In the living room there was a man and the boy I had seen watching me from the window. I didn't like people much and even more didn't like being talked to by strangers. I nervously shuffled behind my mom peaking my head out from behind her. She said gently, "Kenma dear say hello. These are our new neighbors. And Kuroo-chan* is only a year older than you." "Hello..." I spoke quietly. ~ Hey to anyone reading this! It's my first time writing a fanfic. The one thing I definitely did wrong was the dialogue punctuation. If you have any tips or constructive criticism please tell me! Also if you liked this chapter please give me a follow! -Thanks for reading!

chapter one👆

~Kuroo's POV~ "Hello..." He quietly said from behind his mother. "Hello." I greeted the smaller boy. Our parents started talking, however, I found myself mesmerized. I couldn't take my eyes off the boy. His black hair hung just just past his chin. And his eyes were a bright amber, and looked like a cats eyes. When we got back to our house I went up to my room in a daze. I flopped onto my bed, thoughts of the boy Kenma spiraling around my head. ~Timeskip to the first day of school~Kenma's POV~ As the summer went by I spent my days in my room playing my PSP. Sometimes I would watch from the window as the bed headed boy went to and fro from the beach with his father and sometimes grandparents. He would always come home at dusk, and always had the biggest smile on his face. One time he noticed me and smiled up at me before I ran from the window. But now, today was the first day of at my new school and I was scared. I hated having to introduce myself. I have had to change school's a couple times already because we always moved for mom's work. I hate it. "Kenma!" She called from downstairs, "It's time for you to go to school!" I heard the door shut and lock after her. I lazily got up and walked across the room to my door. I opened it and went to wash my face. When I got back to my room, I turned the light on and pulled my school uniform from the box where I had left it. When I was done changing I grabbed my PSP from my desk, and put it in my black leather school bag and walked downstairs. In the kitchen I found a note on the counter: "I had to leave but theres breakfast and dinner in the fridge. Have a good first day at school! Oh, the neighbor boy is going to walk with you to school. Please be nice to him. - Love Mom" I put the note back down and grabbed an onigiri from the fridge. I quickly ate it, putting my shoes on at the same time. When I opened the door I saw the bed headed boy sitting on the porch. I closed the door behind me and nervously followed behind him. Every once in a while he would look back to make sure I was still behind him. I relaxed a little at the fact that he wasn't trying to talk to me. ~ The school bell rang signaling the day had ended. I hadn't seen the bed headed boy in any of my classes. Quikly, I dismissed the thought. I was just happy I could finally go home! I left the classroom and turned down an empty hallway to avoid the crowd of kids. As I was walking I heard a group of boys call out as they ran up to me. This had happened to me before, so I put me head down and walked faster but it was to late. They had surrounded me. I stood there against the wall with my head down. I had always been bullied at school and I knew I couldn't do anything. ~Kuroo's POV~ As I exited my last class I heard some kids yelling. I went to look was it was and saw the black haired boy on the floor crying. There were three boys surrounding him. "Hey! What are you doing?" I said stepping into the hallway. The three boys looked up. When they saw me they ran down the hallway laughing, leaving me and the boy alone. I walked up to the crying boy on the floor. "Hey, are you okay?" I asked. He looked up at me with tears streaming down his face. The tip of his nose and his cheeks were red, and finding it cute I blushed slightly. He didn't say anything, but I smiled and put my hand out helping him up. "Thanks." He said with a shaky voice and barely audible tone. I went to the bathroom with him so he could wash his face. Then we started our walk back home. ~Kenma's POV~ Our walk home was quiet as we were both shy. When we got to our houses he waved to me as he opened his front door. I went inside my house and closed the door. I took off my shoes and ran upstairs to my room. I jumped onto my bed and took out my PSP. ~ About an hour later I went downstairs to have dinner. There was another onigiri in the fridge so I ate it. I finished and went back upstairs, showered, and changed into sleepwear. I got in bed and took out my PSP again. I played until I got tired and drifted off to sleep. The next morning my alarm went off, disturbing my sleep. I got out of bed, dressed, and went downstairs. I grabbed an onigiri out of the fridge and ate it as I slipped on my shoes. When I opened the front door I noticed the bed headed boy Kuroo was sitting on his front porch. When he noticed me he jumped up, "Goodmorning Kozume-kun*!" He said with a huge smile. I flinched and blushed a little my heart skipping a beat. "Goodmorning." I responded. This became a daily ritual for us as we got to know each other. ~ -Hi! If you read this and enjoyed it please give a follow! Thx for reading!

chapter two👆

~Timeskip about 2 years~ ~Kenma is 9 and Kuroo is 10~ ~Kenma's POV~ Me and Kuro (my nickname for Kuroo) have been friends ever since that day. I've never had a friend before but I really like having Kuro. And, despite the fact that there's a one year age gap between us we have become inseparable. "Ooiii, Kenma." a hand waves in front of me. I came to my senses, "Sorry, what?". We were in the backyard that our houses shared, and Kuro had been explaining the rules of Volleyball to me. He had recently started trying to engage me in his favorite sport. "I was saying that you should be the setter for our team. You just need to practice a bit, but you'd be perfect!" He said happily. He tossed me the ball. I catch it looking down, "I don't know....I kinda suck at it." I said unsure. "That's why you'd practice. I can help you level up!*" He said with a grin. My heart skipped a beat and my face got a touch warm, "Mmmm" I hummed in response. "C'mon please kenma. For me?" He pouted, trying his best to make a pleading face. "I'll think about it. But no promises." I gave in. ~ After giving some thought to Kuro's proposal I agreed to join the volleyball team as a setter. I decided I would tell him today as we walked home from school. I spoke quietly, "Hey Kuro, about volleyball.... I guess I'll join." "Really?!" Kuro shouted excitedly, as a big smile spread across his face. I could feel heat coming to my face and turned away, not wanting Kuro to see. "Mmmm" I hummed in affirmation. As we were walking home in the late evening, the golden sun splashed shadows across the road, I looked up at Kuroo who was chattering excitedly. My eyes lingered on his face, and the happy grin lighting it up. And in this moment I realized I loved him. More than a friend. ~ I lay in bed that night. Thoughts of my realization swarmed my mind. When I deeply think about it, I guess I have loved him for longer than I new. I've loved him ever since the first time I met him. As thoughts of Kuro swirled through my head, I slowly fell into a deep sleep. ~ Hello! If you read this thanks a lot! Sorry for it being a little short.

chapter three👆

My Kitten~KuroKen~ Part Four ~Time skip a couple Of years~ ~Kuroo is 17 and Kenma is 16~ It had been about seven years since Kuro convinced me to play volleyball. I am currently attending Nekoma High and play as a setter for their volleyball team. Kuro also attends Nekoma, and is the captain of the team. Kuro told me a couple days ago that we would be having a practice match with a team called Kurasuno. Apparently we used to be fierce rivals with them. It was the cat's vs. the crow's. The "Battle at the Garbage Dump" as some people call it. I was lost and sitting on a small stone bench. My phone was playing a game that I was overly bored with, but I had nothing better to do. As I was sitting there I heard a very out of breath person walking up from behind me. I turned back to my game, pretending I was intently focused, hoping the person wouldn't approach me. But, they did. Is was a short orange haired boy who looked about my age. He enthusiastically introduced himself. We exchanged a few words before I saw a certain someone approaching me. "Kenma!" I heard Kuro. I turned my head and saw him walking downt he street towards us. "Ah, Kuro" I got up grabbed my bag and walked to him. I waved bye to Shoyo the boy I just met. As we walked down the street Kuro looked down at me, "You shouldn't wander off like that," He said, "and don't talk to strangers." "Mmm sorry..." I mumbled. ~Time skip to a couple days after the Nekoma Vs. Kurasuno Match~ It has been a couple of days since our match with Kurasuno. It was a wonderful match and I got fired up playing Shoyo. In fact I am looking forward to the next match I can have with him. My phone falls on my face and brings me to reality. It's already getting dark outside. My mom's not home tonight so I have to find something to eat. I look out my window and see Kuro's window is dark. He's probably eating dinner with his father. I sigh and go downstairs. I open the fridge. Seeing nothing I realized I had forgotten to go out shopping today. "Ahhhhhh! Why?" I exclaimed in frustration. "Forgot your groceries?" A voice came from the hallway. "Ahhhhhhh!" I looked into the shadow and saw Kuro holding a bowl of curry. "Kuro don't do that! You scared me!" "Sorry, sorry. Heres some curry though. I noticed you forgot to go shopping so I figured I would give the kitten some of my scraps" He said through a grin. I blushed, "Thanks...." I took the dish from him and set them down on the table. "Although you shouldn't leave any door unlocked when your home alone. Even if it's the back door." He said. "mmm,t I'll lock it next time." I took a spoon and sat down at the table where Kuro was already sitting. I started to eat, but stopped when I felt a pair of eyes watching me. I looked at Kuro. "Y'know you don't have to stay." I said. He pouted, "Don't you want some company?" "Ah whatever." I tried to sound like I didn't care, though, the truth was I did. I ate in silence and Kuro sat watching me. I really hoped he couldn't see me blushing. ~ Hi again! Thank you to those who voted for the past chapters!

chapter four👆

My Kitten~KuroKen~ Part Five I lay restless in bed. My mind is awake and I can't get it to turn off. Kuro swirls through my head. I've never actually realized how observant he was of me, until tonight when he noticed I forgot to get grocery's. I have always tried my best to ignore my feelings for Kuro knowing he saw me as a friend, but when he's that caring I can't help but let myself dream a bit. But know it's time for me to bring myself back to reality, and realize he probably just see's me as a friend. The only reason I even say probably is because of the always lingering 1% of uncertainty. ~ I must have fallen asleep at some point because I wake up the next morning to a dark and stormy sky. Remembering last night my heart ached a bit. I dragged myself out of bed and got dressed. I put the leftover curry from last night in the microwave. After a minute the microwave beeped. I took the now warm curry over to the table and ate. When I finished I put the dish in the sink. I got my shoes on and left locking the door behind me. ~ The final bell rings and I begin the walk to the gym. It begins to rain heavily and I start running. By the time I get to the gym I'm mostly drenched. I head to the locker room and change out of my soaking clothes. When I get to the gym I see everybody there. I see Kuro too. "Sorry I'm late," I say "I got caught in the rain." I sneeze. "Kenma, don't push yourself today" Kuro responds, "I don't want you getting sick." "I won't." As practice goes on I start to get tired. "Let's take a break!" I hear Kuro say. I walk over to a bench and sit down. Kuro sits down next to me. "Kenma you look tired" Kuro says, "Are you alright?" "I'm fine" I say without looking at him. Practice ends and I head to the locker room. Kuro, Yaku, and Lev are there. My head starts to feel heavy, and without warning everything goes dark and I feel myself falling. "Kenma!" I hear Kuro shout. My fall is broken just as I sink into the darkness. ~Kuroo's POV~ Ever since Kenma walked into the gym something felt off. He didn't seem himself. Then during practice he looked near to fainting so I called for a break. I even asked him if he was alright but he didn't even look at me. Now Kenma is collapsed in my arms. I gently lay the small body on the floor. "Yaku, Lev, you guys can leave" I say, "I'll take care of him." "Are you sure?" Yaku asks. "Yes" I reassure them, "I'll take him home and give him some medicine". "Call me if you need anything." Yaku says before dragging Lev out with him. The door shuts, and I sigh. I grab my jacket and put it on Kenma's limp body. I pause for second to observe my setter. He looked so peaceful. I leane down and kiss his forehead. It felt hot so I hurried and sat him on the bech. Kneeling down, I eased Kenma onto my back. I stood up and grabbed our bags. I took an umbrella out with me and locked the door. As I walked into the street I opened the umbrella and held it so it shielded me and Kenma. ~ OMG!!! I am SO SORRY about the late update. I had a lot of writers block for this chapter and have been really busy lately!! Thank you for still reading!

chapter five👆

My Kitten~KuroKen~ Part six ~Kenma's POV~ I slowly came out of the darkness. "Mmmmm...." I grumbled, "Too hot..." "Kenma are you awake?" Kuro aksed, turning his head to look at me. Our noses almost touched. I blushed and hid my face on Kuro's shoulder. He turned his head away, "How are you feeling?" "Too hot, can I take the jacket off?" I aksed, blushing when I realized it was Kuro's jacket. "No Kenma, leave it on." Kuro says gently. "Fine..." I say. I rest my head on Kuro's shoulder and slowly the rhythm of his steps sends me off into a light sleep. ~ I wake up groggily. It's dark and I'm in my bed. Kuro is laying next to me. His eyes are closed and his breathing is steady. I lean closer to him, pause for a second, then poke his cheek. His eyes flutter open and lock with mine. He takes my hand in his and pets my head. "Are you feeling better now Kenma?" He asks. I blush and stiffen a little, "Yes." I say quietly. "Good, go back to sleep. You need as much as you can get." he says in a soothing tone. "Mmmmm... okay." I respond. I turn over and pull the covers up. I hear Kuro lay down behind me, and my heart beats faster. I hoped Kuro couldn't hear. I lay there listening to Kuro breath and soon sleep takes over. ~Kuroo's POV~ When I woke up in the morning Kenma's temperature had gone down, although it wasn't yet back to normal. I sat up and took a moment to admire the beauty of sleeping Kenma. I brush my hand across his cheek. It's soft and smooth. I move a strand of his hair out of his face and tuck it behind his ear. He nuzzles into my palm. Warmth floods through my hand, and my heart skips a beat. I lean down and kiss his forehead. I sit for a few more minutes before getting up. I go into the bathroom and wash my face. I dry my face off and walk downstairs to the kitchen. From a shelf I grab a packet of freeze dried soup broth. I fill a kettle with water and put it on the stove top to boil. I pour the packet of soup into a bowl, and wait for the water to boil. Once the water is boiling I turn off the burner, and pour the boiling water into the bowl.* I put the now steaming bowl of soup onto a tray and begin the journey up the stairs. When I walk into Kenma's room I see him sit up as he yawns. "Goodmorning~" I sing. Kenma looks over at me a little shocked, "Goodmorning..." "Here" I hand him the bowl of soup "Your temperature is better, but not quite normal yet. You need to rest more." He takes the bowl from me and tentatively takes a sip. "Thank's Kuro" he says with a weak smile. "Once you finish the soup you should lie down and rest some more." I say gently. "Mmmm" he responds before taking another sip. He finishes the soup and hands me back the bowl. When I take it he lies down and turns, facing away from me. I take the bowl and tray back down to the kitchen. As I wash the dish my mind wanders. I've never felt Kenma be this...distant. I finish drying the dish and go back upstairs. Kenma is lying down still facing away from where I was standing. I walk up and take a seat on his bed. His breath is steady. I pull a book from his bookshelf and lie down next to him. ~ Hi again, thanks for reading this far! I try and post the next chapter in a week!

chapter six👆

When the Sun Sets (KageHina) Kageyama X Hinata Chapter one Kageyama Hinata's last three words were "Live without Regrets." How is Kageyama supposed to live with the most important person in his life now gone? Even if he wants to go and follow the latter, he can't break his promise. Maybe it's time to move on, start a new life, and accept that fate just put Hinata and Kageyama at the same place for a short amount of time. It still doesn't change the fact that Kageyama loved Hinata more than his life. If only he knew, what could happen if he wasn't ignorant and kept digging the hole—finding the exact reason why Hinata left? Kageyama took a deep breath and let the breeze flow into his skin, he stood for quite some time reminiscing Hinata's face and presence in the whole station, the first time he met him and the last time. I...will not go after him. Kageyama was quiet when he went home, day by day he would always peek into Hinata's old house doing the same routine over and over again, his parents came back but he didn't care either way. He apologized and talked to them straight, after that they left again. In the end, Kageyama was all alone. Bored, Kageyama raced with himself and ate the last onigiri at the convenience store where Hinata used to work. Moving on is so freaking hard. It was their habit, hanging out after work and playing volleyball. Kageyama went to the park, staring at the Mikasa ball Hinata gave to him. It was full of writings, wishes, and other things he can't read. Spring passed and Kageyama quit his work. It is useless if he is not happy, doing the same thing without the person he loves is boring. He couldn't move on. And to live without regrets, he has to start a new life independently. Nightfalls are different without Hinata now, as Kageyama stares at the sky he crosses his arms around himself to feel the warmth his body gives made him miss Hinata's presence. "I miss you, dumbass," Kageyama mumbles, his lips barely twitching. 3 years had passed since Hinata left the prefecture. Kageyama became a whole different person, or so he thought. It was because Hinata cut his ties with him, not leaving a single presence and trace of him with Kageyama. They never interacted, there was no closure. It was as though Hinata just passed through Kageyama's life to change it. He was absolutely surprised because of that to the point where he attempts to find him. However, he always remembers how much Hinata desperately wants to go and leave him. It made Kageyama think that it was the end and Hinata didn't want to see the one he once loved. Kageyama pulls his luggage, heading to the familiar place where he hasn't been able to go for a long time. He instantly recalls his frustration when he was heading there years ago when he forgot his wallet. The regret that could change his life. Kageyama's phone buzzed with a notification—a message. He's been through a lot these past months but it still feels innovative. The social interaction who isn't Hinata, trying new things alone, and playing the sport he used to love again. From: Hirugami-san 10:20 a.m 06/20/18 Hey, Kageyama-kun! Are you sure you're not coming with us? Someone's very noisy here! He's looking for you! A small smile formed upon his lips, appreciating the concern of his current team captain. He thinks about what is happening on the team's bus right now, the usual loud and noisy teammates before the match and a quiet as the night wore out players after playing on a long day. Besides, he wants to go to this station one last time. He never wanted to leave Miyagi. Kageyama promised Hinata that, but as he said before, the memories will always stay here and will not go anywhere. No matter what happens, he will always go back to the place he treasured so much. Unfortunately, after Hinata left, it was never the same it was before. To: Hirugami-san 10:23 a.m 06/20/18 I'm fine, but thanks for your concern. I'll try to catch up with you and hopefully arrive just before the match. Another message buzzed but Kageyama ignored it and went ahead before he misses the train again and be late just like before. The journey was smooth, Kageyama wished he could open the windows and feel the Spring breeze coming towards him, just thinking about the feeling made him goosebumps. As he stared at the beautiful countryside leaving Miyagi, Kageyama remembered his coach's offer to him. To live in Tokyo. It was his dream before—he was desperate to leave Miyagi. But it was the past, there are many reasons why he declined, and that was because he wanted to fulfill his promise to Hinata. They both want it after all. Volleyball Leagues were held in Tokyo so Kageyama had to go back and forth with a 2-hour long ride alongside him. It is tiring, of course. But just the word "Tokyo" made him feel chills, he will be in the same place as Hinata. It's not like Kageyama's expecting to see Hinata in the Largest Prefecture in Japan. But he is half-expecting to see Hinata watch his match. So as soon as he arrived at the stadium, many people were cheering on the benches with many balloons, banners, and cheering squads rooting for their favorites—the most awaited match in the Volleyball League where people around Japan were anticipating. The match between Schweiden Adlers and MSBY Black Jackals. Well, it's not like he's not excited. Kageyama's heart almost pumped out of his chest because of the loud cheers and the excitement mixed with the nervousness he's feeling. It's just...he's expecting more—expecting someone to cheer for him. Or play with him again. "And I thought we're gonna have our backup setter play in this big match." A deep, whole voice grabbed Kageyama's attention and he knew that he was referring to him. He turned and saw a man with a shaved beard, wearing a smile up to his eyes and coming straight for their starting setter. "Romero-san!" Kageyama happily greeted him, "I was just on time." He responded with a smile. Romero laughed, "I was just kidding! Someone is already bickering about his setter missing, he was so loud on the bus!" He glanced at the court, "We're almost warming up...show yourself to coach and the captain, aight?" Kageyama nodded and Romero ran to a kid waiting for him, definitely his son. After his preparation, the teams are now warming up and the cheers and screaming from the crowd became louder, shouting for different names and teams they're rooting for. He showed himself to their captain—Hirugami Fukuro, who is already building up the Adlers' atmosphere. "Hey, Kageyama! Are you ready to beat this team up?" Their captain grinned as he pointed at the team across the net—the players he can see on the television, newspaper articles, and interviews were playing against him. But it's not like he knew them completely, he barely knew anyone until years later after he tried out for this team and joined the National Team for Japan. Before, he only knew the upperclassmen setter he always looked up to in Middle School— Oikawa Tooru. Many players played for Nationals and even named titles, so he's sure that they're good at volleyball. He gave Hirugami a reassuring smile, fully confident in his abilities and ready to show the people who Kageyama is on the court. "I am. Let's do our best and win." If only Hinata was there, he would be so proud of Kageyama, he fulfilled his abandoned dream and he never became so happy in his life, and that was because of Hinata. If only he was there, he could see the growth in Kageyama, the old is gone and the new has come. Hinata told him the importance of trust and teamwork in volleyball before, and that advice led Kageyama here. He is thankful to have Hinata by his side. If only he didn't leave. "Oi, Kageyama!" The familiar tone rang across to his ears that left him a small laugh. The noisiest of them all, the person their captain and Romero were complaining about. He turned, "Hoshiumi-san, hey." Hoshiumi frowned with his arms crossed, "Give me your best toss!" He demanded. The members already knew his attitude, he can be annoying sometimes but they would always laugh at it. They said Hoshiumi hasn't even changed since high school. But for Kageyama, he always remembers someone in Hoshiumi, even their abilities and personalities are almost similar. It was as though Hoshiumi is a reference of Hinata for Kageyama. But he knew he would never be Hinata. They're completely different— they're both loud and could get along if they met. However, there's a big gap in their abilities and experiences. For example, Hinata's receives still sucks and he hasn't played an official match yet. "Later, for now, let's warm up," Kageyama said, and when Hoshiumi nodded in agreement, they both went to spiking drills. Many people were also cheering for the opposing team, the starting players on the roster were famous and skilled. He glanced at Black Jackals' setter, Miya Atsumu, who became the Nation's best setter in High School. Not just him, but the number one spiker in Japan—Sakusa Kiyoomi and another in the top five spikers—Bokuto Kotarou. Kageyama contemplated a bit, he imagined another timeline where Hinata played as an Outside Hitter for MSBY Black Jackals, he thought that would be epic. A match between him and Kageyama, and the thought of playing against another small player like Hoshiumi. If only he didn't leave. If only they could fulfill their dreams together. 'If only' could be Kageyama's new favorite word. And so their spiking drills began, each set Kageyama gave his all, the best toss—the one he's confident that his spikers will hit and score. He fully trusts his teammates, and he learned that getting blocked and all because of his sets is not the end of the world. "Ushijima-san!" He called as he gave his toss, and the large, muscular, and tall man with olive-brown hair stepped his approach and spiked the ball with so much force that he sent it flying to the crowd as it bounced hard on the floor. Everyone was shocked and amused, including Kageyama. "Nice toss." Kageyama flinched a little bit when he found Ushijima standing in front of him, wearing that stoic expression on his face and looking intimidating. He isn't used to him yet, but from his teammates' descriptions, he is just as innocent and quiet as Kageyama. The members seemed to get along well, and Kageyama was thankful they're so welcoming and kind, keenly aware that he has to get to know them more to improve their relationship on the court. "Yeah..Uhm, thanks." Kageyama answered him with a soft smile. The match began, and both teams gave their all. Everyone would be tensed up whenever Kageyama's doing his killing serve, not fully knowing who he is because of his unknown background. Schweiden Adlers have an advantage on having a talented and genius setter on their side even if the other team has one too, leading the team to victory. The team won the Championship consecutively for three years straight. Kageyama couldn't be thankful enough for this experience, but his heart still feels empty. Something is missing and he knows what it is—who it is. "Kageyama, are you sure you're not going to come with us? This is a rare celebration!" Their coach, Banjo Suzaku invited him for dinner with the team. Kageyama refused as a smile curved on his lips, "Thank you, coach. But I have to catch the bullet train before I miss it." "Eh? Then why don't you just take the team's bus with us?" Hoshiumi complained, he is still energetic after the tiring match today. "H-Hoshiumi, just let him be." Hirugami tapped his shoulders to stop him. "It's fine, Kageyama. Be safe." Their captain flashed a smile and the others joined him too. And as the sun sets, the team waved goodbye to Kageyama.

chapter one 👆

When the Sun Sets (KageHina) Kageyama X Hinata Chapter 2 Kageyama suddenly found himself in front of the second-tallest structure in Japan, an Eiffel Tower like he only used to see from his dreams—glowing with different colors as the sunsets. The view from the bottom is already beautiful, the aesthetic sky and the lights from Tokyo Tower convinced Kageyama to stay for a bit and curiously see the view from the top before he leaves. He wanted to leave immediately, but he's aware anytime soon the bullet train will leave. I can take the bus home. The thought of that made him regret refusing Hoshiumi's offer to go with them. Still, he wanted to be alone. He sighed as he walked through the crowded places packed with so many people chattering and doing so many things they wanted to do. It made Kageyama dizzy, perhaps he was tired from the match but somehow, he was eager to see the sunset from above. He went to the observatory. Kageyama isn't surprised there are so many people. This spot is the most visited in Tokyo Tower, serving its purpose because of the height. Kageyama cuts in on the people, apologizing whenever he steps into someone until he's on the window. Again, he wants to feel the breeze from the winds, the feeling is different from the ones in Miyagi, mainly because it's the countryside and full of mountains and trees, but the sun is still ethereal as it sets. The combination of the serene colors of red and orange mixed with violet and sky blue from the clouds made the sky a work of art. Kageyama stopped admiring the view as one thought flowed in his mind—the sun reminded him of Hinata, the sun's brightness is like Hinata's smile Kageyama can see every day before, but he's like the sunset now, his presence slowly fading away. "Man, I can't see Miyagi from here!" That familiar, high-pitched voice that almost resonated throughout the place made Kageyama paralyzed. He doesn't want to believe it, he thought it was a coincidence since he's just thinking about him earlier, maybe he's just imagining it. Kageyama was still frozen in his place, a lot of thoughts running into his mind, concluding that it was the person he loves the most. It was Hinata. How could he forget? Upon hearing his voice, Kageyama realized how he's just barely surviving every day without Hinata, ignoring himself, and kept convincing himself that he moved on when he knew he didn't. Many thoughts disagreed with the previous conclusion. Tokyo is a wide place, there's no way they could meet in the most famous tower in Japan alongside Skytree— It's a famous landmark, of course, there's a huge possibility they could meet again. So Kageyama searched for any sign of Hinata all over the observatory, not caring about the people he interrupted nor the ones he's mistaken for Hinata. Minutes later he still couldn't find any sign of a human tangerine. He wished Hinata could announce something again because Kageyama can't pinpoint his voice because of the crowd. Maybe it was just his imagination. Perhaps it was just a reminder that Kageyama misses Hinata so much because of the sunset. Kageyama buried his face in his palms, telling himself the theory wasn't proven. It isn't true. It isn't— "I hope Tobio's doing okay without me." Another voice made Kageyama confident the owner is Hinata. This time, the voice was quivering. It sounded like he's about to cry. Kageyama looked beside where the voice came from just one person apart. There he saw the man who changed his life, and the one who broke it. *It's been three years.* Kageyama's lips twitched as his mouth formed the words, "Hinata." Complaining how it sounded desperate. It wasn't imagination, they both knew as Hinata blinked twice, not believing who he's seeing now. Kageyama's heart skipped a beat, and suddenly it felt like they met for the first time. "Kageyama?" Just hearing Hinata say his name in front of him made his eyes drop a tear again. He couldn't believe what he's seeing now, and that Hinata isn't like the one he used to be. The person between them left as they sensed a drama going on between the two. "Is that you?" Kageyama wiped his tears, staring directly into Hinata's eyes now filled with lots of emotion. Kageyama wants to hide his feelings, now that years have passed since they last saw each other, and when he meets Hinata again he looks completely different—he's paler than before, skinnier like the nutrients from the foods he ate before weren't absorbed by his body. He looked way smaller now making Kageyama lose the mental picture he last saw on Hinata before he left. He keeps thinking about what he looked like before and now and he still can't believe it. He still can't believe that this is the result of his ignorance from before. He can't accept the possibility of it. Kageyama thought about it before Hinata even broke up with him. He knew he was acting strange, and the excuse Hinata used didn't convince him fully. But still, Kageyama clings on to that last hope, hoping that Hinata's just tired, maybe from work or something he's doing. He's probably not sick, right? He's an energetic and annoying dumbass from before. Kageyama kept telling himself that, but he couldn't stop looking at the dark circles below Hinata's eyes as he hid them from Kageyama when he noticed he's staring at them. "Y...Yeah, I'm just... I didn't expect to see you here." Hinata stuttered, his voice almost cracked from the situation. He averted his eyes from Kageyama, glancing in the window—the sunset, thinking of an excuse that could push Kageyama away so that his efforts all these years aren't worthless. "Me neither," Kageyama tried to talk casually to him. He wants to hug him right now, saying that he loves Hinata until now, setting aside the bundle of questions he wants to ask. But he contained it, for now, he doesn't even know if Hinata still feels the same way now. Just looking at him breaks his heart. Silence engulfed the two, Hinata turned back to Kageyama when he thought he wasn't staring at him and proved him wrong. Kageyama can't take his eyes out of Hinata even if he wanted to. It was painful, but he knows deep inside Hinata is still beautiful as the sun in the sky. Still, circumstances happen. They always knew that they were meant for each other and that they're fated to meet again but for what purpose? Hinata and Kageyama both convinced themselves that it was the end, the painful departure three years ago made them realize that. Deep inside they knew they wanted to see each other again. Every night and day, they would always wish for that, especially Kageyama. He never changed until now—his love for Hinata never faded. And so did their memories together, even if Hinata doesn't remember them anymore when the time comes. Though bleary-eyed, Kageyama tried to form a faint smile, telling Hinata that he was grateful to see him and he will fight for anything the universe gives. "I last saw you and met you again in Spring. It's been a long time, Shoyo." Another minute passed before Hinata opened his mouth, he sniffled. "I...I have more things to do, I have to keep going. Goodbye, Kageyama—" Hinata attempts to run away from him but Kageyama manages to grab his wrists—Hinata's pale as the snow and feeble as a stick arms. It felt different, Hinata changed a lot since he left. "Wait, Shoyo," Kageyama begged. Hinata tries to pull his arms away, but they both know he can't do that, not with them knowing who is stronger now. "Let me go." For the first time in three years, Hinata said those words without trembling but with force, those words carry determination to leave Kageyama just like the ones he did when he broke up with him. However, Kageyama isn't gonna buy this anymore. Stunned by the last sentence, Kageyama doesn't give Hinata's wrists to him, "Why are you still running away from me? What have you been doing all these years?" Kageyama may sound enthusiastic, but his words carry pressure on Hinata. If he doesn't push him away right now, all his plans and efforts to leave him will go to waste. "I'm fine, okay? I don't need you to know!" Hinata exclaims, grabbing the attention of many people in the observatory. Kageyama on the other hand, can't believe what he's saying. It's not like Hinata at all, the words he said before were gentle and reassuring but now, it can convince Kageyama that he doesn't love him anymore. "Liar! I don't believe you!" Wearing a frowning face, Kageyama answered back. Hearts thumping so fast, he knows Hinata's in pain too. So why does he insist on running away? Hinata took a deep breath, he knew this was gonna happen and this was because he insisted on not telling Kageyama about this in the first place. The regret Kuroo was talking about made him feel guilty after he left, he was never happy about his decisions, but Hinata was convinced that it was the right thing to do. Or so he thought. "Look, Kageyama. I already broke up with you three years ago, I know you're content with your life right now and so am I. So please, will you let go?" Hinata tries to breathe, shrugging those pains away, clinging on to the hope not to get attached to him again. A sarcastic laugh escaped Kageyama, "Am I supposed to believe that? Right now? With what I'm seeing? Shoyo, I know you. Do you mean what you said just now?" A queue of questions flowed into Kageyama's mind, and each of those will surely hit right in Hinata's mark. All this time Hinata told himself running was the only option, that it was alright to carry the burden all by himself. He never meant to hurt Kageyama's feelings but this is what he had to do. "Yes..." Hinata instantly regretted that it sounded so compelled. He looked straight into Kageyama's eyes. Kageyama shook his head, refusing to believe this conversation. He knows Hinata's hiding something—all this time. And he blamed himself for what's happening right now. He felt weak and scared all this time that Hinata had to always invigorate him when he can't even do that, now he's paying the price. He never confronted Hinata about it. "You said you shouldn't run away, you told me to face my fears—my regrets. You helped me overcome them. Then why are you running like a coward to the one who would have understood you the most?" Kageyama's intrusive voice was presented to the people in the observatory, it resonated and other people were already whispering about them. Hinata diverted his eyes, accepting Kageyama was right all along. "S...Shoyo," Kageyama hums, transitioning his voice to a small one as he holds Hinata's hand from his wrists with both hands. Hinata however, still not looking at him but he should've told Kageyama the truth before. The regrets haunted him for three years, neither of a million regrets left him alone. It's too late. All we could do is accept it. In the end, it's all the same. "Don't hide anything from me, please. I want you to have faith and lean on me because I trusted you all this time until now." Kageyama begged, grabbing the chance to step up because Hinata needed him the most. All this time they were parts of a whole, they understood each other the best. It can't be one-sided. Hinata tried to get rid of Kageyama's hand, but surprisingly, Kageyama obeyed. He lets go of Hinata, waiting for his response. He still loves him. Even after so many years, even if a thousand springs had passed, even if it's the end of the world, in the end, it's still the two of them. Neither of their feelings changed. And the yearning in Hinata's feelings became heavy. Hinata scrunched his nose. His face—expressionless. Perhaps he was nervously uncomfortable with the things happening right now. They were fated to meet again, Hinata can't defy what was fated to happen. "Come with me," He said, a bit perplexed like Kageyama now because of what he said. Hinata tilted his head, prompting Kageyama to follow him. "W-What? Why? Where are we going?" The questions made Hinata a bit irritated, and he hated himself for feeling so. Stupid mood swings became his habit these past few weeks, making him what he isn't used to be. "We can't talk here, there are so many people," Hinata answered. As if the people outside the observatory were scarcer, it was still crowded because of the restaurants and shops. Kageyama was expectedly surprised. Hinata was pushing him away earlier, now he's telling to come with him? For what? Though, he didn't fuss because this is what he wants. He doesn't want to get separated from Hinata anymore. "Sorry if I've been acting strange.." Hinata apologized when another dead air engulfed the two as they head to a mini convenience store with minimal people. The chattering made Hinata feel dizzy and it was as though he could hear their voices inside their heads, although he just shrugged it off, keenly aware that his mind is making it all up. "N-No... It's okay, it's just... I didn't expect all of this." Kageyama muffled, a bit louder so Hinata could hear him. They sat on a two-person seat. In front of each other, Hinata tries to form a smile, even if it's faint. "Well, I suppose after all these years I'm curious about what you're doing now.. you've changed like a lot." He left a small cackle but it made Kageyama nervous. The words coming out from Hinata made his heart beat faster as though it would come out of his chest. "I...Well, I had to try out for a team here in Tokyo and luckily, they accepted me despite my unknown background." Kageyama tried to stabilize his posture and cleared his throat. Hinata puts his elbow on the table and buried his chin on his palms, waiting for Kageyama to proceed with a soft smile. Kageyama blinked at him for a second before he continued, "My teammates were wonderful. They were kind, some of them were famous and each of them are powerhouses, it feels like I was left behind though." Hinata raised an eyebrow, "And you still kept that attitude going?" Kageyama's eyes widened by Hinata's comment, "I'm sorry about that." "No, it's okay! To be honest, I'm happy for you," Hinata said with an endearing voice that made Kageyama's heart flutter. "So you conquered your biggest regret, I wanted to say I'm proud of you. You've wonderfully changed..." Hinata paused for a bit, and Kageyama just stared at him—a little discontented and waiting for Hinata to say something. Something. "It's...nothing. It was all because of you, you've made me realize what volleyball was all about, and those pieces of advice brought certitude in our team, so thank you." A small beam curved upon Kageyama's lips, trying to contain those overflowing emotions he wanted to show to Hinata. Hinata averted his eyes by that, he was somewhat comfortable, and his feelings were now merged by happiness and sorrow. "Perhaps I should ask for your autograph now, huh? You got famous big-time." Hinata tried to keep up with the casual environment but it was as though his mouth kept saying things he didn't think twice. "Maybe fans or someone was dating the 'Kageyama Tobio' right now?" They both halted, and Hinata closed his eyes, certainly regretting what he said. At this point, the situation sank into his severe mind. "I wouldn't do that. I can't imagine myself falling in love again after what you did, but I realized it now. It was just you, and it is still you." And it will always be you. In some way, Hinata wants to sob in front of the person he used to love so much. He was grateful and relieved that it was still him even though he wasn't sure if it's the right thing now. In his limited time, he always thinks about whether falling in love and getting attached again would be the right decision to make. All these thoughts led to regrets, and it was too late to tell it to Kageyama. Hinata's time was nearly up. "Kageyama, I'm...going straight to the point," Hinata started, looking into Kageyama's eyes. He can already see the misery of it. It took a minute before Kageyama nodded, leaving Hinata a sigh. Maybe this was to make up for my regrets, but I thought it was the best thing to do. I've made up my mind without telling the person who loves me the most and it backfired. But I'm thankful for the second chance. Leaving with nothing but agony and regrets until I die truly is my worst decision. "Kageyama...I'm...dying." Hinata wants to say those words carefully so it doesn't hurt Kageyama, but it makes him look like he's in a lot of pain and he really can't handle it all. Kageyama was frozen in his place, nothing but breath coming out of his mouth. Another minute passed and his lips were twitching. He was close to crying, but he doesn't want to show his pain to Hinata, because he knows he's enduring it the most. And now, he wants to make up for the regrets he did before. Until now, Kageyama doesn't know about Hinata's condition. Or he's just denying the fact. He's been ignorant all along, and that led him to suffering All torn up, Hinata tries to smile at him, showing him that he was still the sun to Kageyama, but those smiles aren't reassuring at all. It was all unfamiliar from before, that face—those emotions looked like it wasn't a joke. A prank Kageyama told himself all those years ago. He can't deny it anymore now that Hinata said it directly to him, "I'm sorry I didn't say it to you earlier. I was afraid to hurt you. And I don't want to see you in pain when I'm no longer in this world." "I don't want to be a burden and someone you regret meeting. But Kageyama...It was hard doing all that alone. Bearing the pain without you until now is slowly killing me." Hinata's eyes became blurry from the tears that already wanted to fall, it was gloomy, and all he said was sincere. "I want to be there for you, I'm sorry I had to leave you. I thought that it was for the best but that just left me a bag of regrets." Hinata continued. Kageyama still is trying to process it all, enduring all Hinata's words and trying to understand him with all his might, and blaming himself that he wasn't good enough to make Hinata stay. "Is it..that bad? Is it that inevitable that you had to leave?" Kageyama knew he cannot bring the past and change it. What will happen in the future isn't in their hands either.They were powerless. Hopeless. Hinata gave him a slight nod, looking up at the ceiling and trying to hold it up. "I thought I would never see you again. I thought cutting ties with you would help me lessen the pain." "Did Kuroo and Kenma...know about all this?" Kageyama's eyebrows furrow. Many thoughts and memories of friends he isn't updated now flashed in his mind. They cut ties with Kageyama too and he doesn't know what happened to the pair now. "They know...all this time." Hinata's heart sank when he glanced at Kageyama, brushing his hair and grabbing it tightly. "Those headaches...vomiting....the pain you're feeling all over your body, you always said it was nothing. That it was fine, and I believe all of that. I thought everything would be alright and nothing worse would happen. You knew what would happen and yet..." Kageyama rubbed his temples with his thumb, feeling bad for Hinata for the hell he experienced until now. "Yeah...sorry, I lied." "You're getting treatments right? Please tell me you are." Kageyama looked up, grabbing the vague ray of hope as dim as the moon. Hinata nodded, and somehow, he felt solace even for just a little. Still, all they should do first is to accept the truth and the fate they were going to face. It was like the day Hinata left, it's a lot different now. Hinata will unfortunately leave Kageyama again, forever. Kageyama eyed Hinata's face again, studying it. It wasn't as devastating as he expects a person would react or look like when they learn they're going to die. Hinata attempted to hold Kageyama's hand, brushing it as Kageyama felt Hinata was still the one comforting him. His touch is colder than his warm hands before, heating Kageyama's face whenever he's trembling from the cold. "It isn't too late to leave me, Kageyama. I don't want to hurt you again. I don't want to see you watch me die." Every word is soft, carrying a gentle one that almost lost his high-pitched tone sounding like a whisper. "You've managed to live within three years without me, I know you can do better now that I'll be gone." Hinata sounded desperate like the day he left so his efforts won't go to waste all this time. Kageyama glared at Hinata like the usual, "After what happened today. I know you already know my answer, and you can't convince me otherwise." He said as he put his right hand on top of Hinata's. After five minutes of silence and still no Hinata's response. He didn't agree nor did he insist. He just leaves it in fate's hands and what it wants to do with them. "Hinata Shoyo!" A familiar voice, almost unexpected it came from him, made Kageyama and Hinata transition their attention to someone they always knew. Though Kageyama didn't budge and turned to them. The deafening, uncomfortable, silence was replaced by the pair—Kuroo and Kenma, walking straight to the feeble man and the friend they hadn't talked to for three years. "Kenma, Kuroo-san!" Hinata called with a lively tune as he stood and waved at them. "Wh..What are you even doing here? We looked everywhere for you, you were suddenly gone from our sight!" Kuroo uttered, not noticing the tall, black-haired male sitting in front of him. Though Kageyama can't blame him, they just talked through video calls and texts. And it's been a long time since they've done that, the two looked different now. "Kenma was ready to burn the building any second now!" Kuroo banters, "He looked so stressed barraging every store here!" He chuckled annoyingly, and Kenma just rolled his eyes. "Coming from you, you were so loud." "Coming from you! You were screaming Shoyo's name all over the place!" Kuroo argued back. "Yeah, right." "Oh, I'm so sorry guys! I forgot I was with you!" Hinata clasped his hands against his forehead and pressed his face hard with his eyes squinting. "It's alright, Shoyo. It's not like it's the first time you've forgotten about anything," Kenma said. He noticed Kageyama emitting some different aura. He can't tell whether it's bad or good. "How did you get here?" Kuroo asked, still hadn't noticed the volleyball player. Hinata turned his eyes to Kageyama and put his hand on his nape. "Well..." "Is that Kageyama?" Kenma rushed to Hinata's side to fully see Kageyama's face, Kuroo of course, was shocked about it and followed Kenma. "Woah, is it really him? How come we didn't notice him earlier?" Hesitant, Kageyama smiled at them. "It's been a while, Kuroo-san, Kenma." "It really is! Look at you, you've grown! Well, this is the first time we've met in person but w-wow! As expected from a professional volleyball player." Kuroo praised. Kenma thought he was a bit overreacting about it but he, too, is happy to meet Kageyama in person for the first time in four years. "It..It's nothing special. I haven't heard anything from you ever since—" Kageyama glanced at Hinata, smiling up to his eyes. When their eyes met, the atmosphere suddenly changed again. "Hinata left." All their eyes turn to Hinata who downturned his eyes on the floor. Kuroo and Kenma were there for him on his hardest times, accompanying him when they get a chance. Still, it was incomplete, Hinata still feels empty inside but thankful, that he had great friends with him. He appreciates all of Kuroo and Kenma's efforts all these years. Kenma got a hunch of what's going on, he can almost tell with the mood now, and surely, their plan almost didn't work because Kageyama already knows the truth. Kenma gave Kuroo that stare. "Did you...already tell him everything?" Kuroo asked Hinata. Hinata gave a nod and a sigh escaped Kenma. "I guess there is no lie that can't be revealed after all. I think there is no point running from him again anyways." "It's alright. I understand." Kuroo hushed, believing that all these circumstances weren't just coincidence. "Kageyama...I'm sorry." Kageyama gave them a reassuring smile. "No, you don't have to apologize. I.. understand." Even though they regretted everything, even if they apologized for what they did, it will all end with one result. So Kageyama tried his best to accept and understand what's going on. *Besides, Hinata—the person Kageyama loves the most than anything in the world, is dying. He wants to stay by his side until the time has come.* Everyone went silent after that. Hinata almost fell onto his feet, a good thing he got a grip on the table. The lights on the shop suddenly became radiant for him and it made him nauseous by the loud chattering people coming inside the shop. His headaches worsen as time passes. When Kuroo noticed it, he braced Hinata's arms. "Hinata, are you okay?" He worriedly asked. Kageyama was confused, shocked, and worried. A lot of emotions came out of his mind and it was as though he was petrified in his place, he didn't know what to do and just stared at Hinata now trying to straighten his posture. "I'm fine, Kuroo-san." He looked at Kageyama and saw the same thing he looked like when he vomited at the gymnasium. The same worried face that made him convinced to stay away from him as possible. He glanced at Kenma, giving him the Let's-go-home stare. Kenma nodded as he received the message. "I think it's time to go home. It's almost nightfall." He urgently grabbed Hinata's wrist when Hinata whispered to him. "I think it's recurring again. I don't want to see Kageyama concerned." He whispered. "Well, I think it's time to head back. Nice to see you again, Kageyama! We'll get going!" Kuroo nervously said, tapping Kageyama's tense shoulders. "Uhm...wait! Let me go with you!" Kageyama shouted when the three came out of the store. He wants to follow them, he wants to stay with Hinata, but his feet aren't allowing him to, and his mind went completely blank. His legs are shaken as he drops to the chair. People were looking at him, the famous, professional volleyball player, who'll see the one he loves the most—the person who used to be the sunshine, die. Kageyama doesn't care what people think, at this point all he cares about was Hinata. Breaking down might be pointless now, but his tears kept falling, fear overflowing his soul, probably cursing the sky for taking another person he loves.

chapter two 👆

When the Sun Sets (KageHina) Kageyama X Hinata Chapter 3 "K..Kageyama?! Why are you here? How did you find me?" Hinata's high-pitched tone resonated throughout the entire apartment. Kageyama was standing at the front door wearing a blank expression. "I begged Kuroo and Kenma to give me the address." Kageyama calmly said. It was morning, and he can see Hinata's morning devastated look. He looks like he's about to go into flames and emits smoke any time, clearly seeing that he doesn't want Kageyama here. "Sorry...did I disturb you?" Kageyama muttered. "No...I was just, I feel kinda irritated." Hinata said and scratched his head. "You don't have to be here, I'm fine." He gave Kageyama a reassuring smile. "Well, about that." Kageyama started, "I talked to your mom last night, you always tell that you're fine when you're absolutely not." Hinata sighed, "You sure are persistent." "She asked me to take care of you and watch you," Kageyama uttered. "I'm not going anywhere," Hinata assured him but still, Kageyama can't keep his guard down and can't help but feel uneasy after what happened yesterday. "I'm worried about you...for what happened yesterday," Kageyama said, his voice flowing into Hinata's ears and as the morning breeze passed through their bodies and made his head tingle, it made him feel goosebumps. Maybe, it was just his stupid disease. Hinata paused for a second, his hand still on his head, "Well, it's just the usual headache. I'm already used to it, and it's not even a big deal now. But not every time Kenma and Kuroo-san were always here. They have their own lives obviously, so I'm kinda alone... especially with my family gone." He stutters at every word he tries his best to speak. "But I think..being with you somehow eases the pain.. the headaches kill my head but I feel comfort when I'm with you and..." Hinata bypassed his attention to the clouds in the sky and smiled at the sunny weather. Kageyama's heart feels heavy, feeling bad for the pain Hinata's been enduring since they first met. "I don't think I'll ever survive another night with these so I had to admit...I want you to stay." That statement was enough to soothe the pain they're both feeling. Hinata still feels the same way as before, and even after three years, hearing these words from Hinata was more than enough for Kageyama to stay. "I don't have any intention to leave anyways." Kageyama chuckled. He subconsciously went closer to Hinata and pulled him for a hug. Hinata was shocked by the action but the bizarre warmth he felt years ago came back and he indeed, missed it. So much that he had to hug him back—tightly like it's the last thing he had to do. "You stink," Kageyama complained and ruined the moment between the two. They let go of each other, finding a new tinge of red coming from their faces for different reasons. "Do you really have to say that? Seriously?" Hinata banters but he smelled himself anyway. "Go take a bath," Kageyama ordered. Hinata's expression bartered as he raised an eyebrow. "Why?" "I'm taking you somewhere." "Wait...Woah! This stadium is huge!" Hinata delightfully exclaims as they come inside, an incredible feeling Hinata felt as he stepped inside, appreciating and examining every detail of the stadium with its fresh atmosphere from the match yesterday. But he felt something was lacking. "We won the championship yesterday." Kageyama proudly said. It's finally real. It's finally happening. Kageyama would dream about this every night for three years alone—standing in the same court as Hinata, and bringing him here, saying how much he owes Hinata and how far he became because of him. But he was never expecting another thing he least expects from Hinata. He never expects him to die so early. The sound of balls and the squeaking of the shoes caught Hinata's attention, Kageyama ventured to the team while smiling. When he noticed Hinata's not following him, he leaned back. "Come on, I'm gonna introduce you to our team." Kageyama invited him to come along. Hinata glanced at the team members, busy with their training. They didn't notice him yet. "Is it okay?" Hinata was shy but perhaps he wanted to feel and play volleyball again because he might not have the chance someday. "Of course, they know about you after all," Kageyama answered and he started to pull Hinata from his stiff wrists. "W-Wait!" Hinata hesitated, but his voice drove Schweiden Adlers' members' attention to them. "Oi, Kageyama, you're late!" Hoshiumi came rushing forward to the pair, "Oh? Who's this?" Hoshiumi raised an eyebrow as he went closer to Hinata like he's examining a volleyball match. Studying his features of the guy with almost the same height as him. "Uhh, he's Hinata." Kageyama introduced, pointing at Hinata. On the other hand, Tangerine may seem shy, but he was excited to meet one of Kageyama's friends—not to mention, volleyball players who play official matches and play for World Cups. "Nice to meet you, I'm Hoshiumi. It seems you're the one Kageyama was talking about every day. You don't seem too athletic though based on Kageyama's stories, but you're pretty small up close." Hoshiumi directly said, staring at Hinata's almost skin and bones body. Hinata had double-thought fighting in his head whether he had to sympathize with his condition—not fitting Kageyama's descriptions on what he used to look or Kageyama talking about him every day. "Uhhh, about that..." Kageyama drops a sweat on his forehead. They didn't know about the disease Hinata had until now, of course, Hoshiumi may say that, so it's not a big deal on Hinata. "You're almost the same height as him, Hoshiumi." A deep voice coming from behind made Hinata flinch as he looked up at the tall man with a fine build. "Ha! Well, this guy you are now talking to is the 'Little Giant!' Height is nothing compared to my skills!" He proudly said as he pointed to himself with a matching nod. "You're so awesome, Hoshiumi-san!" Hinata exclaims with his usual, bright eyes sparkling for the same Little Giant as him. "Of course I am! People usually underestimate me because of my height—so when I creamed them up they couldn't even say a word!" Hoshiumi gave a resonated laugh when most of the members looked at them. Hinata is overjoyed about it, the fact there is someone with the same height as him who's very skilled at volleyball made him feel honored—but he can't help feeling jealous too. He wanted to experience that too, the feeling of playing against strong players and proving wrong those who underestimate him. If only. If only he wasn't the chosen one. He has a lot of things he wants to do. Some are forgotten, some are impossible now, and some he doesn't know if he even wants to do. But he is thankful for having Kageyama again. Making him feel the excitement and happiness he was looking for, for three years. His life felt duller after he left, but now he feels more alive than ever, and that made him forget that he was dying just because he met Kageyama's friends, and going to court he wants to see, for one last time. "Oh, who are you?" Ushijima points at Hinata who is contemplating but is brought back to life when he hears that thunder-deep voice. "I'm Hinata Shoyo! I'm Kageyama's—" Hinata paused at the last sentence, searching for the next—right word he had to say on the back of his dying head. "Friend. I'm Kageyama's friend." Hinata continued, a little prick was shot into his heart, and that one word made him feel heavy. Kageyama on the other hand was squashed by that one word. It's not like he expects something else more than that. Expecting something like "Lover". But it doesn't matter what their status is, if he can still feel Hinata for him, then they're still for each other. Not to mention, Hinata doesn't have enough time to even date again. "Huh? I thought you were Kageyama's boyfriend?" Hoshiumi is flabbergasted, making Kageyama and Hinata frozen in their place. Hinata gave Kageyama a death stare, probably saying 'how-much-did-you-tell-them?' But they can't blame Hoshiumi, talkative is one of his natures. "I was his boyfriend," Hinata admitted, still staring at Kageyama. By the unbearable atmosphere engulfing them now, it could almost choke them all. The air became prickly, and the cheerful event was gone. Hinata doesn't have any intention to say his condition to the two, even if it's so obvious. He was the friendly, sociable type of guy. But he can't afford another person to mourn when he's gone. He doesn't want to hurt anybody because of him. As long as he can, he wants to leave with a smile and a death that isn't painful. "I'm Ushijima." THE Ushiwaka breaks the atmosphere with his stoic expression as he introduces himself, stealing Hinata's attention. He doesn't know how to read a room, but this is a perfect time with his awkward personality. With that line, they cracked up. "Well, I suppose the introduction is done, I challenge you to a two-on-two match, Hinata!" Hoshiumi was lively, which surprised Hinata a little. Hinata wants to, but something still feels off. Is it because he's now weak? No, he already knows about that. Hinata hesitated for a bit. He felt a tingling on his shoulders, realizing that Kageyama touched it, "Is it alright? Can you do it? You can refuse if you want." He flashed a smile and for one second, Hinata was glued to it, taking every mental picture he could of Kageyama's rarest good-looking face. "Of course I want to, who knows? Maybe this is my last time playing volleyball." He kiddingly whispered and left a chuckle, but it didn't click on Kageyama. It's not a good joke. "Don't say that, you're scaring me." Kageyama's voice almost cracked, with his last words seldom escaping him. "Well, I think we have to ask for Hirugami-san and Coach's permission first." Ushijima cuts in as he points to the members almost done practicing. "I already asked them and they agreed. A court reserved for just the four of us," Kageyama winked at Hinata. He appreciates his efforts, arranging all this for him. After all, they wanted to play with each other again. The smell of air salonpas covering the court made Hinata reminisce the first time he played with Kageyama at Sendai Gymnasium, where he forgot his sister's ball. "Bring it on!" Hoshiumi ran straight to the net and Ushijima followed him, walking with an intimidating aura. Hinata tries to follow them too when Kageyama pulls his hand to him. "What?" "Wait for a second," Kageyama said and grabbed his bag, pulling something from there. When Hinata saw it, he covered his mouth in astonishment and easily became teary-eyed because of it. "You still have it." Just by seeing, Hinata knew nothing had changed between them, and he realized Kageyama's promise to him before—and that memories never change. "Of course, you're the one who gave it to me. I can clearly remember what happened that day." Kageyama grinned as he gave Hinata the Mikasa ball with the recognizable handwriting Hinata gave to Kageyama on his birthday. It almost made him tear up, seeing that it still looks brand new, with the handwriting still vivid it looks like he gave it to Kageyama yesterday. "You didn't use it?" "Of course, just for myself though. I'm just used to cleaning it because of my sister's." Hinata smiled, denying the fact that he liked it. Kageyama takes care of it and never gives it to anyone but he often uses it. "I figured I want to use it now," Kageyama added when Hinata took the ball. "Hey, you're taking so long! I want to play with Hinata now!" Hoshiumi demanded. The pair both giggled because of it, and somehow, Hinata seems like he is seeing his other self on Hoshiumi—the person he used to be. Schweiden Adlers' members already left with Kageyama introducing Hinata to them. They were very fond of him, but they couldn't help themselves worry about him when they saw Hinata's body—screaming "I'm sick." When it's just the four of them in the empty stadium, they instantly start with a loud screaming. Even if it's draining, Hinata was still the loudest, Hoshiumi shouted with him that it made the two more annoying, and Ushijima out of place but still blends in because of Kageyama—sharing one brain cell with him. Even though Ushijima and Hoshiumi didn't treat the match seriously like a real game, the Little Giant is still determined to play against the other one Kageyama used to tell him. It was far from his stories, but other than Hinata's physical appearance, the other descriptions were true—Hinata is like the sun that even though he's in pain, he smiles like the usual nature of him. For someone who barely knows him, of course. But for someone like Kageyama, he certainly noticed the changes. The match was Ushijima and Hoshiumi versus Kageyama and Hinata as expected. Hinata barely gets any spikes in. He can't even jump fully like he did when they played before. Kageyama never forgets about that moment, it was as though Hinata was flying. Now, just a spike approach, and Hinata's already exhausted. His potential was gone a long time ago. "Are you alright, Shoyo? Do you want to take a break?" Kageyama sounds worried, it grows even more when Hinata doesn't respond—his knees on the floor. His soul, downturned. "No...I...can still keep going," Hinata optimistically answered when the other two were already attempting to come to the other side. Though weak, Kageyama believes in him, Hinata's not the type to give up that easily. He's the one who encourages Kageyama to play again. He made him who he is now. To Hinata, Kageyama is the best setter. He still knows that as he spiked a ball, given by a toss coming directly to his palms like what he did four years ago. Ushijima and Hoshiumi sure are shocked at it, it earned their respect from the start. Especially Hoshiumi, he always acknowledges Hinata even from Kageyama's stories. He wanted to meet him someday and play against him. Hoshiumi's respect for Hinata went higher knowing his condition now and how he's enduring it all until now. Kageyama celebrated and went to Hinata for a high five, but he paused when he perceived Hinata not even budging nor changing his expression. "Nice kill, Hinata!" Hoshiumi exclaims. Hinata gave him a faint smile, "Yeah...thanks." Hearing that from someone a million times better than him made Hinata somehow feel great. He thought of this for a long time, how it felt hearing that from his teammates when he scores, and the cheering from the crowd would make Hinata feel butterflies in his stomach. Kageyama's still frozen in his place, he doesn't say a word. Worried, when Hinata looked at both his palms, examining the texture of the ball in it. The deafening silence engulfs the four of them again. "Aren't you happy, Hinata?" Ushijima spoke, the three were flabbergasted—Hinata was acting strange suddenly. At this point, Hinata now knows what's wrong. It was not the same it was before. That thought made him sob silently in tears, he couldn't help but fall on his knees again and Kageyama hurriedly held his arms. "Oi, Shoyo! What's the matter?" Kageyama said, his voice as weak as Hinata. Hoshiumi and Ushijima went swiftly to them but still kept a distance for the two. Seeing Hinata cry deeply hurts Kageyama. Seeing him weak and not being able to do things he used to do made him fragile, but he chose to be strong. Because if both of them aren't, then who will? "I...never thought this day would happen..." Hinata sniffles, trying not to show anything to the three. "I felt something was off... but I ignored it... convincing myself that it will never happen... whatever it takes, I know my love for volleyball would... never fade." Hinata's voice was shaken in the last few words. "I wanted to feel the excitement again. I wanted to play again. I want to play and hit your tosses again, Kageyama!" He looks at him with yearningly eyes, and seeing it from someone Kageyama least expected would make his heart sink and shattered into pieces. "I wanted to feel the familiar atmosphere of the court and try to do my best to bring back my love for it because it might be my last..but It's long gone now. I can't feel any excitement playing it now, especially...spiking." Kageyama can't help but pull Hinata onto his arms, tightening it, saying that everything's going to be fine in his mind until he hears Hoshiumi sobbing in the back too. Kageyama knows Hinata best, and he knows he loves volleyball more than him—more than anyone else in the world. Not playing volleyball was Hinata's regret and losing its spark and its love for the sport is something Kageyama unlooked for. Nothing hurts more than Hinata not enjoying the things he used to love. "Damn it, Kageyama...I don't want to lose everything. I don't want to lose anything anymore." Hinata's voice trembles. Kageyama hushed him, "Everything will be fine. Trust me, you'll be fine. I'm not going to leave you." Even if everything fades away from Hinata and loses everything, there's still someone he's sure will never let go of him nor leave him.

chapter three 👆

When the Sun Sets (KageHina) Kageyama X Hinata Chapter 4 It was the first nightfall Kageyama and Hinata spent after four years. It still feels nostalgic whenever Kageyama recalls the nights they spent in Miyagi. As Kageyama walks Hinata home, he couldn't help but feel uneasy on their way. Hinata never said a word after what happened earlier, a good thing Hoshiumi and Ushijima understand the situation. Hinata was quiet and he was quite embarrassed after crying in front of them. Now he intensely feels like a burden to Kageyama. Hinata tightens his grasp on his jacket and heaves out a sigh. The air was knotty, it made him hard to breathe, and so his chest felt a lot more cramped than before, making him gasp for air a lot faster. When he stopped walking and felt his chest, Kageyama noticed it and went closer to him. "Oi, Shoyo. Are you alright?" Kageyama's hands were uneasy and kept flapping them. He then tries to put it in his pockets to ease this feeling. However, Hinata didn't answer. He tries to calm his breathing as he walks, ignoring Kageyama's question. They then pass through a street, bright lights illuminated the two from the buildings coming from the city. Though they seem distant, for Hinata, it was as though it's blinding him. Added by the loud noise only he can hear. He rubbed his temples, the air mixed with the migraines he often feels at night made him feel like he's drowning in the air. "Damn it, not again!" He exclaims. Kageyama swiftly rushes in front of him. He touches Hinata's face with both hands as gently as possible to make him calm down. "Are you having headaches again?" "Wh...What?" Hinata can't seem to process what Kageyama said so he pounds his head. "It hurts again every time!" Hinata groans as he hits it, squinting his eyes. His headaches frequently occur now. "Dumbass! Don't hit it, it will only make it worse!" Kageyama mutters, he grabs Hinata's arms that are trying to pound his cancer head even harder. "I...I think you should leave, I-I'm already near my home." Hinata suggested and Kageyama didn't like that. After all this time, Hinata still wants him to leave? "I'm not gonna leave. After what you're experiencing right now? You can't possibly handle all this alone." Kageyama interjected, when Hinata opens his eyes, all he can see is a blurry vision—Illuminated light that can't possibly be from the city but can also be from the streetlights. Hinata knows it more than anyone. He knows the feeling since he was diagnosed. He doesn't even want to bring up his condition. It'll only make him worse. "But I've handled it for four years! I'm certain I can endure it until the time comes!" He exclaims, his high-pitched tone was ringing on both his ears, replaying what he said over and over again in his mind. "What makes you say that so quickly? Does dying mean nothing to you?" Kageyama regretted that he sounded irritated as he said that, his eyes widened when Hinata slowly stepped back from him. "S-Sorry...I didn't mean to—" "Honestly...I'm scared. Every day fear consumes my head, thinking if I can survive another day. Who knows? Maybe I'll die tomorrow or the next day, and thereafter. I never really want to care about my time. I just want to do what I can before my time is up...But it's super scary to be on death row, not knowing what will happen next or what I will lose next. I never wanted any of this, I wasn't like this before..." Hinata's personality drastically changes as time passes by, making Kageyama adjust to everything Hinata does on this day forward. Kageyama heaved out a small sigh as looked up at the night sky finding something that would ease their feelings. But it was different—it wasn't like the peaceful nights they spent in Miyagi, well for Kageyama. "I was never happy about this, nor does dying mean nothing to me. I just... wanted to accept my fate and try to live with my remaining time." Hinata tries to calm his voice as he imitates Kageyama and looks up in the sky. The moon and the stars shone above them, it was beautiful, yet painful. It made Hinata hate the nights, knowing that he'll barely get any sleep or undergo the hell his head gives. Every night he cries alone. And because of that, he misses his home a hundred miles away from where he's standing now. "Maybe I'm afraid of the nights, I always thought the dark was swallowing me up, making my head spin. The lights weren't giving any help either." Hinata continued as he brushes his hair, hoping that some night breeze would ease his fear of the night and comfort him. But it was never to be found. "This seems like a never-ending nightmare, the painful feeling over and over again, through my darkest nights I feel like the light of hope is slowly fading," Hinata said again. When Kageyama had enough, he went closer to Hinata and held his hands, squeezing them firmly and it was as though an electric current had been sent from Kageyama to Hinata, making his body flinch a bit. They were like that for a minute. Kageyama wasn't looking at him but down on the ground. When he finally decides what to do, three words come out of his mouth, as gentle as the night's supposed to be. "Come with me." Even though Hinata's in pain, he still flows and lets Kageyama take him to the place where he can see probably the most annoying things Hinata sees—the things he fears might trigger something in his head. They were just near Mt. Fuji when Kageyama brought Hinata there. They didn't go any further and just stayed where they were. Hinata was perplexed by Kageyama randomly taking him here instead of taking him home or leaving him. But there, he could see the view of the fluorescent lights coming from the city, a place—the polar opposite of what Miyagi looks like made Hinata miss his old home. But he also can't stop looking at the beauty of it from afar. The buildings were enormous if you're nearby it and the lights make Hinata dazed, his head spinning and prickling him like crazy. He almost had thought of slashing his head so that he doesn't experience aches anymore. The breeze from the mountain flew through Hinata making his body shiver. He complains about the lack of air earlier, but when it's present, his body almost can't handle it. Kageyama rivets at Hinata's expression, his reactions, and what he's about to say. He thought about various things when he decided to stay in Tokyo in the meantime. The clouds tore apart, revealing the moon shining just above the buildings in the city, making the view more beautiful. No words were spoken at that moment. Kageyama then decided to speak up first, since he didn't tell Hinata why he was brought here in the first place. He pulled Hinata on his shoulder and pressed his head to lean on it. It somehow managed to calm Hinata's nerves as he stared at the view, forgetting about the pain he's feeling, the disease he's experiencing—all to embrace this time with Kageyama. "Do you remember when we used to look at the sky before?" Kageyama's voice was clear but tried to be mellow like the wind. Hinata responded with the slightest response, "Mmm." He gave a meager nod on his shoulders but it almost made Kageyama jump when his voice sounded weak and faint. "Honestly...I can't remember.. I forgot what i-it looks like because the nights here haunt me every time that it overflows...in my head..more than those good... memories." Hinata felt his body quiver as the temperature got cold on the mountain. They weren't as high yet it's still cold. Kageyama felt pity for Hinata. He wants something to convince Hinata to not be afraid of the nights. If only they were in Miyagi. If only they could go there for one last time, even just for a minute. If only they could go back in time where everything doesn't go wrong. Kageyama puts his left hand in front of Hinata. He tried his best to stay awake and give attention to Kageyama. Hinata blinked twice, hesitating to ask a question like what the hell is he doing so suddenly, looking like he's begging for money or something. So instead, he stared at it. "Hold my hand." Kageyama felt his face heat up when he glanced at Hinata just staring at his hand. He gave signals before to hold it but perhaps Hinata was driven by the wind. He was flustered when he had to say it directly to him. Hinata didn't say a word and slipped his right hand, intertwining with Kageyama's. It felt soft but cold. Kageyama's hand wasn't the type to warm Hinata since Hinata's the one who has and does that. Even so, as Hinata wrapped his left arm around Kageyama's waist, it made him feel tickles throughout his body and it was as though it sent warmth into him, making Hinata more sleepy than he is now. Kageyama can feel Hinata's breath escaping him and he can see the mist coming out from it. Kageyama attempted to say something but somehow hesitated until a yawn left Hinata. Kageyama grinned, "Are you sleepy?" He asked. "I...think so, yeah. But I'm glad... it's not like it usually happens all the time. It was very unexpected. Being sleep-deprived is... kinda my ritual now, I got used to it, but the pain it's giving me kills me for four years. But I think I might be able...to sleep now." Hinata's last sentence made Kageyama feel electrocuted. He was petrified in his place, not even budging. He convinced himself what Hinata meant wasn't the one he thinks. That thought haunts him every night. Nonetheless, Kageyama was glad Hinata might be able to get some sleep, hoping that it'll get him through another day. He's gonna get better soon. I know it. Another forty-five minutes passed since they went here and the temperature keeps dropping as time passes, so Kageyama wanted to at least talk to him before they came home. "Shoyo, I want to let you know about something," Kageyama whispered. Due to the wind, Hinata felt shivers curl on his spine. "Hmm? What is it?" Hinata cleared his throat when his voice became raspy. Kageyama heaved out a sigh but a smile found his face. It's not like Hinata can see it, they're still staring at the beautiful view of the night sky and the city lights. They enjoyed it even though everything might go wrong anytime, any day—everywhere. They had fun looking at it and allowed the breeze to engulf their bodies because it might never be the same again. "Please, Don't carry all the burden because you're not alone. I'm here, we'll suffer together and go through these nights." Kageyama promised him, convincing and preparing himself for what's about to happen and what may happen after this night. After all, they were each other's strengths, and they were also each other's weaknesses. "O-Of course...furthermore, I couldn't do these things without you,." Hinata reassured him by smiling as he looks up to the one who made him realized that accepting death that easily is stupid. He'll fight, and he'll win. For Kageyama, and his loved ones.

chapter four 👆

When the Sun Sets (KageHina) Kageyama X Hinata Chapter 5 « PreviousNext » Two months had passed since Kageyama and Hinata met in Tokyo Tower. Nothing much changed since then, but Hinata's condition got a lot worse than before. He had trouble keeping his posture as he walked, trying his very best not to stumble. He often had mood swings too, sometimes it gets on Kageyama's head. But when he thought about Hinata dying—he might as well understand him and spend time with every chance he gets. Hinata experienced panic attacks at night especially when there's a thunderstorm. He couldn't handle so much noise nor brightness. Even so, he was still the sun like before. Every time he does this, Kageyama couldn't help but fall in love again. Making it harder to leave him. But sleep left Hinata a month ago. He had trouble sleeping and his dark circles grew bigger. However, he still refuses to be admitted to the hospital, taking every ounce of the medicines he had to take to make it and survive another day, experiencing the same pain all over again. Thankfully, Hinata never experienced a major seizure. It was Hinata's biggest fear before, and now it was Kageyama's too. Kageyama never left his side though, even after training he would come straight to Hinata's house, greeting the setter with a feeble smile, but the gleaming eyes never left Hinata, knowing that Kageyama was still there—for him, through his ups and downs. Kuroo and Kenma would hang out with them often, eating at a restaurant—Kuroo's treat. Hinata would rather order something easy to digest than eating something he doesn't even know if it's the one that'll make him die. And Kageyama would reminisce their memories in Miyagi before, telling every detail to Hinata every day in case he was feeling down or when the day comes and his memories would be washed out from his head too. Kageyama realized Hinata was still the pure, innocent, sunshine on a withering body. Two months later and it's already the most anticipated event in Japan—the World Cup where countries from all over the world compete for victory. It makes everyone excited, especially Hinata—not that he wanted to play, but because he was proud of Kageyama achieving his dream of becoming the country's setter and going against the world. He wanted to go more than anyone else. He wanted to watch from the front row seat and cheer for Kageyama with all he had even if he couldn't. Even when Kageyama told him not to come. But for Hinata, this moment was once on a blue moon. It was as rare as getting high grades at school. For Hinata, it might be the last time he will see Kageyama play volleyball—the sport he used to love before fate freely decides what to do with him. Hinata snuck out of his house, leaving the painkillers that never eased his headaches and that he never really took them. After all, the treatment he's getting didn't affect what he's experiencing. Hinata might still jump out of the bed as he blinks and sees someone he never saw in his whole life. Hallucinations freak Hinata out. He never informed Kenma or Kuroo about going, nor did Kageyama. He never intended to. Recklessness immersed Hinata's mind that made him bring himself to the Tokyo Gymnasium. He hasn't even stepped in the main court and he could almost hear the loud cheers and voices of the crowd ringing on both Hinata's ears that made him cover it. He already knows it's gonna happen but he didn't mind it. He regretted not taking the pills a little but he's keenly aware it's not gonna help either. His body refused to take a step and Hinata would force himself up, enduring the dizziness his head gave. As he came closer, the sound of the balls, the whistle, the announcer, and the cheering became a megaphone that was stuck in his mind. Perhaps he was taking too long, the match was already halfway when he arrived. As he struggles to keep up because of his blurry vision—people walk past him, glancing at him like he's some weird man struggling to walk. It's not that obvious, given by his frail body, shivering just by the air conditioned arena. But Hinata's still careful enough to wrap himself three times with clothing, making it even harder to walk. After another minute he finally arrived at the top row, seeing the whole arena—the crowd wearing annoying red t-shirts, balloons all over the place. Red everywhere represents the land of the rising sun. It was as though Hinata was the only outcast here, wearing bright yellow that made him stand out from the others. He scrunched his eyes and examined the whole court but it was too far away from him. He attempts to go down by the front row seats, hoping to get a better view and see Kageyama. Fortunately, it was a timeout. But it wasn't Kageyama whom Hinata noticed first, as soon as Hinata saw Japan's team—a huge 2 meters tall guy with the surname 'Hyakuzawa' on his jersey. At Hinata's peripheral vision, he was enlightened to see Hoshiumi hitting someone with a black-hair and tall guy with the surname 'Sakusa' on it. Just seeing the members of the team made Hinata happy and envious at the same time. His smile went up to his ears when he finally saw Kageyama talking to another guy with blonde-bleached hair. The jersey had 'Miya' on it. Hinata attempts to call Kageyama when Kageyama has gone out and ventured somewhere else as if someone called for him. Hinata's eyes widened when he saw Kageyama interact with Kuroo, currently wearing a suit. They don't seem happy, they seem to keep their expressions neutral. Crap! I totally forgot Kuroo-san works here too! Hinata gulped with the thought of Kuroo lecturing him, but he never thought about Kageyama breaking his *** down when he learned Hinata watched his match when he told him not to. Not to mention, Hinata only realized this when he already screamed Kageyama's name on the side of the arena. Kageyama was solidified in his place as he stared at Hinata, and couldn't believe what he's seeing. Ushijima notices where Kageyama's staring and the other starting members convert their attention to the frail guy probably on death row right now. Slowly, Kageyama now wears a frowning face, mixed emotions of anger, and other negative things they both don't want to happen at this point. Kageyama went closer to the railings, giving Hinata the death glare that might finish him off today. "Stupid! What are you doing here? I told you not to come!" His veins nearly popped out, they were in the middle of a match—a timeout. Fortunately, only a handful of people could hear them due to the loud noise caused by the crowd. Kageyama was very aware of this and concerned about Hinata, explaining his anger now. Hinata downturned his eyes on the floor, "But I wanted to cheer you up. I wanted to watch you play in the World Cup you always want to—" "Still! It's not an ample reason to get reckless and risk your life! What if something happens to you?" Aggressiveness was traced to Kageyama's voice, making Hinata flinch even though they were many inches away from each other, railings from the seats as a boundary. "Just for this once I want to come! Yes, what if something happens to me? Then I'll never see you play again!" Kageyama heaved an exasperated sigh, "So you're saying watching a volleyball match is more important than your life?" "It's not like that! I wanted to—" "Dumbass! Did you even think about the risks? Shoyo, I can't afford to lose someone I love the same way as what happened to my sister! Because I...I would never forgive myself if that happens!" Kageyama's voice suddenly changes, it shakes as he recalls what happened to his sister. "Kageyama..." Hinata brings him back to reality. Hinata looked at him with endearing eyes and it almost made Kageyama burst into tears and hug him tightly when a smile flashed on Hinata. It was a complete, different one from the ones he used to show where it seems forced. The smile Hinata shows was always reassuring to Kageyama. It will always comfort him. But as it curved on his lips, it was sincere and beautiful than any other. And suddenly, Kageyama saw Hinata come back to the sun—bright as the day when he first met him at the train station. It eases Kageyama's anguish, and it drastically drops to a sentimental one. He took a mental picture, appreciating its beauty—shrugging all the pain away and all the risks that could happen. "P-Please... do me a favor." Hinata carefully spoke, his lips wanting to twitch but his smile never fades. Telling Kageyama what he feels about it. And it was as though the noise left, leaving nothing behind but Kageyama and Hinata. "At least...let me watch you play volleyball... for me... for one l-last time.." Hinata's voice became rough in the last part. He extremely despises words like 'Last' and 'Goodbye.' Because he strongly believes that it was never the end. Kageyama responded with a faint nod as he sniffled and headed back to the bench. Hoshiumi and the others were waiting for him there, worried, concerned about the two. He turned back and he was relieved when he saw Hinata. It was ample to know that he's there. The person who changed his life is still there, breathing, alive. Hinata threw a distant fist bump to Kageyama, forming the words that barely come out of his mouth. "You can do it." Kageyama did the same gesture too, the bright lights from the arena made Kageyama's face serene. It was beautiful, believing in Hinata and hoping several times to fate to grant his wish and he somehow remembers what Hinata said to him before he left three years ago. "Live without regrets." After that, the atmosphere of the arena seemed to change a lot. The members were as motivated as ever, making their comeback and surpassed their opponents—Brazil causing them to win the first set. Hinata cheered with all his might and that seemed to affect Kageyama's play in a good way. Even so, Kageyama can't let his guard down and was attentive to his surroundings. Every quick, serve, and receive he did were on point making the crowd overcome the arena with their cheers. Hinata's headaches worsened during the match. Even if Kuroo was there to accompany him, saving the lectures later with Kenma, it still doesn't stop the brain cancer from spreading on Hinata's head. Or so Hinata thought. He was confident that he could endure the pain until the end of the match—until they got home. Hinata's chest became tight and his heart was beating so fast it made him gasp for air again. His head was quaking as the cheers got louder, hearing nothing but an eerie sound ringing in Hinata's ears, experiencing something greater than before. It was a bad feeling and he couldn't focus on the match. This is the moment he realized, he regretted not taking his medicines. He regretted the things he still doesn't say to Kageyama. He still hid from him and lied to him. He was scared. Hinata managed to hold the pain until the final set, where it's Kageyama's turn to serve. Hinata cheered with his high-pitched frail tone, cracking as he spoke. It was a match point. A winning point against the undefeatable team Brazil. That thought made the team and the people crazier. Kageyama spins the ball— he's sweating nervously, his heart is beating hard convincing himself that it was because of the pressure the crowd was giving but he realized it was something else when a bunch of people were surrounding the spot where Hinata's watching. He was frozen in place, the players transitioned their attention there when Kuroo's voice resonated, yelling. "Call the ambulance immediately! Now!" Kageyama forced himself not to start panicking when the memory of his sister collapsing flashed in front of him—where he saw Hinata unconscious on the floor. It was his worst-case scenario on an important event of his life. But he's keenly aware of what's more important. He knew it could happen. He tried to prevent it by driving Hinata away, blaming himself a million times that he didn't insist. It wasn't an ordinary headache Hinata's enduring. He didn't tell Kuroo about it either. Instead, he chose to cheer for Kageyama's match. It was a seizure—Hinata's biggest fear.

chapter five 👆

TBC