School's about to open and I'm spending my last day with my childhood friend, Mikayla.

I'm 16 years old now and yet I know nothing about expressing feelings or love for a person. I would say "I love you" to Mikayla, but I never mean it, I meant it like she's my sister. She's the girl that lives next-door. We have a brother-sister kind of relationship. So we never saw each other romantically.

I know nothing about people, i don't know how to read them.

Mikayla decides to go to the mall. I agreed. Her mom dropped us off, her mother's nice, I like her.

"Kari?" she said in a soft tone. "Hm?" I looked at her in concern. She leaned against me and asked, "which one?". What on earth did she mean, I don't go out much, nor do I look around, if I'm here for something, I'll only do that. So.. What does she mean? "w-which one?" I asked out of confusion, I have no idea what she's talking about. She giggled and tilted her head in an angle she'd know how to get things out of me and said, "movie! Which movie, you dummy!". Of course she meant the movie, I'm so stupid.

"How about this one?" nothing interests me, so I pointed to a safe movie, A Dog's Way Home, I personally like anything animated, from anime, animated softwares, the entire animation process.. But this movie was an exception. "BORINGG!", she yelled, "don't you have a taste in movies?". I don't watch TV, I watch anime, not much people enjoy it like I do, besides Max, my brother from another mother. "I regret coming here with you, it should've been Max", I thought to myself.

"Let's watch this one", she smirked and looked over to me. "Escape room?" I tilted my head. She spoke about the movie to me, not that I was paying attention, I was reading the rating and stuff to this movie. "H-Horror?" I asked as I got shivers up my spine. "yes! Now let's go!" she giggled and shoved me, without even noticing, she already bought the tickets for the movie. People were staring at me, it made me feel uncomfortable in so many ways.

"Is that his girlfriend?"

"Why does he look so sad?"

"Is he okay?"

"No.. I'm fine..she's not my girl... girlfriend.." I whispered to myself.

We watched the movie, it scared the living hell out of me, I couldn't help but be frightened by that movie. It was something else.

"Kari, you're such a baby!" she giggled and smacked me on the back, "Scared of everything! " she cheerfully said. I'm not afraid of anything, I know I'm not. I bluntly said, "I will not watch a movie with you, ever". She just giggled and smiled at me.

"Kari?" she said my name in a concerned manner. I looked at her as I was embarrassed about the movie incident. She asked me a question, that I had no answer to.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

A girlfriend?

. . . What is love..?

. . How does a relationship work..?

. How does it feel?

I'm a useless boy..

That doesn't know these type of things..

"No.. No I don't...", I softly said to her. I know nothing! It breaks me, what is wrong with me!?

"oh, maybe there's a girl waiting for you out there!", she threw herself on me, I almost fell while we were walking. I chuckled and said, "heh.. Maybe.."

We walked by a milkshake bar. I waited for her to beg me for some milkshake, I know how much she loves it. That's when I heard it.

"Kariiii!!", she yelled my name. I knew she'd do it. I giggled

"Yes?" I asked.

"Please!!", she begged me and pointed to the milkshake stand.

"Please, who?" I smirked.

"Bestie!! Please bestie" she gave me that puppy dog eyes, it's cute, she can get anything with the eyes.

I couldn't help it..

I gave in..

"Much better" I smiled and ordered the milkshake of our choices. I sat on a chair, being in my own zone, I got startled as I felt a pat on my shoulder. Mikayla said, "Kari, I'll be right back okay, I'm going to the bathroom", she smiled and waved as she left to the bathroom.

The order was ready, I turned to see if she was here, with me.

......

She wasn't...

It's been 25 minutes...

I took the milkshakes and shyly walked around the mall, trying to remember where the bathroom is, I swear this place changed I can't find anything anywhere. Who's that? Is that her? A smile grown onto my face, "Mikayla! There you ar--", everything turned black and white, I couldn't finish my sentence, I'm too far away, there's no way she can hear me.

. . . . . Wait. . . .

. . . . That's her boyfriend.

. . . This hurts, a lot more than it seems

. . I'm genuinely happy for her but. . .

What is this that I'm feeling? I'm not jealous, I would never be. She's making out with her boyfriend..

But. . .

It's supposed to be our outing. . .

She left me. . .

She should've told me. . . .

I feel like a fool. . . .

I-I know nothing!!

She looked so happy, he made her happier than I did, she forgot about me..

And it's okay..

I don’t expect her to remember my stupid self or anything at this point.

I turned around, I had a glimpse of where I am, I put my head down and started walking.

. . . Wait. . .

My face feels wet. . .

. . . My vision isn't clear. .

Am I. . ?

Crying. . .?

I wiped my face with the sleeve of my jacket. Why am I crying. .?

I reached the milkshake stand, indecisive on what to do, I left her milkshake there on the counter and I made my way out of the mall.

I dialed my mom. .

"M-mom. . . Can you pick me up please. ."

Before she could answer, I hung up. My heart hurts, why would she do that to me. . .

I started crying again. .

A boy doesn't cry. . That means they're weak. .

That's right. .

I'm weak. .

Stupid. .



I know. .

I know nothing. . .

END OF CHAPTER 1.

"How was your day, dear?" my mom asked.

"It was okay.. ", I uttered those words as I looked out of the window of the car. "Did something happen?" she asked.

"no mom.. We just watched a movie and had milkshake..", I looked at my mom and raised the milkshake that was in my hand.

We reached home, as soon as we entered the house, I ran upstairs to my room.

I'm useless. Nobody even likes me, not even a bit.

. . . . But Why. . .

. . . . . . . Why am I crying again. . . ?

. . . . . I need to stop this. . . .

I can't help it. . .

. . . It hurts. . .

The next day. .

It's time for school. .

I cried myself to sleep. .

I'm over it. . . I swear I am. . .

I yawned and rubbed my eyes. I whisper softly to myself, "I'm home.. and in my room".

I looked at the time. "Jeez! Mom why didn't you wake me!!" I screamed from my room as I got ready. I made my way downstairs. "I'll be leaving now", I told my parents as I picked up my bag. "Aren't you going to eat?", mom asked. "I'll get something at school", I replied. "You need to eat, son", dad sipped on his coffee and said, "or else you'll be dizzy at school". I kinda don't like eating in the morning, I groaned softly, "I promise I'll get something at school".

I arrived at school, my head's down, I just see feet and hear people talking about me.

It's.. Sickening. . .

They say I'm rich. . .

Truth be told. . .

I never asked to live like this. . .

I can't help it if my parents are good at what they do. . .

And my secret. . I'm a well known writer by name but not by appearance. I would never show my face on the internet. I got in class, same old, same old it's just 11th grade, so what.

My heads still down. I hear them, talking about me, but. . .

No. . .

. . . . . That's not me. . .

. . . . They know K.N. . . .

They don't know me. . . . . .

"K.N'S new story is amazing!"

"I want to marry him!!!"

"I relate to his stories all the time!!

"K.N strikes again"

I hear this and I'm proud, proud of myself, I get money for writing my own messed up stories, people like it and I've been doing this for 3 years. . . I never told anyone about it.

"Kari-san! C'mere!", he waved at me.

That voice, I raised my head, it's Max Yu. I smiled and cheerfully said, "Max-san, good morning", he's half Japanese like me, which brings me back. . .

My nationality. . ?

Am I mixed race?

Or. . ?

Nevermind. .

I walked over to where Max is, right there by the window, my seat. "What are you guys talking talking about?", I asked Max. "The usual", he chuckled and said, "Luke always talks about it, nothing new"

Yeah he does, Luke Andrews, a basketball and baseball player, he's the loyal type of guy, according to him. My question is. .

Why does he always talk about sex?

He only had one girlfriend. . He's still with her. . Does it mean they engage in sexual intercourse?

Is that what a relationship based on? Or is it something else? "I'd wait until after I get married", Jake said.

Jake Adams, the jock of the class, top baseball player and captain of the basketball team and he is popular with the girls but hasn't been in a serious relationship. "Kari? What about you", Jake asked.

. . . What about me. . .?

I don't even know how to talk to girls. . .

How can I engage in sexual intercourse, I mean I could? But I choose not to use a girl, for what? To fulfil sexual desires which I don't crave? There's nothing more revolting than being in a relationship with someone you don't love, meaning, she can love me, but I don't love her or vice versa. I personally don't like hurting people, which is why I help people, it's never a 'no' from me.

"I'll wait until marriage", I uttered. Jake excitedly said, "that's the spirit!" I wanted to say something but, "Did you guys hear that there's two girls from the 11B coming here? They're going to be in our class", Luke said

New girls? That nice. .

Do I care. .? No. .

Classes had to go on so it was normal, getting our subjects in place and everything.

Interval came up. .

"Luke and Max are at the chill place, waiting for us because Mr. Andrews wants to talk to us", Jake reminded me. "I completely forgot", I said. I reached my locker and I'm looking for my phone, I can't find anything anywhere because I'm nervous, I was never called to the principal's office before.

"What are you looking for, Kari?", Jake asked in a confused manner. "M-M-My phone. . .", I said in a sad tone. Heck! If I lost my phone, what can I do, my laptop is at home, but I need my phone.

Jake chuckled and said, "Kari?"

" . . . Yeah. .?", I said.

He shuts my locker, glares to the side and said, "It's in your back pocket, dude"

I still have books in my hand, I felt embarrassed, I dropped them in front of me.

"M-my bad. . . ", I rubbed my eyes, people were looking at me, I'm embarrassed. I raised my head and. .

These two girls walked by, who are they?

. . . I don’t know. .

They're unfamiliar. . .

They're out of my league. The one caught my eye, but what will she see in me. .

. . . Wait. . .

My heart. . .

. . . What is this feeling. . .?

. . . . My heart's beating like I was running. . .

She has this smile. . . It's so cute. . She's. . Beautiful. . .

Do I have a crush on her. . . ?

. . . Am I in love with her. . .?

. . . . Her happy mood. . Makes me want to smile. . .

Am I in love. .?

If so. .

My

It feels weird. .

And. . This is where it starts. .

END OF CHAPTER 2.

I caught myself looking at this girl.

What the hell. . .

I looked away and snapped back to reality, I picked up my books.

" . . Dude, You're weird, but in a good way ", Jake said.

" yeah. ." I then chuckled, "mind helping me with the locker by opening it. . ?"

Jake isn't paying attention. . .

As usual. .

. . . Wait. . .

. . . He's looking at those girls. . .

They'd go for Jake. . .

. . . What am I. . .?

Who am I. . . .?

I placed my books in the locker and I pat Jake's shoulder, "Let's go. .", I blushed and glared to the side.

"We should totally get their numbers!", Jake yelled in excitement and leaned against the locker.

"What's in it for me?", I asked, "They'd take your number anyway. .", I glanced at the two girls.

. . . They're out of my league. . .

"That's where you come in, my friend", Jake chuckled and a smirk grew onto his face. What evil plan does he have in place?

I say in a confused manner, "Excuse me?".

Jake gave me a shove," Come on, don't be shy", he smirked. In this moment, it looks like he has horns on his head and a tail, maybe a scythe too. He pushed me, literally pushed me against the one girl, he quickly walked away, leaving me there.

"Oh my gosh! Are you okay?", the one girl asked.

My face is red. .

"I.. I... I.. I'm s...sorry. . ", I stuttered.

"No, No! I'm sorry", she said, "You're not hurt are you?", she gave me a concerned look.

I'm nervous. .

. . My hands are shaking. .

"I.. I'm f.. Fi--" I uttered.

"Angel! C'mon, lunch will be over soon", her friend complained

I asked, "Angel. . .?" I raised my head and looked at her.

"Hi there!", she smiled, "That's my name, this is my best friend, Chantel!"

Angel. . A literal angel. .

"Did you find another horn dog, trying to try his luck again?", Chantel said as she was checking me out, "Touch her and you'll die".

"I w-won't. . B-but. . h-horn dog. . .?", I asked.

Chantel gave me a concerned look and said, "Sweetie, who did this to you?"

"uh.. Uh.. Uhm", I stuttered.

"But wait", Angel said.

I looked at her, even though I'm all red in my face.

"What's your name?", She smiled as she asked.

Her personality. .

. . Her smile. .

She's so cute. .

She's so beautiful. .

And. .

Way out of my league. . .

"M-my n-name is--", I was just about to answer. . .

"Kariiii!!!", Jake yelled from a far, "There you are!!". I blushed out of embarrassment.

The girls and I looked that direction.

"Sorry ladies, he has a tendency to just. wonder off", Jake came up with that dumb excuse.

"Kari?, that's your name?" Angel asked as she tilted her head.

" . . . Y-yeah. . . " I blushed and looked to the side.

. . . . She thinks it's weird. . .

. . I know she does. . .

" Aww! It's so beautiful! I love your name!! " without a doubt she hugged me, so tightly.

. . Wait. .

. . . What is this feeling I'm feeling? . . .

. . I'm. . Wait. .

Does this how it feels to be hugged by a girl. . .?

This feels nice. .

Her warm body against mine. .

So warm. . So beautiful. .

. . Hold on. .

Is that her. . her chest that I feel against mine. .?

I. . Don't know how to react. .

"we're about to get lunch, so if you will excuse us", Chantel said in an annoyed manner.

"Can Kari come with? Please. . ", She gave Chantel puppy-dog eyes as she asked, it's so cute. .

" M.. Me?", I pointed to myself, at least I tried to, Angel is still hugging me, she's so warm..

Chantel answered, "sure, he's adorable anyway"

. . . Adorable. . .?

. . How. . .?

My face feels hot. . .

I'm blushing again. . .

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay", Angel squeezed me tightly and nuzzled her face on my chest, she's so cute. .

. . But why is she excited over me. . ?

Does she like me. . . ?

. . . No way. . .

. . . Nobody likes me. . .

. . . But. . .

. . . You little lady. .

Do you like me. . .?

"hey! You can't just take my friend away from me!", Jake became annoyed, "what if he has things to do? , matter of a fact we're on our way to Mr Andrews", Jake said.

"Mr Andrews?", Angel looked up to me. I blushed and looked to the side. "We just came from there, he just went out", Chantel said.

"yaaaaaaay", Angel cheered, "they can join us!!", she nuzzles her face against my chest again.

. . . I can stay like this forever. . .

. . Just have you hug me like this. . .

. . Your warm body against mine. . .

Everything turned black and white again. . .

. . . . . What is love. . . ?

How do I love someone. . .?

. . . I'm not worthy of anyone's time. . .

So why try to love. . .?

"Angel, take Kari to the cafeteria so long, I gotta talk some sense into someone", she glared at Jake. "okay!", she happily said. I got dragged by Angel.

. . . I'm happy with you, little lady. . .

You make me want to smile. . .

"A-Angel. . W-wait. . ", I stopped walking.

"Is something wrong?", she turned around and looked at me, she tucked her hair behind her ear and looked at me with those blue-ish eyes of hers. "I. . Forgot my. . . phone. .", I turned around, I looked down because I'm shy.

But. .

She pulled me back. "Kari?", she giggled and looked up to me. Great. . . She thinks I'm weird. . "Y-yes?", I stuttered again.

"Your phone is in your back pocket", she reached in my back pocket and took out my phone and giggled, "You're silly, come on, let's go to the cafeteria", she said and walked in front of me.

I'm silly. .?

I froze for a whole minute to process what she just said. . I just stood there and looked at her as she walked.

. . I like her. .

. . . At least. . That's what I think. .

I just met her. .

But. .

I. .

I like her. .

"Are you coming?", she turned around and looked at me, slightly giggling. I blushed deeply as I snapped back to reality.

"R-right, I. . I'm c-coming. . ", I nervously said.

. . . . . .

This is embarrassing. . .

END OF CHAPTER 3.